then cue nelly and call me promiscuous. i can't take it anymore. i'm hiding in the dark (bc the lightbulb blew out) of the office on the computer in the hopes - the HOPES - that maybe my parents won't talk to me for a blessed 10 minutes. after a whole day of cancelling my plans, driving them all over the place, and listening to all the nagging, complaining, nagging, commenting, nagging, and questioning...i just can't take it anymore.
it all came to a head when my mom and i went to the gym. i had finally convinced my dad to shell out for the overpriced membership at the gym/club thing on our island for my them, because my mom has wanted it forever and they're both gaining weight. i was thrilled upon registering them to find that they had an open room with mirrors, puzzle mats i could put on the floor, and a WAVEMASTER. (a freestanding kicking bag). it was the answer to my slothful-haven't-worked-out-in-a-week prayers.
so if there is one thing you do not do is stand in the way of sparky and a workout. it's like standing in the way of a fat kid at a buffet after he's been fasting for a week - just let the kid go to town. so my good mood and motivation at the prospect of a treadmill, some weights, and a kicking bag - was trodden to death before we even got out the door.
"aren't you going to bring lotion? you have to wear lotion, that's why your skin is dry. if you have dry skin now, you're going to wrinkle fast when you get older. are you really going to wear shorts? shorts are going to be cold. you don't want to catch a cold. do i bring a jacket? where do we put it? did you bring water? did you drink water today? you have to drink 8 cups of water a day, you know." (insert the frequent 'uh-muh-muh's for maximum effect, and have it go on incessantly).
have you ever wanted to plunge a pencil into your ear so that maybe you won't be able to hear anymore?
life is a lot easier if you're just selfish. you get what you want, and you're usually oblivious to how selfish you're being so you don't feel bad about it. it's ironic to me that when you try not to be selfish, you realize just how selfish you really are. before, i used to just come home, plop myself down and set myself to relax. it was my vacation time. i made plans with friends, and scheduled my parents in for some quality time where i saw fit. if they nagged me, it lasted for a bit and then eventually i'd explode or otherwise make it clear that i wasn't in the mood and they might leave me alone.
as i get older, for better or for worse, i can read more between the lines. and i can see now that what they want is someone to listen to them, to validate them, to make them feel valued, to appreciate them, to spend time with them. they want to take care of me, and love me, and tell me what's best for me (or, what they think is best for me). so given this knowledge, i've been going out of my way to attempt to be accomodating. and i say attempt because it hasn't been particularly successful. i can see pretty clearly what would be the nice and thoughtful thing to do, and i'll set out to do it - but then halfway through it becomes really hard and i'll end up losing it, which defeats the purpose of doing the nice thing to begin with. so for my efforts, the end result is - i'm so annoyed i want to burst, except now i feel guilty that i'm annoyed because i'm aware of my own impatience. somehow...this seems worse, even though it began with better intentions. how can this be?
i think paul said it best in the famous tongue twister of romans 7. the real struggle begins when you become so painfully aware of your own selfishness.
15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. -Romans 7:15-20
sometimes you desire to do what is good, even at the cost of personal comfort. but it's disappoitning to see that you just can't carry it out. i wish i could be infinitely patient and listen to the same stories and complaints over and over again and offer validation or a solution - i wish the incessant nagging wouldn't grate at me, and that i wouldn't just learn to tune it out, but accept it as the overlove that it is - but a week at home makes it Abudantly Clear that i am not.
so then what? do i just accept my failure and selfishness and just ... be selfish and make them deal with it? put my fingers in my ears and say "la la la" until they give up and stop talking at me?
21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! -Romans 7:21-25
someone said this a few times (rather, he quoted john piper, but i can't claim to have ever made it through a piper book so to me the quote is attributed to the person who told it to me) - that even though we're discouraged and we know that we can't do something - that we keep plugging away in the hopes that tomorrow will be easier today.
and so, the sun has set (long ago), and my time in my haven upstairs is coming to an end. i know that i will fail again tomorrow and inevitably be annoyed beyond measure and unfortunately let it show. but hopefully i will last longer tomorrow that i did today. and maybe it will be a little bit easier.
just in case, someone do me a favor and look up what you do when someone lodges a pencil in their ear? thanks...
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
huh
I was helping my mom at the store the other day, and I made some observations in my 8 hours of standing behind the cash register. I always thought it was uncanny how my mom could pinpoint who would actually be making purchases and who would try on 10 things and leave without buying anything. Sharp eye, that one...though after what, almost 20 years of this business I guess you become pretty observant.
-Fashion appears to recycle itself, and what is 'in' appears to be what I thought went out with the 60's and 70's. So does that mean we're going back to oversized sweaters and tight pants in about 10 years? *shudder*
-I'd estimate that 80% of the couples that came in were white guys with Asian girls. More fodder for the AMC. (Asian Male Crisis, as defined to me by bkam and nathanh as +10 for every Asian guy/white girl couple and -1 for every white guy/Asian girl couple...apparently at the end of the day the score will still be negative).
-It's a small world after all. Around mid-day, this tall Chinese girl walked in, tried on a few items, generally browsed around, taking her time...and as she came up to the counter, she kept looking at me funny, as though she was trying not to be obvious that she was looking at me. So I thought she looked familiar, and after an awkward pause I said "uh...Jen?" Yeah, it turns out that she was an old West Sider, Sabs' old protege before me, she and I didn't overlap at all in our Taekwondo careers, as she moved out to CA for med school and residency. Clearly she didn't expect me to be working the register of a small business on the west coast...what were the chances?
-Radio stations just recycle after about an hour. No wonder my parents hate pop and hip hop music. At least our store in SF is in a hippie/yuppie neighborhood, so they had a variety station on...our old store attracted a different demographic, so they used to play hip hop/rap all the time and it would drive them crazy when I would choose to play those stations when we drove anywhere because they were so sick of it. Back when the Eminem "Slim Shady" song came out and was constantly playing on the radio, we were in the car once and my mom said "I don't understand why they keep telling him to please stand up...I wish he would just sit down!"
I don't think I've ever laughed so hard...
-Fashion appears to recycle itself, and what is 'in' appears to be what I thought went out with the 60's and 70's. So does that mean we're going back to oversized sweaters and tight pants in about 10 years? *shudder*
-I'd estimate that 80% of the couples that came in were white guys with Asian girls. More fodder for the AMC. (Asian Male Crisis, as defined to me by bkam and nathanh as +10 for every Asian guy/white girl couple and -1 for every white guy/Asian girl couple...apparently at the end of the day the score will still be negative).
-It's a small world after all. Around mid-day, this tall Chinese girl walked in, tried on a few items, generally browsed around, taking her time...and as she came up to the counter, she kept looking at me funny, as though she was trying not to be obvious that she was looking at me. So I thought she looked familiar, and after an awkward pause I said "uh...Jen?" Yeah, it turns out that she was an old West Sider, Sabs' old protege before me, she and I didn't overlap at all in our Taekwondo careers, as she moved out to CA for med school and residency. Clearly she didn't expect me to be working the register of a small business on the west coast...what were the chances?
-Radio stations just recycle after about an hour. No wonder my parents hate pop and hip hop music. At least our store in SF is in a hippie/yuppie neighborhood, so they had a variety station on...our old store attracted a different demographic, so they used to play hip hop/rap all the time and it would drive them crazy when I would choose to play those stations when we drove anywhere because they were so sick of it. Back when the Eminem "Slim Shady" song came out and was constantly playing on the radio, we were in the car once and my mom said "I don't understand why they keep telling him to please stand up...I wish he would just sit down!"
I don't think I've ever laughed so hard...
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
traditions
As per the family tradition, my parents and I drove out to Half Moon Bay for a scenic drive and some mandatory picture-taking at the beach. And it being Norcal, we're not talking sunny beaches that people go to surf and get a tan at...these are rocky cliffs and crashing waves.
It was a pretty classic trip, complete with my mom cutting fruit in the backseat (why one would wield a knife during a drive is beyond me, but who am I to turn down fresh fruit?) my dad singing along to "Feliz Navidad" with a better Spanish accent than me on the all-Christmas radio station, and me trying to curb and deflect any questions that remotely have to do with dating, marriage, and having children. "Hey let's buy a ranch when we retire so that our grandchildren can ride horses...and play golf!" Didn't have the heart to burst their bubble that not ALL Koreans are innately good at golf. Apparently they still regret that I didn't pursue that path, and that my golf career ended at the tender age of 13 at the driving range. My poor children will apparently bear the brunt of what their grandparents did not accomplish as parents...any of you guys in school for counseling want test specimens?
The weather was actually pretty nice yesterday (ie. not cold and windy), so at one of the 3 stops we make every year, we stayed a bit to play tag with the waves and take in the fresh air. Something about it is just ... refreshing.
After 3 days of not working out, eating like a fiend, and sitting at home and sleeping, I grew restless. I turned to my dad and said "아빠 우리 달리기 하자!" (Hey Dad, let's race!)
So we took off down the beach and we were pretty neck and neck in the beginning (man, he's fast for being over 60...) when I started taking a bit of a lead...and then my shoe came untied. As I bent over to tie it, he hauled it all the way down the beach and I had to sprint to catch him, laughing all the way.
I caught him at the end, but he was totally in my face about winning. Never in my life has the man ever let me win at anything. Though when I think about it...I fear the princess he would have produced if he had.
I think that's the most fun I've had in a long time. There are certain moments of your life when time stands still, and on the same deserted beach where nothing ever changes, it was nice to be 7 years old again, racing with abadon and not a care in the world and laughing all the way.
It was a pretty classic trip, complete with my mom cutting fruit in the backseat (why one would wield a knife during a drive is beyond me, but who am I to turn down fresh fruit?) my dad singing along to "Feliz Navidad" with a better Spanish accent than me on the all-Christmas radio station, and me trying to curb and deflect any questions that remotely have to do with dating, marriage, and having children. "Hey let's buy a ranch when we retire so that our grandchildren can ride horses...and play golf!" Didn't have the heart to burst their bubble that not ALL Koreans are innately good at golf. Apparently they still regret that I didn't pursue that path, and that my golf career ended at the tender age of 13 at the driving range. My poor children will apparently bear the brunt of what their grandparents did not accomplish as parents...any of you guys in school for counseling want test specimens?
The weather was actually pretty nice yesterday (ie. not cold and windy), so at one of the 3 stops we make every year, we stayed a bit to play tag with the waves and take in the fresh air. Something about it is just ... refreshing.
After 3 days of not working out, eating like a fiend, and sitting at home and sleeping, I grew restless. I turned to my dad and said "아빠 우리 달리기 하자!" (Hey Dad, let's race!)
So we took off down the beach and we were pretty neck and neck in the beginning (man, he's fast for being over 60...) when I started taking a bit of a lead...and then my shoe came untied. As I bent over to tie it, he hauled it all the way down the beach and I had to sprint to catch him, laughing all the way.
I caught him at the end, but he was totally in my face about winning. Never in my life has the man ever let me win at anything. Though when I think about it...I fear the princess he would have produced if he had.
I think that's the most fun I've had in a long time. There are certain moments of your life when time stands still, and on the same deserted beach where nothing ever changes, it was nice to be 7 years old again, racing with abadon and not a care in the world and laughing all the way.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
keeping the peace
To briefly recount what I think is the funniest mom story ever - and I'm not doing this justice because I don't remember all the details, but...here goes.
My friend J decided to be a good son (dang...really good) and drive cross country with his mom when he moved from CA to NY. Man, that's crazy patience...props to J for even attempting this endeavor. So after a week of nagging and commenting, he starts to get annoyed. But he tries to be nice and suck it up...until one day towards the end when she's commenting on his driving, it just gets to be too much, and he snaps.
"Um-mah, I'll give you $1000 if you don't talk to me for the next 3 hours!"
Funny enough, this story has totally helped me curb my annoyance with my mom. Whenever I come home and I spend an extended period of time with her, I end up getting really annoyed at all the nagging, and end up not being very nice in my attempts to get away from it. Every year, I tell myself that I'm going to be mature and grown up, and see the heart behind what she says and does instead of the gut reaction of throwing a tantrum and running out of the room. And every year, that only lasts for about an hour or two before my head wants to explode...but ever since J's story, whenever I think I'm going to lose it, I think in my head "um-mah I'll give you $1000 if you don't talk to me for the next 3 hours!" and I start cracking up. And it distracts me from the fact that I'm being told for the 5th time today not to rub my eyes, to drink more water, to eat apples, to wear another layer, that I need a haircut...yeah.
So thanks J. Your story is keeping the peace in the Park house.
My friend J decided to be a good son (dang...really good) and drive cross country with his mom when he moved from CA to NY. Man, that's crazy patience...props to J for even attempting this endeavor. So after a week of nagging and commenting, he starts to get annoyed. But he tries to be nice and suck it up...until one day towards the end when she's commenting on his driving, it just gets to be too much, and he snaps.
"Um-mah, I'll give you $1000 if you don't talk to me for the next 3 hours!"
Funny enough, this story has totally helped me curb my annoyance with my mom. Whenever I come home and I spend an extended period of time with her, I end up getting really annoyed at all the nagging, and end up not being very nice in my attempts to get away from it. Every year, I tell myself that I'm going to be mature and grown up, and see the heart behind what she says and does instead of the gut reaction of throwing a tantrum and running out of the room. And every year, that only lasts for about an hour or two before my head wants to explode...but ever since J's story, whenever I think I'm going to lose it, I think in my head "um-mah I'll give you $1000 if you don't talk to me for the next 3 hours!" and I start cracking up. And it distracts me from the fact that I'm being told for the 5th time today not to rub my eyes, to drink more water, to eat apples, to wear another layer, that I need a haircut...yeah.
So thanks J. Your story is keeping the peace in the Park house.
Friday, December 22, 2006
when your worlds collide
You know you've been tutoring too long when useless SAT vocabulary starts making its way into your mainstream speech.
A couple weeks ago, we had a small group sleepover at Yunha's in NJ, which featured late night board games. We were playing Taboo and it was my turn to give the clues. The word was "picnic" and I wasn't allowed to say blanket, park, sandwiches, basket, and eat. (I think).
"You go to the outdoors and consume ... comestibles ... with Yogi Bear and BooBoo."
OK, I thought it was obvious. But my team got hung up on the fact that I used the word "comestibles" and spent the rest of the time laughing at me rather than guessing the word.
Dangit!
A couple weeks ago, we had a small group sleepover at Yunha's in NJ, which featured late night board games. We were playing Taboo and it was my turn to give the clues. The word was "picnic" and I wasn't allowed to say blanket, park, sandwiches, basket, and eat. (I think).
"You go to the outdoors and consume ... comestibles ... with Yogi Bear and BooBoo."
OK, I thought it was obvious. But my team got hung up on the fact that I used the word "comestibles" and spent the rest of the time laughing at me rather than guessing the word.
Dangit!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Coincidences, ironies, and other observations
-I went to three weddings in 2006. All of the grooms were named Daniel. Two of the brides were named Kathy.
-Someone from each sg I've led has gotten engaged in the last year. Congrats to chicki, lildiane, and esther! (Hrmm OK that statement is not entirely true, none of my fsgls are on this list...yet). And chicki actually breaks the curse of the KCF even years! (People who graduated on even years are barely dating, let alone getting married, whereas the odd year folks are dropping like flies...and since dmoon technically graduated 01 and xander 03 - that only adds to my data set)
-I think I legitimately used up exactly 10 sick days this year.
-Sab told me to call his wife Sue un-nee (big sister - girl to girl). But his kids have been calling me noona (big sister - boy to girl) for the last 3 years. Very confused as to whether I'm at the adult or the kiddie table.
-Yes, I went to MIT. No, I don't know anything about computers. In fact, I have anti-intuition when it comes to computers. They like to generate error messages and crash randomly when I come near them. Please take pity on a poor excuse for a geek and help me...
-Girls having better handwriting than boys starts at an early age. (With the exception of shiau_d and xander who destroy my perfect data set). It's amazing, all of my girl students have great handwriting. All of my boys' are barely legible. Why is that?
-According to the weather channel, California has been colder than New York this week. What is this world coming to?
-When I signed on for apprenticing this year, I knew I was going to get paired up with a guy, and I prayed for someone who was strong enough in his faith and knowledge of the Word that I could step back and let him lead, and who wouldn't be intimidated by me and make me feel like I had to hold back who I am. Well, I got what I prayed for, but...when you get someone who's strong, you also get someone who's stubborn and proud. And when you get two people who are stubborn and prideful and make them work together - just shows that we have limited knowledge in what is best. I swear, God is laughing at me. Be careful what you pray for, it just might get granted.
-Someone from each sg I've led has gotten engaged in the last year. Congrats to chicki, lildiane, and esther! (Hrmm OK that statement is not entirely true, none of my fsgls are on this list...yet). And chicki actually breaks the curse of the KCF even years! (People who graduated on even years are barely dating, let alone getting married, whereas the odd year folks are dropping like flies...and since dmoon technically graduated 01 and xander 03 - that only adds to my data set)
-I think I legitimately used up exactly 10 sick days this year.
-Sab told me to call his wife Sue un-nee (big sister - girl to girl). But his kids have been calling me noona (big sister - boy to girl) for the last 3 years. Very confused as to whether I'm at the adult or the kiddie table.
-Yes, I went to MIT. No, I don't know anything about computers. In fact, I have anti-intuition when it comes to computers. They like to generate error messages and crash randomly when I come near them. Please take pity on a poor excuse for a geek and help me...
-Girls having better handwriting than boys starts at an early age. (With the exception of shiau_d and xander who destroy my perfect data set). It's amazing, all of my girl students have great handwriting. All of my boys' are barely legible. Why is that?
-According to the weather channel, California has been colder than New York this week. What is this world coming to?
-When I signed on for apprenticing this year, I knew I was going to get paired up with a guy, and I prayed for someone who was strong enough in his faith and knowledge of the Word that I could step back and let him lead, and who wouldn't be intimidated by me and make me feel like I had to hold back who I am. Well, I got what I prayed for, but...when you get someone who's strong, you also get someone who's stubborn and proud. And when you get two people who are stubborn and prideful and make them work together - just shows that we have limited knowledge in what is best. I swear, God is laughing at me. Be careful what you pray for, it just might get granted.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
a girly christmas
What, is there a theme to this Christmas??
First the pink watch....(if my camera wasn't lost somewhere in Argentina, I would post a picture to document the pink-nees)
So I finally decided to bite the bullet and purchase the DS lite. I figured, it's been about 6 months since I first saw it, and if I still want it, then hey, may as well. So I got Paul oh-bbah to look for deals online, of which they were all sold out. SOLD OUT.
So what does JAAC spoil me with, but the extravagence of a PINK ds lite. PINK! I didn't even know they made them in pink. Like, this-should-have-a-Hello-Kitty-sticker-on-it-pink! But it's still freaking awesome. Big Brain Academy, here I come! (Yes, I realize how dorky that sounds...)
Oh yeah, and my Jewish mother has rounded up the troops and gotten everyone to pitch in to make me over for Christmas. As in, a fancy haircut, a visit to a makeup artist (yes, she called them artists), something about eyebrows, and new clothes. Apparently the Christina-has-to-get-married project is in full force, and the way I dress and look is unacceptable...eh? I'm not sure how I feel about this, but supposedly it's happening. Beauty is an expensive industry and on principle I don't feel like we should be buying into it, but I wasn't given much of a choice.
But all in all, Sabs said the wine was good, Scottie's eyes lit up at his new soccer jersey, my girls loved their crafts kits, my boys loved their Boca shirts...reactions were pretty good this year. JAAC says I spend 364 days of the year shopping for Christmas presents. So I guess that means I have 3 more days before I have to start thinking about 2007...
First the pink watch....(if my camera wasn't lost somewhere in Argentina, I would post a picture to document the pink-nees)
So I finally decided to bite the bullet and purchase the DS lite. I figured, it's been about 6 months since I first saw it, and if I still want it, then hey, may as well. So I got Paul oh-bbah to look for deals online, of which they were all sold out. SOLD OUT.
So what does JAAC spoil me with, but the extravagence of a PINK ds lite. PINK! I didn't even know they made them in pink. Like, this-should-have-a-Hello-Kitty-sticker-on-it-pink! But it's still freaking awesome. Big Brain Academy, here I come! (Yes, I realize how dorky that sounds...)
Oh yeah, and my Jewish mother has rounded up the troops and gotten everyone to pitch in to make me over for Christmas. As in, a fancy haircut, a visit to a makeup artist (yes, she called them artists), something about eyebrows, and new clothes. Apparently the Christina-has-to-get-married project is in full force, and the way I dress and look is unacceptable...eh? I'm not sure how I feel about this, but supposedly it's happening. Beauty is an expensive industry and on principle I don't feel like we should be buying into it, but I wasn't given much of a choice.
But all in all, Sabs said the wine was good, Scottie's eyes lit up at his new soccer jersey, my girls loved their crafts kits, my boys loved their Boca shirts...reactions were pretty good this year. JAAC says I spend 364 days of the year shopping for Christmas presents. So I guess that means I have 3 more days before I have to start thinking about 2007...
Monday, December 18, 2006
more pink
My cousin thinks she is so funny.
So every year she gives me a real present and a gag gift. If you've been to my apt, you have surely commented on my pink disney princess scale. Yep, that was her joke last year, because a bright pink princess scale is something that I would definitely never own on my own accord.
So this year, she surprised me with a pink watch. And I'm not talking baby pink, or something with pink tastefully on it. I'm talking a watch with a bright sparkly glittering pink band. Seriously, she was laughing at me when I opened it.
Spent the day with the un-nees and all their kids yesterday...and I have to say one of the best moments is when a kid recognizes you and comes running at you with a big grin. My girls are always good for hugs and playdates. Though I guess I can't call them my girls anymore since this little guy came along...
Isn't he cute? Mr. Drooly himself.
So every year she gives me a real present and a gag gift. If you've been to my apt, you have surely commented on my pink disney princess scale. Yep, that was her joke last year, because a bright pink princess scale is something that I would definitely never own on my own accord.
So this year, she surprised me with a pink watch. And I'm not talking baby pink, or something with pink tastefully on it. I'm talking a watch with a bright sparkly glittering pink band. Seriously, she was laughing at me when I opened it.
Spent the day with the un-nees and all their kids yesterday...and I have to say one of the best moments is when a kid recognizes you and comes running at you with a big grin. My girls are always good for hugs and playdates. Though I guess I can't call them my girls anymore since this little guy came along...
Isn't he cute? Mr. Drooly himself.Thursday, December 14, 2006
sick day
I wonder how many sick days I have left. Sometimes, I think the best vacation would be to just sit at home and do nothing. I have to say, the days I've stayed home sick have been some of the best days of the year.
So as part of the Target escapade last weekend (Bryan, Carol and Mia will forever be my 24-hour-Target-that-doesn't-exist-Team) - I purchased yet another chick flick for the collection: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
The funny part is, what caused me to purchase it was hearing (or reading) about it from a guy. HAHA. Well, that and it was on sale for $7.44.
Gotta love Target.
So as part of the Target escapade last weekend (Bryan, Carol and Mia will forever be my 24-hour-Target-that-doesn't-exist-Team) - I purchased yet another chick flick for the collection: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
The funny part is, what caused me to purchase it was hearing (or reading) about it from a guy. HAHA. Well, that and it was on sale for $7.44.
Gotta love Target.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
peeved
Wow, could all of my peeves be met in one day? Amazing. All I'm missing is being shed on by a hairy dog, and being waited on by an unhelpful customer service rep.
Grr
1) People who don't do as they say.
2) Accountants who try and cheat you. (Frauds. Freaking frauds.)
3) People who don't listen.
4) People who don't read emails.
5) Mediocrity.
6) Being subjected to watching mediocrity.
7) People who say "yes, sir" to me. Particularly when my eyeballs are already falling out watching them be mediocre.
8) My right leg. It hurts.
9) My old computer. It's making whirring noises. I think it might explode.
10) My new computer. It still doesn't work.
11) Mosquito bites. How am I possibly this allergic?
12) People who treat me like their secretary.
Yay
1) Pineapples (I don't care if it's from a can - it's still good)
2) Rockapella - Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego (Thanks Irwin!)
Grr
1) People who don't do as they say.
2) Accountants who try and cheat you. (Frauds. Freaking frauds.)
3) People who don't listen.
4) People who don't read emails.
5) Mediocrity.
6) Being subjected to watching mediocrity.
7) People who say "yes, sir" to me. Particularly when my eyeballs are already falling out watching them be mediocre.
8) My right leg. It hurts.
9) My old computer. It's making whirring noises. I think it might explode.
10) My new computer. It still doesn't work.
11) Mosquito bites. How am I possibly this allergic?
12) People who treat me like their secretary.
Yay
1) Pineapples (I don't care if it's from a can - it's still good)
2) Rockapella - Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego (Thanks Irwin!)
Monday, December 11, 2006
sigh
I've resorted to blogging because no one is online...sigh.
I can't take it anymore.
Similarly to the way it was with the dojang - I feel stifled. And what I decided with the dj was that I just had to step back. That as much as anyone might say that my opinion was valued and input was appreciated - in the end it was not mine and any amount of ownership and responsibility I could take would ultimately just lead to conflict. The step back has been painful, but I just try to close my eyes when I see the things that aren't as good as they could be, and just try to focus on my private students and those who are willing to be excellent and not mediocre. I guess I can only have influence over the domain that I've been given, and should just leave it at that.
So perhaps that is what I am to learn about this small group as well. It's not mine, it's not ours - it's his. And he will run it the way he wants. So really, I'm not the mom. I'm the nanny. The babysitter.
I miss IV. I miss Susan, Danny, and Peter. I miss serving with people who are my age, who are older, who are my friends. Who make me feel valued, who gave me freedom to run with ministry, who supported me, who prayed for me. And who let me serve and love them too.
I can't take it anymore.
Similarly to the way it was with the dojang - I feel stifled. And what I decided with the dj was that I just had to step back. That as much as anyone might say that my opinion was valued and input was appreciated - in the end it was not mine and any amount of ownership and responsibility I could take would ultimately just lead to conflict. The step back has been painful, but I just try to close my eyes when I see the things that aren't as good as they could be, and just try to focus on my private students and those who are willing to be excellent and not mediocre. I guess I can only have influence over the domain that I've been given, and should just leave it at that.
So perhaps that is what I am to learn about this small group as well. It's not mine, it's not ours - it's his. And he will run it the way he wants. So really, I'm not the mom. I'm the nanny. The babysitter.
I miss IV. I miss Susan, Danny, and Peter. I miss serving with people who are my age, who are older, who are my friends. Who make me feel valued, who gave me freedom to run with ministry, who supported me, who prayed for me. And who let me serve and love them too.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
newton's 3rd law
Sr said something interesting to me right before I left. He was talking about how this is the first time he's ever seen me genuinely excited about a tournament, and that it's been a marked change in attitude lately. I guess maybe it has. But what surprised me was when he said that he was kind of sad to let me go. That what they wanted for me all this time, what all their mind games and beat downs and distancing was for me to gain an independence and self-reliance to not need them to hold my hand and be by my side - but now that they've seen it happen, they almost miss it. I guess he's right, it's like a parent with a child - you want them to be able to stand on their own, but there is a certain bond you have when they need you, and it feels good to be needed, even if it's annoying or tiring sometimes.
I find it ironic that all this time that I felt they were so far away on purpose, they were actually right there with me. All those times they made me feel like I was such a demanding princess - there was a part of them that liked to be needed. In the last 2-3 years of competing, the one and only thing I could count on without fail was talking to Sab Jr the night before I fought. No matter where I was - Greece, Turkey, Spain, the Dominican - or no matter where he was - Prague, London, Paris - we would touch base. Haha, one time I was in Rhode Island and he was in London, but with the time difference it was Saturday afternoon, and I was literally in the ring coaching Scott when he called, and he only had 10 minutes until he had to go to a meeting. Luckily, there was a technical difficulty in the ring, and we managed to squeeze in a whole conversation before they fixed it.
The funny thing is, his pep talks are always the same. And they're not even that inspirational in what he says anymore. And a lot of the time, he's in between meetings, or I'm at dinner or something so we're usuallyrushed. But if all else fails, the one thing I know is that before I fight, I'll can count on him to tell me that I can do it, that he expects nothing less than a gold medal, and that he will bully me into saying "yes sir" until he's satisfied. All this time I treasured these moments, because it's the one commitment that he's always been able to keep. I guess it never occurred to me that perhaps he liked sharing in this as well.
Jr said it best the other day:
"I agree that we have pretty much beaten the tears out of you. Like a parent spanking a child, it hurt us more than it hurt you, you know. Actually, that's a lie. But it sounds good."
I laughed when I read this, because I always make fun of them about liking to make me cry...but on a deeper level, I think I understand. When I step back and think about it, I'm proud of myself for not crying anymore. It was a pretty painful and traumatizing process, and I'm sure annoying as anything to them...but any sort of investment has a component that makes you feel important or significant because deep down when you care about someone, it's nice to be needed.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. That Newton knew what he was talking about, even in relationships.
I find it ironic that all this time that I felt they were so far away on purpose, they were actually right there with me. All those times they made me feel like I was such a demanding princess - there was a part of them that liked to be needed. In the last 2-3 years of competing, the one and only thing I could count on without fail was talking to Sab Jr the night before I fought. No matter where I was - Greece, Turkey, Spain, the Dominican - or no matter where he was - Prague, London, Paris - we would touch base. Haha, one time I was in Rhode Island and he was in London, but with the time difference it was Saturday afternoon, and I was literally in the ring coaching Scott when he called, and he only had 10 minutes until he had to go to a meeting. Luckily, there was a technical difficulty in the ring, and we managed to squeeze in a whole conversation before they fixed it.
The funny thing is, his pep talks are always the same. And they're not even that inspirational in what he says anymore. And a lot of the time, he's in between meetings, or I'm at dinner or something so we're usuallyrushed. But if all else fails, the one thing I know is that before I fight, I'll can count on him to tell me that I can do it, that he expects nothing less than a gold medal, and that he will bully me into saying "yes sir" until he's satisfied. All this time I treasured these moments, because it's the one commitment that he's always been able to keep. I guess it never occurred to me that perhaps he liked sharing in this as well.
Jr said it best the other day:
"I agree that we have pretty much beaten the tears out of you. Like a parent spanking a child, it hurt us more than it hurt you, you know. Actually, that's a lie. But it sounds good."
I laughed when I read this, because I always make fun of them about liking to make me cry...but on a deeper level, I think I understand. When I step back and think about it, I'm proud of myself for not crying anymore. It was a pretty painful and traumatizing process, and I'm sure annoying as anything to them...but any sort of investment has a component that makes you feel important or significant because deep down when you care about someone, it's nice to be needed.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. That Newton knew what he was talking about, even in relationships.
Friday, December 01, 2006
peters, peters everywhere
By some strange coincidence - I'm always working for a Peter. No matter what the job is, where it is...my boss has been named Peter.
When I was in college/grad school, I did all of my internships at the same research lab in California, with the same group, with the same boss - whose name was Peter Kr. Then after graduation when I joined IV staff, where our team's leader was none other than pkkim.
After a year of that, I moved down to NYC, and started at Pirnie, working for Peter G. Then last Feb. I switched companies, and was working for this Korean guy up until now, thinking, wow, for the first time I'm not working for a Peter (though he didn't even have an English name, and his son, who also works for our company, is named Peter).
So a couple weeks ago I finished one project and they restaffed me to another - and my new supervisor's name? Peter. With some really really long greek last name that I can't possibly pronounce or spell.
Huh.
When I was in college/grad school, I did all of my internships at the same research lab in California, with the same group, with the same boss - whose name was Peter Kr. Then after graduation when I joined IV staff, where our team's leader was none other than pkkim.
After a year of that, I moved down to NYC, and started at Pirnie, working for Peter G. Then last Feb. I switched companies, and was working for this Korean guy up until now, thinking, wow, for the first time I'm not working for a Peter (though he didn't even have an English name, and his son, who also works for our company, is named Peter).
So a couple weeks ago I finished one project and they restaffed me to another - and my new supervisor's name? Peter. With some really really long greek last name that I can't possibly pronounce or spell.
Huh.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
harmony
I will preface this entry by saying that I'm sure that God doesn't care whether we are in tune or musically talented when we praise. And that I'm quite thankful to not actually have perfect pitch.
That being said, I was noticing something recently that made me think.
So every week I meet up with my sgl to prep for small group, which includes going over the Bible study, logistics, some singing and praying. Good stuff. Seeing as how I can't play guitar beyond three chords and no strums, he will play in the background during the singing and praying part. Which means he gets to pick the songs and the keys.
I noticed when we first started meeting up that he likes to sing songs in keys that are somewhat high. I'm not sure how it works for the average guy's range vs. the average girl's range and I know I'm an alto - but I noticed that when I tried to match his melody an octave higher, I'd often find myself straining to hit the notes in a register that wasn't quite comfortable to me. And when you're singing with one other person - there's really nowhere to hide. If you hit the wrong note, it's glaringly obvious. If you hit the note but only with half your voice, it's glaringly obvious.
So at one point, rather than trying to force it, I decided to take a different approach and try to harmonize with him, so that my part would be in my comfortable range. Not that I'm necessarily good at harmonizing, sometimes I'm sure I'm just wrong, but for the most part, it works out better that way.
I think this is indicative of what working with someone has been like, and how I'm being stretched. Partnering in ministry doesn't necessarily mean that you're both singing the melody all the time. Perhaps you can, and so long as you're together, it works, but even when two people are perfectly in tune singing melody, it's kind of ... boring.
The harmony is certainly not always as 'glorious' or in the 'spotlight' as the melody is - believe me, I've played 2nd violin often enough to know - but it brings a depth to the melody when it complements it, and with that support, lets the melody come out stronger. And in the end, what it does is make the actual music.
The funny thing is, in order to harmonize, you have to know the melody and know it well. To know where it is going, where it has been, and be able to determine on the fly what it needs. It's not really an ignorance or a step back, but requires the ability to plan ahead.
So perhaps all this straining to hit these high notes that my voice was not made in range for is indicative of a greater need to step back and let someone else sing the melody. Perhaps this is a time to learn how to harmonize, because it's something I'm capable of, but doesn't come naturally. And perhaps harmonizing is not necessarily hiding behind the melody - but supporting it.
That being said, I was noticing something recently that made me think.
So every week I meet up with my sgl to prep for small group, which includes going over the Bible study, logistics, some singing and praying. Good stuff. Seeing as how I can't play guitar beyond three chords and no strums, he will play in the background during the singing and praying part. Which means he gets to pick the songs and the keys.
I noticed when we first started meeting up that he likes to sing songs in keys that are somewhat high. I'm not sure how it works for the average guy's range vs. the average girl's range and I know I'm an alto - but I noticed that when I tried to match his melody an octave higher, I'd often find myself straining to hit the notes in a register that wasn't quite comfortable to me. And when you're singing with one other person - there's really nowhere to hide. If you hit the wrong note, it's glaringly obvious. If you hit the note but only with half your voice, it's glaringly obvious.
So at one point, rather than trying to force it, I decided to take a different approach and try to harmonize with him, so that my part would be in my comfortable range. Not that I'm necessarily good at harmonizing, sometimes I'm sure I'm just wrong, but for the most part, it works out better that way.
I think this is indicative of what working with someone has been like, and how I'm being stretched. Partnering in ministry doesn't necessarily mean that you're both singing the melody all the time. Perhaps you can, and so long as you're together, it works, but even when two people are perfectly in tune singing melody, it's kind of ... boring.
The harmony is certainly not always as 'glorious' or in the 'spotlight' as the melody is - believe me, I've played 2nd violin often enough to know - but it brings a depth to the melody when it complements it, and with that support, lets the melody come out stronger. And in the end, what it does is make the actual music.
The funny thing is, in order to harmonize, you have to know the melody and know it well. To know where it is going, where it has been, and be able to determine on the fly what it needs. It's not really an ignorance or a step back, but requires the ability to plan ahead.
So perhaps all this straining to hit these high notes that my voice was not made in range for is indicative of a greater need to step back and let someone else sing the melody. Perhaps this is a time to learn how to harmonize, because it's something I'm capable of, but doesn't come naturally. And perhaps harmonizing is not necessarily hiding behind the melody - but supporting it.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
hodge podge
I've turned my suitcases upside down, yet again. It's official.
I lost my camera and my cell phone in Argentina. And the irony is, I can't even call Verizon to tell them my phone was lost/stolen - because I don't have a phone to call them with.
My mom thought I died because I hadn't called. And apparently left me a frantic message on my cell every hour since yesterday. I have to say - I'm half glad the phone is gone so I don't have to listen to all those messages. (Until I realized how freaking expensive new phones are at full price).
Usually I never go out with the team on the last night, but I figured I wouldn't be a party pooper this time and forced myself to go out. I must admit it was fun, but...I think this is God's way of telling me I shouldn't be drinking. Impaired judgement and lack of memory = loss of expensive electronic devices.
* * * * *
They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery. I thought it was super cute when Jax, my 10 year old student that I tutor and teach in Taekwondo, came out of his room after our session today wearing his black North Face fleece and looking proud of himself. I had just put on my black NF fleece to leave, and he thought it was cool to have the same jacket as me. It was pretty cute. (Even though black NF jackets are pretty common).
Today he asked me what pi was, why there were so many digits, and whether they were important. It was actually really fun to take a digression from fractions to talk about significant figures and geometry.
I love smart kids.
* * * * *
Dazzo picked me up from the airport today and I made the rounds at my old company. Gosh, I really miss my old coworkers. I didn't realize how awesome it was to be in a work environment where you actually have friends.
Dazzo even got me a present - a box of hot n' spicy tabasco flavored cheez-its. My favorites source of fat and salt. We used to eat them all the time, I got him hooked the year I was there. How thoughtful - it made my day.
* * * * *
I came home and my flowers were dead. Last week someone sent me flowers to my work - it was really encouraging (and really embarassing). I think it was someone from sg based on the note. (Thanks!) I haven't really received flowers before (except that time fsgl's got me flowers for Mother's Day - dang that's one way to say 'we love you and you're old') so I didn't really know what to do. Whoever it was was super thoughtful and sent a vase too, because I don't own one. I read all the instructions on how to cut them and added the special powdery thing to the water...but I think I neglected to realize that you have to keep giving them water instead of just sticking them in water. Oops. But they were pretty while they lasted, I love roses. It was such a cheery addition to my apt in the midst of the chaos of packing last week.
It's funny, that whole exercise with praying for and encouraging someone else in the sg was so people could learn to give without expecting recognition, and to receive and be blessed without feeling like something is owed. Little did I know that it would come back and I would be the recipient of such encouragement. Ministry is so unexpected like that sometimes.
I lost my camera and my cell phone in Argentina. And the irony is, I can't even call Verizon to tell them my phone was lost/stolen - because I don't have a phone to call them with.
My mom thought I died because I hadn't called. And apparently left me a frantic message on my cell every hour since yesterday. I have to say - I'm half glad the phone is gone so I don't have to listen to all those messages. (Until I realized how freaking expensive new phones are at full price).
Usually I never go out with the team on the last night, but I figured I wouldn't be a party pooper this time and forced myself to go out. I must admit it was fun, but...I think this is God's way of telling me I shouldn't be drinking. Impaired judgement and lack of memory = loss of expensive electronic devices.
* * * * *
They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery. I thought it was super cute when Jax, my 10 year old student that I tutor and teach in Taekwondo, came out of his room after our session today wearing his black North Face fleece and looking proud of himself. I had just put on my black NF fleece to leave, and he thought it was cool to have the same jacket as me. It was pretty cute. (Even though black NF jackets are pretty common).
Today he asked me what pi was, why there were so many digits, and whether they were important. It was actually really fun to take a digression from fractions to talk about significant figures and geometry.
I love smart kids.
* * * * *
Dazzo picked me up from the airport today and I made the rounds at my old company. Gosh, I really miss my old coworkers. I didn't realize how awesome it was to be in a work environment where you actually have friends.
Dazzo even got me a present - a box of hot n' spicy tabasco flavored cheez-its. My favorites source of fat and salt. We used to eat them all the time, I got him hooked the year I was there. How thoughtful - it made my day.
* * * * *
I came home and my flowers were dead. Last week someone sent me flowers to my work - it was really encouraging (and really embarassing). I think it was someone from sg based on the note. (Thanks!) I haven't really received flowers before (except that time fsgl's got me flowers for Mother's Day - dang that's one way to say 'we love you and you're old') so I didn't really know what to do. Whoever it was was super thoughtful and sent a vase too, because I don't own one. I read all the instructions on how to cut them and added the special powdery thing to the water...but I think I neglected to realize that you have to keep giving them water instead of just sticking them in water. Oops. But they were pretty while they lasted, I love roses. It was such a cheery addition to my apt in the midst of the chaos of packing last week.
It's funny, that whole exercise with praying for and encouraging someone else in the sg was so people could learn to give without expecting recognition, and to receive and be blessed without feeling like something is owed. Little did I know that it would come back and I would be the recipient of such encouragement. Ministry is so unexpected like that sometimes.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
turtle and scorpion explained
as an explanation of the turtle scorpion story...
i purposely didn't expound upon it because i wanted it to be open ended for interpretation, as it was originally told to me. however, upon deeper thought, i guess i could give my opinion.
so by the eneagram personality tests i'm a type 2 - the helper. so it is often that i find myself resonating with the turtle. i really like helping people - it makes me happy to think about others' needs and try to fulfill them, help them get towards a goal, or generally care for them/make them feel cared for. not surprisingly, i also happen to like it when people help me, care for me, or are thoughtful of me. it makes sense that you receive in the same manner that you give. both of these energize me, and i really treasure and thrive in those precious friendships in which this works both ways.
however, no friendships or relationships are perfect, and more often than not (ie. always) the more you get to know someone, the more you will see their flaws and incompatibilities with you. and yours with them. the real question is whether you can accept and grow together beyond those differences or not, and this is what i think the meaning is behind the turtle and the scorpion.
the turtle knew full well that the scorpion had, not only in his power to hurt him, but that it was in his nature that he undoubtably would use it. whether the scorpion's intentions are malicious or not is actually irrelevant - so therefore it's a bit unfair to just label the turtle as virtuous and the scorpion as villainous. - because the end result is the same. the scorpion will inevitably hurt the turtle. that is why the turtle was so hesitant to acquiese to the initial request.
but you can't make friendships based on conditions, because then you're asking someone to be someone they're not. perhaps their character can grow into someone better than they are presently (and likewise with you), and perhaps your friendship will be instrumental in that happening - but the fact of the matter is, you have to be ready to get stung, because there is a very real chance and high probability that this will happen.
however, before we go into a pity party of feeling victimized, i think if we're really honest with ourselves, we're never always the turtle. we play the role of the scorpion as well, particularly to those who we're closest to. for example, my parents. i'm not the nicest person to them, not always. and despite that, they will always love me and stand by me. for example (here we go, don't judge me) - whenever i go home, my parents and i will stay up late watching korean dramas and music videos. (yes, we do that as a family). i will curl up on the couch and lazily let myself drift off to sleep, and my mom will come and put a blanket on me and a pillow under my head. then, just as i'm falling asleep (you know the feeling - it's awesome) my dad will say "SOYUN! go upstairs and sleep!"
totally ruining one of the best moments of my life. there is no instance that i am crankier than when someone steals that moment away from me. and no person that i will put my self-respecting pride down for and throw a tantrum like a 5 year old at than my dad.
at first i'll just ignore him, thinking if he thinks i'm already asleep, he'll leave me alone. yeah, right. parks are far too stubborn. give it about 30 seconds and there will be another bellow: "SOYUN! NOW!" this will go on for awhile, before he starts getting annoying and tickling my feet, at which point, there is absolutely no way i can stay there.
so i'll get up, completely disheveled and angry, and here i am, 26 years old, throwing a tantrum at my father.
EVERY TIME I GO HOME. without fail.
there are times when i know that i will snap at them or be impatient or frustrated...and no matter how much i may try, it will eventually come out. why? because it's my nature, and there's no one like family to see you as you are.
when i look at some of the important relationships in my life, i realize that it is a give and take, and that sometimes i am the turtle, and sometimes i am the scorpion. i see it with all the ups and downs sabs and i have gone through in the last 2+ years. all the times their thoughtless words hurt deep, whether they knew it or not. all the misunderstandings, spoken and unspoken. the ways i undermined their authority (again, whether i knew it or not), the ways they bullied me...the list could go on and on. but despite these things, the ways we drove each other absolutely crazy, all the times they made me cry, all the times i made them mad - we've somehow gotten through them.
i see it in the extremely volatile fights that jaac and i would have - particularly when we were grumpy and starving cutting weight. he's one of my best friends, and with that comes the power for me to hurt him with a careless comment, for him to hurt me with a pointed comeback.
in all relationships worth having, there must be conflict and reconciliation. that's how you grow, both in understanding of each other and also yourself. when i look at the relationships that matter to me, the ones that are difficult - i see a more realistic perception of who i am and how i need to grow. and sometimes i get a clearer picture of who the other person is and how they need to grow.
after all, it's all a process of growing. and they don't call it growing pains for nothing.
i purposely didn't expound upon it because i wanted it to be open ended for interpretation, as it was originally told to me. however, upon deeper thought, i guess i could give my opinion.
so by the eneagram personality tests i'm a type 2 - the helper. so it is often that i find myself resonating with the turtle. i really like helping people - it makes me happy to think about others' needs and try to fulfill them, help them get towards a goal, or generally care for them/make them feel cared for. not surprisingly, i also happen to like it when people help me, care for me, or are thoughtful of me. it makes sense that you receive in the same manner that you give. both of these energize me, and i really treasure and thrive in those precious friendships in which this works both ways.
however, no friendships or relationships are perfect, and more often than not (ie. always) the more you get to know someone, the more you will see their flaws and incompatibilities with you. and yours with them. the real question is whether you can accept and grow together beyond those differences or not, and this is what i think the meaning is behind the turtle and the scorpion.
the turtle knew full well that the scorpion had, not only in his power to hurt him, but that it was in his nature that he undoubtably would use it. whether the scorpion's intentions are malicious or not is actually irrelevant - so therefore it's a bit unfair to just label the turtle as virtuous and the scorpion as villainous. - because the end result is the same. the scorpion will inevitably hurt the turtle. that is why the turtle was so hesitant to acquiese to the initial request.
but you can't make friendships based on conditions, because then you're asking someone to be someone they're not. perhaps their character can grow into someone better than they are presently (and likewise with you), and perhaps your friendship will be instrumental in that happening - but the fact of the matter is, you have to be ready to get stung, because there is a very real chance and high probability that this will happen.
however, before we go into a pity party of feeling victimized, i think if we're really honest with ourselves, we're never always the turtle. we play the role of the scorpion as well, particularly to those who we're closest to. for example, my parents. i'm not the nicest person to them, not always. and despite that, they will always love me and stand by me. for example (here we go, don't judge me) - whenever i go home, my parents and i will stay up late watching korean dramas and music videos. (yes, we do that as a family). i will curl up on the couch and lazily let myself drift off to sleep, and my mom will come and put a blanket on me and a pillow under my head. then, just as i'm falling asleep (you know the feeling - it's awesome) my dad will say "SOYUN! go upstairs and sleep!"
totally ruining one of the best moments of my life. there is no instance that i am crankier than when someone steals that moment away from me. and no person that i will put my self-respecting pride down for and throw a tantrum like a 5 year old at than my dad.
at first i'll just ignore him, thinking if he thinks i'm already asleep, he'll leave me alone. yeah, right. parks are far too stubborn. give it about 30 seconds and there will be another bellow: "SOYUN! NOW!" this will go on for awhile, before he starts getting annoying and tickling my feet, at which point, there is absolutely no way i can stay there.
so i'll get up, completely disheveled and angry, and here i am, 26 years old, throwing a tantrum at my father.
EVERY TIME I GO HOME. without fail.
there are times when i know that i will snap at them or be impatient or frustrated...and no matter how much i may try, it will eventually come out. why? because it's my nature, and there's no one like family to see you as you are.
when i look at some of the important relationships in my life, i realize that it is a give and take, and that sometimes i am the turtle, and sometimes i am the scorpion. i see it with all the ups and downs sabs and i have gone through in the last 2+ years. all the times their thoughtless words hurt deep, whether they knew it or not. all the misunderstandings, spoken and unspoken. the ways i undermined their authority (again, whether i knew it or not), the ways they bullied me...the list could go on and on. but despite these things, the ways we drove each other absolutely crazy, all the times they made me cry, all the times i made them mad - we've somehow gotten through them.
i see it in the extremely volatile fights that jaac and i would have - particularly when we were grumpy and starving cutting weight. he's one of my best friends, and with that comes the power for me to hurt him with a careless comment, for him to hurt me with a pointed comeback.
in all relationships worth having, there must be conflict and reconciliation. that's how you grow, both in understanding of each other and also yourself. when i look at the relationships that matter to me, the ones that are difficult - i see a more realistic perception of who i am and how i need to grow. and sometimes i get a clearer picture of who the other person is and how they need to grow.
after all, it's all a process of growing. and they don't call it growing pains for nothing.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
electronics
Reason #2 for why I have to get married: I hate shopping for electronics.
Men appear to enjoy shopping for electronics. OK, perhaps that is not a good generalization considering almost all of the men in my life are Asian engineers. However, the statistic works in my little world. Even my non-engineering guy friends know and care so much more about electronics than I do.
I'm trying to buy a new computer. But there are just too many freaking options. mac? pc? desktop? laptop? That alone gives me a headache, let alone all the other bells and whistles that add hundreds of dollars that you didn't acount for.
And anyone who knows me well knows that I don't deal well with options in arenas I don't know, particularly if it involves money. If you increase the number of variables, my stress and indecision levels skyrocket exponentially. (Hence, if you've ever played poker with me...it's very amusing).
Since my current laptop is 4 years old, the screen has blown out, super slow, and is now making funny sounds when it runs...I've backed up my files, picked the brains of the first 5 guys who would respond to me, spent too much time on the internet, and spent 150% of the budget I had set for myself. Dell.com is freaking sneaky...don't be fooled until you check out and suddenly see the price skyrocket!
Time to exit the Dark Ages. Well, in 3-5 days, by standard shipping.
I really hope my future husband likes shopping for electronics, I think I need a nap from my purchasing experience.
Men appear to enjoy shopping for electronics. OK, perhaps that is not a good generalization considering almost all of the men in my life are Asian engineers. However, the statistic works in my little world. Even my non-engineering guy friends know and care so much more about electronics than I do.
I'm trying to buy a new computer. But there are just too many freaking options. mac? pc? desktop? laptop? That alone gives me a headache, let alone all the other bells and whistles that add hundreds of dollars that you didn't acount for.
And anyone who knows me well knows that I don't deal well with options in arenas I don't know, particularly if it involves money. If you increase the number of variables, my stress and indecision levels skyrocket exponentially. (Hence, if you've ever played poker with me...it's very amusing).
Since my current laptop is 4 years old, the screen has blown out, super slow, and is now making funny sounds when it runs...I've backed up my files, picked the brains of the first 5 guys who would respond to me, spent too much time on the internet, and spent 150% of the budget I had set for myself. Dell.com is freaking sneaky...don't be fooled until you check out and suddenly see the price skyrocket!
Time to exit the Dark Ages. Well, in 3-5 days, by standard shipping.
I really hope my future husband likes shopping for electronics, I think I need a nap from my purchasing experience.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
10 days of birthday...
Had a great time at D&B's with akl, ahyeah, suprman, dmoon, aepark, sera, and bh. We won this really cool poker set for 5500 tickets! Now, how do you actually win that obscene number of tickets in one sitting, you ask?
It was a combination of suprman's ridiculously lucky tendencies (who gets triple 7 on slots on the first try??), aepark's crazy wheel of fortune skills, bh, akl and my flaming fingers, and...the trivia game. Haha. I think all the other people must have hated us. I knew there was a purpose to being geeky and smart. dmoon, suprman, and bh were ridiculous. Highest payout by far per game.
Man this was the best and most prolonged birthday I've ever had. Totally awesome. But I think the festivities are over now, and I will have to just move on...and accept my age. (I went to a tournament to coach this weekend, and a bunch of the Korean kids came up to me and eensah'd...you know you're old when people give you respect.)
It was a combination of suprman's ridiculously lucky tendencies (who gets triple 7 on slots on the first try??), aepark's crazy wheel of fortune skills, bh, akl and my flaming fingers, and...the trivia game. Haha. I think all the other people must have hated us. I knew there was a purpose to being geeky and smart. dmoon, suprman, and bh were ridiculous. Highest payout by far per game.
Man this was the best and most prolonged birthday I've ever had. Totally awesome. But I think the festivities are over now, and I will have to just move on...and accept my age. (I went to a tournament to coach this weekend, and a bunch of the Korean kids came up to me and eensah'd...you know you're old when people give you respect.)
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
setups
Dave, my hand therapist, likes to joke around with me about why I'm not married. Or dating. Or whatever. It's kind of cute though, he's sort of paternal. And he's not Korean so that makes me a little less guarded about being nagged.
"So I went to see my dentist the other day, and he's Korean. And he's Christian. Really nice guy..."
I see where this is going.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, but he's 34...is that too old for you?"
"Uh, probably"
"Well, he's a really nice guy, all his patients love him. There's one one thing...well, there are two things"
Uh, being 34 wasn't one of them?
"Yeah?"
"So...he's a little overweight."
"So what? Wait...how little is a little?"
"Maybe 20 lbs. I figured that wouldn't work with you since you're like, the other end of the exercise spectrum"
And by 20 he meant more like 25-30.
"Uhh...yeah, there could be a conflict of interest."
"Well, and he's a little..."
"What, awkward?"
"Yeah, that's a good word! You could say that"
Wait, so not only is the guy old, and overweight (which doesn't bother me so much as the fact that obesity can indicate a lack of discipline), but he's socially awkward?
What's with people trying to set me up with 34 year old not-a-real-doctor types? This is the second one in 3 months! First the optometrist somewhere in California who likes to go hiking and canoeing, but was not Christian. Now the dentist somewhere in Jersey who may or may not be able to carry a conversation.
"So I went to see my dentist the other day, and he's Korean. And he's Christian. Really nice guy..."
I see where this is going.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, but he's 34...is that too old for you?"
"Uh, probably"
"Well, he's a really nice guy, all his patients love him. There's one one thing...well, there are two things"
Uh, being 34 wasn't one of them?
"Yeah?"
"So...he's a little overweight."
"So what? Wait...how little is a little?"
"Maybe 20 lbs. I figured that wouldn't work with you since you're like, the other end of the exercise spectrum"
And by 20 he meant more like 25-30.
"Uhh...yeah, there could be a conflict of interest."
"Well, and he's a little..."
"What, awkward?"
"Yeah, that's a good word! You could say that"
Wait, so not only is the guy old, and overweight (which doesn't bother me so much as the fact that obesity can indicate a lack of discipline), but he's socially awkward?
What's with people trying to set me up with 34 year old not-a-real-doctor types? This is the second one in 3 months! First the optometrist somewhere in California who likes to go hiking and canoeing, but was not Christian. Now the dentist somewhere in Jersey who may or may not be able to carry a conversation.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
birthday blessings
If there is one thing I'm embarassed by, it's being sung the happy birthday song on your birthday. What are you supposed to do when people are singing? You can't exactly sing along. The song lasts for a relatively long time. You can't really look down and be ungracious, but actually looking at the people singing is weird.
Maybe I have issues with receiving with no opportunity to reciprocate. (Food for thought). Or perhaps I don't like being the center of attention for something that I don't 'deserve'. (Though it's not really like you deserve a birthday).
So on Friday after weigh-ins and the open competition, we had dinner at Hard Rock with the tBos crew. Gosh, I missed them...brought back such good memories of what it was like to be on a team - my own team. They are still as awesome as ever. I forgot about Hard Rock and their birthday policies, so at the end of dinner when the waitress comes over and makes me come stand in the middle of the room, I was utterly embarassed when she made the whole restaurant sing happy birthday to me.
So I thought I had read that if you get a drink, you get to keep the commemorative glass. Liza asks the waiter if that's true and he says no, sorry, the glass stays.
Liza: "So what if someone didn't know that?" (hint, hint)
waiter: "Well...I'm looking the other way"
Liza: "Sparky, put the glass in your bag"
me: "Um, but...that's STEALING!"
Liza: "Yes, and on your birthday you should do things like that. Faster!"
* * * * *
Tonight jh tried to get ppl from sg together for a birthday dinner, and lo and behold, the unthinking waiter comes over to our table and says "we're going to bring out the cake now, so please clap along!" And I'm thinking - uh, cake? Dangit, that means singing! Uh...clap along to what??
Little did I know...
If you've ever watched a Korean drama when it's someone's birthday in a restaurant...well, that stuff really does happen. I see this waiter coming with a cake and candles (OK I'm starting to get embarassed, but this is standard birthday fare, so expected) - then suddenly from the speakers comes Turbo's techno rendition of "happy happy birthday" (which, coincidentally, I do happen to like because I really liked Turbo back in the mid 90's) and the entire Kunjip staff comes out clapping to the beat (oh my goodness) and encouraging the entire restaurant to clap along. (I think my face was as red as my shirt).
Man...I'm so blessed. Here I thought it was going to be a horrible birthday, while I was cutting weight, stressed about training, and away to boot. The thoughtfulness of many to go so out of their way to help me celebrate and encourage me before the tournament has been so unexpected and amazing. JH took me out last week for fun at D&B's, C and L put together encouragement cards from sg and football (respectively), my 8 year old TKD student wrote me a story about us going to a tournament together and how I'm her favorite instructor, Scottie and JAAC sent me all these inspirational quotes and comments...I've seriously never been so encouraged.
I am undeserving of such love and care, but very grateful for it nonetheless.
Maybe I have issues with receiving with no opportunity to reciprocate. (Food for thought). Or perhaps I don't like being the center of attention for something that I don't 'deserve'. (Though it's not really like you deserve a birthday).
So on Friday after weigh-ins and the open competition, we had dinner at Hard Rock with the tBos crew. Gosh, I missed them...brought back such good memories of what it was like to be on a team - my own team. They are still as awesome as ever. I forgot about Hard Rock and their birthday policies, so at the end of dinner when the waitress comes over and makes me come stand in the middle of the room, I was utterly embarassed when she made the whole restaurant sing happy birthday to me.
So I thought I had read that if you get a drink, you get to keep the commemorative glass. Liza asks the waiter if that's true and he says no, sorry, the glass stays.
Liza: "So what if someone didn't know that?" (hint, hint)
waiter: "Well...I'm looking the other way"
Liza: "Sparky, put the glass in your bag"
me: "Um, but...that's STEALING!"
Liza: "Yes, and on your birthday you should do things like that. Faster!"
* * * * *
Tonight jh tried to get ppl from sg together for a birthday dinner, and lo and behold, the unthinking waiter comes over to our table and says "we're going to bring out the cake now, so please clap along!" And I'm thinking - uh, cake? Dangit, that means singing! Uh...clap along to what??
Little did I know...
If you've ever watched a Korean drama when it's someone's birthday in a restaurant...well, that stuff really does happen. I see this waiter coming with a cake and candles (OK I'm starting to get embarassed, but this is standard birthday fare, so expected) - then suddenly from the speakers comes Turbo's techno rendition of "happy happy birthday" (which, coincidentally, I do happen to like because I really liked Turbo back in the mid 90's) and the entire Kunjip staff comes out clapping to the beat (oh my goodness) and encouraging the entire restaurant to clap along. (I think my face was as red as my shirt).
Man...I'm so blessed. Here I thought it was going to be a horrible birthday, while I was cutting weight, stressed about training, and away to boot. The thoughtfulness of many to go so out of their way to help me celebrate and encourage me before the tournament has been so unexpected and amazing. JH took me out last week for fun at D&B's, C and L put together encouragement cards from sg and football (respectively), my 8 year old TKD student wrote me a story about us going to a tournament together and how I'm her favorite instructor, Scottie and JAAC sent me all these inspirational quotes and comments...I've seriously never been so encouraged.
I am undeserving of such love and care, but very grateful for it nonetheless.
Friday, November 03, 2006
what is 26?
26. It's not even mathematically significant.
23 was prime. Seriously the best year of my life. Graduated but no formal job, freedom to do ministry and train to my heart's content, where my "job" was to love and teach students in the two arenas I love most...young enough to blend in with my students and be friends with them, to live that extended campus life and enjoy it. I think I laughed the most this year. I miss Boston so much it hurts sometimes, but I know that I'm really just missing this time of my life and the people from it.
24 was perfect. (1x2x3x4) That was the year I strove to be "perfect" - the year of growth. The most crying I've ever done, the most psychological trauma I've ever gone through, the most I've ever travelled, and the most progress and development I've ever made. This was the year of risks, of learning that God will indeed provide when you take a leap of faith, and above all, learning how much I need community. The year of personal breakthroughs and what can happen when you really believe.
25 was square. (5x5) This was the year of balance. Between a new church, changing jobs, training, tutoring, and teaching TKD - it was a massive juggling act of learning how to sacrifice, how to optimize, how to give everything and everyone the most I can and still remain standing. But some of the most rewarding moments, when you see people growing, learning, overcoming their fears, and pushing them past their excuses and perceived limitations.
27 will be cubed. (3x3x3) Oh gosh, who knows, maybe it's the year everything will converge and make sense. But at least it's a special number.
But what is 26? I eagerly await to see what God can make out of this insignificant number. (If any of you have the gift of prophecy, well, sharing is caring!)
23 was prime. Seriously the best year of my life. Graduated but no formal job, freedom to do ministry and train to my heart's content, where my "job" was to love and teach students in the two arenas I love most...young enough to blend in with my students and be friends with them, to live that extended campus life and enjoy it. I think I laughed the most this year. I miss Boston so much it hurts sometimes, but I know that I'm really just missing this time of my life and the people from it.
24 was perfect. (1x2x3x4) That was the year I strove to be "perfect" - the year of growth. The most crying I've ever done, the most psychological trauma I've ever gone through, the most I've ever travelled, and the most progress and development I've ever made. This was the year of risks, of learning that God will indeed provide when you take a leap of faith, and above all, learning how much I need community. The year of personal breakthroughs and what can happen when you really believe.
25 was square. (5x5) This was the year of balance. Between a new church, changing jobs, training, tutoring, and teaching TKD - it was a massive juggling act of learning how to sacrifice, how to optimize, how to give everything and everyone the most I can and still remain standing. But some of the most rewarding moments, when you see people growing, learning, overcoming their fears, and pushing them past their excuses and perceived limitations.
27 will be cubed. (3x3x3) Oh gosh, who knows, maybe it's the year everything will converge and make sense. But at least it's a special number.
But what is 26? I eagerly await to see what God can make out of this insignificant number. (If any of you have the gift of prophecy, well, sharing is caring!)
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
surprise?
Man. When I woke up this morning, I was dragging myself to go running and wondering how I was going to make it through yet another day. And half peeved that I had no idea as of 8am as to whether the sgl mtg tonight was on or off because JH hadn't let me know.
Little did I know...what a funny progression of email strings. I feel so difficult.
Are we meeting tonight?
Can we meet at the palace tonight (32nd & broadway)? It is pretty close to our new church space, and II wanted to show you our new church office. I'll order food for you. What time can you come by? Let me know yo!
Paul is having a football meeting tonight @ Palace for the defense to go over plays. Unless you want to just meet there and go to the office. My second kid cancelled on me, I can get there between 7-7.30.
what food are you ordering? there are some foods i can't eat right now because i have to weigh in on friday and they just changed my weight class so it's 2 lbs less than it's always been.
HAHA shuddap. Dang it. I was going to surprise you with sangyupsal dinner, but man, I don't think that will work out. Well how about this, you pick your fav restaurant (that you are allowed to go to) and I'll take you there. Think about it as a pre-birthday thing.
Aw thanks, that's really nice of you to remember! though now all I can think about is sangyupsal.
Can we do it next week instead? I've been eating early or no dinners this week because my weight is so close. Everywhere I like to eat is food I can't really have right now.
I left you a vm on your cell, can you call me @ work when you get this?
I think he was getting frustrated by this point. Poor guy. Man, yet another reason why this tournament is ruining my birthday - I can't eat and I'm missing everything this weekend!
So in the end, he ended up taking me to Dave and Busters with the challenge that he would beat me at every game in there. He was pretty close, actually. Demolished me in basketball, Time Crisis, DDR, race car driving...yeah. BUT. He's still upset that I beat him at air hockey. My one redemption for the night. And he won at the trivia game and I beat the flaming finger - that was so freaking satisfying. (You know, one of those games where the jackpot is like 200 tickets because it's really hard?)
The fruit of our labor:
I think it really means a lot to me when someone does something thoughtful, or goes out of their way to try and surprise me. And in a lot of ways, the timing fell at a time when I needed to just be frivolous for a few hours and not take life so seriously.
Little did I know...what a funny progression of email strings. I feel so difficult.
Are we meeting tonight?
Can we meet at the palace tonight (32nd & broadway)? It is pretty close to our new church space, and II wanted to show you our new church office. I'll order food for you. What time can you come by? Let me know yo!
Paul is having a football meeting tonight @ Palace for the defense to go over plays. Unless you want to just meet there and go to the office. My second kid cancelled on me, I can get there between 7-7.30.
hahahaahha
yeah lets meet there and go to the office
wait, but the church office is being dedicated this weekend...how can we use it before then? what food are you ordering? there are some foods i can't eat right now because i have to weigh in on friday and they just changed my weight class so it's 2 lbs less than it's always been.
HAHA shuddap. Dang it. I was going to surprise you with sangyupsal dinner, but man, I don't think that will work out. Well how about this, you pick your fav restaurant (that you are allowed to go to) and I'll take you there. Think about it as a pre-birthday thing.
Aw thanks, that's really nice of you to remember! though now all I can think about is sangyupsal.
Can we do it next week instead? I've been eating early or no dinners this week because my weight is so close. Everywhere I like to eat is food I can't really have right now.
I left you a vm on your cell, can you call me @ work when you get this?
I think he was getting frustrated by this point. Poor guy. Man, yet another reason why this tournament is ruining my birthday - I can't eat and I'm missing everything this weekend!
So in the end, he ended up taking me to Dave and Busters with the challenge that he would beat me at every game in there. He was pretty close, actually. Demolished me in basketball, Time Crisis, DDR, race car driving...yeah. BUT. He's still upset that I beat him at air hockey. My one redemption for the night. And he won at the trivia game and I beat the flaming finger - that was so freaking satisfying. (You know, one of those games where the jackpot is like 200 tickets because it's really hard?)
The fruit of our labor:
I think it really means a lot to me when someone does something thoughtful, or goes out of their way to try and surprise me. And in a lot of ways, the timing fell at a time when I needed to just be frivolous for a few hours and not take life so seriously.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
the turtle and the scorpion
A few years ago, Chin and I were having a discussion on friendships and relationships, and he told me this story. It's kind of a strange story, and just leaves off in a way that only Chin can get away with making sense of...but I find myself reflecting back on it often. I miss Chin.
A turtle was swimming along a river when a scorpion hailed it from the shore.
"Hey Mr. Turtle!" called the scorpion. "Please let me climb upon your back and swim me to the other side of the river!"
"No," replied the turtle, "for if I do, you shall sting me, and I shall die."
"Nonsense!" replied the scorpion. "If I sting you in the middle of the river, you shall sink, and I shall drown and die with you."
The turtle thought this over, and saw the truth of the scorpion's statement, and said "OK I will swim you across on my back if you promise you won't sting me". The scorpion agreed, and the turtle let it upon his back and began swimming towards the other side of the river.
Halfway across, he felt a sharp pain in the back of his neck.
"Why have you stung me?!" cried the turtle as his body began to stiffen. "You promised you would not sting me, and now we will both die!"
"I couldn't help it" said the scorpion, "it's my nature to sting...but if you knew that I would sting you, why did you agree to help me?"
"I couldn't help it" the turtle replied, "it's in my nature to help."
spontanaeity
What a spontaneous weekend. I think I secretly like spontanaeity, but I'm too anal and risk-averse to instigate it myself. But judging by my record, I'm apparently easily convinced.
After a long hard practice out in Bayside on Sat (my legs haven't been this purple in years - feels GREAT), I made it back to MN rather late for sg dinner. But some of my sgroupees were gracious enough to hang around and wait for me, and we proceeded from Island Burger to Ellen's Stardust Diner, where they had dessert and I had water. (Can I repeat how much I hate cutting weight? I'm getting better at watching other people eat yummy fat and refraining, though. *sigh* Yummy fat.)
That diner is hilarious - the waiters and waitresses come out and sing - and they're really quite good! I could have sat there and been entertained all night. What was even more amusing was when this one waitress came out to sing "Love Train", she danced right over to Mia, who clapped her hands in excitement - until the waitress pulled her out to join the love train. Mia managed to grab Bryan before the train took off down the aisles, leaving Carol and me to enjoy this performance and fumble for a camera. Ellen's Stardust Diner, people - I highly recommend it. Birthdays, bar mitzvah's, and small group memory-making.
So from there we proceeded to walk across town in the wind (Mia kept claiming she was going to get blown away...I guess this is what happens when you weigh double digits) to Bryan's to get his car (bless his company for funding our escapades) to drive Mia home. Thus the adventure to Queens began...
After the grand tour of her apt (which is seriously half the cost of living in MN), she treated us to some high quality music (did you know she has soul?) for trekking all the way out to Briarwood. From there we embarked on a quest via GPS and internet to find a 24 hour Target or Walmart, since we were in Queens (ie. stuff is cheaper) and with car (ie. don't have to carry it home on the subway) - but to no avail. Seriously, we called every Target and Walmart in that area and they were all closed. Lame.
In a desperate attempt to find something open 24 hours, we ended up going to Walgreens. How sad is it that that was really exciting? But it was...Christmas wrapping for super cheap!
Thankfully it was the reversal of daylight savings, so all this fun was supplemented by an extra hour of sleep. And who says God doesn't provide?
So then on Sunday I completely forgot that I had to teach at 9am until a kid showed up at my door. Whoops. She isn't my most exciting student, either, so mustering up the energy took some effort. After church, I walked across town (literally - from 10th ave to 2nd ave) to meet up with the alums bc gbae and gleej were in town! What a pleasant surprise...I love the class of 2000. And they are the other kcf class with 'the curse'. Haha.
So after lunch I was supposed to go to football, but ended up being abducted in the car to ahyeah's apt, where they introduced me to the world of Settlers of Catan (dangerous, introducing me to new games...). And by abducted I mean, I was standing outside the car trying to decide what to do and gleej goes "just get in the car" so I got in the car. Easily convinced, I tell you. (And no, I wouldn't do that with strangers, lest anyone thinks I will actually be abducted).
Super duper fun...
Things I want to eat post-competitions:
-a coffee ice-cream milkshake
-coke. lots of non-diet coke.
-fettucine alfredo with chicken and broccoli.
-jackson hole burger.
-cheesecake.
-brownies.
-fried chicken.
-breaded pork chops.
After a long hard practice out in Bayside on Sat (my legs haven't been this purple in years - feels GREAT), I made it back to MN rather late for sg dinner. But some of my sgroupees were gracious enough to hang around and wait for me, and we proceeded from Island Burger to Ellen's Stardust Diner, where they had dessert and I had water. (Can I repeat how much I hate cutting weight? I'm getting better at watching other people eat yummy fat and refraining, though. *sigh* Yummy fat.)
That diner is hilarious - the waiters and waitresses come out and sing - and they're really quite good! I could have sat there and been entertained all night. What was even more amusing was when this one waitress came out to sing "Love Train", she danced right over to Mia, who clapped her hands in excitement - until the waitress pulled her out to join the love train. Mia managed to grab Bryan before the train took off down the aisles, leaving Carol and me to enjoy this performance and fumble for a camera. Ellen's Stardust Diner, people - I highly recommend it. Birthdays, bar mitzvah's, and small group memory-making.
So from there we proceeded to walk across town in the wind (Mia kept claiming she was going to get blown away...I guess this is what happens when you weigh double digits) to Bryan's to get his car (bless his company for funding our escapades) to drive Mia home. Thus the adventure to Queens began...
After the grand tour of her apt (which is seriously half the cost of living in MN), she treated us to some high quality music (did you know she has soul?) for trekking all the way out to Briarwood. From there we embarked on a quest via GPS and internet to find a 24 hour Target or Walmart, since we were in Queens (ie. stuff is cheaper) and with car (ie. don't have to carry it home on the subway) - but to no avail. Seriously, we called every Target and Walmart in that area and they were all closed. Lame.
In a desperate attempt to find something open 24 hours, we ended up going to Walgreens. How sad is it that that was really exciting? But it was...Christmas wrapping for super cheap!
Thankfully it was the reversal of daylight savings, so all this fun was supplemented by an extra hour of sleep. And who says God doesn't provide?
So then on Sunday I completely forgot that I had to teach at 9am until a kid showed up at my door. Whoops. She isn't my most exciting student, either, so mustering up the energy took some effort. After church, I walked across town (literally - from 10th ave to 2nd ave) to meet up with the alums bc gbae and gleej were in town! What a pleasant surprise...I love the class of 2000. And they are the other kcf class with 'the curse'. Haha.
So after lunch I was supposed to go to football, but ended up being abducted in the car to ahyeah's apt, where they introduced me to the world of Settlers of Catan (dangerous, introducing me to new games...). And by abducted I mean, I was standing outside the car trying to decide what to do and gleej goes "just get in the car" so I got in the car. Easily convinced, I tell you. (And no, I wouldn't do that with strangers, lest anyone thinks I will actually be abducted).
Super duper fun...
Things I want to eat post-competitions:
-a coffee ice-cream milkshake
-coke. lots of non-diet coke.
-fettucine alfredo with chicken and broccoli.
-jackson hole burger.
-cheesecake.
-brownies.
-fried chicken.
-breaded pork chops.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
decisions, decisions...
Should I buy it...should I not. I think my inner child is still bitter at my parents for giving away my 8-bit NES and Gameboy when I was a kid. I don't know who they gave it away to, but...I took it pretty hard. Gone are the days of Super Mario Bros 1, 2 and 3...Super Dodgeball, Super Contra (hrmm - I appear to have a thing for games with the name "super" in them).
Over the summer, on the way to shiau_d's wedding, I discovered in the backseat of Abe's car his Nintendo DS Lite and Big Brain Academy. Yes, I'm SuperDork, loud and proud - but I couldn't get enough of this game. Ash had to take it away from me because I was so obsessed with beating my score, I would have stayed up all night and slept thru the wedding. (Seriously, if you haven't played it...this game is freaking addicting).
Then last month, after a failed kcf alum (+B) attempt to go to Atlantic City (always an adventure with J) and/or karaoke (yo, when are we actually going?), we ended up buying poker chips at Duane Reade and going to the Moons'. There I discovered that dmoon had acquired a DS Lite as a groomsman's gift, and he had some game called Brain Age. I thought it would be the same thing, but it wasn't. Not nearly as fun...well, that and the voice recognition thing didn't work too well so it told me I was stupid. (I have a brain age of 80 or something like that - I was really sad!) I was stubbornly trying to redeem myself when I was called to rejoin civilization and lose my money at poker.
So as per my usual shopping habits with unnecessary purchases, I sit around and wait for awhile and see if I still want it. (Hence why it took me so long to get a cell phone, an iPod, a digital camera...) I mean, it's entirely useless beyond entertainment purposes. I should be practical and spend my money on things I need, like...food. Then again I do spend a lot of time on airplanes and bored out of my mind in airports, and there's a ridiculously long flight to Argentina coming up.
I'm so bad at making frivolous decisions. Be responsible? Or be fun?
Perhaps I will make a flow chart...
Over the summer, on the way to shiau_d's wedding, I discovered in the backseat of Abe's car his Nintendo DS Lite and Big Brain Academy. Yes, I'm SuperDork, loud and proud - but I couldn't get enough of this game. Ash had to take it away from me because I was so obsessed with beating my score, I would have stayed up all night and slept thru the wedding. (Seriously, if you haven't played it...this game is freaking addicting).
Then last month, after a failed kcf alum (+B) attempt to go to Atlantic City (always an adventure with J) and/or karaoke (yo, when are we actually going?), we ended up buying poker chips at Duane Reade and going to the Moons'. There I discovered that dmoon had acquired a DS Lite as a groomsman's gift, and he had some game called Brain Age. I thought it would be the same thing, but it wasn't. Not nearly as fun...well, that and the voice recognition thing didn't work too well so it told me I was stupid. (I have a brain age of 80 or something like that - I was really sad!) I was stubbornly trying to redeem myself when I was called to rejoin civilization and lose my money at poker.
So as per my usual shopping habits with unnecessary purchases, I sit around and wait for awhile and see if I still want it. (Hence why it took me so long to get a cell phone, an iPod, a digital camera...) I mean, it's entirely useless beyond entertainment purposes. I should be practical and spend my money on things I need, like...food. Then again I do spend a lot of time on airplanes and bored out of my mind in airports, and there's a ridiculously long flight to Argentina coming up.
I'm so bad at making frivolous decisions. Be responsible? Or be fun?
Perhaps I will make a flow chart...
Thursday, October 26, 2006
movies
"Great moments are born from great opportunity"
I treated myself to my favorite movie. Still as good as the first time. Nothing pulls my heartstrings as transformation, bringing out the best in someone, and that moment when a goal is realized against all odds.
That's right. My favorite movie is Miracle.
People always ask me why it's my favorite movie. I guess it's not a common favorite, since most people haven't even watched it. And I don't play hockey. But it's like both sides of my story, put on a hockey rink, played by white guys. But I think if you know me well, it's a no-brainer.
Speaking of which...I was thinking about what my top 5 movies are, and it made me all introspective as to why I like them so much.
1. Miracle
2. Searching for Bobby Fischer
3. Remember the Titans
4. Miss Congeniality
5. Toy Story
The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Haha, but perhaps only to me...
"The important thing is that those 20 boys know in 20 years, they didn't leave anything on the table. They played their hearts out. That's the important thing."
I treated myself to my favorite movie. Still as good as the first time. Nothing pulls my heartstrings as transformation, bringing out the best in someone, and that moment when a goal is realized against all odds.
That's right. My favorite movie is Miracle.
People always ask me why it's my favorite movie. I guess it's not a common favorite, since most people haven't even watched it. And I don't play hockey. But it's like both sides of my story, put on a hockey rink, played by white guys. But I think if you know me well, it's a no-brainer.
Speaking of which...I was thinking about what my top 5 movies are, and it made me all introspective as to why I like them so much.
1. Miracle
2. Searching for Bobby Fischer
3. Remember the Titans
4. Miss Congeniality
5. Toy Story
The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Haha, but perhaps only to me...
"The important thing is that those 20 boys know in 20 years, they didn't leave anything on the table. They played their hearts out. That's the important thing."
encouragement
I've been thinking about encouragements, and how to encourage others in a way they understand. Which led me to think about the ways that I'm encouraged. (Or discouraged, as the case may be).
I was really encouraged this week when:
-Jooho told me that if I were his quarterback, we'd be unstoppable, and proceeded to list the reasons why. What unexpected affirmations (particularly from the guy who doesn't give them very readily). Made me all the more sad that I can't play this year, but already makes me look forward to next season.
-The look on his face when I told Mumbles about Pan Ams. It's so heartwarming when you see that someone is so genuinely happy for you. As opposed to this conversation I had with my mom:
"Mom, guess what!"
"You got a boyfriend???"
"Um. No. I'm going to be on the national team to the Pan American Championships in Argentina..."
"Oh. That's good too."
Way to burst my bubble.
-JAAC is the best.
-Popped in Miracle. Still my favorite movie.
We've got to stop crying and start sweating. We've got to stop talking and start walking. Working together, with a common faith - we cannot fail.
I was really encouraged this week when:
-Jooho told me that if I were his quarterback, we'd be unstoppable, and proceeded to list the reasons why. What unexpected affirmations (particularly from the guy who doesn't give them very readily). Made me all the more sad that I can't play this year, but already makes me look forward to next season.
-The look on his face when I told Mumbles about Pan Ams. It's so heartwarming when you see that someone is so genuinely happy for you. As opposed to this conversation I had with my mom:
"Mom, guess what!"
"You got a boyfriend???"
"Um. No. I'm going to be on the national team to the Pan American Championships in Argentina..."
"Oh. That's good too."
Way to burst my bubble.
-JAAC is the best.
-Popped in Miracle. Still my favorite movie.
We've got to stop crying and start sweating. We've got to stop talking and start walking. Working together, with a common faith - we cannot fail.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
God is so good!!!!
I'm at work, and the phone rings.
"Hello, this is C P" (standard greeting, please don't be an architect)
"Hi" (distinctively male voice, speaking as though I should recognize it)
"Um. Who's this?" (clearly not recognizing...and probably offending...)
"It's His Royal Highness"
(moment of clarity, realization hits...HAHAHA.)
"Hi Sab"
I find it hilarious that this whole "Royal Highness" thing has become the norm between us. My coach is ridiculous. (See entry Oct 12).
I'm sitting at work on Friday, trying not to fall asleep after lunch, so I surreptitiously check my email (we're not supposed to use the internet at work) to find a message telling me to call Colorado. When I finally get through, I find out...
I'm going to the Pan American Championships in Argentina next month with the national team!!!
"Hello, this is C P" (standard greeting, please don't be an architect)
"Hi" (distinctively male voice, speaking as though I should recognize it)
"Um. Who's this?" (clearly not recognizing...and probably offending...)
"It's His Royal Highness"
(moment of clarity, realization hits...HAHAHA.)
"Hi Sab"
I find it hilarious that this whole "Royal Highness" thing has become the norm between us. My coach is ridiculous. (See entry Oct 12).
I'm sitting at work on Friday, trying not to fall asleep after lunch, so I surreptitiously check my email (we're not supposed to use the internet at work) to find a message telling me to call Colorado. When I finally get through, I find out...
I'm going to the Pan American Championships in Argentina next month with the national team!!!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
randomness
The difference between an arrogant guy and an arrogant girl: when you're up against someone who doesn't like you, the guy says "their opinion doesn't matter they are beneath me" and moves on. Whereas the girl says "their opinion doesn't matter they are beneath me" and then promptly wonders "but why don't they like me???"
* * * * *
Endy Chavez is freaking awesome. I think he just made me a Mets fan. What a catch.
* * * * *
I made a new friend this week. He's so much like Richard it's uncanny. Poofy volumous hair and all. Well, when Rich was skinny and small. Seriously, the hair and the hoojin doubles. Uncanny.
* * * * *
I was going up the stairs in the subway the other day when my hand clashed with the foot of the guy in front of me. It just happens when it gets busy - people bump into each other. He promptly turned around, glared at me, and said "if you touch me again I'll push you down those stairs"
What are you supposed to say in that type of situation? I was torn between standing up for myself and crumbling. But I know my own temperament, and figuring there was no way for me to stand up for myself gracefully, I ended up just staying silent.
I'm not sure if I'm proud of myself for walking away, or ashamed for being a weenie.
* * * * *
My super-motivated, super-talented 8-year-old student brightened my day today. I love teaching someone who loves to learn. She was so excited about my birthday, she was like "I'm going to get you a present! Oh I know! I'm going to get you a Taekwondo bear from Build-A-Bear!"
(she takes a moment to look around my room, spots my Vermont Teddy Bear with the Taekwondo uniform)
"Like that one!"
(she takes another scan, spots the Beanie Buddy that selbst made a dobok for back at TKD gift exchange '03)
"Or that one...huh. You have a lot of Taekwondo bears!"
Haha. Super cute. And then I made her do 40 minutes of doubles, and she totally loved it. Soemtimes you have these little moments that remind you that teaching can be joyful. I'll have to remember that tomorrow when I teach my other 8 year-old girl who hates math and consequently hates me...
* * * * *
Pom Tea is so good. So freaking expensive. But so good.
* * * * *
Endy Chavez is freaking awesome. I think he just made me a Mets fan. What a catch.
* * * * *
I made a new friend this week. He's so much like Richard it's uncanny. Poofy volumous hair and all. Well, when Rich was skinny and small. Seriously, the hair and the hoojin doubles. Uncanny.
* * * * *
I was going up the stairs in the subway the other day when my hand clashed with the foot of the guy in front of me. It just happens when it gets busy - people bump into each other. He promptly turned around, glared at me, and said "if you touch me again I'll push you down those stairs"
What are you supposed to say in that type of situation? I was torn between standing up for myself and crumbling. But I know my own temperament, and figuring there was no way for me to stand up for myself gracefully, I ended up just staying silent.
I'm not sure if I'm proud of myself for walking away, or ashamed for being a weenie.
* * * * *
My super-motivated, super-talented 8-year-old student brightened my day today. I love teaching someone who loves to learn. She was so excited about my birthday, she was like "I'm going to get you a present! Oh I know! I'm going to get you a Taekwondo bear from Build-A-Bear!"
(she takes a moment to look around my room, spots my Vermont Teddy Bear with the Taekwondo uniform)
"Like that one!"
(she takes another scan, spots the Beanie Buddy that selbst made a dobok for back at TKD gift exchange '03)
"Or that one...huh. You have a lot of Taekwondo bears!"
Haha. Super cute. And then I made her do 40 minutes of doubles, and she totally loved it. Soemtimes you have these little moments that remind you that teaching can be joyful. I'll have to remember that tomorrow when I teach my other 8 year-old girl who hates math and consequently hates me...
* * * * *
Pom Tea is so good. So freaking expensive. But so good.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
more than conquerers - part 2
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." -Romans 8:28-30
* * * * *
Often I find myself asking, "why is this happening to me?"
As though I can really judge what is good or bad for me in the grand scheme of my life. However, P. Dave said something interesting to that question:
"The greatest gift God can give is to make us like Jesus. The unchanging program of God is that whether times are good or bad, He is trying to shape you. If all God did was polish, then we would never have shape or form. Wood doesn't carve itself, it yields to the carver."
So I suppose it isn't necessarily bad to ask God "why?" It's a perfectly natural response to any situation you don't understand. I think that I have a tendency to ask, expecting to receive an answer that is in line with what I think. However, the answer appears to be that simple.
Why? To make me more like Jesus.
In the words of the kids I teach - oh, snap!
So coming off of this retreat, if I could take one tangible thing away, it would be to challenge myself, in all circumstances, to ask the question "How is this making me more like Jesus?"
Oh, freaking snap indeed...
I must say, it's been quite the perspective shift. At the very least, it wards off (or uh, holds off) the pity parties and melodramamatic frustrations. But in order to understand how these situations make you more like Jesus, you have to know the character and experiences of Jesus.
So I recently lost my training partner and only real peer/friend at the dj to graduation from law school and entrance into corporate law. J was my best good friend. He was the one who would scrape me off the ground...who literally was there at the mat, coaching me through all the times I fought Sabs until I broke, who would pick me up when I was a crying wheezing ball on the side, who would tell me more about my game (and myself) than I could ever have seen in my own denial. He was the one who suffered with me through brutal workouts, who inspired me with how good he was, who made himself available despite school and finals and girlfriends when I needed him. He was the one who sparred me just hard enough to push me but not so hard that I'd get discouraged and give up. He was the one who was always on my side.
And above all, he was the one person who always, always believed in me even when it felt like no one else did. Even when I didn't. Not in the "you can do it!" sense that anyone can say, but in knowing all about my strengths and weaknesses and standing by me in my best and worst moments. No matter who I was up against, he never once gave up on me or thought that I didn't stand a chance. And he believed in me in a way I understood.
He was the card in my back pocket.
He moved downtown this summer, and disappeared into the world of power ties and cocktails, only to emerge on occasion. I feel like I lost a little bit of myself.
A is one of my little bros, quite talented, and loyal in a way that only dongsengs are. He could always be counted on to hold, to observe, to generally be supportive. He was the only one who knew how to stretch me, the one who would run with me and push me, who would be that "annoying lil' bro" and make me laugh. Who would let noona smack him around just because I was noona, and love to give me nasty sweaty hugs and shake his hair in my face after I put him through a grueling workout. In his own way, I could count on him to be there. Until recently. Overwhelmed with work and school, he's lost motivation in his own training and fallen off the face of the earth.
M was my only girl junior who was also my friend. Her support went so far where I was only surrounded by boys. (Don't get me wrong - I love my boys - but being the only girl is rough sometimes.) She was the one who looked up to me and whose admiration reminded me that I was to be as awesome as she thought I was. She was the one who wrote me good luck cards, sent me inspirational quotes before Spain, and generally just encouraged me. We sent her off to college this fall, where she is now happily a freshman and moving on. I miss her.
B&N were the most awesome positive supporters ever. They flew with me everywhere for a year, cheered me on at tournaments, were always so excited and genuinely interested in everything that happened. They would sit and watch me practice and just want to see me fight. Their wide-eyed color belt wonderment at the game and the training was so refreshing - it restored much of my love for the pureness of it, and melted away the jaded and tired blanket that so often settles. I used to see them almost every day - talked to them every day. Last year they got pregnant and are now proud parents of a beautiful baby girl. I've seen them less than 10 times in the last year.
D was my baby. I saw him every day at the dojang, when his little face would light up, he'd run across the room and give me a big fat hug and kiss on the cheek, saying "hi noona!" It was the best part of my day. He'd want to show me his Pokemon cards and Power Rangers. And as he got older and more articulate, we actually started having conversations. He's 5 1/2 now, and started kindergarten in September. I miss "hi noona!"
* * * * *
Often I find myself asking, "why is this happening to me?"
As though I can really judge what is good or bad for me in the grand scheme of my life. However, P. Dave said something interesting to that question:
"The greatest gift God can give is to make us like Jesus. The unchanging program of God is that whether times are good or bad, He is trying to shape you. If all God did was polish, then we would never have shape or form. Wood doesn't carve itself, it yields to the carver."
So I suppose it isn't necessarily bad to ask God "why?" It's a perfectly natural response to any situation you don't understand. I think that I have a tendency to ask, expecting to receive an answer that is in line with what I think. However, the answer appears to be that simple.
Why? To make me more like Jesus.
In the words of the kids I teach - oh, snap!
So coming off of this retreat, if I could take one tangible thing away, it would be to challenge myself, in all circumstances, to ask the question "How is this making me more like Jesus?"
Oh, freaking snap indeed...
I must say, it's been quite the perspective shift. At the very least, it wards off (or uh, holds off) the pity parties and melodramamatic frustrations. But in order to understand how these situations make you more like Jesus, you have to know the character and experiences of Jesus.
So I recently lost my training partner and only real peer/friend at the dj to graduation from law school and entrance into corporate law. J was my best good friend. He was the one who would scrape me off the ground...who literally was there at the mat, coaching me through all the times I fought Sabs until I broke, who would pick me up when I was a crying wheezing ball on the side, who would tell me more about my game (and myself) than I could ever have seen in my own denial. He was the one who suffered with me through brutal workouts, who inspired me with how good he was, who made himself available despite school and finals and girlfriends when I needed him. He was the one who sparred me just hard enough to push me but not so hard that I'd get discouraged and give up. He was the one who was always on my side.
And above all, he was the one person who always, always believed in me even when it felt like no one else did. Even when I didn't. Not in the "you can do it!" sense that anyone can say, but in knowing all about my strengths and weaknesses and standing by me in my best and worst moments. No matter who I was up against, he never once gave up on me or thought that I didn't stand a chance. And he believed in me in a way I understood.
He was the card in my back pocket.
He moved downtown this summer, and disappeared into the world of power ties and cocktails, only to emerge on occasion. I feel like I lost a little bit of myself.
A is one of my little bros, quite talented, and loyal in a way that only dongsengs are. He could always be counted on to hold, to observe, to generally be supportive. He was the only one who knew how to stretch me, the one who would run with me and push me, who would be that "annoying lil' bro" and make me laugh. Who would let noona smack him around just because I was noona, and love to give me nasty sweaty hugs and shake his hair in my face after I put him through a grueling workout. In his own way, I could count on him to be there. Until recently. Overwhelmed with work and school, he's lost motivation in his own training and fallen off the face of the earth.
M was my only girl junior who was also my friend. Her support went so far where I was only surrounded by boys. (Don't get me wrong - I love my boys - but being the only girl is rough sometimes.) She was the one who looked up to me and whose admiration reminded me that I was to be as awesome as she thought I was. She was the one who wrote me good luck cards, sent me inspirational quotes before Spain, and generally just encouraged me. We sent her off to college this fall, where she is now happily a freshman and moving on. I miss her.
B&N were the most awesome positive supporters ever. They flew with me everywhere for a year, cheered me on at tournaments, were always so excited and genuinely interested in everything that happened. They would sit and watch me practice and just want to see me fight. Their wide-eyed color belt wonderment at the game and the training was so refreshing - it restored much of my love for the pureness of it, and melted away the jaded and tired blanket that so often settles. I used to see them almost every day - talked to them every day. Last year they got pregnant and are now proud parents of a beautiful baby girl. I've seen them less than 10 times in the last year.
D was my baby. I saw him every day at the dojang, when his little face would light up, he'd run across the room and give me a big fat hug and kiss on the cheek, saying "hi noona!" It was the best part of my day. He'd want to show me his Pokemon cards and Power Rangers. And as he got older and more articulate, we actually started having conversations. He's 5 1/2 now, and started kindergarten in September. I miss "hi noona!"
more than conquerers - part 2.5
(continued...)
It's a really scary feeling when you look around one day and realize that you're running this race alone. That there is no one you can count on but yourself - that you may be able to ask for help, but there is no one who will volunteer without having been asked, or who you can ask freely without feeling guilty or demanding, that there is no one training beside you, no net to catch you if you fall.
Such is life - changes happen, priorities and circumstances shift, and people move on. It's not personal - it just...is. It's a rather bizarre coincidence that the closest people to me all seem to have exited at once, but...there we have it.
So how does this make me more like Jesus?
Surely Jesus understood loneliness more than anyone else. Surely Jesus understood disappointment. When I think about the
But they failed Him. Not understanding what was happening, not seeing the distress on His heart, they fell asleep.
Man, if I was Jesus I'd be pretty upset. It's like, hello, I need a little support here because I'm about to die a humiliating death to save you fools, and you can't even stay awake? I'm sure He was annoyed. You could tell in the way He rebuked them. But somehow...it wasn't personal. There was no bitterness. If anything, I think He was sad that they still didn't get it. In the end, He didn't necessarily get the support that He had desired. But nonetheless, He did what He came to do.
I'm not entirely sure how this makes me more like Jesus. Perhaps it's in staying focused on the goal at hand, despite the ultimate setback of going at it alone. Perhaps it's in learning to give grace instead of harboring bitterness in the circumstances. Perhaps it's in being humble enough to know that you need others, even if they have or will let you down (intentionally or unintentionally). Or perhaps it's staying focused on the purpose, regardless of circumstance.
I wish I could give some inspirational conclusion...but I don't know. But it's been an interesting exercise, and a good excuse to study Mark 14. I don't think I have the answer...but I hope that in beginning search for it, I'll understand how it's shaping me.
Friday, October 13, 2006
more than conquerers - part 1
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." -Romans 8:28-30
I'm not sure, but I think this was my favorite sermon from the retreat. It was a whole new way of looking at this famous Romans passage. It brings up an interesting point, that we are not to determine God's character based on our circumstances, but that we are to trust the unfailing/unchanging character of God and see how our lives fit. In short - when good things happen, they make us stronger by encouragement. When bad things happen, they make us stronger by perseverance. Everything has its purpose - in ALL things.
Crazy concept...
I used to see this verse as one of those feel-good reassuring verses. Paraphrased more as "God will do good things for me because God is good". But what of the times when it's hard, when things seem to overwhelm and He seems far away? What of the times when you almost feel like you're being punished, or that you just can't take it? What then does it mean that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him?
This week, Sab unleashed some new drills on me. I don't know where he comes up with this stuff, but my training has suddenly taken a turn that reminds me of what football players do in boot camp for conditioning. You know, when you have to tackle that heavy contraption with the pad and move it/push it a certain distance.
After a whole bunch of pad drills, he threw the mitts off and said "OK, push me all the way to the end of the room". Sab is not a huge man, but...he's still a man. Halfway down the floor, I just couldn't move him anymore. He planted his feet, and I ran out of gas...I think for awhile I was just standing there in the middle, leaning on him and wheezing. Until he yelled at me, and I had to get my feet moving again.
I thought that was going to be it, but after 4 sets of those, he went into the whole set of drills where he basically pulls me by the belt from behind and I have to sprint, kick, whatever. It's a crazy feeling, when you just don't think you can pick your legs up, but you have to. (Lactic acid is not my friend). When you know there is nothing left in the tank and all you can do is risk passing out to dog it through, or give up to save yourself.
When we were done, he looked at me with this fond smile, almost of satisfaction.
"Where do you come up with this stuff?? You really enjoy coming up with new ways to torture me, huh?"
"I do. Because I know at the end of the day that you appreciate it."
"Give me about 10 minutes. I'll appreciate it when I can breathe."
10 minutes later
"OK. Now I appreciate you."
"I know."
I'm sure these drills are working my leg strength (judging by the fact that I couldn't walk straight the next day), and my lungs are being expanded...but more than that, he does these things to expand my mental capacity to focus and push, and the capacity of my heart to have that desire to give more than I have.
At the end of the day...it may not feel good during...it's because I know him and trust that he wants what's best for me that I appreciate that he put so much effort and thought into pushing me.
Because at the end of the day, I know it makes me better.
I'm not sure, but I think this was my favorite sermon from the retreat. It was a whole new way of looking at this famous Romans passage. It brings up an interesting point, that we are not to determine God's character based on our circumstances, but that we are to trust the unfailing/unchanging character of God and see how our lives fit. In short - when good things happen, they make us stronger by encouragement. When bad things happen, they make us stronger by perseverance. Everything has its purpose - in ALL things.
Crazy concept...
I used to see this verse as one of those feel-good reassuring verses. Paraphrased more as "God will do good things for me because God is good". But what of the times when it's hard, when things seem to overwhelm and He seems far away? What of the times when you almost feel like you're being punished, or that you just can't take it? What then does it mean that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him?
This week, Sab unleashed some new drills on me. I don't know where he comes up with this stuff, but my training has suddenly taken a turn that reminds me of what football players do in boot camp for conditioning. You know, when you have to tackle that heavy contraption with the pad and move it/push it a certain distance.
After a whole bunch of pad drills, he threw the mitts off and said "OK, push me all the way to the end of the room". Sab is not a huge man, but...he's still a man. Halfway down the floor, I just couldn't move him anymore. He planted his feet, and I ran out of gas...I think for awhile I was just standing there in the middle, leaning on him and wheezing. Until he yelled at me, and I had to get my feet moving again.
I thought that was going to be it, but after 4 sets of those, he went into the whole set of drills where he basically pulls me by the belt from behind and I have to sprint, kick, whatever. It's a crazy feeling, when you just don't think you can pick your legs up, but you have to. (Lactic acid is not my friend). When you know there is nothing left in the tank and all you can do is risk passing out to dog it through, or give up to save yourself.
When we were done, he looked at me with this fond smile, almost of satisfaction.
"Where do you come up with this stuff?? You really enjoy coming up with new ways to torture me, huh?"
"I do. Because I know at the end of the day that you appreciate it."
"Give me about 10 minutes. I'll appreciate it when I can breathe."
10 minutes later
"OK. Now I appreciate you."
"I know."
I'm sure these drills are working my leg strength (judging by the fact that I couldn't walk straight the next day), and my lungs are being expanded...but more than that, he does these things to expand my mental capacity to focus and push, and the capacity of my heart to have that desire to give more than I have.
At the end of the day...it may not feel good during...it's because I know him and trust that he wants what's best for me that I appreciate that he put so much effort and thought into pushing me.
Because at the end of the day, I know it makes me better.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
koreans and the letter "r"
So the other day, Sab tells me to go check out this website about this local tournament in Flushing in a couple weeks. So I go and look at the informational packet, and as usual with any sort of Korean organization, there's a page that lists all the people who have this or that title of office. It's like, OK not EVERYONE needs to be on a committee...and I highly doubt most of these committees exist outside of them feeling important.
Regardless.
So I'm going down the list, scanning for masters I know, masters I don't know, looking for Sabs (my coaches)...when I finally found them. Under the category "Regal Council"
Now, I can only venture to guess that since both Sab Sr and Sab Jr are full-time attorneys - that this was some sort of mistake for "Legal Counsel".
So the following conversation ensues:
me: "Regal council?? Please tell me that uh, he meant royalty and not a fobby mistake on 'legal' "
Sab: "He meant what he said. I'm glad someone is giving My Royal Highness my proper due and lespect!"
me: "would Your Majesty be gracing us with his presence tonight? And what equipment would His Highness desire in the Royal Torture?"
Sab: "My Regalness shall be there!"
HAHAHA. There is no "R" sound in Korean, and the closest letter is a soft "L"...
Leave it to my people to create royalty...
Regardless.
So I'm going down the list, scanning for masters I know, masters I don't know, looking for Sabs (my coaches)...when I finally found them. Under the category "Regal Council"
Now, I can only venture to guess that since both Sab Sr and Sab Jr are full-time attorneys - that this was some sort of mistake for "Legal Counsel".
So the following conversation ensues:
me: "Regal council?? Please tell me that uh, he meant royalty and not a fobby mistake on 'legal' "
Sab: "He meant what he said. I'm glad someone is giving My Royal Highness my proper due and lespect!"
me: "would Your Majesty be gracing us with his presence tonight? And what equipment would His Highness desire in the Royal Torture?"
Sab: "My Regalness shall be there!"
HAHAHA. There is no "R" sound in Korean, and the closest letter is a soft "L"...
Leave it to my people to create royalty...
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
retreat notes part 1
perhaps to be fleshed out at a later time...
on partnership:
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
"you and I...we're too stubborn for that. we're going to push on and we're going to get through these things. this may be you now, but there will be a time later when you'll be the one with the shovel and have to scrape me off the ground"
Perhaps sometimes it's good to be stubborn. If only I could channel my stubbornness for good...
on the heart of a solider (Session 1: 2 Tim. 2:3-4)
Fidelity - "When you have that relational loyalty, you feel you can do anything."
Fortitude - "Our expectations define our experience. If you think it's about you, you will always be disappointed. A solider expects to die, so when he's shot, he's just thankful to live. But a cube rat expects life to be easy and crumbles at a paper cut. Do you really think that's all God wants for you?"
Focus - "We glorify options and choices - we think this is freedom. But for the soldier who has all these things removed, he has the freedom to focus. Like David and Saul - the armor that was supposed to protect him was going to end up killing him. God says ' come live' and you say 'I would if I could move' "
on holiness and community (session 2: ecclesiastes 4:7-12)
People joined together by unity and willingness to give, can change the world. Everyone needs a Paul, Barnabus, and Timothy.
Paul - "When forging ahead, who do you have in front of you? Whose guidance you trust, who is your example, whose authority you follow? How do you know where you're going unless someone has gone ahead of you? Unless you know where you're going ALL the time - you will get lost."
Barnabus - "People beside you, who make the journey worth taking and strengthen you for the journey. Serving together, working for the same goals together is what brings people together. We're longing for a real friend, but we can't manage our own friendships.
"I have come."
"Why?"
"I have just come"
Just to live together before we die."
Timothy - "We fear being unremembered because we have been nobody to anybody. If you were erased, in whose life would something be missing? Part of your responsibility is to not live like a loser because you are who they have to look at to know how to live."
on being more than conquerers (Session III: Romans 8:28)
"We try to gauge the goodness of God based on our circumstances. We are to look at the unchanging/unfailing character of God and see how our lives fit. The greatest gift God can give is to make us more like Jesus. God doesn't care what happens around us, but happens within us.
Wood doesn't carve itself, it yields to the carver. If all God did was polish, then we would never be shaped or have form. The unchanging program of God is that whether times are good or bad, He is trying to shape you."
on being honest with yourself:
"If you're bleeding for the nations every moment of every day, you're a liar"
on dan choe:
two words:
cabbage.
patch.
on partnership:
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
"you and I...we're too stubborn for that. we're going to push on and we're going to get through these things. this may be you now, but there will be a time later when you'll be the one with the shovel and have to scrape me off the ground"
Perhaps sometimes it's good to be stubborn. If only I could channel my stubbornness for good...
on the heart of a solider (Session 1: 2 Tim. 2:3-4)
Fidelity - "When you have that relational loyalty, you feel you can do anything."
Fortitude - "Our expectations define our experience. If you think it's about you, you will always be disappointed. A solider expects to die, so when he's shot, he's just thankful to live. But a cube rat expects life to be easy and crumbles at a paper cut. Do you really think that's all God wants for you?"
Focus - "We glorify options and choices - we think this is freedom. But for the soldier who has all these things removed, he has the freedom to focus. Like David and Saul - the armor that was supposed to protect him was going to end up killing him. God says ' come live' and you say 'I would if I could move' "
on holiness and community (session 2: ecclesiastes 4:7-12)
People joined together by unity and willingness to give, can change the world. Everyone needs a Paul, Barnabus, and Timothy.
Paul - "When forging ahead, who do you have in front of you? Whose guidance you trust, who is your example, whose authority you follow? How do you know where you're going unless someone has gone ahead of you? Unless you know where you're going ALL the time - you will get lost."
Barnabus - "People beside you, who make the journey worth taking and strengthen you for the journey. Serving together, working for the same goals together is what brings people together. We're longing for a real friend, but we can't manage our own friendships.
"I have come."
"Why?"
"I have just come"
Just to live together before we die."
Timothy - "We fear being unremembered because we have been nobody to anybody. If you were erased, in whose life would something be missing? Part of your responsibility is to not live like a loser because you are who they have to look at to know how to live."
on being more than conquerers (Session III: Romans 8:28)
"We try to gauge the goodness of God based on our circumstances. We are to look at the unchanging/unfailing character of God and see how our lives fit. The greatest gift God can give is to make us more like Jesus. God doesn't care what happens around us, but happens within us.
Wood doesn't carve itself, it yields to the carver. If all God did was polish, then we would never be shaped or have form. The unchanging program of God is that whether times are good or bad, He is trying to shape you."
on being honest with yourself:
"If you're bleeding for the nations every moment of every day, you're a liar"
on dan choe:
two words:
cabbage.
patch.
youtube
The internet is crazy in how widespread it is. Sab found this today.
Go to youtube and type in 'Taekwondo' at the search. Click on the first video that pops up (something called 'taekwondo vol 1'). Freaking scary music on top, but...who is this person and how did they get my picture?
My guess is that this person is European (by the music, and the fact that all the tournament footage appears to be from European championships and worlds/olympics).
I don't know how I feel about a random person having my picture.
Go to youtube and type in 'Taekwondo' at the search. Click on the first video that pops up (something called 'taekwondo vol 1'). Freaking scary music on top, but...who is this person and how did they get my picture?
My guess is that this person is European (by the music, and the fact that all the tournament footage appears to be from European championships and worlds/olympics).
I don't know how I feel about a random person having my picture.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
symbiotic relationships
A couple years ago, my cousins took their (then) 2 kids to Kenya for a medical missions trip (he is a doctor, she used to be a teacher). When they came back, their older daughter, Sammy (then 5) was really excited to tell me all about their trip.
I probably shouldn't have been surprised since she's a pretty bright kid, but I was floored when she busted out the definition of a symbiotic relationship. "See eemoh, it's like when the hippos are in the waaaater, and the birds sit on their heads and pick out the foooood that's stuck in their teeeeeth" (On a side note - what is it about little kids that lengthen the vowels of certain words? And what makes that super-cute when they're little and really annoying when grown-ups do it?)
I think when I was learning about symbiotic relationships as a kid, books would give a similar example. birds = hippo floss. But how real is that, when you're looking at cartoon pictures of animals that you'd never see in real life?
So this weekend at the retreat, I had to keep to the training schedule and work out in the afternoon on Sat. After some paddles with Shauna (thanks Shauna!), I had to find someone who'd be willing to hold the turtle (pad) for me so I could kick out hard (ie. a guy). To my grateful surprise, several of the brothers were quite supportive...and almost a little too excited to be helpful and get kicked. ("Hey! You gotta try this! Let her kick you!")
I found it kind of amusing, because it was such a testosterony thing. Like, how many hits can you take before you admit it hurts. It actually got to the point where they exhausted me from kicking so much, I was like a monkey at a zoo.
So after a few different guys went through the line (man, Young was a freaking wall - I couldn't move him at all), they managed to goad Jooho into holding.
It's usually pretty hard to teach someone how to hold properly for moving drills, since usually you need people who know how to kick well, themselves to understand distance and timing. In general, I was trying to stick to stationary drills so all my partner would have to do is take the hit. However, Jooho decided to goad me about not kicking hard enough, and he's a pretty solid guy, so I thought it was an opportune time to work on jumping back kicks.
"OK, so you hold the pad like this, make sure it stays flush, and you're just going to run at me and try to mow me over"
Man, it was like giving a kid candy - the look on his face was totally priceless. If a person could rev up to do a drill...that's what he did. But it was actually really helpful to force myself to be on my toes (literally), since he's bigger and faster than any girl I'd be fighting. So he'd basically run at me and I'd try to kick as hard as I could to stop him (and he's faster than he looks, so momentum = mv was not in my favor).
The funny thing, though, is that he really seemed to like it. He said it felt good to get hit - cathartic, as he put it. Which I find ironic, because I find it cathartic to hit the pads hard.
I think I get it now. Jooho and I have a symbiotic relationship.
I probably shouldn't have been surprised since she's a pretty bright kid, but I was floored when she busted out the definition of a symbiotic relationship. "See eemoh, it's like when the hippos are in the waaaater, and the birds sit on their heads and pick out the foooood that's stuck in their teeeeeth" (On a side note - what is it about little kids that lengthen the vowels of certain words? And what makes that super-cute when they're little and really annoying when grown-ups do it?)
I think when I was learning about symbiotic relationships as a kid, books would give a similar example. birds = hippo floss. But how real is that, when you're looking at cartoon pictures of animals that you'd never see in real life?
So this weekend at the retreat, I had to keep to the training schedule and work out in the afternoon on Sat. After some paddles with Shauna (thanks Shauna!), I had to find someone who'd be willing to hold the turtle (pad) for me so I could kick out hard (ie. a guy). To my grateful surprise, several of the brothers were quite supportive...and almost a little too excited to be helpful and get kicked. ("Hey! You gotta try this! Let her kick you!")
I found it kind of amusing, because it was such a testosterony thing. Like, how many hits can you take before you admit it hurts. It actually got to the point where they exhausted me from kicking so much, I was like a monkey at a zoo.
So after a few different guys went through the line (man, Young was a freaking wall - I couldn't move him at all), they managed to goad Jooho into holding.
It's usually pretty hard to teach someone how to hold properly for moving drills, since usually you need people who know how to kick well, themselves to understand distance and timing. In general, I was trying to stick to stationary drills so all my partner would have to do is take the hit. However, Jooho decided to goad me about not kicking hard enough, and he's a pretty solid guy, so I thought it was an opportune time to work on jumping back kicks.
"OK, so you hold the pad like this, make sure it stays flush, and you're just going to run at me and try to mow me over"
Man, it was like giving a kid candy - the look on his face was totally priceless. If a person could rev up to do a drill...that's what he did. But it was actually really helpful to force myself to be on my toes (literally), since he's bigger and faster than any girl I'd be fighting. So he'd basically run at me and I'd try to kick as hard as I could to stop him (and he's faster than he looks, so momentum = mv was not in my favor).
The funny thing, though, is that he really seemed to like it. He said it felt good to get hit - cathartic, as he put it. Which I find ironic, because I find it cathartic to hit the pads hard.
I think I get it now. Jooho and I have a symbiotic relationship.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
t-minus 29
Remember the Titans was on TBS tonight. Definitely rising in the ranks of my favorite movies...perhaps it is now #2.
I think I like watching movies by myself in the comforts of my own home. Read: I can cry freely when I feel like it and not be embarassed about it. Not that I cry in movies. Of course not. *ahem*
But seriously, I noticed that when I'm watching a movie with someone else, those pivotal emotional moments are ruined because I have too much pride to actually let the tears flow. I think it impedes my enjoyment of the movie, overall, because I secretly *really* enjoy those sentimental happy breakthrough or turnaround moments. Well, I guess it's not really a secret since I just wrote it on the internet. Foiled!
So...either I'm going to have to watch movies by myself forever, or I'm going to have to be comfortable enough with the people I'm watching to let that pride go. Hasn't happened yet - not even with my favorite movie, which I watched with my 'family' (read: my TKD bros and my Jewish mom) - and with all the tears we've put down on those mats, there isn't much room for pride left there. But nope - sucked those tears back in the theater the first time I watched it, even though every time I watch it now it's still as good as the first time...
Speaking of inspiration...I bit the bullet and registered for Nationals today. Paid my fees, filled out the forms, bought my plane tickets...no turning back now. I've had enough of being sick, it's time to mind-over-matter it.
Feel free to motivate me...(read: please!)
T-minus 29.
I think I like watching movies by myself in the comforts of my own home. Read: I can cry freely when I feel like it and not be embarassed about it. Not that I cry in movies. Of course not. *ahem*
But seriously, I noticed that when I'm watching a movie with someone else, those pivotal emotional moments are ruined because I have too much pride to actually let the tears flow. I think it impedes my enjoyment of the movie, overall, because I secretly *really* enjoy those sentimental happy breakthrough or turnaround moments. Well, I guess it's not really a secret since I just wrote it on the internet. Foiled!
So...either I'm going to have to watch movies by myself forever, or I'm going to have to be comfortable enough with the people I'm watching to let that pride go. Hasn't happened yet - not even with my favorite movie, which I watched with my 'family' (read: my TKD bros and my Jewish mom) - and with all the tears we've put down on those mats, there isn't much room for pride left there. But nope - sucked those tears back in the theater the first time I watched it, even though every time I watch it now it's still as good as the first time...
Speaking of inspiration...I bit the bullet and registered for Nationals today. Paid my fees, filled out the forms, bought my plane tickets...no turning back now. I've had enough of being sick, it's time to mind-over-matter it.
Feel free to motivate me...(read: please!)
T-minus 29.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
jesus in our chests
Our final TGIF outing - thanks for a great year, guys.
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. -Philippians 1:3-6
Always remember the "hiney dairy seat" =)
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. -Philippians 1:3-6
Always remember the "hiney dairy seat" =)
washed
6He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"
7Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
8"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet."
Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."
9"Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"
10Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." 11For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
12When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13"You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
John 13:6-17* * * * *
Sometimes I don't know what to make of situations. I just had a very insightful and challenging conversation with someone...but the minute I got off the phone I found myself in doubt as to how said person would view me now that part of my true character with its many flaws and shortcomings was out in the open.
Such is the difficulty of sharing. I've never had difficulty sharing - I consider myself to be an extrovert, testimonial, and frankly - narcissistic. I talk about myself quite often, and not just in superficial terms either.
However, something is different in these conversations. Perhaps it's because it's so challenging and pinpoints the very questions that are true, the very areas that I lack - but sharing becomes difficult because going deeper means being uncomfortable. Because it's humbling that another would see my weaknesses and point them out to me.
I imagine this is what Peter felt when Jesus suggested washing his feet. Not just in the indignance that Jesus would lower himself to a servant's role, but just in shame of how dirty his feet are and having the one person he wanted to impress see his gross feet as they are.
But I think that this is what Jesus meant by commanding us to wash one another's feet. That the difficult is not just in the lowering of oneself to be a servant - but in allowing yourself to be served. Because in being served in this way, you're acknowledging your need for someone else to see and take away the dirt you've accumulated.
I think that what I struggle with is not so much in letting Jesus wash me - but in obeying his commands to wash the feet of others and to let myself be washed by others.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
haha, whoops
So I've been delegated to head up the efforts on games at the retreat, and I called a brief meeting today to brainstorm ideas and get our new Events, Yo! members involved. (Which I find funny because I feel like a new member, still).
So after our meeting, we went to men's/women's ministries, and I was sitting across from this girl who's new to our church who signed up for Events.
"So are you the leader of Events? Or is it John?"
"Haha, John's the leader, I'm just his wife. I pick up after him and remind him when he forgets things."
"Oh, OK."
"Wait - I'm not ACTUALLY John's wife...you know that, right?"
"Well, you do have the same last name..."
HAHA. Oh man...I gotta stop referring to myself as ppls wife or secretary. I forget that sometimes when people are new, they might actually believe you.
So after our meeting, we went to men's/women's ministries, and I was sitting across from this girl who's new to our church who signed up for Events.
"So are you the leader of Events? Or is it John?"
"Haha, John's the leader, I'm just his wife. I pick up after him and remind him when he forgets things."
"Oh, OK."
"Wait - I'm not ACTUALLY John's wife...you know that, right?"
"Well, you do have the same last name..."
HAHA. Oh man...I gotta stop referring to myself as ppls wife or secretary. I forget that sometimes when people are new, they might actually believe you.
shout-outs
I shall not steal the glory - haha, no I did not come up with the crazy cheer. I must give credit where credit is due...so let me introduce each of our crazy members who made the sg wars experience hilarious (we missed the rest of you guys!):
Esther "the monkey feet" - those toes are ridiculous, she was the secret to the sock game! Perhaps she should enter the Jooho-Helga-monkey-feet-challenge...(but please, no more blessing my phone with your feet!)
Geoff & Bryan "the poker faces" - never have I seen such serious faces on that sprinkler dance...and my fellow push-uppers. "Bryan, can you do pushups?" "Uh, I was in the ARMY..."
Carol "the iron-woman" - she led the sweatshop effort to acquire raw materials and mass-produce the iron-on shirts.
Dan "the Paparazzi" - documenting all the precious moments, and learning the entire cheer the day of. (Impressive, considering it took the rest of us many practice rounds the night before!)
Grace "the arteest" - for coming up with our crazy shirt and banner design, a one-woman show! Seriously, we were looking at the blank bedsheet and suddenly she starts drawing, and...then we had a banner.
Mia "busta rhymes" - for coming up with the best lines when we all got stuck and were just listening to Snoop Dogg on repeat. By the way, did you guys know the lyrics are really bad? Man...I was shocked.
Jooheon "shameless for the gospel" - who leads by example and danced all around my apt in search of the perfect moves..."no guys, it's gotta be REALLY EMBARASSING! Break that pride!" The man really knows how to rally the troops.
And of course, Friday Night Lights, our other half - you guys were awesome! =) I think my favorite part was watch George and JH Izzy Dizzy and then try to jump up and down. They looked kinda like Elmer Fudd when he gets mad.
Esther "the monkey feet" - those toes are ridiculous, she was the secret to the sock game! Perhaps she should enter the Jooho-Helga-monkey-feet-challenge...(but please, no more blessing my phone with your feet!)
Geoff & Bryan "the poker faces" - never have I seen such serious faces on that sprinkler dance...and my fellow push-uppers. "Bryan, can you do pushups?" "Uh, I was in the ARMY..."
Carol "the iron-woman" - she led the sweatshop effort to acquire raw materials and mass-produce the iron-on shirts.
Dan "the Paparazzi" - documenting all the precious moments, and learning the entire cheer the day of. (Impressive, considering it took the rest of us many practice rounds the night before!)
Grace "the arteest" - for coming up with our crazy shirt and banner design, a one-woman show! Seriously, we were looking at the blank bedsheet and suddenly she starts drawing, and...then we had a banner.
Mia "busta rhymes" - for coming up with the best lines when we all got stuck and were just listening to Snoop Dogg on repeat. By the way, did you guys know the lyrics are really bad? Man...I was shocked.
Jooheon "shameless for the gospel" - who leads by example and danced all around my apt in search of the perfect moves..."no guys, it's gotta be REALLY EMBARASSING! Break that pride!" The man really knows how to rally the troops.
And of course, Friday Night Lights, our other half - you guys were awesome! =) I think my favorite part was watch George and JH Izzy Dizzy and then try to jump up and down. They looked kinda like Elmer Fudd when he gets mad.
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