Is this normal? I am utterly incapable at attracting normal men.
So at TKD tonight, J shows up after having fallen off the face of the earth for awhile. So, being happy to see him I bound over to the bench with a big hello and say "yo, can I have a hug?" Keep in mind that J is my best TKD friend at WS and we're...well...friends. People who have an established amount of closeness. So he gets off his butt and gives me a hug. Normal. Then this guy ("B") next to him (who hasn't been coming that long and I really don't know him very well) says "can I have a hug?"
Eh??? B and I don't have a relationship beyond acquaintances, and it's just kind of an awkward thing to ask.
So being me and completely confused I just sort of pretended I hadn't heard that. But then he goes on to repeat it, at which point I said "hey J, B wants a hug" and tried to exit gracefully. (And I'm not the most graceful person in the world, particularly in these types of situations).
Is that not weird? I think it's weird. But I feel kind of bad because he's a nice kid and seems to want/need some friends. However, I think that making an effort to reach out is going to lead down a bad road of misunderstandings. How do you befriend someone while making it perfectly clear that...you just don't want to give them a hug?
Friday, September 30, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
goodbyes
There's no way around them - goodbyes are just extraordinarily sad. I know that they're an inevitable part of life, but somehow every time I run across one it really hits me.
One of my students is a diplomat's daughter from Czechoslovakia, and today she will depart to go back there for who knows how long. She started coming to our dj about a year ago, after having trained at another school for almost 3 years. I remember when she first came, she was this foreign girl who never talked to anyone, and as per the protocol, wore a white belt because she hadn't equivalency tested. In fact, I almost thought she was an adult until one day she approached me and asked if she could join my junior sparring class on Friday nights.
"I" was an interesting one to teach, because she hardly ever spoke. She started out without much sparring experience, and was frankly incredibly slow. I find it hard to teach people who I can't read off the bat - it's always a question of what and how much desire they have, and how to motivate them. For the longest time I didn't think that she really cared that much...but the true test is how much someone shows up, despite how torturous or painful it might be. "I" had a surprising amount of dedication, and though she was so silent it was hard to notice, I realized recently that she was there every day, taking multiple classes a day. She never asked for help, never complained except for the look of "I hate you for making me do this" on her face...but she was just there, fumbling through drills until she got them.
I remember coaching her at her first tournament - it was the first time that I saw her personality. She was scared out of her mind. I had to convince her that she wasn't scared, and she went out there and won a silver medal. She never seemed to be the competitive type, but she even went to Jr Nationals with us, and trained as hard as she could for it.
One day last month, I turned around and realized - she had become good. Out of nowhere, she was fast. She kicked hard. She yelled loud. I'm sure it was a gradual progression, but somehow I turned around and saw her in a new light. That stoic unexpressive Eastern European girl had now become one to really just leave her heart out on the mat and put the pieces together. I was in the middle of teaching a class, and I noted it in my head and was so proud of her.
Yesterday was her last day...and as we chatted, we laughed over how when she first started taking my classes her assessment was "I hate it...but I kind of like it". We were sitting around, and at random I asked her "do you want me to torture you one last time?" Her eyes kind of lit up (yes we are crazy) and she got up. I gave her 20 minutes of my most painful drills - and for those 20 minutes she gave me 100% of her effort - which is all I've ever asked for in my students. "I" looked like she wanted to die, but in a way, she looked like she was having the time of her life. I know that feeling...I had it last week when I was dying under drills and Sab said "remember...you love this!"
"I" teared up as she said her goodbyes to Sab. I was standing outside the dj with her and K, and as I hugged her goodbye, she said "I always wanted to fight like you". And then she left.
People come in and out of your life, touch in, touch out. But even in a short time, without intention or words or sentiment, someone can really touch you without you knowing it. I'm really going to miss her presence in class and in training. Convincing her that she wasn't scared, and the way she's always the first to say "NOT ME!" when I ask "who's tired???" and how she would always tell me she hated my classes but would always be there, without fail.
From 17 year old "I", I'm reminded that actions speak louder than words. That sometimes, words are unnecessary.
One of my students is a diplomat's daughter from Czechoslovakia, and today she will depart to go back there for who knows how long. She started coming to our dj about a year ago, after having trained at another school for almost 3 years. I remember when she first came, she was this foreign girl who never talked to anyone, and as per the protocol, wore a white belt because she hadn't equivalency tested. In fact, I almost thought she was an adult until one day she approached me and asked if she could join my junior sparring class on Friday nights.
"I" was an interesting one to teach, because she hardly ever spoke. She started out without much sparring experience, and was frankly incredibly slow. I find it hard to teach people who I can't read off the bat - it's always a question of what and how much desire they have, and how to motivate them. For the longest time I didn't think that she really cared that much...but the true test is how much someone shows up, despite how torturous or painful it might be. "I" had a surprising amount of dedication, and though she was so silent it was hard to notice, I realized recently that she was there every day, taking multiple classes a day. She never asked for help, never complained except for the look of "I hate you for making me do this" on her face...but she was just there, fumbling through drills until she got them.
I remember coaching her at her first tournament - it was the first time that I saw her personality. She was scared out of her mind. I had to convince her that she wasn't scared, and she went out there and won a silver medal. She never seemed to be the competitive type, but she even went to Jr Nationals with us, and trained as hard as she could for it.
One day last month, I turned around and realized - she had become good. Out of nowhere, she was fast. She kicked hard. She yelled loud. I'm sure it was a gradual progression, but somehow I turned around and saw her in a new light. That stoic unexpressive Eastern European girl had now become one to really just leave her heart out on the mat and put the pieces together. I was in the middle of teaching a class, and I noted it in my head and was so proud of her.
Yesterday was her last day...and as we chatted, we laughed over how when she first started taking my classes her assessment was "I hate it...but I kind of like it". We were sitting around, and at random I asked her "do you want me to torture you one last time?" Her eyes kind of lit up (yes we are crazy) and she got up. I gave her 20 minutes of my most painful drills - and for those 20 minutes she gave me 100% of her effort - which is all I've ever asked for in my students. "I" looked like she wanted to die, but in a way, she looked like she was having the time of her life. I know that feeling...I had it last week when I was dying under drills and Sab said "remember...you love this!"
"I" teared up as she said her goodbyes to Sab. I was standing outside the dj with her and K, and as I hugged her goodbye, she said "I always wanted to fight like you". And then she left.
People come in and out of your life, touch in, touch out. But even in a short time, without intention or words or sentiment, someone can really touch you without you knowing it. I'm really going to miss her presence in class and in training. Convincing her that she wasn't scared, and the way she's always the first to say "NOT ME!" when I ask "who's tired???" and how she would always tell me she hated my classes but would always be there, without fail.
From 17 year old "I", I'm reminded that actions speak louder than words. That sometimes, words are unnecessary.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
cool article
Cool article in the New York Times by one of my private students, who happens to be quoted! SO COOL!
It's so true...
********************
Tips for Ballet Dancers on the Art of Staying Well
By ERIKA KINETZ
Published: September 27, 2005
Which is more mentally and physically demanding, ballet or football? Ballet, according to a 1975 study by Dr. James A. Nicholas in The Journal of Sports Medicine. The study, which examined 61 different activities, ranked ballet most physically and mentally demanding,
followed by bullfighting and then football.
Many things have changed since 1975, but the study calls attention to a fact often overlooked by audiences and dancers alike: ballet may not quite be a contact sport, but dancers are, without doubt, athletes. Growing awareness of the physical demands of ballet was manifest last weekend at the Rose Building at Lincoln Center, where 95 dancers, dance teachers, students and administrators gathered for New York City Ballet's first Wellness Weekend, a public program of panel discussions and workshops that covered topics from burnout and bunions to
cross-training and basic cooking skills.
The event was led by members of City Ballet's Wellness Team, which was formed in 2001 in an effort to reduce workers' compensation claims and improve dancer health. The team consists of a psychologist, an orthopedist, a chiropractor, a nutritionist and a physical therapist, who oversee bone density evaluations, educational seminars and health screenings, which are mandatory for young company members. In addition, dancers now get reduced-rate health club memberships.
"I came from an era where we were expected to take care of ourselves," said Peter Martins, the ballet master in chief of City Ballet. "But we now know that that isn't always enough."
Jenifer Ringer, a principal dancer with City Ballet, said she and her colleagues were pleasantly surprised by the program. "The dancers were like, 'You're really going to do this for us?' " she said.
Wellness also has a pecuniary logic. "Dancers are our most valuable asset, and to protect our assets, we need to treat them as well as we can," Kenneth Tabachnick, the general manager of New York City Ballet, said.
From 2000 to 2003, the number of major workers' compensation claims made by City Ballet dancers fell 24 percent, to 29, and the weeks of disability logged by company dancers fell 46 percent, to 231. The number of ballets performed in a season and the intensity of the company's touring schedule can affect injury levels, but since the wellness program began, costs have gone down. In 2001, the company spent 8 cents per payroll dollar on workers' compensation premiums for dancers. In 2004, it spent half that, a decrease attributable in part to fewer claims.
Ask a ballet dancer to tell you about her injuries and the answer may well be, "Which one?"
"Ballet is above all an art form," said Ms. Ringer, who has suffered a torn plantar fascia, a sprained ankle, a broken foot and a sprained back over the course of her career. "As I got older, I realized I needed to be an athlete first so I could get onstage and be artistic." There are few career-ending "football-type" injuries in ballet, said Dr. William Hamilton, another member of City Ballet's Wellness Team, who has been the consulting orthopedist for City Ballet since 1972. But chronic problems like tendinitis, stress fractures and muscle strains are common. The most common acute injury is a sprained ankle, followed by a broken foot.
City Ballet instituted its wellness program after Linda Hamilton, a former City Ballet dancer with a doctorate in psychology, led a four-month study that found that poor conditioning during the off-season, as well as mental and physical stress, can set dancers up for injury.
"The whole idea of cross-conditioning is new in ballet," Dr. Hamilton, who is married to William Hamilton, said. "I know Tiger Woods does it, but ballet dancers just take class."
Ballet dancers are in an extreme and quite particular kind of shape. They spend much of their lives with their legs rotated outward, their feet pointing in opposite directions. Women stand on the tips of their toes for hours. Neither is natural. Dancers tend to have little cardiovascular stamina, chronically understretched quadriceps and weak upper bodies.
The weekend emphasized the importance of a healthy diet, stress management and cross-training - for example, doing Pilates and swimming in addition to dance classes. Shibboleths fell: not having periods is not all right. There were revelatory moments: no knee pain is good. Shocking facts: not eating enough can lead to weight gain. And advice to live by: breathe.
Ballet has long been taught using vaguely militaristic techniques, and the health of the whole person has not been emphasized. "We are trained to be stoic," Linda Hamilton said. "We can dance with sprained ankles. We can dance when we are breaking up with our boyfriends. We can dance when we are starving."
A number of dance companies, including City Ballet, hired orthopedists and physical trainers in the 1970's and 80's; now, she said, they are common. "People are opening up, saying it won't hurt the art form to have a nutritionist or a psychologist," she said. "It won't make you weak."
Kinder and gentler is nice, but it is far from clear how much the discipline of ballet will change. Nutritionists cost money, which most dance companies don't have. And dancers are austere, competitive creatures; getting them to acknowledge their weaknesses, even for the sake of their health, requires a radical change in attitude. "Sometimes in class you want to only do the things you are good at," said Daniel Applebaum, 19, who is starting his first season in the corps de ballet. "With this it's O.K. to have problems. You may as well know what they are and fix them."
It's so true...
********************
Tips for Ballet Dancers on the Art of Staying Well
By ERIKA KINETZ
Published: September 27, 2005
Which is more mentally and physically demanding, ballet or football? Ballet, according to a 1975 study by Dr. James A. Nicholas in The Journal of Sports Medicine. The study, which examined 61 different activities, ranked ballet most physically and mentally demanding,
followed by bullfighting and then football.
Many things have changed since 1975, but the study calls attention to a fact often overlooked by audiences and dancers alike: ballet may not quite be a contact sport, but dancers are, without doubt, athletes. Growing awareness of the physical demands of ballet was manifest last weekend at the Rose Building at Lincoln Center, where 95 dancers, dance teachers, students and administrators gathered for New York City Ballet's first Wellness Weekend, a public program of panel discussions and workshops that covered topics from burnout and bunions to
cross-training and basic cooking skills.
The event was led by members of City Ballet's Wellness Team, which was formed in 2001 in an effort to reduce workers' compensation claims and improve dancer health. The team consists of a psychologist, an orthopedist, a chiropractor, a nutritionist and a physical therapist, who oversee bone density evaluations, educational seminars and health screenings, which are mandatory for young company members. In addition, dancers now get reduced-rate health club memberships.
"I came from an era where we were expected to take care of ourselves," said Peter Martins, the ballet master in chief of City Ballet. "But we now know that that isn't always enough."
Jenifer Ringer, a principal dancer with City Ballet, said she and her colleagues were pleasantly surprised by the program. "The dancers were like, 'You're really going to do this for us?' " she said.
Wellness also has a pecuniary logic. "Dancers are our most valuable asset, and to protect our assets, we need to treat them as well as we can," Kenneth Tabachnick, the general manager of New York City Ballet, said.
From 2000 to 2003, the number of major workers' compensation claims made by City Ballet dancers fell 24 percent, to 29, and the weeks of disability logged by company dancers fell 46 percent, to 231. The number of ballets performed in a season and the intensity of the company's touring schedule can affect injury levels, but since the wellness program began, costs have gone down. In 2001, the company spent 8 cents per payroll dollar on workers' compensation premiums for dancers. In 2004, it spent half that, a decrease attributable in part to fewer claims.
Ask a ballet dancer to tell you about her injuries and the answer may well be, "Which one?"
"Ballet is above all an art form," said Ms. Ringer, who has suffered a torn plantar fascia, a sprained ankle, a broken foot and a sprained back over the course of her career. "As I got older, I realized I needed to be an athlete first so I could get onstage and be artistic." There are few career-ending "football-type" injuries in ballet, said Dr. William Hamilton, another member of City Ballet's Wellness Team, who has been the consulting orthopedist for City Ballet since 1972. But chronic problems like tendinitis, stress fractures and muscle strains are common. The most common acute injury is a sprained ankle, followed by a broken foot.
City Ballet instituted its wellness program after Linda Hamilton, a former City Ballet dancer with a doctorate in psychology, led a four-month study that found that poor conditioning during the off-season, as well as mental and physical stress, can set dancers up for injury.
"The whole idea of cross-conditioning is new in ballet," Dr. Hamilton, who is married to William Hamilton, said. "I know Tiger Woods does it, but ballet dancers just take class."
Ballet dancers are in an extreme and quite particular kind of shape. They spend much of their lives with their legs rotated outward, their feet pointing in opposite directions. Women stand on the tips of their toes for hours. Neither is natural. Dancers tend to have little cardiovascular stamina, chronically understretched quadriceps and weak upper bodies.
The weekend emphasized the importance of a healthy diet, stress management and cross-training - for example, doing Pilates and swimming in addition to dance classes. Shibboleths fell: not having periods is not all right. There were revelatory moments: no knee pain is good. Shocking facts: not eating enough can lead to weight gain. And advice to live by: breathe.
Ballet has long been taught using vaguely militaristic techniques, and the health of the whole person has not been emphasized. "We are trained to be stoic," Linda Hamilton said. "We can dance with sprained ankles. We can dance when we are breaking up with our boyfriends. We can dance when we are starving."
A number of dance companies, including City Ballet, hired orthopedists and physical trainers in the 1970's and 80's; now, she said, they are common. "People are opening up, saying it won't hurt the art form to have a nutritionist or a psychologist," she said. "It won't make you weak."
Kinder and gentler is nice, but it is far from clear how much the discipline of ballet will change. Nutritionists cost money, which most dance companies don't have. And dancers are austere, competitive creatures; getting them to acknowledge their weaknesses, even for the sake of their health, requires a radical change in attitude. "Sometimes in class you want to only do the things you are good at," said Daniel Applebaum, 19, who is starting his first season in the corps de ballet. "With this it's O.K. to have problems. You may as well know what they are and fix them."
Monday, September 26, 2005
dry cleaning
Korean ahjummas are so cute sometimes. I had to take some stuff for dry cleaning for the first time in my life, and there are a million in my neighborhood. Quite possibly as numerous as Starbucks. However, I figured like all things, what can be done in Manhattan can be done cheaper in Queens. So I brought my clothes to work, as there is a dry cleaners downstairs in my building.
There is one other Korean girl in my office, and I've been told that she goes downstairs and they give her a discount. I took my clothes down this morning and started talking in Korean to the lady and her eyes totally lit up. She was so cute, she thought I was a high school student (apparently bc I don't wear makeup, as if all people in their 20's are supposed to wear makeup?) and she was so chit-chatty...I guess there aren't too many Koreans in the building so she liked the chance to chat it up. In any event, it was kind of refreshing...
Not that I really wear clothes that need dry cleaning very often, but maybe I'll bring some pants to get shortened (because pants these days seem to be made more and more for white people, forgetting those of us who were born Asian with short legs)...
There is one other Korean girl in my office, and I've been told that she goes downstairs and they give her a discount. I took my clothes down this morning and started talking in Korean to the lady and her eyes totally lit up. She was so cute, she thought I was a high school student (apparently bc I don't wear makeup, as if all people in their 20's are supposed to wear makeup?) and she was so chit-chatty...I guess there aren't too many Koreans in the building so she liked the chance to chat it up. In any event, it was kind of refreshing...
Not that I really wear clothes that need dry cleaning very often, but maybe I'll bring some pants to get shortened (because pants these days seem to be made more and more for white people, forgetting those of us who were born Asian with short legs)...
Thursday, September 22, 2005
out of the dark ages
Next Wednesday I will live in the Dark Ages no longer. That's right, I finally caved and called for the cable guy to come and give me cable and internet. I must say, I was far more productive and slept much earlier when I didn't have a tv or internet access at home. The first few days in my new apt, I had nothing to do but fix it up...and then once I was out of cleaning options, I was forced to read books and sleep early.
But then the TV came along...and lo and behold the FRIENDS marathon began. Actually last night I took a break and watched a Korean movie. It was pretty good, though not spectucular. ("First Kiss" though the literal translation should have been "Shall we kiss?") Sadly, I had to turn on the English subtitles to make sure I wouldn't miss any important details, but I managed to not use it that much. I need a new Korean drama to buy the boxed set for...or something. Something light and funny - a romantic comedy with a love triangle and some family tension - I don't deal well with death and melodrama. 16 episodes or less. Any suggestions?
When it came down to it...weekends without internet access were just killing me. People would email me and I wouldn't get them till Monday, and sometimes I'd miss out on things because I was out of touch for 3 days. Plus, I never know what the weather's going to be like, and I'm spending way too much time at work taking care of personal things like emails and online shopping and registration (and blogging) - so in the end...just bit the bullet. *sigh* Yet another thing that is so ridiculously inflated in the city...
But then the TV came along...and lo and behold the FRIENDS marathon began. Actually last night I took a break and watched a Korean movie. It was pretty good, though not spectucular. ("First Kiss" though the literal translation should have been "Shall we kiss?") Sadly, I had to turn on the English subtitles to make sure I wouldn't miss any important details, but I managed to not use it that much. I need a new Korean drama to buy the boxed set for...or something. Something light and funny - a romantic comedy with a love triangle and some family tension - I don't deal well with death and melodrama. 16 episodes or less. Any suggestions?
When it came down to it...weekends without internet access were just killing me. People would email me and I wouldn't get them till Monday, and sometimes I'd miss out on things because I was out of touch for 3 days. Plus, I never know what the weather's going to be like, and I'm spending way too much time at work taking care of personal things like emails and online shopping and registration (and blogging) - so in the end...just bit the bullet. *sigh* Yet another thing that is so ridiculously inflated in the city...
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
narcoleptic
Wow. It's 6:30 in the morning and I'm at work. The sun isn't even up yet. Well actually...neither am I.
My coworkers think I'm narcoleptic. Apparently they get a kick out of watching me fall asleep at meetings. Seriously, if you sit me on my butt for more than 15 minutes without something active to do or interesting to think about...I'll zone out. I think I've gotten decent over the years at faking it and sort of hiding it but...apparently it is entertainment for all.
We've been having these 10 hour training days on Hazardous Waste Operations and Emergency Response. (HAZWOPER - sounds...yeah. About as stinky as it is). Hours and hours of powerpoint in a class of 7 people means...yeah. Why is it SO HARD to stay awake? Well at least I came on time today...I'm going to die.
Seriously. It's called I-went-to-MIT. I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. And there's not a whole lot I can do about it...is there partial narcolept..ia? Narcolism? Narcolepsy? Yeah, I think that's it...(well, Sandra def. has it so it must exist...) haha
My coworkers think I'm narcoleptic. Apparently they get a kick out of watching me fall asleep at meetings. Seriously, if you sit me on my butt for more than 15 minutes without something active to do or interesting to think about...I'll zone out. I think I've gotten decent over the years at faking it and sort of hiding it but...apparently it is entertainment for all.
We've been having these 10 hour training days on Hazardous Waste Operations and Emergency Response. (HAZWOPER - sounds...yeah. About as stinky as it is). Hours and hours of powerpoint in a class of 7 people means...yeah. Why is it SO HARD to stay awake? Well at least I came on time today...I'm going to die.
Seriously. It's called I-went-to-MIT. I can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. And there's not a whole lot I can do about it...is there partial narcolept..ia? Narcolism? Narcolepsy? Yeah, I think that's it...(well, Sandra def. has it so it must exist...) haha
Friday, September 16, 2005
at random
1) Before I forget - Happy Birthday Liza!!!
2) Someone said 'badonkadonk' the other day and I thought of pyang. Haha.
3) Crazy
4) My coworker gave me a Twinkie a few months ago. MONTHS. I've been trying to get rid of it since then, and he insists that I have to eat it. Somehow as I look at it in its wrapper day in and day out, and it doesn't change AT ALL - I don't really want to eat it. How is it that Twinkies never go bad? Ew...
5) Gosh I have talented hubaes! I was going thru my iPod today and listening to songs that had been ripped from CD's made by my very own friends/students. Dave's piano medleys are so awesome, I wish I'd taken those piano lessons with him way back when...and Ling apparently records her own chinese pop music...it's pretty darn good (though I can't understand a thing).
2) Someone said 'badonkadonk' the other day and I thought of pyang. Haha.
3) Crazy
4) My coworker gave me a Twinkie a few months ago. MONTHS. I've been trying to get rid of it since then, and he insists that I have to eat it. Somehow as I look at it in its wrapper day in and day out, and it doesn't change AT ALL - I don't really want to eat it. How is it that Twinkies never go bad? Ew...
5) Gosh I have talented hubaes! I was going thru my iPod today and listening to songs that had been ripped from CD's made by my very own friends/students. Dave's piano medleys are so awesome, I wish I'd taken those piano lessons with him way back when...and Ling apparently records her own chinese pop music...it's pretty darn good (though I can't understand a thing).
Thursday, September 15, 2005
oppa
For one thing I think it's completely wrong to romanize it 'oppa'. That makes it sound like that Greek exclamation from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I always spell it oh-bbah, even though that's more tedious, just bc that's the closest way (imho) to keep someone from reading it wrong. But anyways...
What makes you decide to call someone oh-bbah or un-nee or hyung or noona?
I think it implies a degree of closeness - it implies a relationship that is very particular. When you assign seniority in a Korean setting, it's like the senior is responsible for taking care of the junior, and the junior is to defer to and respect the senior.
However, when someone is not related to or otherwise directly connected to you - where do these relationships come from? Meaning - it's not like I call every Korean guy friend I have oh-bbah. Many of them, even ones that are older, don't act that way.
This thought was brought about from a conversation I had with Sr:
What's {blank}'s email address?
> that's {blank} oppa to you.
>>haha yes yes...i tried to call him that for awhile but it was
>>uncomfortable bc we don't really have an oppa-dongseng relationship.
>>should it become so, i'll call him oppa more regularly.
>>>It works the other way around - when you call him oppa, he will become
>>>that and your relationship will become that of oppa-dongsaeng.
OK so WHAT is up with that??? Why is it that I have to take intiative for everything around here? People tell me I'm a direct person. And back in college before I got all tired and became a homebody, I was all about meeting people, being friendly, building relationships. But nowadays I wonder...and I think it'd be really nice if I didn't have to initiate or work so hard to upkeep. Particularly because I feel like I've been caught in a lot of one-sided relationships.
In any event...the mandate is out so I suppose I have to call this guy oh-bbah. But if he doesn't respond by acting like one, then...do I still have to call him that? It seems wrong to me...
What makes you decide to call someone oh-bbah or un-nee or hyung or noona?
I think it implies a degree of closeness - it implies a relationship that is very particular. When you assign seniority in a Korean setting, it's like the senior is responsible for taking care of the junior, and the junior is to defer to and respect the senior.
However, when someone is not related to or otherwise directly connected to you - where do these relationships come from? Meaning - it's not like I call every Korean guy friend I have oh-bbah. Many of them, even ones that are older, don't act that way.
This thought was brought about from a conversation I had with Sr:
What's {blank}'s email address?
> that's {blank} oppa to you.
>>haha yes yes...i tried to call him that for awhile but it was
>>uncomfortable bc we don't really have an oppa-dongseng relationship.
>>should it become so, i'll call him oppa more regularly.
>>>It works the other way around - when you call him oppa, he will become
>>>that and your relationship will become that of oppa-dongsaeng.
OK so WHAT is up with that??? Why is it that I have to take intiative for everything around here? People tell me I'm a direct person. And back in college before I got all tired and became a homebody, I was all about meeting people, being friendly, building relationships. But nowadays I wonder...and I think it'd be really nice if I didn't have to initiate or work so hard to upkeep. Particularly because I feel like I've been caught in a lot of one-sided relationships.
In any event...the mandate is out so I suppose I have to call this guy oh-bbah. But if he doesn't respond by acting like one, then...do I still have to call him that? It seems wrong to me...
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
ramyun
You know...there are sometimes that ramyun is so good. SO GOOD. Especially when you're starving and at work and there are hours before lunch. And if I eat one more granola bar I might just throw up.
The last time I was at Costco I ran across Kimchi Bowls. I just couldn't help myself, I had to get them. You know, in case there's an emergency and no food in the apt. Although the one good thing (and the number of good things is quite small) about NYC is that you can always order food.
In any event, I've been very good about not going on the ramyun diet. But in between tournaments and just not caring about the gross amount of sodium on the side, and being hungry, I just made one at work. SO GOOD. And probably the only Korean food I can really get away with eating in the office because it doesn't smell *that* much.
Some people crave chocolate or ice cream or a cigarette...me, I want ramyun.
The last time I was at Costco I ran across Kimchi Bowls. I just couldn't help myself, I had to get them. You know, in case there's an emergency and no food in the apt. Although the one good thing (and the number of good things is quite small) about NYC is that you can always order food.
In any event, I've been very good about not going on the ramyun diet. But in between tournaments and just not caring about the gross amount of sodium on the side, and being hungry, I just made one at work. SO GOOD. And probably the only Korean food I can really get away with eating in the office because it doesn't smell *that* much.
Some people crave chocolate or ice cream or a cigarette...me, I want ramyun.
Monday, September 12, 2005
decisions, decisions
So I was totally unexpected yet pleasantly surprised by an invitation to a benefit concert last night performend by the Ahn Trio. It was put on by the organization that Sabs founded, KACF, which raises money and distributes funds to KA social service organizations in NY. They may drive me crazy sometimes, but there's no denying that they're good people, and it was great to see them outside of the role of...my tyrants. It was really cool to see what the organization has become and the good work they do. Reminds me of my dad in a way, with his own community service mind and vision for starting organizations.
Make a donation! There's a corporate sponsor who will match up to $100,000!
Even though I had an inkling that it was bait to get me involved in it - I took it. I knew at some point I'd get the "you should get involved", though I have to admit that by then I was already interested. I suppose in the current lack of specific ministry or opportunity to serve in a church setting, this could have cool opportunities. Though part of me fears getting involved in something new because I was just getting settled into life as I know it, and I know that if I get excited about something new it will lead to much overcommittment and being stretched thin. But who would I be if I actually got enough sleep?
Decisions, decisions. This plus small groups starting up this week and trying to move things around to make it fit. Or whether I CAN move things around...*sigh* I'm such a homebody, it's really hard to make myself go into active mode again. I feel like I should get out and take these opportunities to meet new people and do new things, but...I'm tired. And only going to get more tired.
After all these years of being busy and frenzied and on-the-go...and frequently burning out with the things that keep me that way...I just don't want to get myself into things sometimes. The activation energy is so high. I think there's a part of me that realizes the price you pay for being passionate, and after hitting all the highs and the commensurate if not greater lows...you just get kind of tired and especially in the working life it's so easy to just want to come home and veg and do nothing. Sheesh these days it's even hard to get myself to the dojang to work out.
When did I turn middle aged before my time?
Make a donation! There's a corporate sponsor who will match up to $100,000!
Even though I had an inkling that it was bait to get me involved in it - I took it. I knew at some point I'd get the "you should get involved", though I have to admit that by then I was already interested. I suppose in the current lack of specific ministry or opportunity to serve in a church setting, this could have cool opportunities. Though part of me fears getting involved in something new because I was just getting settled into life as I know it, and I know that if I get excited about something new it will lead to much overcommittment and being stretched thin. But who would I be if I actually got enough sleep?
Decisions, decisions. This plus small groups starting up this week and trying to move things around to make it fit. Or whether I CAN move things around...*sigh* I'm such a homebody, it's really hard to make myself go into active mode again. I feel like I should get out and take these opportunities to meet new people and do new things, but...I'm tired. And only going to get more tired.
After all these years of being busy and frenzied and on-the-go...and frequently burning out with the things that keep me that way...I just don't want to get myself into things sometimes. The activation energy is so high. I think there's a part of me that realizes the price you pay for being passionate, and after hitting all the highs and the commensurate if not greater lows...you just get kind of tired and especially in the working life it's so easy to just want to come home and veg and do nothing. Sheesh these days it's even hard to get myself to the dojang to work out.
When did I turn middle aged before my time?
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
labor day
Labor Day Weekend - the most social interactions I've had altogether since moving to NY. Could also coincide with the utter lack of Taekwondo/working out.
1) Dessert and movies with the old roommates (and Jaac). Mad Hot Ballroom is AWESOME! Highly, highly recommend it. But I just have to say - some ethnicities are more prone to being able to dance than others. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it!
2) Liza and Ripan in town! We tried out a new brunch place in my neighborhood - excellent salmon cakes. Big fan of hollandaise sauce, in all its fatty goodness.
3) Tutoring and lessons have started up again, full swing. Wow, I forgot how much I work outside of work...and how painful high school was and how much SAT's suck. However, I do remember why I liked AP Chem so much. That or my brain is just reveling in being used and feeling productive. (It tends to like that).
4) My roommate arrived. Yes, I got a roommate. Yes, I live in a tiny studio that I affectionately call my "box". Good thing she's a minimalist and seems to be low maintenance. Very roundabout how this situation ended up happening, but I think it's going to be pretty cool. We're surprisingly more similar than I would have thought, and had fun getting to know each other so far. Well, she likes kimchi and apparently makes her own - now THAT's cool.
5) Walking down Riverside Park with Grosse, hanging out at her place (on the real upper west side, which is lower down), reminiscing over the super dorkiness that was high school (good times, good laughs), awesome falafels and an escapade at bed bath, and beyond.
6) Babysitting for Sam and Syd up in Westchester - the whole thing about taking them outside to play backfired when Sammy wanted to run laps around the house. Meaning the lack of exercise caught up to me when I was racing around the yard with Sydney on my back. Syd thought it was hilarious, but I'm wondering how I got roped into running voluntarily.
Sammy: "I'm the boss, you have to do whatever I say and run how much I tell you to!"
me: "Sammy, eemoh already has a boss (two in fact) and they're mean."
Clearly she didn't understand that eemoh was on workout vacation. I was absolutely exhausted after running laps and playing tag. But they're such cuties and tucking them into bed (and reading a billion strawberry shortcake stories) was fun. And Ellen un-nee brought over the best Mexican food I've had on the east coast.
So...there appears to be a food theme going on when I have time. Dangerous. But now...back to the grind.
1) Dessert and movies with the old roommates (and Jaac). Mad Hot Ballroom is AWESOME! Highly, highly recommend it. But I just have to say - some ethnicities are more prone to being able to dance than others. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it!
2) Liza and Ripan in town! We tried out a new brunch place in my neighborhood - excellent salmon cakes. Big fan of hollandaise sauce, in all its fatty goodness.
3) Tutoring and lessons have started up again, full swing. Wow, I forgot how much I work outside of work...and how painful high school was and how much SAT's suck. However, I do remember why I liked AP Chem so much. That or my brain is just reveling in being used and feeling productive. (It tends to like that).
4) My roommate arrived. Yes, I got a roommate. Yes, I live in a tiny studio that I affectionately call my "box". Good thing she's a minimalist and seems to be low maintenance. Very roundabout how this situation ended up happening, but I think it's going to be pretty cool. We're surprisingly more similar than I would have thought, and had fun getting to know each other so far. Well, she likes kimchi and apparently makes her own - now THAT's cool.
5) Walking down Riverside Park with Grosse, hanging out at her place (on the real upper west side, which is lower down), reminiscing over the super dorkiness that was high school (good times, good laughs), awesome falafels and an escapade at bed bath, and beyond.
6) Babysitting for Sam and Syd up in Westchester - the whole thing about taking them outside to play backfired when Sammy wanted to run laps around the house. Meaning the lack of exercise caught up to me when I was racing around the yard with Sydney on my back. Syd thought it was hilarious, but I'm wondering how I got roped into running voluntarily.
Sammy: "I'm the boss, you have to do whatever I say and run how much I tell you to!"
me: "Sammy, eemoh already has a boss (two in fact) and they're mean."
Clearly she didn't understand that eemoh was on workout vacation. I was absolutely exhausted after running laps and playing tag. But they're such cuties and tucking them into bed (and reading a billion strawberry shortcake stories) was fun. And Ellen un-nee brought over the best Mexican food I've had on the east coast.
So...there appears to be a food theme going on when I have time. Dangerous. But now...back to the grind.
Friday, September 02, 2005
simplicity
I didn't realize how much I missed my kids until I saw them again.
Last week I walked downstairs to give a lesson and Mel bounded out of a nowhere with a huge smile (and quite the tan), and I hear someone shriek my name and Frankie came tearing out of nowhere and barrelled me over in a big hug. Haha the last time that happened was when I took that semester in California and came back for a weekend and dropped in on ACF large group - Linda has been known to squeal, but I was sure surprised by how fast she could zip across a room.
I think it surprised me that people actually missed me while I was gone. I expected people to miss my classes and the things that I do around here (because let's face it, the ball got dropped for some things) - but it was a pleasant surprise to have actually been...missed. The first day I was back Scott's eyes lit up momentarily and then he became a little bit shy again. (That didn't last long). Little guy is growing so fast, we just celebrated his 13th birthday. Hard to lose the image in my head of the little 8 year old red belt with rec specs.
Derek and Dylan chewed my ear off the night Sr brought them to the dojang. Sadly our trip to Turkey involved virtually no sightseeing or recreational activities, so I had a history lesson and descriptions of Turkish tourism from a 10 year old. Mr. Know-it-all tells it all. Haha, I love that kid. And even though I felt downright awful that night because I'd made the mistake of attempting to work out and found that my legs were now foreign objects made of lead - dropping out of class and babysitting redeemed my night. No matter how poopy you want to stay, it's just impossible in the presence of children. We were walking home afterwards and Dylan slipped his hand into mine and swung it as we walked along, echoing everything I said after me in a singsong way. 6 is a good age...I was almost afraid he'd outgrow the cute little kid stage, but he hasn't yet.
Just like Sammy, who makes my day every time I go to un-nee's house. There's always that moment when I open the door and call out "helloooooo?" and I hear "SOYUN EEMOH!!!!!" and this little thing hurtles down the hall. And inevitably Sydney with toddle after her un-nee to see what the excitement is about.
I think all these things came together in my mind last night, when I went to the dojang to teach my class. Daniel came in when I was just starting stretches and waved with a big "hi noona!" At which point I put aside decorum and waved back in the middle of counting. Mr Lim popped his head in about halfway through my class to tell me he was leaving. I went on with the class, and was putting them through some drills when suddenly Daniel runs back over gives me a big grin and a wave and says "BYE NOONA!" I think it throws people off that their instructors is yelling at them one minute and then smiling and waving to a 4-year-old the next. But what can I say, I'm good at multitasking. Haha...
These kids don't care whether I've won or lost, nor do they really understand what all the stress was about. When Sammy comes to see my apt, she's not going to care how much my mortgage is or what the building's finances are - she's going to be thrilled it's next to the park and that I have a piano.
Sometimes the simplicity of children is so refreshing - that to them all that matters is that you're there at that moment.
Last week I walked downstairs to give a lesson and Mel bounded out of a nowhere with a huge smile (and quite the tan), and I hear someone shriek my name and Frankie came tearing out of nowhere and barrelled me over in a big hug. Haha the last time that happened was when I took that semester in California and came back for a weekend and dropped in on ACF large group - Linda has been known to squeal, but I was sure surprised by how fast she could zip across a room.
I think it surprised me that people actually missed me while I was gone. I expected people to miss my classes and the things that I do around here (because let's face it, the ball got dropped for some things) - but it was a pleasant surprise to have actually been...missed. The first day I was back Scott's eyes lit up momentarily and then he became a little bit shy again. (That didn't last long). Little guy is growing so fast, we just celebrated his 13th birthday. Hard to lose the image in my head of the little 8 year old red belt with rec specs.
Derek and Dylan chewed my ear off the night Sr brought them to the dojang. Sadly our trip to Turkey involved virtually no sightseeing or recreational activities, so I had a history lesson and descriptions of Turkish tourism from a 10 year old. Mr. Know-it-all tells it all. Haha, I love that kid. And even though I felt downright awful that night because I'd made the mistake of attempting to work out and found that my legs were now foreign objects made of lead - dropping out of class and babysitting redeemed my night. No matter how poopy you want to stay, it's just impossible in the presence of children. We were walking home afterwards and Dylan slipped his hand into mine and swung it as we walked along, echoing everything I said after me in a singsong way. 6 is a good age...I was almost afraid he'd outgrow the cute little kid stage, but he hasn't yet.
Just like Sammy, who makes my day every time I go to un-nee's house. There's always that moment when I open the door and call out "helloooooo?" and I hear "SOYUN EEMOH!!!!!" and this little thing hurtles down the hall. And inevitably Sydney with toddle after her un-nee to see what the excitement is about.
I think all these things came together in my mind last night, when I went to the dojang to teach my class. Daniel came in when I was just starting stretches and waved with a big "hi noona!" At which point I put aside decorum and waved back in the middle of counting. Mr Lim popped his head in about halfway through my class to tell me he was leaving. I went on with the class, and was putting them through some drills when suddenly Daniel runs back over gives me a big grin and a wave and says "BYE NOONA!" I think it throws people off that their instructors is yelling at them one minute and then smiling and waving to a 4-year-old the next. But what can I say, I'm good at multitasking. Haha...
These kids don't care whether I've won or lost, nor do they really understand what all the stress was about. When Sammy comes to see my apt, she's not going to care how much my mortgage is or what the building's finances are - she's going to be thrilled it's next to the park and that I have a piano.
Sometimes the simplicity of children is so refreshing - that to them all that matters is that you're there at that moment.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
new year
It's my one year anniversary at work today. They gave me a watch with the company logo on it. I'm contemplating actually wearing it. Or not.
September has hit me full blast, with all my kids returning and a weekend full of teaching/tutoring lined up. Funny, I feel like I should make new year's resolutions now, since my 'new year' technically still begins in September, as if I was still in school. One thing that I'm trying very hard to be conscious of is spreading out my teaching so that it leaves room to go to church on Sundays, and hopefully small group sometime during the week as well. I've been meaning to check out different churches for awhile now, but it just hasn't happened in the mayhem of the past year. As I've had a chance to breathe these last two weeks, it has become evident that it's time to reprioritize.
Though sadly, the percentage of new year's resolutions kept is something drastically small...there's a big hole for Christian community in my life in NY and it's about time to think about how to fill it. I feel like I'm in college all over again. This whole searching thing was something I really thought I'd had enough of back then...considering it took me almost 2 years to find my community there.
So we begin again...
September has hit me full blast, with all my kids returning and a weekend full of teaching/tutoring lined up. Funny, I feel like I should make new year's resolutions now, since my 'new year' technically still begins in September, as if I was still in school. One thing that I'm trying very hard to be conscious of is spreading out my teaching so that it leaves room to go to church on Sundays, and hopefully small group sometime during the week as well. I've been meaning to check out different churches for awhile now, but it just hasn't happened in the mayhem of the past year. As I've had a chance to breathe these last two weeks, it has become evident that it's time to reprioritize.
Though sadly, the percentage of new year's resolutions kept is something drastically small...there's a big hole for Christian community in my life in NY and it's about time to think about how to fill it. I feel like I'm in college all over again. This whole searching thing was something I really thought I'd had enough of back then...considering it took me almost 2 years to find my community there.
So we begin again...
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