THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE

Someone sent this to me today. Well, at the end of an email chain where we discussed her teenage daughter's boy crazy tendencies, and I said something along the lines of "I guess that's what normal teenage life is like. "Studying" with a boy. Whereas when I was a teenager, I read books, kicked things, did science experiments, and went to church. Maybe that's why I'm 28 and still single..."

* * * * * * * * *

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said:”
NO!" And the girl lived happily ever-after and went shopping, dancing,
camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did
whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more,
had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself.
She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy
lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled,
felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.

The End

* * * * * * * * *

I admit, I chuckled. But I'd like to find someone to watch sports with. I like watching sports!

On a slightly related note I had this dream last night whence I woke up strangely afraid. Maybe God was trying to tell me something.

So in my dream, I was at home (my parents home, the house I grew up in) - I think this setting came from the fact that I had a long talk with my mom yesterday for Mother's Day which ended in her laughing hysterically at my astute use of the word "hyup-bak" (which means "to threaten"). Because I told her we needed to replace all the windows and curtains and bathroom sinks and bathtubs in our house - and that I'd be willing to pay for part of it, but in the interest of getting them moving on this project, I threatened that I would not come home to visit until the house had been remodeled. Apparently it's entertaining when I threaten in the mother tongue. Go figure.

Anyways, I think that's where the background of this dream comes from.

So in my dream, I was washing my hands in the bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror - and dead confused. Somehow (I don't know how) I was slated to get married the next day to the boy next door. (Well, he doesn't actually live next door, but he lives within walking distance and we sort of grew up together). I wasn't exactly sure if this was a we'd been dating thing or we'd been arranged thing (which would never happen, but clearly reality is not a factor in dreams) - but in my gut I knew that he wasn't the one and was trying to figure out why the heck I was getting married, whether getting divorced was an option later, and whether this was...settling.

And then I woke up.

I think I was hit by a brick. HJ and I were talking about this last week, but I think I agree with her now - it's better to be single than to be unhappily married.

That being said, I bit the bullet, recently signed up for eharmony - and it sucks. Totally overrated.

mashing the purple...and yellow

I was at the chiro/therapist today, getting my purple mashed out. Apparently all that damage means blood is clotting and clumping under there and if you don't break it up, it hardens and becomes permanent.

Awesome.

So to distract me from the torture, Dr. A asks me

"so, got any plans for the weekend?"

"throwing a baby shower...going to a ballet...not going to football practice..."

"haha for a minute there I thought you were going to say you were going to find a husband"

"well that's also on my list of things to do, but given my current state of immobility, and the supreme attractiveness of my purple knee, I don't think this is a good time..."

"hahaha...so you're saying guys aren't going to like the fact that you kick ass"

"Dr. A - if my ability to attract men had ANY correlation to my ability to look good in sportswear or run fast or be coordinated - I'd be a pretty hot commodity. Studies have shown that that is not the case."

I think I amused him with my eloquent yet drippy sarcasm.

On another note - I discovered a banana in the outside pocket of my backpack today. I had put it there 8 days ago. It smelled about as foul as my mood.