turtle and scorpion explained

as an explanation of the turtle scorpion story...

i purposely didn't expound upon it because i wanted it to be open ended for interpretation, as it was originally told to me. however, upon deeper thought, i guess i could give my opinion.

so by the eneagram personality tests i'm a type 2 - the helper. so it is often that i find myself resonating with the turtle. i really like helping people - it makes me happy to think about others' needs and try to fulfill them, help them get towards a goal, or generally care for them/make them feel cared for. not surprisingly, i also happen to like it when people help me, care for me, or are thoughtful of me. it makes sense that you receive in the same manner that you give. both of these energize me, and i really treasure and thrive in those precious friendships in which this works both ways.

however, no friendships or relationships are perfect, and more often than not (ie. always) the more you get to know someone, the more you will see their flaws and incompatibilities with you. and yours with them. the real question is whether you can accept and grow together beyond those differences or not, and this is what i think the meaning is behind the turtle and the scorpion.

the turtle knew full well that the scorpion had, not only in his power to hurt him, but that it was in his nature that he undoubtably would use it. whether the scorpion's intentions are malicious or not is actually irrelevant - so therefore it's a bit unfair to just label the turtle as virtuous and the scorpion as villainous. - because the end result is the same. the scorpion will inevitably hurt the turtle. that is why the turtle was so hesitant to acquiese to the initial request.

but you can't make friendships based on conditions, because then you're asking someone to be someone they're not. perhaps their character can grow into someone better than they are presently (and likewise with you), and perhaps your friendship will be instrumental in that happening - but the fact of the matter is, you have to be ready to get stung, because there is a very real chance and high probability that this will happen.

however, before we go into a pity party of feeling victimized, i think if we're really honest with ourselves, we're never always the turtle. we play the role of the scorpion as well, particularly to those who we're closest to. for example, my parents. i'm not the nicest person to them, not always. and despite that, they will always love me and stand by me. for example (here we go, don't judge me) - whenever i go home, my parents and i will stay up late watching korean dramas and music videos. (yes, we do that as a family). i will curl up on the couch and lazily let myself drift off to sleep, and my mom will come and put a blanket on me and a pillow under my head. then, just as i'm falling asleep (you know the feeling - it's awesome) my dad will say "SOYUN! go upstairs and sleep!"

totally ruining one of the best moments of my life. there is no instance that i am crankier than when someone steals that moment away from me. and no person that i will put my self-respecting pride down for and throw a tantrum like a 5 year old at than my dad.

at first i'll just ignore him, thinking if he thinks i'm already asleep, he'll leave me alone. yeah, right. parks are far too stubborn. give it about 30 seconds and there will be another bellow: "SOYUN! NOW!" this will go on for awhile, before he starts getting annoying and tickling my feet, at which point, there is absolutely no way i can stay there.

so i'll get up, completely disheveled and angry, and here i am, 26 years old, throwing a tantrum at my father.

EVERY TIME I GO HOME. without fail.

there are times when i know that i will snap at them or be impatient or frustrated...and no matter how much i may try, it will eventually come out. why? because it's my nature, and there's no one like family to see you as you are.

when i look at some of the important relationships in my life, i realize that it is a give and take, and that sometimes i am the turtle, and sometimes i am the scorpion. i see it with all the ups and downs sabs and i have gone through in the last 2+ years. all the times their thoughtless words hurt deep, whether they knew it or not. all the misunderstandings, spoken and unspoken. the ways i undermined their authority (again, whether i knew it or not), the ways they bullied me...the list could go on and on. but despite these things, the ways we drove each other absolutely crazy, all the times they made me cry, all the times i made them mad - we've somehow gotten through them.

i see it in the extremely volatile fights that jaac and i would have - particularly when we were grumpy and starving cutting weight. he's one of my best friends, and with that comes the power for me to hurt him with a careless comment, for him to hurt me with a pointed comeback.

in all relationships worth having, there must be conflict and reconciliation. that's how you grow, both in understanding of each other and also yourself. when i look at the relationships that matter to me, the ones that are difficult - i see a more realistic perception of who i am and how i need to grow. and sometimes i get a clearer picture of who the other person is and how they need to grow.

after all, it's all a process of growing. and they don't call it growing pains for nothing.