"너무 힘들어요."

chin made an analogy once in a sticky relational situation. "what would you do if a friend was riding a bike and fell off? what would your first reaction be? would it be to say 'i told you so' and tell him what he did wrong? no, you would pick him up and see if he was ok. that's what friends do - they put the relationship before being right or wrong"

sometimes it's just too much.

and you wish that it would just listen for once.

my favorite

"Daniel do you want to smile for a picture with noona?

Be careful what you ask for...Mr. Camera-Shy suddenly became Mr. Cheese. 4 is such a cute age...and probably the last time you can get away with an argyle vest. Isn't he cute?

The Bar Mitzvah was...interesting. Similar to going to my parents' Korean church service but...even more traditional. (And without Jesus).

There was one part of the service where people can stand up and state the name(s) of people who need healing. James offered me $40 to stand up and say my name. Hrmph. (I couldn't go through with it) 2 minutes later, Sammy says "Christimina, should I stand up and tell the Jews to pray for you?" Jokester, as always...

This is the same guy who once said "we really need to stop teaching so much on Sundays and go back to church..the Jews are keeping us from Jesus!" (It was kind of true...5 of my private students were at the Bar Mitzvah)

Celebrating the whole coming-of-age thing was such a nice concept though. That was one fun party. That ancient guy in the back of the picture who looks like the Six Flags Grandpa...was the deejay. Haha...

hard questions

The picture says it all.

Sr and I have a pre-match ritual where he hits me on the head prior to a match. It was symbolic of him beating the nervousness out of me, and clearing my mind to be able to hear him during the match.

But this time...it didn't work. Traditions are only meaningful if the spirit behind them is maintained. And as reflection slowly points out...perhaps what I need is evolving. I guess the question now is - what exactly is it that I need to get to where I want to go? And can that be found here?

registration

I can't decide what classes to take...each of these are 5 units and I need 15 units. Keep in mind I work full-time, teach part-time, and train...the rest of the time. (ie. "why I want to take math for non-sci majors")

Nutrition for Health Professionals
Technical Writing
Real Estate Fnd - Pre-Licensing
Intro to Business
Small Business Management
Macroeconomics
Math for non-science majors
Psychology of Human Development

direction

Blessed be your name
When I’m found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say…
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Ever feel like you're wandering? Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get there.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed Be the name of the Lord - Job 1:21

man up

항상 기뻐하라.
쉬지 말고 기도하라.
범사에 감사하라.

살전 5:16-18

I have this framed thing that hung on my wall at work that I think I got many years ago at some Korean Christian bookstore.

In times of severe disappointment, I often end up back at this passage. (16 Be joyful always; 17 pray continually; 18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. -1 Thessalonians 5)

The absolutes in this passage always stuck out to me. joyful always. pray continually. give thanks in all circumstances.

Paul is the man.

I am not.

This weekend after I lost and hurt my finger at the fight-offs, I had to decide whether to fight the next day at US Open. After much back and forth with Sabs, and finally getting the verdict from Sr to pull out, I was on my way to medical when I ran into Coach JK.

JK: "so you have a broken hand...so what? MAN UP!"

me: "um, in case you haven't noticed...I'm not a man!"

JK: "it's an EXPRESSION. we can't always go with what we feel. you have to do what is right."

He wasn't an Olympic gold medallist for nothing.

After much deliberation and back and forth getting the green light from the Boss...some frenzied warming up with Liza, and a record tape/padding job by medical (very grateful for my medics who are so good to me)...I walked back out to the holding area in all my gear. I passed Coach JK on my way. He saw me dressed out and gave me the thumbs up.

Maybe it was a crazy thing to do...and it's a good thing they didn't tell me it was broken until after...but part of this whole "man up" concept means putting aside how bad things sometimes feel and seeing the bigger picture. And though I still don't feel much better about how things panned out this weekend, I'm glad I got back out on the mat.

Maybe that's what makes Paul the man. Even when he was imprisoned, mocked, abandoned...he could rejoice and give thanks. He knew how to "man up".

I feel like I constantly have to discern between how I feel and what is "right" in a decision or situation. Or more accurately, attempting to wade through the grey of where they muddle.

Man up, sparky - rejoice.

handicapped

I'm never thankful for things until they're gone. Life with cast...is very itchy! And uncoordinated.

Aw man, I was going to play violin and piano this week since I'm off...but now I def can't My poor violin is probably so out of tune by now...sad.

Milestones:

-Chopsticking with the left hand. Hand to mouth coordination is surprisingly better than with a fork. I always knew I was more Asian than American.

-Tying shoes! This was hard!

-Brushing teeth - but only bc I have an electric toothbrush. I just couldn't get the hang of regular brushing...not that coordinated to handle multiple directions of force

-Printing my name (sort of) legibly with the left.

Still having trouble with:

-Opening water bottles. I found that if I use my legs to hold it and twist with my left hand...that once the cap starts opening & presure is released, you end up with water in your lap...and not in a good place.

-Tying hair into ponytail. Having to wear my hair down is...killing me!

typical

"how do you know?"

"because I'm always right"

"no, you're not!"

"when have I been wrong?"

[this goes on for awhile, till I realize I'm getting nowhere]

"fine, fine...you're always right and I'm always wrong"

"you're not ALWAYS wrong...you're right when you agree with me"

typical.

is it in you?

i lost. twice. now i remember quite vividly what heartbreak feels like. though the last time it had a purpose and i'm sure this time it does too.

i broke my finger, 2nd match on thurs, first round.

i fought us open today with broken finger and broken spirits. though perhaps it was good to fight through it.

lost to the former world champ and olympic medallist 8-4.

only tkd medics would know that your hand is broken but not tell you to egg you on to fight with it...because they know that it's something you have to do.

i see from this weekend, and am deeply thankful that a lot of people support me. in prayer, as friends, and that even in this circuit i enjoy being well-liked and respected as a person. the number of people who have come to help me and give me advice this weekend was...a lot. and the comment i've gotten most was that i have a lot of heart. people are always inspired by the underdog. the rudy.

but i don't want to be that person who just tried really hard.

i've always thought that i could do anything i put my mind to i always have. you put your whole heart out there and the sky is the limit.

perhaps the sky is not as infinite as i thought.

maybe it was a bad weekend. maybe i was injured. maybe i didn't get to train or focus the way i needed to. maybe the points didn't go up. but for whatever excuses there may be...the end result is that something fell short.

so the question for evaluation now is- do i have what it takes?

well the more immediate question is...how do i take a shower with this cast on???

prayer

"I'm excited. EXCITED." [pounds the mat with his fist twice]

Anticipation is funny like that. One person can be excited, another can just want to throw up.

Thanks to everyone who've been praying for me. As PANCAKES! (my huddle group in small group) can attest - God answers prayers. After a week of terrible practices, I asked for prayer this morning and tonight's practice was great. Much better attitude than mornal

And really quite encouaged by some verses at an opportune time:

Psalm 18

30 As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.

31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?

32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.

33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.

34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.

36 You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.

Here we go, yo. If you get a chance to lift up a prayer on Thurs morning...please do! I believe results can be found updated here.

addendum

Addendum: Valentine's Day cuteness. My kids make me smile =)

1) My nieces left me a voicemail:

"Hi Soyun eemoh, this is Sydney and Sammy, happy valentine's day!"

2) My 8 year old private student:

"We made valentine's at school today and I was going to make you one but I ran out of time"

3) "Daniel I missed you!"

"I missed you too"

What would a Valentine's Day be without a kiss? And by kiss I mean 뽀뽀. And by뽀뽀 I mean kiss on the cheek from the 4 year old.

He probably doesn't know what "I miss you too" means, but that's OK. He used to kick me in the shins when he saw me. This is a vast improvement. =)

stories that sound like there's eventful drama...but don't get excited, there isn't

On Valentine's Day:

A piece of advice from the one who thinks he is my social guru...

"Hey buddy, you're not allowed to prematurely write off anyone...he's Korean, he's coordinated, he has a personality, he's not psycho, and he BREATHES. In your book, that's ELIGIBLE."

I guess that means the last few people I've apparently written off were uncoordinated, without personality, and psycho. Which I think are perfectly acceptable reasons to rebuff extraneous attention, no? Actually, the uncoordinated I could learn to live with...but the psycho was...psycho.

Thanks to the TGIF bros (bummer I'll still be in Dallas on Saturday!) and crhim for making V-day something other than the hallmark holiday. I was blessed by thoughtfulness.

Jesus loves me! (And you!)

* * * * *

On my last day at work:

Goodbyes are always so hard. Even if it's only been a short time, and if you know it's the right thing to do. It's funny how many memories you can amass after only a year and a half.

Yesterday I was saying goodbye to the coworker I was closest to, because he had to go to the field today. He drove me to Waldbaum's so I could get thank you cards and joke gifts for everyone in our group. (Which were successful, yay!)

It could've been out of a really dysfunctional cheesy movie:

A: "I'm gonna be your scarecrow...because you're gonna miss me the most".

me: "That's probably true. It was great being married to you. I hope you find someone new to throw things at."

And by married I mean having someone to go to lunch with and bicker with...and how he couldn't buy running shoes without my approval...and of course, someone to throw things and shoot rubber bands at.

Gosh I'm going to miss this office...

sweet

Justice.

What goes around comes around.

"play like a champion today"

Someone gave me the DVD "Rudy" for Christmas a couple years ago, saying it was inspirational and he thought I'd like it even though it was old. As Miracle was my inspirational movie obsession at that time, I didn't really have the capacity to get emotionally wrapped up in another movie. And as I got busier and busier, I didn't have 2 hours to sit down and watch it.

Seeing as how I was snowed in and without the leg capacity to be navigating through the snow to get anywhere today, I started cleaning my apt and noticed it on my shelf of DVD's. At which point, I promptly discarded my cleaning campaign and sat down to watch.

Wow. Timing is everything. How opportune.

Going into the home stretch of preparations for the final fight-offs, "Rudy" was a good reminder that it’s not just about winning or losing. On the contrary, it's about having the heart to work for it, and not being afraid to put it all out there and fail in the process. It's about getting knocked down and coming back bloody but stronger. It's about not being discouraged by all those who say you can't do it.

It's about being single-minded for a goal.

Sometimes I step back and wonder why I do what I do. I look at the choices made, the sacrifices it's taken, the priorities I have and the way I spend my time...all for something so seemingly impractical and improbable. Somethign I don't appear to have been built for.

When anyone watches the tape of me fighting the Dominican girl at Pan Ams '04, their first reaction is to guffaw. Not laugh. Not gasp. Not chuckle. GUFFAW. You see me come into the ring, you think, OK maybe she's a little small next to the referee. Then you see the DR girl come onto the screen and her 6'4" presence dwarfs me. Heck, she dwarfs the ref. The sheer height difference between me and "the giant" was insane. I remember thinking...sheez, even David had a slingshot and some rocks when he faced Goliath.

If I had a dollar for every time someone came up to me and told me "when I first met you I didn't think you'd be any good, because of the way you're built"...well, I'd have a few bucks. But those are only the people who had the guts to say it to my face, I'm fairly certain more people have thought it than let on.

Sure, there are always circumstances that aren't favorable. I have short legs so it's hard to reach my opponents. I'm stocky so my height to weight ratio is low. I have a full-time job and therefore can't be a full-time athlete. My coaches have full-time jobs and therefore can't be full-time coaches. I'm prone to injuries.

But borrowing a quote from another great sports movie I watched recently, "It's supposed to be hard! If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard...that's what makes it great!" (A League of Their Own)

In small group this week, we were talking about who your favorite Bible character or story is. I said mine was Gideon. And without getting too detailed and long, the reason I like Gideon is because it's a story about how God used a nobody and made him into a somebody. God used him precisely because of his weaknesses, so that he and everyone would know that the great works that would come from Gideon were not by his own strength or doing.

When Rudy is praying for a chance to start as his final season winds down, he constantly asks the priest whether he's done everything he can. Whether he's going to get his chance to make his dream come true. And the priest says this: "Son, in 35 years of religious study, I have only come up with two hard incontrovertible facts: there is a God, and I'm not Him."

Indeed. There is no amount of willpower and desire that can make everything go my way when I want it to. Circumstances are what they are. Injuries happen. Referees blink. You have an off-day. Your opponent is totally on. Who knows?

But there is also a certain freedom in knowing that it's not all in my hands. As Sab Sr said to me in Greece the first time he really coached me: "Do you trust God? Then leave the worrying to Him. And me. You just go in there and fight your heart out."

It's about understanding that sometimes, along the way, you've attained so much more than what you shot for. Rudy inspired me because even though he only had a precious 8 seconds to play like one - he had the heart of a champion.

Steele: "Are you ready, champ?"

Rudy: "I've been ready my whole life"

T-minus 4 days.

pick-me-up

After a very bad practice (and by very bad, I mean I'm stuck at home on a Saturday night, blizzarded in and elevating my legs with ice packs strapped to them because my limbs are not cooperating) I needed a pick-me-up.

I dug up these videos from a few yrs ago...nothing like DJ Doc and some minimal Paint skills and corny humor to bring a smile to my face...DOC 와 춤을

And I saw this before I even watched the original Star Wars trilogy.

Almost enough to take my mind off the fact that...stuff hurts. =(

If I had a valentine, forget the flowers and candy. I'd want another Thera-med velcro gel icepack so I could ice both my knees and my foot at the same time. Nothing says "I love you" like quality cold therapy...haha OK clearly it's time to go take some drugs.

T-minus 5 days. Heal, legs, heal!

check you out

So the other day, JAAC and I were walking home after practice, and we passed 3 cops, walking in the opposite direction. Suddenly JAAC bursts out laughing to himself. It wasn't as if I'd just said something funny, so I asked him what was so funny.

"That Asian cop just checked you out"

"Huh?"

[still laughing] "Yeah, he totally looked you up and down"

"Yeah, because I look so hot in my Adidas pants"

I'm not sure whether to be flattered or offended. Shouldn't this guy be paying attention to fighting crime or something?

legs

me:  Still no left leg

Sab: Thank God you have a right leg!

me:  sheesh if i ever get both legs working at the same time, you'd think i'd
be a world champion or something!

Sab:  if you had both legs working, you'd be stressed out about not having
anything to stress out about!!! 

Eh, he's probably right...

There's no "I" in "TEAM"..

but there is an "E"...for Epaphroditus!

Gotta love small group...and Philippians. Last week was Timothy, this week was Epaphroditus...[edit: and by this week I mean last week, and by last week I mean the week before that. I really should finish these entries when I start them.]

Anyways.

Bible study was spectacular. It's cool how you can get new nuggets out of passages you've studied countless times. For example, I don't think I ever actually knew the context behind Ephaproditus, and why he was so special to Paul. Heck, up until now I was having a hard enough time pronouncing his name! Mumbles still does...haha. (My small group leader's nickname is "Mumbles" because he has a tendency to not say things correctly. It's awesome. And I don't mean to make fun of him...I affirm his speech impediment! We love Mumbles!)

Anyways.

Did you know that Epaphroditus walked something like 700 miles to bring Paul money from the Philippians? Apparently he became ridiculously sick on his journey and almost died, but nevertheless tromped on to be the messenger between Paul and the Philippians. Seriously - 700 miles is like walking from NY to the Carolinas. And here I am complaining that I have to sit on a bus for an hour to get to work. Not only is the act itself somewhat ridiculous, but thinking about doing it while you're sick? Forget it. You really gotta believe in the cause and want to see those people to suck THAT up.

I've been sick for my fair share of days this year. And without fail, every day that I wake up absolutely miserable, congested, sore, and decide to take the day off of work, I will inevitably lounge around, sleep, and eat all day. And then later at night, regardless of whether I'm feeling much better or not, I'll head over to Taekwondo, as scheduled.

Yes, my priorities are messed up.

Yes, everyone thinks I'm crazy.

But somehow, I feel better in some way, being with my 'family' and friends, sweating it out, doing what I love most. The thought of sacrificing a day of training or teaching and what sort of set-back effect that might have has always pushed me to tell my body to suck it up and get out the door. [Yes, I realize that some days I really should have stayed home, but just bear with me...]

Paul describes Epaphroditus as a "fellow soldier". Our huddle group spent quite a bit of time on the first question, dissecting the difference between "fellow worker" and "fellow soldier". I was surfing the internet recently on commentaries on Philippians 2, and stumbled across this:

"Many who went through the great war learned that real soldiering did not consist in parading about in fine uniforms, but in enduring all sorts of discomfort and hardship in the midst of rain and mud and weariness and wounds and death. It is this side of the soldier's life which portrays our course in His service. It is not simply endeavoring to accomplish His work in pleasant surroundings, but in the midst of opposition and evils of all sorts, which test our endurance and try our physical frames to the utmost. Not that we seek suffering, or castigate ourselves. No soldier does that. He does the opposite. In every way he seeks to build up and conserve his forces for the fight. We do not invite evil, we face it. Then we thank God and suffer it, for His sake." -A.E. Knoch

John made a comment that was rather insightful: "Ephaphroditus was a team player".

It's so true. For every team I've been on, the success has ridden on the sacrifices of individuals for the betterment of the group. For every team I've captained, I've seen just how much sacrifice is necessary. And it's often in the little things that are thankless. Unnoticed. Unappreciated. But it gets the team where it needs to be.

There was one practice right before the last tournament when I was an a slump. I was inordinately frustrated at my shin injury and inability to kick with one of my legs. On top of that, I was sick my legs were really creaky, and I hadn't been kicking well all week. When I get frustrated like that, everything goes downhill. I was absolutely poopy.

My friend from Boston was down, training for the same touranment, and it was just us and Sabs. At the end of a terrible practice, Sabs finished off with some sparring. She and Jr were going at it, and I got even more frustrated that I was dragging and had no motivation to want to fight Sr. After some halfhearted attempts to throw kicks, I just sat down and leaned against the mirror. No tantrum, no tears - just sat down.

He didn't really know what to do with me, and as per usual just seemed to ignore it. So he also sat down and stretched out and watched L and Jr fight it out. After awhile I saw him get up and go grab a shield. He comes back to where I'm sitting, stands over me and says

"OK. Get up. You have to kick. We have to get you out of this funk."

And I just sort of shook my head.

And you know what he says? My hardass, smacking-on-the-head, my-prize-for-winning-a-bet-was-he-had-to-be-nice-to-me-for-a-month coach says:

"Come on. I'll even suffer with you."

He made me do all these burnout-esque shield drills, just to get my legs moving. They're designed to make you tired, good and fast. We took turns, and he did every single one with me, to the point where he was gassing it and couldn't breathe enough to talk straight.

There is indeed no "I" in "TEAM". A team is made up of individuals, yes - but the focus is not on any one of them. It's the Epaphrodituses of the teams - the team players who are willing to even suffer and "take one for the team" - that propel the team forward towards the goal.

Eyes on the prize.

getting kicked in the crotch

Now that I have your attention...

So Saturday we had a joint workout session with kids from my friend Andy's school. He and I have been trying to set up crosstraining for months, and it finally happened.

It was *great*. 2 hours of drills and match sparring with people who generally have the same competition goals and traditional background - you can usually get one or the other, but to have both, well it was like Christmas to me. (Kind of like our Philippians study lately...likeminded in partnership!) Even Sab Jr started getting that twinkle back in his eye, I know he misses the old days with competition workouts too...

Anyways. So when you get different schools together, you generally end up match sparring, since you suddenly have all these new training partners to go up against. (Match sparring is when you match people up in pairs and they get the whole mat to spar and everyone watches.) It can be intense, I suppose, but it's good for simulating what happens in a real competition.

The last kid I match sparred with was probably about 15 or 16, and roughly my size. Really nice kid, respectful, has potential...except he has a tendency to kick low. And by low I mean, in the crotch. And by tendency I mean repeatedly.

So one downside of being the *ONLY* girl training in a group, is that sometimes no one knows what to do with you because you're different. For example, Sabs get these blank looks on their faces sometimes when matches get really heated and they stuff my attacks (ie. punch me in the chest really hard) and I have to take a time out to writhe in the corner. Well, blank looks also happen when you get kicked low.

I mean, when guys get kicked in the cup, everyone has an immediate wince and "oohhhhhh" reaction. They all sympathize. When a girl gets kicked low, there's a moment of confusion, as if they're thinking "why is she in so much pain? What happened?" and then an awkward silence. There appears to be a misconception that it doesn't hurt girls when we get kicked there. Let me be the first to attest - it does. Maybe not as much, but it still hurts. And without going into a tangent on the poor design of a female cup - I'll just leave it with a statement that they're absolutely useless.

So anyways, we're sparring, it's going along fine, then out of the clinch, the kid decides to double. And by double I mean flurry. And by flurry I mean throw legs up in the hopes of hitting something. Yeah well, he hit me, but not anywhere near the scoring area. I went down and hunched over, trying to catch my breath and not cry, while Sab (confused) was just yelling at me to get up and keep going. Once was fine, that I could suck up. About 30 seconds later, the *exact* same exchange happened again.

At that point it was just trying to drag the time out before crawling to the side and trying to find a happy place. Sab ventures over while the kid went against one of my teammates, makes me sit upright, and asks me what's wrong. I think he's so used to being a hardass about sucking things up and being tough that he assumed I was either injured or being a baby. So I just looked at him and said "he. kicked. me. in. the. crotch... twice".

And as with most incidents when there is remotely a shade of girl-factor involved, he grimaced and walked away. Just in time to look up and see my teammate get back kicked straight in the cup.

It wasn't pretty...but at least everyone seemed to know what to do with him! As beneficial as it is for me to fight with guys all the time, and as much as I love my boys...I do miss having girls around to empathize with sometimes.

Poor kid...he felt so bad he bowed about 8 times on his way out, apologizing profusely. I'm sure being embarassed will make him kick higher next time...or at least...I hope so!

resignation

My coworkers' reactions to my resignation:

1) D extends her hand and says "well...good for you!" Later she asks me whether I'm going to make the "I hate the model/The model makes me sick" t-shirts before I go.

D and I are probably the only 2 people who used all the sick days this year...and we blamed them entirely on the model because we're the only modelers in the office. Of course it had nothing to do with the fact that I never slept because of training and she never slept because of partying...clearly it was the model's fault.

2) J looks and me and says "damn! I wish it were me!" J is Korean and apparently I'm disrupting the equilibrium we have in this office of pairs of races. 2 Koreans, 2 Filipinos, 2 black with dreds, 2 black w/o dreds (for the record, I did not make that classification), 2 white...so apparently I'm supposed to take her with me so as not to disturb the ratios.

3) T says "congratulations...can you get me a job too?"

4) A says "wait...who am I going to throw things at now?"

I have to say...I'm really going to miss the people here...

i'm single! yay!

me: Save the date! No wait...it's every day...I'M SINGLE! YAY!

lakim: congratulations!!! yay! :) i'm happy for you. hahaha

* * * * *

Haha lakim said (or rather, blogged) something funny today...

oh, i had a funny thought today. i thought single people should send out emails like engaged people do… i have been getting way too many “we’re engaged!” emails and “save the date!” emails lately (not that i mind… i mean, i am very happy for my friends). but what about us single people, huh?? we should be sending out emails: “i’m SINGLE! yay!”

Haha, we had the above email exchange, and...haha it made me smile. Sometimes it's good to rejoice in singleness.

Well, until my parents harass me. Haha.

vice

i still contest that...smoking is disgusting. i'm slightly more tolerant of cigar smoking than cigarette smoking (tongue cancer vs. lung cancer?) but it's still all disgusting to me.

on saturday night after the game was over, he comes out of the back room with a cigar in hand and grins at me and gestures that he's going outside. and i'm thinking...what does that mean? am i supposed to follow you? are you waiting for me to object that you're smoking it? are you taunting me that even if i object you're going to do it anyways?

yeah well, that was a few glasses of wine later, so i figured he wouldn't notice that i just shrugged and went into the kitchen to watch the side game going on. i went outside later and was just praying that the wind was enough that all the smoky-ness wouldn't stick to my clothes. it's amazing...do ALL koreans smoke?

well...not this one!

when i first started going to my dentist in NY, he asked me if i smoked. and i said no. and he asked me if i drank (alcohol). and i said not really. and he asked if i drank coffee and tea. and i said no. he looked at me like i was crazy and said "you must have SOME vice". and i asked him what a vice was.

haha...i still remember the look he gave me.

by the way, a vice is an undesirable habit. i guess as a dentist you figure out most peoples' modes of stress relief in their teeth. (bet you didn't know that, huh?)

so after thinking about it awhile, i told him that i like to drink soda, but that i usually have to limit myself because of training and competitions. yep, cliff thinks i'm crazy. he doesn't understand how i relieve stress.

i wasn't really sure what to tell him..."i kick people, and when that doesn't work, there's jesus"...? haha, perhaps it was my golden opportunity to evangelize to my jewish dentist and i missed it bc i didn't know what a vice was...

superbowl XL

Watching football is so different after having played and learned the actual rules and plays. I think I appreciate it more for what it is strategically. Haha, and I have to say...some of those big guys really can run.

It ain't over yet, and I don't have a preference who wins, so...go defense! =) Interceptions are so exciting! But I think the coolest play was the third TD by the Steelers, when it wasn't even the QB who threw it. That's pretty cool that someone can be in mid-run and just chuck the ball that accurately. Gosh...I miss football!

Oh wait...my dad just called me. Apparently I have to root for the Steelers now. Hines Ward is half-Korean. Haha...he claims he likes Ward because he smiles a lot and he's really good...but I bet it's just bc he's part Korean. =)

funny conversations

I feel like this is out of a cartoon.

* * * * *

me: man, writing a letter of resignation is hard
jh: its easy
jh: "dear sir,
jh: i quit
jh: goodbye"
jh: six syllables

* * * * *

me: yeah your hair must be thick or something. it seems to grow straight out
jh: yeah
jh: it sucks
jh: i cant do anything with it
me: you could gel it
jh: i do
jh: but i havent since college
jh: cause i dont care anymore
jh: you know how george costanza wants to wear sweats in public?
jh: and jerry is like
jh: that slike saying "i give up"
jh: to scoeity
jh: "i give up so i might as well be comfortable"
jh: well thats kind of like me and my hair
me: hahaha...
me: that was like me and clothes
me: and then my friend gave me so much crap
me: he called my jeans 'man pants'
jh: hahahaha
me: i was like, boot cut, what is that? i don't wear boots!
jh: haha
jh: whats boot cut?

* * * * *

Haha someone who understands! "I give up so I may as well be comfortable". That's what I'm talking about...hahaha.

Speaking of Seinfeld, the next episode of R's funny gift fiascos. (And this is purely for my own amusement, and it's definitely the thought that counts bc I think I gave him a gift he didn't like this year).

Birthday 1: a gc to Amazon. Not knowing that I really don't like gc's because they're impersonal. "But it's Amazon...you can get anything you want!" (I eventually used it to get the DVD of Marriage of Figaro).

Christmas 1: a gc to Best Buy. In an attempt to be more "specific" this time. (I eventually used it to buy Seinfeld seasons 1&2).

Birthday/Christmas 2: 2 dvd's from Best Buy: Rudy and Elf. A size L shirt from the MIT tournament. A size S shirt from the Olympics. (Ironically - I wear a size M). The funny thing is - he left all the price tags on everything. But I was pleased with the effort, haha.

Birthday/Christmas 3: A TKD shirt (size M) and..."So I didn't know what to get you, but since you live in Manhattan, you should watch this, it's really funny...I hope you like it"

Yep. He got Seinfeld...seasons 1&2. But...he did remember to take the price tags off. I was greatly amused...though I did laugh when I saw it because of the irony that he'd inadvertantly gotten me the same gift twice.

chain of command

Normal people react to good news with remarks such as "congratulations!" or "I'm so happy for you!"

Not my Sabumnim.

"Congrats!!! Now you will have even more time to do secretarial-type work for us ... "

Wash the dishes, Cinderelli; teach my class, Cinderelli; write my letters, Cinderelli...call my doctor, Cinderelli...

Haha, actually I'm not that bitter about it, I've come to accept it. The funny part is once they told me to get something, I turned around and told Adolfo to get it, he turned around and told Scott to get it. And Scott being the youngest...had to go get it.

Haha, my Dominican and Jewish little bros are so Korean. I love it.

it's official

Signed, sealed...and put in the mail. (I would say delivered, but the postal service is not one to be counted on).

I accepted my offer with Cosentini Associates this morning. After all was said and done, I really feel at peace with the decision, and am rather excited at the possibilities. Praise God!

Thank you everyone who prayed for me and supported me through this whole process. It's been a lot of ups and downs and soul searching, but in the end, I think this is the right thing to do, and I learned a lot about myself in the process. A LOT. Funny how sometimes you never realize what's really important to you (or not so important to you) until you're stuck comparing apples and oranges.

Once again I feel like God put me in a place where I was enticed by possibilities, then forced to turn down everything and just trust that the "right" opportunity would come along.

And being the control freak that I am - I don't sit well with turning down EVERYTHING for the possibility of nothing. But I did it last time, and God provided. And I did it this time, and lo and behold...God provided.

Yes, I'm seeing a theme.

Yes, I'll probably be so stubborn as to have to go through it AGAIN the next time.

Feb. 27th is the first day. So now that I'll be in Manhattan...who wants to have lunch? =)

minutes

Note to self: Periodically check the status of your anytime minutes. All these phone interviews during the day plus consulting with people as to what to do with negotiations just led to a phone bill of $191.38. That's almost how much plane ticket to Dallas cost.

One of my absolute pet peeves is spending money unnecessarily. Like when I can't find my Metrocard, I'll make myself walk. I suppose I didn't have too much of a choice - it's not like I could have used the company phone for such discussions, since I work in an open cube farm. But still...very peeved at myself.

Utterly ridiculous. T-mobile, I shake my fist at you!

It hurts.

blessings

So our small group 'assignment' is to email our 'huddle groups' about a blessing we received this week, or an encouragement.

I wasn't even there for the study on Phil. 2 with the 'do not complain' passage, but we were talking about it last week and realized...we spend most of our time complaining. I know I do....So today, I've tried to consciously recognize blessings around me. It's funny how it takes such a conscious effort, but when you open your eyes there's actually a lot to be thankful for.

1) I WEEN! (Maybe soon?) After about a month of agonizing job-searching and decision-making and prioritizing (and turning down what seemed to be perfectly good offers)...I think I've gotten the green light on this one. It's been rather stressful, but I sense that it could be coming to a close! Praise God for opening and shutting doors...funny how you can be so easily swayed into wanting to believe that a certain path is 'right' for you when it may not be...perhaps that is why God slams doors shut. For those of us who need such an extreme sign. But hopefully this will pan out for the best =)

2) My Jewish family feeds me. Ever since I lived with them for 2 weeks in the summer while in between apartments, Mama Sue has adopted this theory that they have to feed me home cooked meals in preparation for a big tournament. (Not such a kooky theory - it's healthy and keeps my weight down). Scottie's babysitter is an AWESOME cook for all things non-Korean, and apparently I'm on the meal plan from now until the tournament. This is such an extravagent blessing because not only do I not have to worry about my last meal of the day, they often bring it to me to the dojang in Tupperware on the nights that I can't actually go over for dinner. Being part of a family (even if you're the adopted Korean) has its ups and downs, but one thing is for sure - they make sure that I'm loved and cared for in the little things, and I can't be thankful enough for that.

3) New students. I picked up a new SAT student and a potential new TKD student. Not sure how to juggle this time-wise, but yay for demand! (I really hope they don't come with neurotic parents...)