good gosh tuition is expensive - after having gotten married and effectively having to pay al's tuition ... i asked him today if the next time he goes to school, if it could be for something that's going to increase his income. sigh. i just have a hard time seeing the value of a liberal arts degree, given how much it costs these days.
on a slightly related note, i had a fleeting thought today that i might reconsider the idea of homeschooling my kids. perhaps this is a product of reading tebow's book, or hearing about the mean kids and bullying that goes on at my niece's/newphew's elementary schools, but ... sure i could teach my kids better than someone else. and faster. and for sure if we still live in manhattan - cheaper.
and on a slightly related tangent to that - my dentist asked me the other day, while we were discussing various scandals in the news, if i had a chance to set my kids up for life, give them $20million (or some other astronomical sum of money) through extortion or some other underhanded means - but that i'd be in jail after the age of 60 for the rest of my life, would i do it?
absolutely not!
i think he was fascinated by my answer though.
a) it's morally/ethically wrong to cheat someone else
b) why would i want to spend the end of my life in jail? that's the part of life i'm supposed to be enjoying. it's just depressing thinking about waiting to die in jail.
c) and i think this was actually my gut reaction. why on earth would i want to do that to my kids? i think we do a great disservice to children to "set them up" and give them piles of money with which to be reckless, unrealistic, entitled, and worst of all: LAZY. i would slap myself across the face if i ever induced laziness upon my progeny.
after seeing all the different ways parents have triumphed and made mistakes around me...one thing i know is, my kids are going to get all the love and support they need while they're young, and as much as we can afford it we will pay for their education through college - but they'd better get an idea of what they want to do with their lives and how to support themselves because no self respecting 22 year old should be clueless without a path to providing for themselves.
hopefully the economy picks itself up by then so it's not as dire as it is now for graduates, but on principle - if you're an adult, then you buck up and take some responsibility, work hard, and forge your own way.
and as much as it was tough to pay for every penny of our wedding ourselves - i actually think that you should. it helps you make tough choices and good decisions, because the sacrifice is, in the end, your own.
good Lord, leaving my kids a trust fund. maybe giving them an investment in a home or a business to get them started, if they could sufficiently present why such an investment is wise - but seriously? the number of priveleged entitled snotty kids and families in nyc is just gross. i should hope that my kids don't suffer - but i also hope they find a purpose in their lives and work hard at something to be contributions to society somehow.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
wanderlust
ever since i met alan - or rather, ever since i had someone to go travel with for trips that don't involve ministry or tkd - i've been totally struck by wanderlust. my passport is actually quite decorated with cool stamps from all sorts of cool countries - but in reality i've seen and enjoyed very few of them. maybe a day of sightseeing here or there, but for the most part, cooped up in second rate hotels or dorms, and confined to gyms and stadiums. not that those weren't fun in and of themselves - they were experiences i would never trade in for the world. but as someone who has money and works damn hard for it - i need to relax on a regular basis.
when al and i first met, we talked about all these places we wanted to go. well, no that's not true. we talked about all the places *i* wanted to go. =) at the time he was still in his whole pious phase of judging people who went on vacation and needing nothing but a cardboard box for himself. he has since come to his senses ... perhaps on a beach somewhere when he realized vacations are awesome.
we went to thailand last winter to visit his family - as with most destinations, it's better when you know the locals. it was a fantastic trip thru the city and the country, we got to zipline thru the forests and also powerboat and snorkel out on the beautiful beaches. definitely going back.
for our honeymoon we went to tahiti and bora bora. singlehandedly the most disgustingly expensive trip, but totally worth it. that was just gorgeous, if you didn't mind being around a bunch of other googly eyed honeymooners and anniversary celebrators who just threw down a ridiculous sum of money for a week.
so in the time between now and when we start thinking about having kids (ie. when spending money on travel will probably not be an option anymore) - i was looking at all sorts of places to go. many to which i've already been, but had never gotten to really see or eat my way through.
greece/turkey/italy
iceland
costa rica
st. lucia
korea/thailand
hopefully good deals will pop up and i'll have accrued enough miles to make these happen =) next on the list, bahamas in december! unless you count california for thanksgiving, but that's visiting parents so it might not exactly be relaxing...
when al and i first met, we talked about all these places we wanted to go. well, no that's not true. we talked about all the places *i* wanted to go. =) at the time he was still in his whole pious phase of judging people who went on vacation and needing nothing but a cardboard box for himself. he has since come to his senses ... perhaps on a beach somewhere when he realized vacations are awesome.
we went to thailand last winter to visit his family - as with most destinations, it's better when you know the locals. it was a fantastic trip thru the city and the country, we got to zipline thru the forests and also powerboat and snorkel out on the beautiful beaches. definitely going back.
for our honeymoon we went to tahiti and bora bora. singlehandedly the most disgustingly expensive trip, but totally worth it. that was just gorgeous, if you didn't mind being around a bunch of other googly eyed honeymooners and anniversary celebrators who just threw down a ridiculous sum of money for a week.
so in the time between now and when we start thinking about having kids (ie. when spending money on travel will probably not be an option anymore) - i was looking at all sorts of places to go. many to which i've already been, but had never gotten to really see or eat my way through.
greece/turkey/italy
iceland
costa rica
st. lucia
korea/thailand
hopefully good deals will pop up and i'll have accrued enough miles to make these happen =) next on the list, bahamas in december! unless you count california for thanksgiving, but that's visiting parents so it might not exactly be relaxing...
Tuesday, November 08, 2011
parkfam xmas - remixed
so every year, my cousins on my dad's side (well, those of us who are still in ny, which is actually most of us) get together for a christmas party. i think this year will be the 5th year running, and it's the one time of the year that i see some of my cousins (and their kids).
i don't recall when this started, but i think from the first year, there was a tradition of gift-giving (not uncommon for xmas) - so each family would bring a gift for each child, and there would be a torrent of wrapping paper carnage as the kids tore through the piles of gifts, unearthing a whole lot of nerf guns, pillow pets, and the like.
now that there are 15 kids and counting in the bunch, and since we're in a recession, someone came up with this bright idea last year that we should do some sort of organized name-drawing, and that each child would get one gift. (the older kids got together and came up with a consolidated protest, since the thought of 8 gifts becoming one gift is pretty lame - but they were overruled by the payers of said gifts).
now it's true, this whole process favored families with more kids than those with less (or none, in my case), since every child got a gift from every family. being childless, most everyone brought a gift for me (i was getting to the point where i could count on a scarf, a starbucks gift card, and something from williams sonoma). while that wasn't really necessary, it was nice to be included - and did i mention i live for gift exchanges? it's my favorite time of the year.
so upon the changing of the rules for 2011, it was decided that being childless, i was not a participant any longer. to which i was sad. =( so my cousin ellen decided to make me work for my participation - apparently i now became the coordinator of the gift exchange.
fast forward to november - i was unaware that i was actually supposed to coordinate the shenanigans until a few days ago. whoops. so i sent out some emails to see if everyone remembered whose names they drew - lest we show up and have christmas disaster because some kid is left out and doesn't get a present.
it's a poor replacement of actually getting gifts for the kids, which i genuinely enjoyed. but the parents are right - the kids get a ton of gifts every year and they really don't need that kind of extravagence. (i personally thought it would be nice if we implemented a secret santa amongst the adults as well, but i don't think that's going to happen)
so i'm not sure when this event is going to happen, but it's another sign that the holidays are approaching. and fast. good thing christmas corner is almost finished. i really want to get a tree this year - i say this every year and every year i forget to buy one of those fake tree things...
i don't recall when this started, but i think from the first year, there was a tradition of gift-giving (not uncommon for xmas) - so each family would bring a gift for each child, and there would be a torrent of wrapping paper carnage as the kids tore through the piles of gifts, unearthing a whole lot of nerf guns, pillow pets, and the like.
now that there are 15 kids and counting in the bunch, and since we're in a recession, someone came up with this bright idea last year that we should do some sort of organized name-drawing, and that each child would get one gift. (the older kids got together and came up with a consolidated protest, since the thought of 8 gifts becoming one gift is pretty lame - but they were overruled by the payers of said gifts).
now it's true, this whole process favored families with more kids than those with less (or none, in my case), since every child got a gift from every family. being childless, most everyone brought a gift for me (i was getting to the point where i could count on a scarf, a starbucks gift card, and something from williams sonoma). while that wasn't really necessary, it was nice to be included - and did i mention i live for gift exchanges? it's my favorite time of the year.
so upon the changing of the rules for 2011, it was decided that being childless, i was not a participant any longer. to which i was sad. =( so my cousin ellen decided to make me work for my participation - apparently i now became the coordinator of the gift exchange.
fast forward to november - i was unaware that i was actually supposed to coordinate the shenanigans until a few days ago. whoops. so i sent out some emails to see if everyone remembered whose names they drew - lest we show up and have christmas disaster because some kid is left out and doesn't get a present.
it's a poor replacement of actually getting gifts for the kids, which i genuinely enjoyed. but the parents are right - the kids get a ton of gifts every year and they really don't need that kind of extravagence. (i personally thought it would be nice if we implemented a secret santa amongst the adults as well, but i don't think that's going to happen)
so i'm not sure when this event is going to happen, but it's another sign that the holidays are approaching. and fast. good thing christmas corner is almost finished. i really want to get a tree this year - i say this every year and every year i forget to buy one of those fake tree things...
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
kids these days
it's funny, all my friends are getting pregnant, and while i would love to have a kid around and all that, i find myself crippled by two things: the fear of the misery of pregnancy and labor (regular invasive exams scares the bejesus out of me), and the fear of what will happen if my kid doesn't listen to me.
al once told me that if he could bear the kids, he would. a nice sentiment, though convenient to say since it's impossible. that being said, i made him the offer that if he ever found a way to give birth and i wouldn't have to - i'd work and make all the money for the rest of our lives.
but the second fear actually is worse, in my mind. as i tutor my kids, i see firsthand the effects of all the good things the parents have done - and all the mistakes they've made. pushing kids too hard, not pushing them enough, not establishing authority or boundaries at an early age, putting them in the wrong schools...
this all came to the forefront of my mind last week when i went to help my cousin with a costco run since she was sick. i always take my nephew with me when i go shopping, it's our bonding time - but now that he's in kindergarten and exposed to other children (ie. boys), he's picked up some rebellion and obnoxious tendencies. i forgot that boys were cute and cuddly until they became, well, boys.
so he's testing his limits on how far the opposite of what i say he can get away with, when suddenly out of nowhere he slaps me across the face! so here i am, in a crowded costco, surrounded by all these white people who would surely judge me for smacking down my nephew - who, by the way, i don't totally feel comfortable spanking in the first place since he's not my child - nor do i have any place to give him a timeout.
so i try and talk to him. not that i really believe reasoning with a child that age actually works, but i was left with no choice at that point. so i said to him, that wasn't very nice, you shouldn't hit people, and told him he had to apologize. at which point he tried to laugh it off. second try led to him covering his face and hiding from me, thinking we're playing some game. after i removed his hands and made him look at me, he outright lied "i didn't do it!" and then proceeded to call me a liar.
oh boy. it's like that moment that a puppy pees or a baby explodes in his diaper and you're glad that it's not yours and call the parents over to take care of the problem. except in this situation, i didn't have the parent. i knew what the parent would do, but also that the parent had the authority that this kid respected enough to obey - the wrath of mommy is not to be questioned.
but again, in this public place i argued with him for awhile, then found his father who immediately made him apologize for hitting me. fine. i didn't tell him the full story because i had meant to do it later, but for the time being i had an apology, even if it was for self-preservation.
the house was so chaotic when we got back that i didn't get a chance to talk to my cousin, until a couple days later i remembered and sent her an email. boy did he get it at that point - apparently he had two meh-meh's and a timeout before he came out, called me to apologize, and also recorded a video message. (which btw was insanely cute despite his clear misery).
we're nowhere close to becoming parents, but episodes like this make me fear the day when i have to discipline my own kids. not because i can't do it - but because they might not "get" it and that authority may just be discarded. and then what?
al once told me that if he could bear the kids, he would. a nice sentiment, though convenient to say since it's impossible. that being said, i made him the offer that if he ever found a way to give birth and i wouldn't have to - i'd work and make all the money for the rest of our lives.
but the second fear actually is worse, in my mind. as i tutor my kids, i see firsthand the effects of all the good things the parents have done - and all the mistakes they've made. pushing kids too hard, not pushing them enough, not establishing authority or boundaries at an early age, putting them in the wrong schools...
this all came to the forefront of my mind last week when i went to help my cousin with a costco run since she was sick. i always take my nephew with me when i go shopping, it's our bonding time - but now that he's in kindergarten and exposed to other children (ie. boys), he's picked up some rebellion and obnoxious tendencies. i forgot that boys were cute and cuddly until they became, well, boys.
so he's testing his limits on how far the opposite of what i say he can get away with, when suddenly out of nowhere he slaps me across the face! so here i am, in a crowded costco, surrounded by all these white people who would surely judge me for smacking down my nephew - who, by the way, i don't totally feel comfortable spanking in the first place since he's not my child - nor do i have any place to give him a timeout.
so i try and talk to him. not that i really believe reasoning with a child that age actually works, but i was left with no choice at that point. so i said to him, that wasn't very nice, you shouldn't hit people, and told him he had to apologize. at which point he tried to laugh it off. second try led to him covering his face and hiding from me, thinking we're playing some game. after i removed his hands and made him look at me, he outright lied "i didn't do it!" and then proceeded to call me a liar.
oh boy. it's like that moment that a puppy pees or a baby explodes in his diaper and you're glad that it's not yours and call the parents over to take care of the problem. except in this situation, i didn't have the parent. i knew what the parent would do, but also that the parent had the authority that this kid respected enough to obey - the wrath of mommy is not to be questioned.
but again, in this public place i argued with him for awhile, then found his father who immediately made him apologize for hitting me. fine. i didn't tell him the full story because i had meant to do it later, but for the time being i had an apology, even if it was for self-preservation.
the house was so chaotic when we got back that i didn't get a chance to talk to my cousin, until a couple days later i remembered and sent her an email. boy did he get it at that point - apparently he had two meh-meh's and a timeout before he came out, called me to apologize, and also recorded a video message. (which btw was insanely cute despite his clear misery).
we're nowhere close to becoming parents, but episodes like this make me fear the day when i have to discipline my own kids. not because i can't do it - but because they might not "get" it and that authority may just be discarded. and then what?
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