triumph

Sparky vs. customer service: I win!

1) Logitech fixed my keyboard/mouse. What long, drawn-out procedures. But now it works again. Yeehaw. 2 phone calls to Dell and 2 phone calls to Logitech later.

2) They sent me a new jump rope. After the founder himself called me because he didn't believe that I really had a defective one. First my rope got stuck on one end - so they sent me new bearings. Then we replaced them, and they kept coming unscrewed. So I called them again, and the lady didn't know what to do with me, so she said they'd call me back. Who should call me but the jump rope master himself. Though at this point, esp. after being harassed 3 times about my keyboard/mouse, I was in no mood to let anyone talk me out of getting a new product. I don't care how many times you make me test it - if it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

"So let me ask you - how do you like the rope?"

"Well, the one my friend has that WORKS is excellent. I wish mine worked so I could stop borrowing his and he could jump with me."

Speaking of which, the personal trainers at the gym have now taken to labelling me as "the jump rope girl". I think it sounds totally sissy.

3) Verizon - next on my list. Gotta figure out how to get a phone that works more than 10 minutes at a time.

You don't get what you don't ask for. Well, sometimes you do. But not from customer service.

I WEEN!

love v. 2.0

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Cor. 13:4-7

So to continue the blog series in trying to understand how to love others - love is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs.

Yeah, right, are you kidding?

I used this analogy with someone recently. Being hurt or disappointed is kind of like swimming in the ocean and getting stung by a jellyfish. Once you've been stung, there is an immediate fear of recurrence, and an aversion to re-entering the ocean. Some may eventually conquer their fear and go back - some may not.

But even for those who do, it's inevitable that they will have a reaction - whether it be conscious or not - to the first jellyfish they see upon their return. Some may react to all jellyfish - after all, it's become obvious that jellyfish are capable of stinging. Some may give the species the benefit of the doubt...but what if they saw the same jellyfish that had stung them before? At best, their guard will be up and they will be wary and stay a comfortable distance away. At worst, they will strike pre-emptively and attack first, to protect themselves from potential harm. Fight or flight - you know it.

So as I think about what love is (cue Night at th e Roxbury soundtrack - baby don't hurt me indeed) - I realize that truly loving others means forgiving. And not just the brush-it-under-the-rug forgiveness of letting things pass or subside. But a full forgiveness that means if the exact same thing happened again, your reaction wouldn't be any more severe than when it happened the first time.

It's kind of like an infected computer. Every time something happens to you, your heart puts a little cookie to remember said incident. Well, over the course of time, you get a lot of cookies. A lot of spyware. A lot of "stuff" that gets in the way and redirects the paths so that your processor is freakishly slow - all to say that it's not functioning at the capacity that it was made for. So in order to restore the original settings and get your computer working again, you defragment your hard drive. Wipe out the unnecessary cookies.

The phrase 'forgive and forget' may be trite, and most people may claim to have done it, but...can you really just wipe the slate clean? l would venture to say no. We're human, and we didn't evolve by being stupid. (And by evolve I mean micro not macroevolution - imho, creation still stands, but so does survival of the fittest, capitalism, and all that). Even little kids learn fast - if I touch a hot stove, my hand hurts. Maybe I shouldn't touch it again.

That's a pretty crazy notion. It's knowing that the pot will be hot, the jellyfish may sting you - and choosing to touch the pot, swim with the jellyfish, and love people as though they haven't ever disappointed you. But what examples we have - God with the loser Israelites, Hosea with Gomer, Jesus with his disciples who abandoned him...it's impossible. It's superhuman.

And it is indeed superhuman. When things happen to you, they plant seeds of fear. And there is no amount of self-convincing that will really take away that gut reaction of turning away. After I had my nose busted and bloodied at a tournament once - it took me quite awhile to stop

18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 19We love because he first loved us. -1 John 4:18-19

A wise old staffer once said to me "if fear causes you to sway one way - go the other way. God wouldn't want you to be afraid." (And by fear he meant timid fear, not holy fear - another topic for another time).

As I study each aspect, I realize how counter-intuitive it is. So all this is to say that I have a lot to learn about loving people. But the hope (another catch phrase of said staffer) is to understand and to grow.

Maybe we were meant to swim with jellyfish.

Maybe we are the jellyfish.

care packages

The lovely chicki had her bridal shower/bachelorette party this weekend. I walked in and was bombarded by so many of my babies. Good gosh, it was kind of like being in twilight zone and being back in school, but I realized that so many of them had been in one of my small groups at some point. It was so good to see some long lost faces again - I kept hugging people and saying "I can't believe you're graduated!" I still can't shake the mental image of each of them as a freshman...hard to believe they're all grown up, working, in grad school, in full time ministry...so crazy.

So 2/3 of the group I knew, but with the rest, I couldn't help but think they looked familiar. I was having one of those "I think we met once a long time ago" conversations with someone, and we were trying to pinpoint how we knew each other. She told me who her roommates were, where she lived in college...and then she asked me if I frequently came by her dorm to visit. It was then that I realized I met her when she was a freshman and I was dropping off care packages. And then the girl next to her was like "yeah, you looked familiar!"

So it turns out that apparently, I'd paid a care package visit to almost all of them at some point. Some of them came to K/ACF, some of them found churches, some of them never went at all. But I can't believe they remembered me from that, anywhere from 4-7 years later. (Affectionately labelled as "stalking the freshmen...for Jesus")

Anyways, it made me all sentimental (not difficult these days) - so here's a tribute to care packages, and all my kids. As art_emis once said - "once you're sparky's baby, you're always sparky's baby". Funny how I always got (mostly) sophomores...

* * * * *
















Making Thanksgiving care packages for CCFC's outreach.

My first sg - 'The Breakfast Club'. Yes, we met at 8am on Thursday mornings. No, it wasn't my idea. Yes, I was assigned "co-ed '04's". Yes, that turned out to be 4 girls and Dave.

The pickup picture that started it all...

















* * * * *















mitacf-05ladies. I found out I was coming back from a semester away and sgl-ing, and I didn't really know most of the group. But they were so open...thanks for the grace, ladies.

At Senior Banquet '03. (missing katwu)

* * * * *





















Making freshmen care packages.

FSGL's. (Frosh small group leaders). I love first-time leaders...so eager to learn and so eager to serve. "What do we do if no one answers our questions and there's awkward silence???" They called me a dinosaur, and brought me flowers on Mother's Day. Being old was strangely affirmed.
















And the pickups continue...check out Weywey's expression in the background. Haha...I miss my FSGL's...

* * * * *














Deep Fryday family portrait - I can't believe we actually got everyone in one place! Different than any other leadership experience I've ever had. Crazy different. Or just...crazy. =)
















* * * * *

When I look back to how much I resisted being a small group leader the first time, and how my sg experiences were redeeemed...it's pretty darn cool. And I do firmly believe in the power of a care package. There's nothing like an unexpected gift to inject a little Jesus (and sugar) into someone's day. And who knows...they might just remember it 7 years later.

mc mong-ice cream

went to sing with akl and seia this weekend. good times...

my new favorite song of the moment. man...just be glad you're not this guy.

a simple test...

Last Fri at joint small group, we were playing this icebreaker "Train Wreck" (which is essntially "I love my neighbor") One person introduces themselves, and says "train wreck if you...." and fills in the blank with some characteristic about themselves, and everyone who shares that characteristic has to change seats. Someone said "train wreck if you've slept more than 16 hours in one sitting" and the group that stayed sitting looked at us as though we were crazy.

So tonight I have the luxury of a very dangerous experiment: going to sleep without setting my alarm.

Definitely possible, my friends...

love v. 1.0

I'd like to clarify that this blog series on 'love' has nothing to do with the romantic valentine sort, (though I realize remarkably coincidental that it kicks off around this hallmark holiday time of year) - nothing more than a coincidence, my friends. It's more of an investigation into 1 Cor. 13, musings and reflections along those lines which have been long coming. I guess this was spurred as a result of coming across, for the first time perhaps in my life, someone I can't love and can't love me - and being forced to love each other anyways. As my coworker said so wisely - "특별이 하나님 일인대..." (I'm sure that was spelled wrong, but "In God's work, no less...")

This concept is so foreign to me - I can generally find ways to love most people, and those with whom I have no common ground to stand on...well, we just naturally don't end up a part of each other's lives. However, sooner or later everyone meets their match.

So ... here goes nothing. Feel free to leave comments - not to make me feel good, but I'd love to hear thoughts bc this whole 'what does it mean to truly love someone' thing is...confusing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love is patient - See post on Dec. 30.

[Love] is not self-seeking

Pastor Young said some pretty convicting things this weekend in his sermons. I particularly liked the last one about servanthood. (Phil 2/Mark 10). Some cause for rumination.

I think that one of the most difficult situations is when you are called to love and serve when you don't see fruit for your efforts, nor signs that there ever will be. Or when the response to your efforts aren't just apathetically neutral - but sometimes even negative.

I think that in the instant gratification oriented culture today, we want to be the reapers of the harvest. We want to be the person who leads someone to Christ, the one who counsels someone out of depression, who prays for someone to a breakthrough - not just because we get to share it in, but also because there's almost a 'credit' to the good work being done.

But that's when it becomes about us. It reminds me of that one FRIENDS episode ('the one where Pheobe hates PBS') where Pheobe goes out of her way to try and prove that she can do something nice for someone else without having any gratification or self-serving motives. But as she tries, she grows progressively more frustrated realizing that she can't be completely altruistic, and that at some point, every good deed turns around and ends up benefitting herself.

This is not to say that you shouldn't feel good about loving and caring for people - I think that we get to share in the joy when we see people grow, change, improve, etc. But what happens when there are none of these things?

I think that very few people want to be planters. The ones who toil under the hot sun and tediously plant...and plant...and plant. The ones who spend the late nights talking someone through their problems - only to get another call the next day about the exact same things. The ones who will teach the students who continue not to care enough to want better for themselves. The ones who care for others and never get cared for in return. The ones who go out of their way and spend hours doing something thoughtful - and never get thanked. The ones who have to hand off what they started, who don't get to be the ones who water and witness the growth, who may never know if their work produced any fruit...for all they know they worked so hard, invested so much - for nothing.

No change. No thank you's. No recognition. No resolutions. No promises. No respect.

What do you do when you get nothing - not even satisfaction or encouragement - out of loving someone?

"There are times you will not be thanked or recognized by anyone/anything other than the fact that it pleases God."

And the million-dollar-question is: Is that enough?

Dun dun dunnnnnnnn...

reactions

Yesterday after practice, Sab had Scottie spar some of the high red belt kids. I think the purpose was to evaluate them for their upcoming black belt tests, but when Scott fell apart, it turned into toughening him up when he's down. After awhile I could tell that Sab wasn't getting what he wanted, which was to see what the candidates would do if they were put in a match and getting beat on.

So he turns to me and asks me if I'm willing to fight them. Far be it for me to let anyone unworthy test...even if my foot is just on the brink of healing. So I went up against this 13 year old bony gangly kid. And within 10 seconds, I threw two kicks, one into each elbow. (Freaking people who block with their elbows...sigh). Unfortunately, one of them was square on the bad part of my foot - I think I just set myself back from all the healing that I accumulated in the last month.

So I limp back to Sab and he asks me "why did you badachagi?? You know your foot is hurt!" And I replied "I can't help it! I see the opening, my foot just goes!"

I think life is kind of like that. You develop these defenses, and get them so good that they trigger without thinking about it. As soon as someone you perceive as a threat steps in close to you, bam, your leg goes flying. And then you're rolling on the ground because you hit their bony elbow.

Sometimes, if you've already been hurt - you have to realize that you're prone to get hurt again. And in those cases, you have to realize that you tend to react instinctively - and be patient and pull back your reactions. Because as good as they are, maybe it's not the right thing to do in every situation. You can't always badachagi, because then it becomes ineffective. Sometimes you have to mix it up.

And maybe not everyone is always fighting with you.

picking battles

Working with someone is like any other sort of relationship. You have similarities. You have differences. And you find out more and more of these as time goes on. And more often than not, you find things that bother you, or that you don't understand. Granted, when you're not terribly fond of each other, those things get magnified - but like any other sort of decision-making process - you have to figure out what you can live with and what you can't. And in the grand scheme of getting along, sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles in terms of what is important.

I don't know why it bothers me, but the unnecessary use of letters while typing seems so...purposeless. I think I've asked him why he does it a bunch of times, but none of the answers really satisfied me. So every time I see it, I'm like...what is the point of this?

But it's not like it's hurting me, or has any significant negative consequence, other than having no purpose. Seems insignificant, but it seemed like a grand epiphany to me.

Gosh, I'm stubborn if this was a huge step for me. Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm overly critical. I'll have to think about that some more.

* * * * *

how was dinner?

goooddd
ill tell you more about it tommmm

oh my gosh. you and those letters

haha
oops

i mean it's fine, it's the way you speak
or type, as the case may be

hahah
hilarious

it's just...so many unnecessary letters!

yeah
ill stop

haha it's ok
i accept the way you are
at least, with something like typing
i'll pick my battles

haha nice
good

safety factors

Another geeky analogy - from engineering to relationships.

In engineering, we have this element called the 'safety factor'. It's basically a number that you throw in after a long series of calculations that covers your butt in case you forgot something, made a mistake, or some disaster happens. This is why bridges don't fall and things don't explode - every system is overdesigned and overconstrained just in case.

I realize that people and relationships involve safety factors as well.

As you get to know someone, you can observe and analyze them and take data on their tendencies. You can make hypotheses, set up experiments, figure out what you can and can't expect. But at the end of the day, you have to throw in a safety factor to account for any number of curve balls that may occur and potentially blast your relationship to a crumbling bridge. (Reference post on building bridges).

And that safety factor is called grace.

When I was in school, we were told, as a rule of thumb, to throw in a safety factor of 2. So whatever you calculate out to be the minimum strength of a beam - double it. Because ultimately, it's not a question - your product or project HAS to work.

So even though you may get along great with someone in the beginning - as you get to know them you will inevitably find flaws in their character. And they will find flaws in yours. When you trust someone, they will eventually disappoint you. Sometimes they will disappoint you often. Your calculations give you an awareness of where failure would occur, if in optimal testing conditions.

But life is rarely like that. So that's where you have to throw in that safety factor of 2, and let that grace buffer where you thought failure would not occur. It's very hard to give grace when caught off guard. But if you're aware of the necessity of the safety factor - it's there when you need it.

Though sometimes you run into people who require a safety factor of 10...

yay colts!

"Christian coaches - showing that we can do it the Lord's way"

Tony Dungy is the man.

From Wikipedia:

Contrary to the coaching styles of using profanity and intimidation, getting up at 3 a.m., not living at the complex or sacrificing their families or their faith, the coaches under Dungy are essentially teachers,^[6] put faith and family ahead of football and do not belittle his players or scream at them and like Dungy, they are calm when things get worse. They guide instead of goads, and Lovie Smith found that perhaps the most instructive thing of all.

Smith said,

"We talked about how to do it, being a teacher instead of screaming and yelling, all that stuff." ^[7]

Smith also said,

"I think as you look to young coaches coming up in the ranks, a lot of us have a picture of how a coach is supposed to be, how he is supposed to act...And I think what Tony Dungy showed me is you don't have to act that way."^[8]

Dungy said,

"I really wanted to show people you can win all kinds of ways. I always coached the way I've wanted to be coached. I know Lovie has done the same thing. For guys to have success where it maybe goes against the grain, against the culture ... I know I probably didn't get a couple of jobs in my career because people could not see my personality or the way I was going to do it ... For your faith to be more important than your job, for your family to be more important than that job ... We all know that's the way it should be, but we're afraid to say that sometimes. Lovie's not afraid to say it and I'm not afraid to say it."^[9]