the turtle and the scorpion

A few years ago, Chin and I were having a discussion on friendships and relationships, and he told me this story. It's kind of a strange story, and just leaves off in a way that only Chin can get away with making sense of...but I find myself reflecting back on it often. I miss Chin.

A turtle was swimming along a river when a scorpion hailed it from the shore.

"Hey Mr. Turtle!" called the scorpion. "Please let me climb upon your back and swim me to the other side of the river!"

"No," replied the turtle, "for if I do, you shall sting me, and I shall die."

"Nonsense!" replied the scorpion. "If I sting you in the middle of the river, you shall sink, and I shall drown and die with you."

The turtle thought this over, and saw the truth of the scorpion's statement, and said "OK I will swim you across on my back if you promise you won't sting me". The scorpion agreed, and the turtle let it upon his back and began swimming towards the other side of the river.

Halfway across, he felt a sharp pain in the back of his neck.

"Why have you stung me?!" cried the turtle as his body began to stiffen. "You promised you would not sting me, and now we will both die!"

"I couldn't help it" said the scorpion, "it's my nature to sting...but if you knew that I would sting you, why did you agree to help me?"

"I couldn't help it" the turtle replied, "it's in my nature to help."

spontanaeity

What a spontaneous weekend. I think I secretly like spontanaeity, but I'm too anal and risk-averse to instigate it myself. But judging by my record, I'm apparently easily convinced.

After a long hard practice out in Bayside on Sat (my legs haven't been this purple in years - feels GREAT), I made it back to MN rather late for sg dinner. But some of my sgroupees were gracious enough to hang around and wait for me, and we proceeded from Island Burger to Ellen's Stardust Diner, where they had dessert and I had water. (Can I repeat how much I hate cutting weight? I'm getting better at watching other people eat yummy fat and refraining, though. *sigh* Yummy fat.)

That diner is hilarious - the waiters and waitresses come out and sing - and they're really quite good! I could have sat there and been entertained all night. What was even more amusing was when this one waitress came out to sing "Love Train", she danced right over to Mia, who clapped her hands in excitement - until the waitress pulled her out to join the love train. Mia managed to grab Bryan before the train took off down the aisles, leaving Carol and me to enjoy this performance and fumble for a camera. Ellen's Stardust Diner, people - I highly recommend it. Birthdays, bar mitzvah's, and small group memory-making.

So from there we proceeded to walk across town in the wind (Mia kept claiming she was going to get blown away...I guess this is what happens when you weigh double digits) to Bryan's to get his car (bless his company for funding our escapades) to drive Mia home. Thus the adventure to Queens began...

After the grand tour of her apt (which is seriously half the cost of living in MN), she treated us to some high quality music (did you know she has soul?) for trekking all the way out to Briarwood. From there we embarked on a quest via GPS and internet to find a 24 hour Target or Walmart, since we were in Queens (ie. stuff is cheaper) and with car (ie. don't have to carry it home on the subway) - but to no avail. Seriously, we called every Target and Walmart in that area and they were all closed. Lame.

In a desperate attempt to find something open 24 hours, we ended up going to Walgreens. How sad is it that that was really exciting? But it was...Christmas wrapping for super cheap!

Thankfully it was the reversal of daylight savings, so all this fun was supplemented by an extra hour of sleep. And who says God doesn't provide?

So then on Sunday I completely forgot that I had to teach at 9am until a kid showed up at my door. Whoops. She isn't my most exciting student, either, so mustering up the energy took some effort. After church, I walked across town (literally - from 10th ave to 2nd ave) to meet up with the alums bc gbae and gleej were in town! What a pleasant surprise...I love the class of 2000. And they are the other kcf class with 'the curse'. Haha.

So after lunch I was supposed to go to football, but ended up being abducted in the car to ahyeah's apt, where they introduced me to the world of Settlers of Catan (dangerous, introducing me to new games...). And by abducted I mean, I was standing outside the car trying to decide what to do and gleej goes "just get in the car" so I got in the car. Easily convinced, I tell you. (And no, I wouldn't do that with strangers, lest anyone thinks I will actually be abducted).

Super duper fun...

Things I want to eat post-competitions:

-a coffee ice-cream milkshake
-coke. lots of non-diet coke.
-fettucine alfredo with chicken and broccoli.
-jackson hole burger.
-cheesecake.
-brownies.
-fried chicken.
-breaded pork chops.

decisions, decisions...

Should I buy it...should I not. I think my inner child is still bitter at my parents for giving away my 8-bit NES and Gameboy when I was a kid. I don't know who they gave it away to, but...I took it pretty hard. Gone are the days of Super Mario Bros 1, 2 and 3...Super Dodgeball, Super Contra (hrmm - I appear to have a thing for games with the name "super" in them).

Over the summer, on the way to shiau_d's wedding, I discovered in the backseat of Abe's car his Nintendo DS Lite and Big Brain Academy. Yes, I'm SuperDork, loud and proud - but I couldn't get enough of this game. Ash had to take it away from me because I was so obsessed with beating my score, I would have stayed up all night and slept thru the wedding. (Seriously, if you haven't played it...this game is freaking addicting).

Then last month, after a failed kcf alum (+B) attempt to go to Atlantic City (always an adventure with J) and/or karaoke (yo, when are we actually going?), we ended up buying poker chips at Duane Reade and going to the Moons'. There I discovered that dmoon had acquired a DS Lite as a groomsman's gift, and he had some game called Brain Age. I thought it would be the same thing, but it wasn't. Not nearly as fun...well, that and the voice recognition thing didn't work too well so it told me I was stupid. (I have a brain age of 80 or something like that - I was really sad!) I was stubbornly trying to redeem myself when I was called to rejoin civilization and lose my money at poker.

So as per my usual shopping habits with unnecessary purchases, I sit around and wait for awhile and see if I still want it. (Hence why it took me so long to get a cell phone, an iPod, a digital camera...) I mean, it's entirely useless beyond entertainment purposes. I should be practical and spend my money on things I need, like...food. Then again I do spend a lot of time on airplanes and bored out of my mind in airports, and there's a ridiculously long flight to Argentina coming up.

I'm so bad at making frivolous decisions. Be responsible? Or be fun?

Perhaps I will make a flow chart...

movies

"Great moments are born from great opportunity"

I treated myself to my favorite movie. Still as good as the first time. Nothing pulls my heartstrings as transformation, bringing out the best in someone, and that moment when a goal is realized against all odds.

That's right. My favorite movie is Miracle.

People always ask me why it's my favorite movie. I guess it's not a common favorite, since most people haven't even watched it. And I don't play hockey. But it's like both sides of my story, put on a hockey rink, played by white guys. But I think if you know me well, it's a no-brainer.

Speaking of which...I was thinking about what my top 5 movies are, and it made me all introspective as to why I like them so much.

1. Miracle
2. Searching for Bobby Fischer
3. Remember the Titans
4. Miss Congeniality
5. Toy Story

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Haha, but perhaps only to me...


"The important thing is that those 20 boys know in 20 years, they didn't leave anything on the table. They played their hearts out. That's the important thing."

encouragement

I've been thinking about encouragements, and how to encourage others in a way they understand. Which led me to think about the ways that I'm encouraged. (Or discouraged, as the case may be).

I was really encouraged this week when:

-Jooho told me that if I were his quarterback, we'd be unstoppable, and proceeded to list the reasons why. What unexpected affirmations (particularly from the guy who doesn't give them very readily). Made me all the more sad that I can't play this year, but already makes me look forward to next season.

-The look on his face when I told Mumbles about Pan Ams. It's so heartwarming when you see that someone is so genuinely happy for you. As opposed to this conversation I had with my mom:

"Mom, guess what!"

"You got a boyfriend???"

"Um. No. I'm going to be on the national team to the Pan American Championships in Argentina..."

"Oh. That's good too."

Way to burst my bubble.

-JAAC is the best.

-Popped in Miracle. Still my favorite movie.

We've got to stop crying and start sweating. We've got to stop talking and start walking. Working together, with a common faith - we cannot fail.

Apparently I'm really relational. Even more so than I thought. And not everyone responds to that.

Working with someone is hard.

I don't like confrontation and difficult conversations.

I crumble too easily at the first signs of argument from a Korean male in authority.

It is way past my bedtime.

God is so good!!!!

I'm at work, and the phone rings.

"Hello, this is C P" (standard greeting, please don't be an architect)

"Hi" (distinctively male voice, speaking as though I should recognize it)

"Um. Who's this?" (clearly not recognizing...and probably offending...)

"It's His Royal Highness"

(moment of clarity, realization hits...HAHAHA.)

"Hi Sab"

I find it hilarious that this whole "Royal Highness" thing has become the norm between us. My coach is ridiculous. (See entry Oct 12).

I'm sitting at work on Friday, trying not to fall asleep after lunch, so I surreptitiously check my email (we're not supposed to use the internet at work) to find a message telling me to call Colorado. When I finally get through, I find out...

I'm going to the Pan American Championships in Argentina next month with the national team!!!

randomness

The difference between an arrogant guy and an arrogant girl: when you're up against someone who doesn't like you, the guy says "their opinion doesn't matter they are beneath me" and moves on. Whereas the girl says "their opinion doesn't matter they are beneath me" and then promptly wonders "but why don't they like me???"

* * * * *

Endy Chavez is freaking awesome. I think he just made me a Mets fan. What a catch.

* * * * *

I made a new friend this week. He's so much like Richard it's uncanny. Poofy volumous hair and all. Well, when Rich was skinny and small. Seriously, the hair and the hoojin doubles. Uncanny.

* * * * *

I was going up the stairs in the subway the other day when my hand clashed with the foot of the guy in front of me. It just happens when it gets busy - people bump into each other. He promptly turned around, glared at me, and said "if you touch me again I'll push you down those stairs"

What are you supposed to say in that type of situation? I was torn between standing up for myself and crumbling. But I know my own temperament, and figuring there was no way for me to stand up for myself gracefully, I ended up just staying silent.

I'm not sure if I'm proud of myself for walking away, or ashamed for being a weenie.

* * * * *

My super-motivated, super-talented 8-year-old student brightened my day today. I love teaching someone who loves to learn. She was so excited about my birthday, she was like "I'm going to get you a present! Oh I know! I'm going to get you a Taekwondo bear from Build-A-Bear!"

(she takes a moment to look around my room, spots my Vermont Teddy Bear with the Taekwondo uniform)

"Like that one!"

(she takes another scan, spots the Beanie Buddy that selbst made a dobok for back at TKD gift exchange '03)

"Or that one...huh. You have a lot of Taekwondo bears!"

Haha. Super cute. And then I made her do 40 minutes of doubles, and she totally loved it. Soemtimes you have these little moments that remind you that teaching can be joyful. I'll have to remember that tomorrow when I teach my other 8 year-old girl who hates math and consequently hates me...

* * * * *

Pom Tea is so good. So freaking expensive. But so good.

more than conquerers - part 2

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." -Romans 8:28-30

* * * * *

Often I find myself asking, "why is this happening to me?"

As though I can really judge what is good or bad for me in the grand scheme of my life. However, P. Dave said something interesting to that question:

"The greatest gift God can give is to make us like Jesus. The unchanging program of God is that whether times are good or bad, He is trying to shape you. If all God did was polish, then we would never have shape or form. Wood doesn't carve itself, it yields to the carver."

So I suppose it isn't necessarily bad to ask God "why?" It's a perfectly natural response to any situation you don't understand. I think that I have a tendency to ask, expecting to receive an answer that is in line with what I think. However, the answer appears to be that simple.

Why? To make me more like Jesus.

In the words of the kids I teach - oh, snap!

So coming off of this retreat, if I could take one tangible thing away, it would be to challenge myself, in all circumstances, to ask the question "How is this making me more like Jesus?"

Oh, freaking snap indeed...

I must say, it's been quite the perspective shift. At the very least, it wards off (or uh, holds off) the pity parties and melodramamatic frustrations. But in order to understand how these situations make you more like Jesus, you have to know the character and experiences of Jesus.

So I recently lost my training partner and only real peer/friend at the dj to graduation from law school and entrance into corporate law. J was my best good friend. He was the one who would scrape me off the ground...who literally was there at the mat, coaching me through all the times I fought Sabs until I broke, who would pick me up when I was a crying wheezing ball on the side, who would tell me more about my game (and myself) than I could ever have seen in my own denial. He was the one who suffered with me through brutal workouts, who inspired me with how good he was, who made himself available despite school and finals and girlfriends when I needed him. He was the one who sparred me just hard enough to push me but not so hard that I'd get discouraged and give up. He was the one who was always on my side.

And above all, he was the one person who always, always believed in me even when it felt like no one else did. Even when I didn't. Not in the "you can do it!" sense that anyone can say, but in knowing all about my strengths and weaknesses and standing by me in my best and worst moments. No matter who I was up against, he never once gave up on me or thought that I didn't stand a chance. And he believed in me in a way I understood.

He was the card in my back pocket.

He moved downtown this summer, and disappeared into the world of power ties and cocktails, only to emerge on occasion. I feel like I lost a little bit of myself.

A is one of my little bros, quite talented, and loyal in a way that only dongsengs are. He could always be counted on to hold, to observe, to generally be supportive. He was the only one who knew how to stretch me, the one who would run with me and push me, who would be that "annoying lil' bro" and make me laugh. Who would let noona smack him around just because I was noona, and love to give me nasty sweaty hugs and shake his hair in my face after I put him through a grueling workout. In his own way, I could count on him to be there. Until recently. Overwhelmed with work and school, he's lost motivation in his own training and fallen off the face of the earth.

M was my only girl junior who was also my friend. Her support went so far where I was only surrounded by boys. (Don't get me wrong - I love my boys - but being the only girl is rough sometimes.) She was the one who looked up to me and whose admiration reminded me that I was to be as awesome as she thought I was. She was the one who wrote me good luck cards, sent me inspirational quotes before Spain, and generally just encouraged me. We sent her off to college this fall, where she is now happily a freshman and moving on. I miss her.

B&N were the most awesome positive supporters ever. They flew with me everywhere for a year, cheered me on at tournaments, were always so excited and genuinely interested in everything that happened. They would sit and watch me practice and just want to see me fight. Their wide-eyed color belt wonderment at the game and the training was so refreshing - it restored much of my love for the pureness of it, and melted away the jaded and tired blanket that so often settles. I used to see them almost every day - talked to them every day. Last year they got pregnant and are now proud parents of a beautiful baby girl. I've seen them less than 10 times in the last year.

D was my baby. I saw him every day at the dojang, when his little face would light up, he'd run across the room and give me a big fat hug and kiss on the cheek, saying "hi noona!" It was the best part of my day. He'd want to show me his Pokemon cards and Power Rangers. And as he got older and more articulate, we actually started having conversations. He's 5 1/2 now, and started kindergarten in September. I miss "hi noona!"

more than conquerers - part 2.5

(continued...)

It's a really scary feeling when you look around one day and realize that you're running this race alone. That there is no one you can count on but yourself - that you may be able to ask for help, but there is no one who will volunteer without having been asked, or who you can ask freely without feeling guilty or demanding, that there is no one training beside you, no net to catch you if you fall.

Such is life - changes happen, priorities and circumstances shift, and people move on. It's not personal - it just...is. It's a rather bizarre coincidence that the closest people to me all seem to have exited at once, but...there we have it.

So how does this make me more like Jesus?

Surely Jesus understood loneliness more than anyone else. Surely Jesus understood disappointment. When I think about the Garden of Gethsemane account in Mark, it reminds me that despite being divine, despite having a relationship with the Father that was the way it was supposed to be - Jesus needed friends. That in his time of sorrow and loneliness, in his time of preparation for the daunting calling before Him - he needed the support of his closest friends. So He took James, John, and Peter up to the mountain with him and told them to keep watch while He prayed.

But they failed Him. Not understanding what was happening, not seeing the distress on His heart, they fell asleep.

Man, if I was Jesus I'd be pretty upset. It's like, hello, I need a little support here because I'm about to die a humiliating death to save you fools, and you can't even stay awake? I'm sure He was annoyed. You could tell in the way He rebuked them. But somehow...it wasn't personal. There was no bitterness. If anything, I think He was sad that they still didn't get it. In the end, He didn't necessarily get the support that He had desired. But nonetheless, He did what He came to do.

I'm not entirely sure how this makes me more like Jesus. Perhaps it's in staying focused on the goal at hand, despite the ultimate setback of going at it alone. Perhaps it's in learning to give grace instead of harboring bitterness in the circumstances. Perhaps it's in being humble enough to know that you need others, even if they have or will let you down (intentionally or unintentionally). Or perhaps it's staying focused on the purpose, regardless of circumstance.

I wish I could give some inspirational conclusion...but I don't know. But it's been an interesting exercise, and a good excuse to study Mark 14. I don't think I have the answer...but I hope that in beginning search for it, I'll understand how it's shaping me.

more than conquerers - part 1

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." -Romans 8:28-30

I'm not sure, but I think this was my favorite sermon from the retreat. It was a whole new way of looking at this famous Romans passage. It brings up an interesting point, that we are not to determine God's character based on our circumstances, but that we are to trust the unfailing/unchanging character of God and see how our lives fit. In short - when good things happen, they make us stronger by encouragement. When bad things happen, they make us stronger by perseverance. Everything has its purpose - in ALL things.

Crazy concept...

I used to see this verse as one of those feel-good reassuring verses. Paraphrased more as "God will do good things for me because God is good". But what of the times when it's hard, when things seem to overwhelm and He seems far away? What of the times when you almost feel like you're being punished, or that you just can't take it? What then does it mean that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him?

This week, Sab unleashed some new drills on me. I don't know where he comes up with this stuff, but my training has suddenly taken a turn that reminds me of what football players do in boot camp for conditioning. You know, when you have to tackle that heavy contraption with the pad and move it/push it a certain distance.

After a whole bunch of pad drills, he threw the mitts off and said "OK, push me all the way to the end of the room". Sab is not a huge man, but...he's still a man. Halfway down the floor, I just couldn't move him anymore. He planted his feet, and I ran out of gas...I think for awhile I was just standing there in the middle, leaning on him and wheezing. Until he yelled at me, and I had to get my feet moving again.

I thought that was going to be it, but after 4 sets of those, he went into the whole set of drills where he basically pulls me by the belt from behind and I have to sprint, kick, whatever. It's a crazy feeling, when you just don't think you can pick your legs up, but you have to. (Lactic acid is not my friend). When you know there is nothing left in the tank and all you can do is risk passing out to dog it through, or give up to save yourself.

When we were done, he looked at me with this fond smile, almost of satisfaction.

"Where do you come up with this stuff?? You really enjoy coming up with new ways to torture me, huh?"

"I do. Because I know at the end of the day that you appreciate it."

"Give me about 10 minutes. I'll appreciate it when I can breathe."

10 minutes later

"OK. Now I appreciate you."

"I know."

I'm sure these drills are working my leg strength (judging by the fact that I couldn't walk straight the next day), and my lungs are being expanded...but more than that, he does these things to expand my mental capacity to focus and push, and the capacity of my heart to have that desire to give more than I have.

At the end of the day...it may not feel good during...it's because I know him and trust that he wants what's best for me that I appreciate that he put so much effort and thought into pushing me.

Because at the end of the day, I know it makes me better.

koreans and the letter "r"

So the other day, Sab tells me to go check out this website about this local tournament in Flushing in a couple weeks. So I go and look at the informational packet, and as usual with any sort of Korean organization, there's a page that lists all the people who have this or that title of office. It's like, OK not EVERYONE needs to be on a committee...and I highly doubt most of these committees exist outside of them feeling important.

Regardless.

So I'm going down the list, scanning for masters I know, masters I don't know, looking for Sabs (my coaches)...when I finally found them. Under the category "Regal Council"

Now, I can only venture to guess that since both Sab Sr and Sab Jr are full-time attorneys - that this was some sort of mistake for "Legal Counsel".

So the following conversation ensues:

me: "Regal council?? Please tell me that uh, he meant royalty and not a fobby mistake on 'legal' "

Sab: "He meant what he said. I'm glad someone is giving My Royal Highness my proper due and lespect!"

me: "would Your Majesty be gracing us with his presence tonight? And what equipment would His Highness desire in the Royal Torture?"

Sab: "My Regalness shall be there!"

HAHAHA. There is no "R" sound in Korean, and the closest letter is a soft "L"...

Leave it to my people to create royalty...

retreat notes part 1

perhaps to be fleshed out at a later time...

on partnership:

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

"you and I...we're too stubborn for that. we're going to push on and we're going to get through these things. this may be you now, but there will be a time later when you'll be the one with the shovel and have to scrape me off the ground"

Perhaps sometimes it's good to be stubborn. If only I could channel my stubbornness for good...

on the heart of a solider (Session 1: 2 Tim. 2:3-4)

Fidelity - "When you have that relational loyalty, you feel you can do anything."

Fortitude - "Our expectations define our experience. If you think it's about you, you will always be disappointed. A solider expects to die, so when he's shot, he's just thankful to live. But a cube rat expects life to be easy and crumbles at a paper cut. Do you really think that's all God wants for you?"

Focus - "We glorify options and choices - we think this is freedom. But for the soldier who has all these things removed, he has the freedom to focus. Like David and Saul - the armor that was supposed to protect him was going to end up killing him. God says ' come live' and you say 'I would if I could move' "

on holiness and community (session 2: ecclesiastes 4:7-12)

People joined together by unity and willingness to give, can change the world. Everyone needs a Paul, Barnabus, and Timothy.

Paul - "When forging ahead, who do you have in front of you? Whose guidance you trust, who is your example, whose authority you follow? How do you know where you're going unless someone has gone ahead of you? Unless you know where you're going ALL the time - you will get lost."

Barnabus - "People beside you, who make the journey worth taking and strengthen you for the journey. Serving together, working for the same goals together is what brings people together. We're longing for a real friend, but we can't manage our own friendships.

"I have come."
"Why?"
"I have just come"

Just to live together before we die."

Timothy - "We fear being unremembered because we have been nobody to anybody. If you were erased, in whose life would something be missing? Part of your responsibility is to not live like a loser because you are who they have to look at to know how to live."

on being more than conquerers (Session III: Romans 8:28)

"We try to gauge the goodness of God based on our circumstances. We are to look at the unchanging/unfailing character of God and see how our lives fit. The greatest gift God can give is to make us more like Jesus. God doesn't care what happens around us, but happens within us.

Wood doesn't carve itself, it yields to the carver. If all God did was polish, then we would never be shaped or have form. The unchanging program of God is that whether times are good or bad, He is trying to shape you."

on being honest with yourself:

"If you're bleeding for the nations every moment of every day, you're a liar"

on dan choe:

two words:

cabbage.
patch.

youtube

The internet is crazy in how widespread it is. Sab found this today.

Go to youtube and type in 'Taekwondo' at the search. Click on the first video that pops up (something called 'taekwondo vol 1'). Freaking scary music on top, but...who is this person and how did they get my picture?

My guess is that this person is European (by the music, and the fact that all the tournament footage appears to be from European championships and worlds/olympics).

I don't know how I feel about a random person having my picture.

symbiotic relationships

A couple years ago, my cousins took their (then) 2 kids to Kenya for a medical missions trip (he is a doctor, she used to be a teacher). When they came back, their older daughter, Sammy (then 5) was really excited to tell me all about their trip.

I probably shouldn't have been surprised since she's a pretty bright kid, but I was floored when she busted out the definition of a symbiotic relationship. "See eemoh, it's like when the hippos are in the waaaater, and the birds sit on their heads and pick out the foooood that's stuck in their teeeeeth" (On a side note - what is it about little kids that lengthen the vowels of certain words? And what makes that super-cute when they're little and really annoying when grown-ups do it?)

I think when I was learning about symbiotic relationships as a kid, books would give a similar example. birds = hippo floss. But how real is that, when you're looking at cartoon pictures of animals that you'd never see in real life?

So this weekend at the retreat, I had to keep to the training schedule and work out in the afternoon on Sat. After some paddles with Shauna (thanks Shauna!), I had to find someone who'd be willing to hold the turtle (pad) for me so I could kick out hard (ie. a guy). To my grateful surprise, several of the brothers were quite supportive...and almost a little too excited to be helpful and get kicked. ("Hey! You gotta try this! Let her kick you!")

I found it kind of amusing, because it was such a testosterony thing. Like, how many hits can you take before you admit it hurts. It actually got to the point where they exhausted me from kicking so much, I was like a monkey at a zoo.

So after a few different guys went through the line (man, Young was a freaking wall - I couldn't move him at all), they managed to goad Jooho into holding.

It's usually pretty hard to teach someone how to hold properly for moving drills, since usually you need people who know how to kick well, themselves to understand distance and timing. In general, I was trying to stick to stationary drills so all my partner would have to do is take the hit. However, Jooho decided to goad me about not kicking hard enough, and he's a pretty solid guy, so I thought it was an opportune time to work on jumping back kicks.

"OK, so you hold the pad like this, make sure it stays flush, and you're just going to run at me and try to mow me over"

Man, it was like giving a kid candy - the look on his face was totally priceless. If a person could rev up to do a drill...that's what he did. But it was actually really helpful to force myself to be on my toes (literally), since he's bigger and faster than any girl I'd be fighting. So he'd basically run at me and I'd try to kick as hard as I could to stop him (and he's faster than he looks, so momentum = mv was not in my favor).

The funny thing, though, is that he really seemed to like it. He said it felt good to get hit - cathartic, as he put it. Which I find ironic, because I find it cathartic to hit the pads hard.

I think I get it now. Jooho and I have a symbiotic relationship.

t-minus 29

Remember the Titans was on TBS tonight. Definitely rising in the ranks of my favorite movies...perhaps it is now #2.

I think I like watching movies by myself in the comforts of my own home. Read: I can cry freely when I feel like it and not be embarassed about it. Not that I cry in movies. Of course not. *ahem*

But seriously, I noticed that when I'm watching a movie with someone else, those pivotal emotional moments are ruined because I have too much pride to actually let the tears flow. I think it impedes my enjoyment of the movie, overall, because I secretly *really* enjoy those sentimental happy breakthrough or turnaround moments. Well, I guess it's not really a secret since I just wrote it on the internet. Foiled!

So...either I'm going to have to watch movies by myself forever, or I'm going to have to be comfortable enough with the people I'm watching to let that pride go. Hasn't happened yet - not even with my favorite movie, which I watched with my 'family' (read: my TKD bros and my Jewish mom) - and with all the tears we've put down on those mats, there isn't much room for pride left there. But nope - sucked those tears back in the theater the first time I watched it, even though every time I watch it now it's still as good as the first time...

Speaking of inspiration...I bit the bullet and registered for Nationals today. Paid my fees, filled out the forms, bought my plane tickets...no turning back now. I've had enough of being sick, it's time to mind-over-matter it.

Feel free to motivate me...(read: please!)

T-minus 29.

jesus in our chests

Our final TGIF outing - thanks for a great year, guys.

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. -Philippians 1:3-6

















































Always remember the "hiney dairy seat" =)

washed

6He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?"

7Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."

8"No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet."
Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me."

9"Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!"

10Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." 11For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.

12When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13"You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

John 13:6-17

* * * * *

Sometimes I don't know what to make of situations. I just had a very insightful and challenging conversation with someone...but the minute I got off the phone I found myself in doubt as to how said person would view me now that part of my true character with its many flaws and shortcomings was out in the open.

Such is the difficulty of sharing. I've never had difficulty sharing - I consider myself to be an extrovert, testimonial, and frankly - narcissistic. I talk about myself quite often, and not just in superficial terms either.

However, something is different in these conversations. Perhaps it's because it's so challenging and pinpoints the very questions that are true, the very areas that I lack - but sharing becomes difficult because going deeper means being uncomfortable. Because it's humbling that another would see my weaknesses and point them out to me.

I imagine this is what Peter felt when Jesus suggested washing his feet. Not just in the indignance that Jesus would lower himself to a servant's role, but just in shame of how dirty his feet are and having the one person he wanted to impress see his gross feet as they are.

But I think that this is what Jesus meant by commanding us to wash one another's feet. That the difficult is not just in the lowering of oneself to be a servant - but in allowing yourself to be served. Because in being served in this way, you're acknowledging your need for someone else to see and take away the dirt you've accumulated.

I think that what I struggle with is not so much in letting Jesus wash me - but in obeying his commands to wash the feet of others and to let myself be washed by others.

haha, whoops

So I've been delegated to head up the efforts on games at the retreat, and I called a brief meeting today to brainstorm ideas and get our new Events, Yo! members involved. (Which I find funny because I feel like a new member, still).

So after our meeting, we went to men's/women's ministries, and I was sitting across from this girl who's new to our church who signed up for Events.

"So are you the leader of Events? Or is it John?"

"Haha, John's the leader, I'm just his wife. I pick up after him and remind him when he forgets things."

"Oh, OK."

"Wait - I'm not ACTUALLY John's wife...you know that, right?"

"Well, you do have the same last name..."

HAHA. Oh man...I gotta stop referring to myself as ppls wife or secretary. I forget that sometimes when people are new, they might actually believe you.

shout-outs

I shall not steal the glory - haha, no I did not come up with the crazy cheer. I must give credit where credit is due...so let me introduce each of our crazy members who made the sg wars experience hilarious (we missed the rest of you guys!):

Esther "the monkey feet" - those toes are ridiculous, she was the secret to the sock game! Perhaps she should enter the Jooho-Helga-monkey-feet-challenge...(but please, no more blessing my phone with your feet!)

Geoff & Bryan "the poker faces" - never have I seen such serious faces on that sprinkler dance...and my fellow push-uppers. "Bryan, can you do pushups?" "Uh, I was in the ARMY..."

Carol "the iron-woman" - she led the sweatshop effort to acquire raw materials and mass-produce the iron-on shirts.

Dan "the Paparazzi" - documenting all the precious moments, and learning the entire cheer the day of. (Impressive, considering it took the rest of us many practice rounds the night before!)

Grace "the arteest" - for coming up with our crazy shirt and banner design, a one-woman show! Seriously, we were looking at the blank bedsheet and suddenly she starts drawing, and...then we had a banner.

Mia "busta rhymes" - for coming up with the best lines when we all got stuck and were just listening to Snoop Dogg on repeat. By the way, did you guys know the lyrics are really bad? Man...I was shocked.

Jooheon "shameless for the gospel" - who leads by example and danced all around my apt in search of the perfect moves..."no guys, it's gotta be REALLY EMBARASSING! Break that pride!" The man really knows how to rally the troops.

And of course, Friday Night Lights, our other half - you guys were awesome! =) I think my favorite part was watch George and JH Izzy Dizzy and then try to jump up and down. They looked kinda like Elmer Fudd when he gets mad.