I can't wait for summer vacation.
It's funny, ever since I graduated, summer has ceased to have that freedom that it used to. I mean, let's face it - no one's gonna give me 2.5 months off of work.
Ever since I was a kid, I would look forward to summer as the end of a year. A time when I could sleep in and watch "The Price Is Right" every morning (yes, that was my favorite game show for awhile). When I could go bike riding with my friends every day (ugh, I pity NYC kids who can't just go outside and play in the streets). Summers meant shorts, and swimming, and tagging along with my dad on his trips to LA. It meant Jr. Nationals and the weeks of preparation where my coach would pick us up at 7am, drive us out to the end of some beach, and make us run home...
Now summer means hot and sticky weather and wishing I had an air conditioner. Or, wishing I knew how to install it without dropping it out the window. (Anyone want to help me install an AC this summer? Please?)
I can't wear shorts because of having to look nice for work. Reminds me of that DJ Doc song, DOC 와 춤을. "여름 교복이 반바지 라면..."
Working means that you get a whopping 2 weeks of vacation in a year. 2 weeks. That's so little. I go through it with one, maybe two big tournaments. In fact, I'm already in the hole for vacation hours, and I've only been at my company for a month.
But this summer appears to be a time when things will actually slow down significantly - well, provided that I don't promptly fill my plate back up again. Ever since the job change and freeing up another hour in my day, I seem to have filled it and then some with teaching and tutoring. While I'm certainly thankful for how good business has been, and flattered to be getting calls - it's tiring. It puts me in quite the quandary, because I absolutely love teaching - but it is very emotionally occupying, and makes me tired by the time I get to my own training. But over the summer, my kids are out of school, and a lot of them go away to camps or travel. (Yes, privileged kids). I think I'll have enough students to still get to teach, but not be overloaded and crammed in tight.
Coupled with the fact that there aren't any big tournaments over the summer, I'm looking forward to it as a time of healing, rest, and rehabilitation. Not just for my body (though that is sorely needed) but just for the soul - everyone needs a time to slow down. I miss hanging out with friends without having to make appointments weeks in advance. I miss walking around aimlessly, just for the sake of seeing what's out there - it's been so long since I haven't had to rush from Point A to Point B. I wish I didn't have to always turn down events when they come up, because I have to be at practice. In short - I think I'm missing out on being a 20-something.
So although it's going to be FIGHTING! for the next 2 months (Regionals, Collegiate Worlds, holding down the job plus classwork plus teaching plus getting the kids ready for finals and SAT's and AP's...) the madness will pass. And then I'll finally finally finally have...time.
Things I want to do this summer:
Sleep 8 hours a night.
NOT be at the dojang 7 days a week.
Go to Boston at least once and visit all my kids properly.
Go to a museum.
Go to Mostly Mozart.
Rollerblade through Central Park.
Go to Brooklyn. It's the borough that has eluded me.
Spend more time with my nieces.
Eat good food. Explore some new restaurants.
Redo my kitchen.
See a movie. In a theater.
Play violin regularly.
Meet up with people! (You?)
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
all i need
All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need Your love to carry me bye
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need Your love to carry me bye
Monday, March 27, 2006
fair
"Daniel, what does our family say? Life is..."
"not fair!"
If a 4-year-old can understand it, why can't I?
"not fair!"
If a 4-year-old can understand it, why can't I?
Saturday, March 25, 2006
personal space
I was on the plane home from Denver, which was hands down one of the worst flights I've ever been on. United sucks to begin with (American has spoiled me with leg room) - but being in Denver the morning after a snowstorm where flights were cancelled and delayed and grumpy people were rerouted everywhere...was no good. NG.
So needless to say, when I checked in and my eticket told me I had a middle seat, I was peeved but forced to be understanding. At that point I was just thankful my flight wasn't cancelled. However, once I got on the plane, I realized that I had the middle seat in the BACK row. Meaning, the only row on the plane where the seats don't recline.
No wait - there's more.
So I make my way to the back of the plane, and there's a guy already sitting in the window of my row. Seems normal enough. But no.
He's HUGE.
And far be it for me to be size-ist, and the seats were small, but he was taking up his seat and then some. I don't mind (that much) when people have already claimed the armrest, I can live with that. But when one is so large that they take up the armrest (and then some) naturally? It's not like I can fight with him for space, or really ask him to give me the space that I paid $288 for...it's not like he can help how big he is.
What was United thinking? Put the man in an exit row and put someone tiny in the back corner. Duh. Inefficient people.
So here I am, cramped up in about 60% of a seat (I kid you not), trying not to lean into the woman on my other side. Mind you, I've just come out of one of the most bruising tournaments ever, unable to bend my legs and with a dull headache from a mild concussion.
But wait - there's more.
Once the plane *finally* takes off, this large man falls asleep. Fine, perfectly natural thing to happen when you have a 7.30am flight. I would've tried to sleep, myself...if the man didn't SNORE. And by snore I mean a chainsaw that just couldn't quite get it's motor started. So it wasn't even steady - there were intermittent snorts that give you hope that maybe it's over...and then they start up again.
I've never understood the physics of snoring, as I have a friend who is quite small and snores like no other. However, looking at this guy, I'd be tempted to run some analysis on the air capacity within him and how much resonance can occur. In short - it was loud. And unpleasant. I almost thought about elbowing him in turbulence to try and wake up him - but that would just make him move, and the last thing I needed was to be squished more.
So the moral of the story is...don't fly United. And bring an iPod whenever you go on a flight.
So needless to say, when I checked in and my eticket told me I had a middle seat, I was peeved but forced to be understanding. At that point I was just thankful my flight wasn't cancelled. However, once I got on the plane, I realized that I had the middle seat in the BACK row. Meaning, the only row on the plane where the seats don't recline.
No wait - there's more.
So I make my way to the back of the plane, and there's a guy already sitting in the window of my row. Seems normal enough. But no.
He's HUGE.
And far be it for me to be size-ist, and the seats were small, but he was taking up his seat and then some. I don't mind (that much) when people have already claimed the armrest, I can live with that. But when one is so large that they take up the armrest (and then some) naturally? It's not like I can fight with him for space, or really ask him to give me the space that I paid $288 for...it's not like he can help how big he is.
What was United thinking? Put the man in an exit row and put someone tiny in the back corner. Duh. Inefficient people.
So here I am, cramped up in about 60% of a seat (I kid you not), trying not to lean into the woman on my other side. Mind you, I've just come out of one of the most bruising tournaments ever, unable to bend my legs and with a dull headache from a mild concussion.
But wait - there's more.
Once the plane *finally* takes off, this large man falls asleep. Fine, perfectly natural thing to happen when you have a 7.30am flight. I would've tried to sleep, myself...if the man didn't SNORE. And by snore I mean a chainsaw that just couldn't quite get it's motor started. So it wasn't even steady - there were intermittent snorts that give you hope that maybe it's over...and then they start up again.
I've never understood the physics of snoring, as I have a friend who is quite small and snores like no other. However, looking at this guy, I'd be tempted to run some analysis on the air capacity within him and how much resonance can occur. In short - it was loud. And unpleasant. I almost thought about elbowing him in turbulence to try and wake up him - but that would just make him move, and the last thing I needed was to be squished more.
So the moral of the story is...don't fly United. And bring an iPod whenever you go on a flight.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
confidence before success
"Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded" -Hebrews 10:35
The coaching staff and I all had high expectations as I entered by junior year of college baseball. With 2 years of experience, this was going to be my "breakout" year. As it turned out, I began the year underachieving greatly. As I struggled, I knew that I had begun to lose confidence as well. Then I was reminded of an old phrase, "Confidence comes before success."
We all know that success breeds confidence, but so many times we are held back from achieving success because of our lack of confidence. Maybe we fear what others think, or maybe we doubt ourselves. Doubt and fear go hand-in-hand and frequently prevent us from reaching our full potential.
However, 2 Timonthy 1:7 tells us, "God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." Confidence and faith go hand-in-hand as well. God wants us to have confidence in the abilities and talents He's given us, and we do that by first having faith in Him and then giving our best effort. Work hard, think positively, and use the power God has given you to produce confidence - then get ready for any success God allows you to enjoy!
-Sports Spectrum Power Up Daily Devotion for March 18-19
* * * * * * * * * *
How very appropriate for this weekend. Ironically, in many of the ways that I made mistakes and things fell apart last month...they came together in those very ways this weekend. After having this particular devotion in my mind, I had a feeling (in the recesses of my brain, squished way back there) that all I needed - despite the injuries and whatever else was superficially causing me to doubt - was confidence and peace. I guess that is really the core of what I ever ask for prayer for, but for this time especially, I felt like God wanted to redeem me, if only I would let things go and let Him. Easier said than done - letting control go in clutch situations is not one of my strong points.
But once again, it was another one of those Gideon moments. (ref. Judges 6). After lifting to strengthen the knees, protecting the broken hand, dealing with the emotional disconnect with the coaches after the last big loss, sustaining the random toe injury 4 days before departure, getting sick...I had every reason to be unconfident in myself. (And believe me, I was freaking out). I was afraid I was in a slump, or even worse - that I had already peaked and was just going downhill. I almost didn't even compete in this one because I didn't want to defend my title while I wasn't 100%. How bad would it the blow be, after having been the Collegiate Team captain for the last 3 years, if I showed up this 4th year and lost? Being the underdog is hard, but sometimes being the person to beat is even harder. You have everything to lose.
But there is redemption, and it's even sweeter when you realize your weaknesses and see that it takes a greater strength to win in spite of them. Deciding to compete altogether was a huge risk for my risk-averse self. But despite the risks - or maybe because of them - it was what I had to make myself do.
I think I was so nervous about this tournament, not because I was injured with this and that, but because it was a risk, and I raised the bar for myself. For the same reason that I'd never said I was going to win, I also had never worn any of my USA uniforms in non-international competitions. Nowadays, a lot of people make their own uniforms that say "USA" on the back or butt, but there is a certain pride in having a "real" team uniform that you earned by being on a national team (be it regular, junior, or collegiate). I'd always thought about wearing mine to defend my titles, but never did, for fear that if I lost or performed badly, it'd be so embarassing.
So perhaps it seems insignificant, but to me, just going to Trials and wearing my team uniform were the ways I forced myself to put things aside and step up to the plate. My legs have never hurt so badly as they did on Sunday, but sometimes you get strength from places you didn't know you had any. Watching the tapes, I looked surprisingly strong - for the knees that couldn't fully kick just a week before, I was hitting points harder than in a hogu drill. For the hand that is broken and torn, I was punching like I was months ago. My legs felt like lead between each match - but during, it felt good. Sab and I were in sync, he went back to coaching me in Korean, and we got the job done exactly how we'd planned. There was much to learn and be improved on, as always...but it came together when it counted.
8-2 win.
7-3 win.
7-0 win.
Here's the team for the World University Championships.
Hitting the big points hard felt like when that guy in Chariots of Fire says God made him fast, and when he runs he feels God's pleasure.
I think God smiled that day.
I sure did.
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." -2 Cor. 12:9
The coaching staff and I all had high expectations as I entered by junior year of college baseball. With 2 years of experience, this was going to be my "breakout" year. As it turned out, I began the year underachieving greatly. As I struggled, I knew that I had begun to lose confidence as well. Then I was reminded of an old phrase, "Confidence comes before success."
We all know that success breeds confidence, but so many times we are held back from achieving success because of our lack of confidence. Maybe we fear what others think, or maybe we doubt ourselves. Doubt and fear go hand-in-hand and frequently prevent us from reaching our full potential.
However, 2 Timonthy 1:7 tells us, "God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." Confidence and faith go hand-in-hand as well. God wants us to have confidence in the abilities and talents He's given us, and we do that by first having faith in Him and then giving our best effort. Work hard, think positively, and use the power God has given you to produce confidence - then get ready for any success God allows you to enjoy!
-Sports Spectrum Power Up Daily Devotion for March 18-19
* * * * * * * * * *
How very appropriate for this weekend. Ironically, in many of the ways that I made mistakes and things fell apart last month...they came together in those very ways this weekend. After having this particular devotion in my mind, I had a feeling (in the recesses of my brain, squished way back there) that all I needed - despite the injuries and whatever else was superficially causing me to doubt - was confidence and peace. I guess that is really the core of what I ever ask for prayer for, but for this time especially, I felt like God wanted to redeem me, if only I would let things go and let Him. Easier said than done - letting control go in clutch situations is not one of my strong points.
But once again, it was another one of those Gideon moments. (ref. Judges 6). After lifting to strengthen the knees, protecting the broken hand, dealing with the emotional disconnect with the coaches after the last big loss, sustaining the random toe injury 4 days before departure, getting sick...I had every reason to be unconfident in myself. (And believe me, I was freaking out). I was afraid I was in a slump, or even worse - that I had already peaked and was just going downhill. I almost didn't even compete in this one because I didn't want to defend my title while I wasn't 100%. How bad would it the blow be, after having been the Collegiate Team captain for the last 3 years, if I showed up this 4th year and lost? Being the underdog is hard, but sometimes being the person to beat is even harder. You have everything to lose.
But there is redemption, and it's even sweeter when you realize your weaknesses and see that it takes a greater strength to win in spite of them. Deciding to compete altogether was a huge risk for my risk-averse self. But despite the risks - or maybe because of them - it was what I had to make myself do.
Coach JK asked me in Dallas the night before I fought whether I was going to win. And I replied something vague, like, "I hope so". And he told me that that wasn't the right attitude. Not just because you should always be thinking you're the best, exactly...not the way that my own coaches have tried to drill in confidence by telling me that it has to almost be delusional. (That is also true, but doesn't work for me.) But he said this: "You don't want to say that you're going to win because if you do, then you'll have to back it up. That's the type of person you are - you're not going to promise something that you won't deliver. Which is why it's time for you to put yourself out there and say these things SO THAT you'll force yourself to back it up and make it come true."
I don't think anyone outside of my head ever put it into words like that, but he basically hit the nail on the head. I've always disliked when people talk big for the sake of talking big. I envied their confidence, but it just wasn't something I liked to do before a tournament. Sure, I've gone into tournaments able to say I'm "not too worried" about the competition - but I've avoided saying "I'm going to win" because there is always the possibility that I won't. You never know. And it's far better to come back having said you won than to promise to win and have to say you lost.
I think I was so nervous about this tournament, not because I was injured with this and that, but because it was a risk, and I raised the bar for myself. For the same reason that I'd never said I was going to win, I also had never worn any of my USA uniforms in non-international competitions. Nowadays, a lot of people make their own uniforms that say "USA" on the back or butt, but there is a certain pride in having a "real" team uniform that you earned by being on a national team (be it regular, junior, or collegiate). I'd always thought about wearing mine to defend my titles, but never did, for fear that if I lost or performed badly, it'd be so embarassing.
So perhaps it seems insignificant, but to me, just going to Trials and wearing my team uniform were the ways I forced myself to put things aside and step up to the plate. My legs have never hurt so badly as they did on Sunday, but sometimes you get strength from places you didn't know you had any. Watching the tapes, I looked surprisingly strong - for the knees that couldn't fully kick just a week before, I was hitting points harder than in a hogu drill. For the hand that is broken and torn, I was punching like I was months ago. My legs felt like lead between each match - but during, it felt good. Sab and I were in sync, he went back to coaching me in Korean, and we got the job done exactly how we'd planned. There was much to learn and be improved on, as always...but it came together when it counted.
8-2 win.
7-3 win.
7-0 win.
Here's the team for the World University Championships.
Hitting the big points hard felt like when that guy in Chariots of Fire says God made him fast, and when he runs he feels God's pleasure.
I think God smiled that day.
I sure did.
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." -2 Cor. 12:9
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Saturday, March 18, 2006
t-minus 1
Sue (my Jewish mother) asked me in the cab tonight who I was fighting this weekend. And I said "a short fat girl, a tall fat girl, and a tall skinny girl". To which she responded "oh, so you're fighting yourself?" (Like my real parents, she likes to call me fat or otherwise make jokes regarding the size of my...self. Again, Jews and Koreans - SO SIMILAR).
Scott (my Jewish little brother) and Julian (his friend and also one of my private students) were like "ohhhhh" from the peanut gallery. (Scott is very accustomed to Sue's fat jokes). Then he jumped in with "so, you're the tall skinny girl, right?"
I love Scottie.
Scott (my Jewish little brother) and Julian (his friend and also one of my private students) were like "ohhhhh" from the peanut gallery. (Scott is very accustomed to Sue's fat jokes). Then he jumped in with "so, you're the tall skinny girl, right?"
I love Scottie.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
adventures in korean - part 2
Do Koreans have an innate need to play matchmaker? I suppose I should be welcoming setups (according to my parents), but I find it kind of amusing that it's coming from someone who's known me for about 2 weeks...
We have these Koreans here from our counterpart engineers in Korea, and every night this week there's been some sort of dinner with them, us, and I'm guessing the Korean architects from another company we work with. So every night my boss and my Korean coworker ask me what I'm doing and whether I'm free. And every night I've had to turn them down because the tournament is this weekend and I have to be in practice.
On Tuesday, Y (my coworker) kept pressuring me to go to the dinner. Finally I asked him why it was so important, and he says "젊은 남자 소개 시켜줄라고". ("There's a young architect about your age at the architecture company and I wanted to introduce you").
Well, I don't take spontaneity very well when I'm on a tight schedule, and when you've gotta train...you've gotta train. I finally convinced him that I had to go to TKD, and he just sorta laughed and said "태권도 하고 결혼 했내요." ("I see you've married Taekwondo").
Great, that's what I've been labelled as?? Greeeeat. But really, his only basis for trying to set us up is because he's Korean and in his mid 20's and I'm Korean and in my mid 20's. Doesn't seem to be much of an educated matchup to me.
Gosh, I can see how people let work take over their lives without even knowing it...I probably should've gone to the dinners, but...oh well.
We have these Koreans here from our counterpart engineers in Korea, and every night this week there's been some sort of dinner with them, us, and I'm guessing the Korean architects from another company we work with. So every night my boss and my Korean coworker ask me what I'm doing and whether I'm free. And every night I've had to turn them down because the tournament is this weekend and I have to be in practice.
On Tuesday, Y (my coworker) kept pressuring me to go to the dinner. Finally I asked him why it was so important, and he says "젊은 남자 소개 시켜줄라고". ("There's a young architect about your age at the architecture company and I wanted to introduce you").
Well, I don't take spontaneity very well when I'm on a tight schedule, and when you've gotta train...you've gotta train. I finally convinced him that I had to go to TKD, and he just sorta laughed and said "태권도 하고 결혼 했내요." ("I see you've married Taekwondo").
Great, that's what I've been labelled as?? Greeeeat. But really, his only basis for trying to set us up is because he's Korean and in his mid 20's and I'm Korean and in my mid 20's. Doesn't seem to be much of an educated matchup to me.
Gosh, I can see how people let work take over their lives without even knowing it...I probably should've gone to the dinners, but...oh well.
irony
Excuse me while I have a dramatic moment.
So I seem to have developed this stomachache that is bad enough to keep me home from work. (When you haven't started to accrue sick days yet, this is probably a bad thing). The thing is, it's not your typical stomachache that is fixed by just purging the system (in whatever gross form that takes). It's like heartburn or acid reflux or whatever else old people get when they're stressed out and eat badly. (But I'm actually pretty healthy, what's going on??) The irony is, taking ibuprofen for my toe and knees probably aggravated my stomach more.
Finally it got bad enough that I decided to get the neon pink cure-all - Pepto. How anyone could make something so pink that it hurts my eyes is beyond me.
So here's the kicker - I go to open it, and my splinted hand can't open the freaking child-proof lid! I was *this* close to getting out a wrench to squeeze the sides and twist it.
It didn't work. So I moved on to Mylanta. The "classic" flavor smells like liquid Drano. And makes your tongue slightly numb. Maybe they make it this way so that you'll just be induced to puke everything out, because it's pretty disgusting.
Anyways, here I am, stuck at home, and not allowed to eat anything spicy or acidic. Never has my bottle of Tabasco sauce looked so good...
Maybe God is telling me I should've given up Tabasco for Lent.
So I seem to have developed this stomachache that is bad enough to keep me home from work. (When you haven't started to accrue sick days yet, this is probably a bad thing). The thing is, it's not your typical stomachache that is fixed by just purging the system (in whatever gross form that takes). It's like heartburn or acid reflux or whatever else old people get when they're stressed out and eat badly. (But I'm actually pretty healthy, what's going on??) The irony is, taking ibuprofen for my toe and knees probably aggravated my stomach more.
Finally it got bad enough that I decided to get the neon pink cure-all - Pepto. How anyone could make something so pink that it hurts my eyes is beyond me.
So here's the kicker - I go to open it, and my splinted hand can't open the freaking child-proof lid! I was *this* close to getting out a wrench to squeeze the sides and twist it.
It didn't work. So I moved on to Mylanta. The "classic" flavor smells like liquid Drano. And makes your tongue slightly numb. Maybe they make it this way so that you'll just be induced to puke everything out, because it's pretty disgusting.
Anyways, here I am, stuck at home, and not allowed to eat anything spicy or acidic. Never has my bottle of Tabasco sauce looked so good...
Maybe God is telling me I should've given up Tabasco for Lent.
Friday, March 10, 2006
decisions...
When push comes to shove and you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, sometimes your principles collide and you have to choose what to stand by.
I went to Banana yesterday in search of new clothes for work. This whole 'business casual' concept has wrought some inconvenience on my life, as it is no longer acceptable for me to wear jeans, sneakers, and polo shirts to work. It's the end of an era.
I find the price of clothes at MSRP to be absolutely ridiculous. My parents have owned businesses in clothing retail for nearly 20 years - I know that it doesn't cost $78 for some poor child in Sri Lanka to be making my sweater. I'm a firm believer in outlet shopping, but seeing as how I have not access to a car and am in dire need of new clothes...I bit the bullet and decided to brave the stores for sales.
I like shirts from Banana. They fit, pretty much every time. I found a sweater that was a nice simple cut, 3/4 length sleeves (how convenient for not having to roll up my sleeves)...and it was very significantly on sale. Excellent.
However - it was pink. Baby pink. Girly pink. As in, I don't think I've worn this color since I figured out how to dress myself, with the except of the bit of pink that's on the MIT sweatshirt Rich got me once. (Which I got comments on regarding the baby pink, the first time I wore it).
So I wrestled with my two principles - my distaste for paying too much for clothes (ie. buying a different shirt at full price) and ... the utter girly-ness of the color pink. And in the end...frugal won out. I guess you never know what your bottom line is until you're forced to make a choice.
My next mission - new shoes. That's a whole 'nother animal...
I went to Banana yesterday in search of new clothes for work. This whole 'business casual' concept has wrought some inconvenience on my life, as it is no longer acceptable for me to wear jeans, sneakers, and polo shirts to work. It's the end of an era.
I find the price of clothes at MSRP to be absolutely ridiculous. My parents have owned businesses in clothing retail for nearly 20 years - I know that it doesn't cost $78 for some poor child in Sri Lanka to be making my sweater. I'm a firm believer in outlet shopping, but seeing as how I have not access to a car and am in dire need of new clothes...I bit the bullet and decided to brave the stores for sales.
I like shirts from Banana. They fit, pretty much every time. I found a sweater that was a nice simple cut, 3/4 length sleeves (how convenient for not having to roll up my sleeves)...and it was very significantly on sale. Excellent.
However - it was pink. Baby pink. Girly pink. As in, I don't think I've worn this color since I figured out how to dress myself, with the except of the bit of pink that's on the MIT sweatshirt Rich got me once. (Which I got comments on regarding the baby pink, the first time I wore it).
So I wrestled with my two principles - my distaste for paying too much for clothes (ie. buying a different shirt at full price) and ... the utter girly-ness of the color pink. And in the end...frugal won out. I guess you never know what your bottom line is until you're forced to make a choice.
My next mission - new shoes. That's a whole 'nother animal...
abandon
Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." -Matthew 28:18-20
Last Sunday we had a guest speaker at church, Pastor Peter something. He was awesome - reminded me in a way of Pastor Soong-Chan or James (gosh I miss their teaching!) because he really knew how to engage his audience, was able to communicate his message clearly, and had some simple yet substantial points. I only had to give a talk once when I was on IV staff, but the month of preparation that it took sure made me appreciate pastors and staffers who have to do it on a regular basis. (I affirm you all!)
So last Saturday I ended up having a good little discussion with Mrs. Sab (my coach's wife) about the nature of Sabs. I must say, it was so validating to have a woman's opinion and realize that I'm not the only one who's had to struggle to understand and communicate with them.
"He left you after the tournament, huh?"
"YES! Why does he DO that??"
"I should've warned you...I KNEW he was going to do that. I talked to him when he got to the airport:
{you left her, didn't you?
yes
she's probably crying her eyes out and TRAUMATIZED and you just LEFT HER THERE???
I don't care}
You can't take it personally. He just removes himself when he doesn't know how to deal."
John Gray wasn't kidding about men retreating to caves. But this is not commentary on women and men (stick to the topic, sparky). This conversation coupled with the sermon that followed the next day made me realize something important: I think one of the worst feelings one can experience is abandonment. Particularly when you feel abandoned by the one person who you need the most when it counts.
After the loss last week, I left the arena. (There's nothing more embarassing than being upset in public). My friend went with me and sat with me for awhile, and somewhere in there, my coach came by, said about 2 words and left. Unfortunately, I was selected for drug testing, which meant that I was taken into the anti-doping station and kept there until the testing was finished. It was around noon, and my coach's flight was set for the evening. He came in around 1pm and told me he was leaving for the airport to catch an earlier flight (I found out later, the only reason he even came to tell me was because someone had forced him to, saying I'd take it really badly if I came out and realized he was gone without saying goodbye).
I think it was harder on me that my coach left me than actually accepting the loss itself. It drives me crazy when he just leaves like that because I have no sense of what he's thinking. Whether he's angry or disappointed, whether that is directed at me or circumstances or himself - nothing is known and at that point everything gets assumed (and naturally, I assume the worst). Plus it makes you feel like a bigger failure and that what was a partnership is now just you - it makes you doubt whether someone's support of you is unconditional of performance. (Not a good road).
Pastor Peter touched upon this idea in his talk about the end of this passage: "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." It was encouraging to be reminded (and I'm talking hit-you-over-the-head "DUH" reminded) that even though sometimes He doesn't feel like He's there, He will not abandon us. Jesus wanted his disciples to know this because they were about to go through the loneliest time of their lives.
Sabs told me from Nervous Breakdown #1 that they would not hold my hand. That they would not coddle me, indulge me, or any of those things that they think create dependency. They wanted me to be an independent, strong, free-thinking individual. That's all well and good, and to some extent their intentions have succeeded. I'm not scared to fight anyone anymore, I don't cry when I'm hurt or down during a match, I can go to tournaments without them and not fall apart because someone else is sitting in my chair...and much of the time, I make my own workouts and train myself. While all these things are good and absolutely necessary to make a champion, their implementation has often been isolating and lonely. Sometimes they've gone so way out of their way to be inaccessible or unapproachable that even though I know that they care about me a lot, I just don't feel it.
Great is your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters into mercy
And nothing can keep us apart
So remember your people
Remember your children
Remember your promise, oh God
Your grace is enough.
Your grace is enough.
Your grace is enough.
Your grace is enough for me.
Last Sunday we had a guest speaker at church, Pastor Peter something. He was awesome - reminded me in a way of Pastor Soong-Chan or James (gosh I miss their teaching!) because he really knew how to engage his audience, was able to communicate his message clearly, and had some simple yet substantial points. I only had to give a talk once when I was on IV staff, but the month of preparation that it took sure made me appreciate pastors and staffers who have to do it on a regular basis. (I affirm you all!)
So last Saturday I ended up having a good little discussion with Mrs. Sab (my coach's wife) about the nature of Sabs. I must say, it was so validating to have a woman's opinion and realize that I'm not the only one who's had to struggle to understand and communicate with them.
"He left you after the tournament, huh?"
"YES! Why does he DO that??"
"I should've warned you...I KNEW he was going to do that. I talked to him when he got to the airport:
{you left her, didn't you?
yes
she's probably crying her eyes out and TRAUMATIZED and you just LEFT HER THERE???
I don't care}
You can't take it personally. He just removes himself when he doesn't know how to deal."
John Gray wasn't kidding about men retreating to caves. But this is not commentary on women and men (stick to the topic, sparky). This conversation coupled with the sermon that followed the next day made me realize something important: I think one of the worst feelings one can experience is abandonment. Particularly when you feel abandoned by the one person who you need the most when it counts.
After the loss last week, I left the arena. (There's nothing more embarassing than being upset in public). My friend went with me and sat with me for awhile, and somewhere in there, my coach came by, said about 2 words and left. Unfortunately, I was selected for drug testing, which meant that I was taken into the anti-doping station and kept there until the testing was finished. It was around noon, and my coach's flight was set for the evening. He came in around 1pm and told me he was leaving for the airport to catch an earlier flight (I found out later, the only reason he even came to tell me was because someone had forced him to, saying I'd take it really badly if I came out and realized he was gone without saying goodbye).
I think it was harder on me that my coach left me than actually accepting the loss itself. It drives me crazy when he just leaves like that because I have no sense of what he's thinking. Whether he's angry or disappointed, whether that is directed at me or circumstances or himself - nothing is known and at that point everything gets assumed (and naturally, I assume the worst). Plus it makes you feel like a bigger failure and that what was a partnership is now just you - it makes you doubt whether someone's support of you is unconditional of performance. (Not a good road).
Pastor Peter touched upon this idea in his talk about the end of this passage: "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." It was encouraging to be reminded (and I'm talking hit-you-over-the-head "DUH" reminded) that even though sometimes He doesn't feel like He's there, He will not abandon us. Jesus wanted his disciples to know this because they were about to go through the loneliest time of their lives.
Sabs told me from Nervous Breakdown #1 that they would not hold my hand. That they would not coddle me, indulge me, or any of those things that they think create dependency. They wanted me to be an independent, strong, free-thinking individual. That's all well and good, and to some extent their intentions have succeeded. I'm not scared to fight anyone anymore, I don't cry when I'm hurt or down during a match, I can go to tournaments without them and not fall apart because someone else is sitting in my chair...and much of the time, I make my own workouts and train myself. While all these things are good and absolutely necessary to make a champion, their implementation has often been isolating and lonely. Sometimes they've gone so way out of their way to be inaccessible or unapproachable that even though I know that they care about me a lot, I just don't feel it.
I imagine that's what Jesus felt like at the end of his life on earth. Knowing that God loved him, but feeling that He'd been abandoned to die alone. That's some insane trust.
Some things will have to change - or else I'll go absolutely crazy. And asking a 40-something to compromise and meet you in the middle is an uphill battle with a steep gradient. But I feel a bit more at peace when I look at how Jesus did not renounce God and gave complete trust, even when it seemed the Father turned His face away. And likewise, it's encouraging to know that while men (and by men I mean humans, not just males) may fail us or leave us, Jesus never will. The definitives in that verse "SURELY I am with you ALWAYS to the VERY END of the age" state a committment...probably the one I needed to be reminded of most right now.Great is your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters into mercy
And nothing can keep us apart
So remember your people
Remember your children
Remember your promise, oh God
Your grace is enough.
Your grace is enough.
Your grace is enough.
Your grace is enough for me.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
back on the horse
When a man is pushed, tormented, defeated, he has a chance to learn something; he has been put on his wits; on his manhood; he has gained the facts; learns his ignorance; is cured of the insanity of conceit; has got moderation and real skill. -Emerson
Sometimes I wonder where the line is between conceit and confidence...
I always tell people who don't win that you learn a lot more from losing than you do from winning. Sometimes I think I'd make a great coach for myself, if I could just...listen to myself.
I think that despite the feelings of defeat or wanting to quit that always surface after a huge loss (and the resulting trauma that follows) - sometimes you're forced with decisions that hardball you. And in the end, one rule of thumb that I've realized is quite valuable is that I'd rather regret the things I did than regret the things I didn't do.
So that being said - it's time to get back on the horse, and at the risk of losing based on only one fully functional limb...I've booked the tickets to go.
I've never hit the gym every day like this, before work, after work...but if lifting and stretching and squats and cardio is what is going to get my knees cooperating...then you gotta do what you gotta do. Phase One of the revamping and rebuilding process is on, and there isn't much time, but it has to happen.
Please pray for me! God knows I need it.
March 19th. Denver. Redemption.
Sometimes I wonder where the line is between conceit and confidence...
I always tell people who don't win that you learn a lot more from losing than you do from winning. Sometimes I think I'd make a great coach for myself, if I could just...listen to myself.
I think that despite the feelings of defeat or wanting to quit that always surface after a huge loss (and the resulting trauma that follows) - sometimes you're forced with decisions that hardball you. And in the end, one rule of thumb that I've realized is quite valuable is that I'd rather regret the things I did than regret the things I didn't do.
So that being said - it's time to get back on the horse, and at the risk of losing based on only one fully functional limb...I've booked the tickets to go.
I've never hit the gym every day like this, before work, after work...but if lifting and stretching and squats and cardio is what is going to get my knees cooperating...then you gotta do what you gotta do. Phase One of the revamping and rebuilding process is on, and there isn't much time, but it has to happen.
Please pray for me! God knows I need it.
March 19th. Denver. Redemption.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
backwards...
I can't claim to understand men, but I'm trying...and clearly failing. (Note: my intention is not to male-bash, and I don't think this is the case with everyone...I'm just frustrated by one particular situation).
(I suppose you can call this adventures in Korean part 1.5 since the situation seems to be exacerbated by involving traditional-esque middle aged Korean men)
So from my observation, it appears that the only way to get them to listen to me is by somehow making them think that they came up with my idea themselves so they can mandate it.
For example. I go to the doctor. He says that given the fact that my finger is broken, I tore a ligament and my last knuckle is bruised - that I shouldn't spar or put my hand in a risk of getting hit. Top that off with hurting my knee last week and it being very important to have good partners (ie. not some random color belt who can't hold or be a good target). Seems to make sense, no?
I email them multiple times mentioning the report and the fact that I shouldn't spar, and what exactly was risky for my knees.
So what is the first thing we do on Thursday in class? "Everyone pair up, light sparring" And by everyone I mean there are good people and awful people in this class. Awful meaning someone who doesn't know any better and can't control where their legs go - but inevitably will end up kicking you in the legs, the crotch, the hands...anywhere BUT the hogu.
I was moving around with the best person in the class and I still lasted less than a minute before we made contact and my knee twisted.
So then I get upset, limp off the mat. Jr makes me come back and spar with him, thinking that it has to do with WHO I was sparring. In less than a minute, he tells me to sit out, after seeing that I can't pivot at all on my knee.
So then I get more upset, and leave class. So JAAC apparently clears it up with them as to what's wrong with me (since when I tried to talk to them I got shot down and shut up before I even got to my point), and this week I get this email:
"No sparring for you this week - period. Only kicking pads"
Um, HELLO - didn't I say that last week?
Last night's practice was spectacular. We finally had a workout that was useful and intentionally planned out for specific competition scenarios, and they actually picked things that wouldn't be debilitating to my knees. And then afterwards Jr made me do all this core strengthening stuff.
I don't see why they can't just listen to me from the beginning. It seems so backwards to have to plant something in their heads or have someone else tell them for me. It's not like I'm always right. I'll admit I don't always know what I'm doing. But sometimes I do, and it'd save us all a lot of time and drama around here if they'd just listen once in awhile.
(I suppose you can call this adventures in Korean part 1.5 since the situation seems to be exacerbated by involving traditional-esque middle aged Korean men)
So from my observation, it appears that the only way to get them to listen to me is by somehow making them think that they came up with my idea themselves so they can mandate it.
For example. I go to the doctor. He says that given the fact that my finger is broken, I tore a ligament and my last knuckle is bruised - that I shouldn't spar or put my hand in a risk of getting hit. Top that off with hurting my knee last week and it being very important to have good partners (ie. not some random color belt who can't hold or be a good target). Seems to make sense, no?
I email them multiple times mentioning the report and the fact that I shouldn't spar, and what exactly was risky for my knees.
So what is the first thing we do on Thursday in class? "Everyone pair up, light sparring" And by everyone I mean there are good people and awful people in this class. Awful meaning someone who doesn't know any better and can't control where their legs go - but inevitably will end up kicking you in the legs, the crotch, the hands...anywhere BUT the hogu.
I was moving around with the best person in the class and I still lasted less than a minute before we made contact and my knee twisted.
So then I get upset, limp off the mat. Jr makes me come back and spar with him, thinking that it has to do with WHO I was sparring. In less than a minute, he tells me to sit out, after seeing that I can't pivot at all on my knee.
So then I get more upset, and leave class. So JAAC apparently clears it up with them as to what's wrong with me (since when I tried to talk to them I got shot down and shut up before I even got to my point), and this week I get this email:
"No sparring for you this week - period. Only kicking pads"
Um, HELLO - didn't I say that last week?
Last night's practice was spectacular. We finally had a workout that was useful and intentionally planned out for specific competition scenarios, and they actually picked things that wouldn't be debilitating to my knees. And then afterwards Jr made me do all this core strengthening stuff.
I don't see why they can't just listen to me from the beginning. It seems so backwards to have to plant something in their heads or have someone else tell them for me. It's not like I'm always right. I'll admit I don't always know what I'm doing. But sometimes I do, and it'd save us all a lot of time and drama around here if they'd just listen once in awhile.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
adventures in korean - part 1
After my first week at my new job...my brain was fried. Like, actually fatigued. But not from engineering.
From Korean.
My first day on the job, I ended up speaking in Korean about 85% of the day. Tues and Weds, I was translating notes in CAD drawings.
Word of the day: 설치 상세도. "installation details"
My supervisor is Korean. My coworker that appears to be mentoring me is Korean. The projects I'm working on are Korean. What's cool yet difficult is the fact that they're teaching me a lot...but explanations are mostly in Korean. So not only am I learning new software and new engineering...but it's in another language.
Who knew that Korean would ever have actually been helpful for anything other than speaking with my parents and listening to kpop? Not I...
But overall, I like it. Despite the dumpy crowded office and lack of perks, the work so far is interesting and I got to do real calculations (ie. real engineering) last week. And we got to go to k-town for lunch. =)
But really...my brain kinda hurts. Then again maybe it's all this secondhand smoke I'm inhaling at lunchtime.
* * * * *
Thursday my supervisor walked into our cube area and chatted with me a bit, then turned to the guy next to me (who is Indian) and said something in Korean. To which Hirak answered "Uh, I'm not Korean!" (As if you couldn't tell by looking at him). It's funny, I think especially since I came along and 2 of the 3 people on this project are Korean speaking, Hirak gets lumped in. Poor guy.
It reminds me of college, whenever I got really excited or really upset at something, it would come out in Korean. And when I used to hang out a lot with Alex, he'd throw up his hands and say "sorry dude...not Korean". (He's Chinese).
From Korean.
My first day on the job, I ended up speaking in Korean about 85% of the day. Tues and Weds, I was translating notes in CAD drawings.
Word of the day: 설치 상세도. "installation details"
My supervisor is Korean. My coworker that appears to be mentoring me is Korean. The projects I'm working on are Korean. What's cool yet difficult is the fact that they're teaching me a lot...but explanations are mostly in Korean. So not only am I learning new software and new engineering...but it's in another language.
Who knew that Korean would ever have actually been helpful for anything other than speaking with my parents and listening to kpop? Not I...
But overall, I like it. Despite the dumpy crowded office and lack of perks, the work so far is interesting and I got to do real calculations (ie. real engineering) last week. And we got to go to k-town for lunch. =)
But really...my brain kinda hurts. Then again maybe it's all this secondhand smoke I'm inhaling at lunchtime.
* * * * *
Thursday my supervisor walked into our cube area and chatted with me a bit, then turned to the guy next to me (who is Indian) and said something in Korean. To which Hirak answered "Uh, I'm not Korean!" (As if you couldn't tell by looking at him). It's funny, I think especially since I came along and 2 of the 3 people on this project are Korean speaking, Hirak gets lumped in. Poor guy.
It reminds me of college, whenever I got really excited or really upset at something, it would come out in Korean. And when I used to hang out a lot with Alex, he'd throw up his hands and say "sorry dude...not Korean". (He's Chinese).
enough
"But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize." -Philippians 3:13-14
Once again a great discussion with my huddle group last week...Philippians is so awesome. I was so absolutely late to sg because it was my snack week (eesh, felt like such a Martha moment, frantically lugging food across town...and by Martha I mean Martha-and-Mary not Martha Stewart) but I got there for the meaty part of Bible study so it was all good.
We were discussing the concept of "straining forward" and "pressing on", and what past events keep you from moving forward. And it hit me. Perhaps this was the lesson that God has been teaching me through this whole ordeal with this recent tournament experience. (One of those lightbulb flashes over your head moments...)
Someone brought up a good point that it's not necessarily just negative events in the past that keep you from growing, but that oftentimes it's the positive experiences and complacency that results in a stagnant spiritual life. Seems obvious...but there it was. The answer to the question that has plagued me for 2 weeks.
That's why I lost.
I'd been gunning so hard for so long for two of my goals that went hand-in-hand - to beat her and to make National Team. And it seemed natural that if I ever got the mental confidence to go out there and fight her hard enough to beat her, I'd be making the Team. But after I achieved the former goal in January, there was a bit of complacency and satisfaction that set in on all of our parts - for me and my coaches.
As I sit typing this with the splint thingy reminding me of my shortcomings and failure, I see the situation more clearly. On the positive side, I broke through to the top tier this year. It was a year of growth, expanding my repertoire, becoming more developed mentally in the game...and just plain getting tougher.
But the reality is that at the top levels, athletes have resources that I don't have. They have experience that I don't have...Somewhere, somehow, I have to make up that ground. If the goal is to belong at that level, then I can be there on talent alone. But if the goal is to own it at that level...then there is no room for complacency. There is no room to be resting on laurels of past successes, no matter how significant they are.
Maybe this is what Paul meant to forget what lies behind. It's so easy to run the race thinking that it's a sprint - when in reality it's a marathon. (And God only knows how much I *hate* long distance running).
Marathons are dynamic. There are hills, there are valleys, and there are flat parts...but regardless of who you've passed and who has passed you, you have to keep on running to stay focused on finishing. In my case, I've been running behind someone, chasing and chasing and chasing...and then on a hill I overtook her. And in the excitement of being in the lead I went on cruise control, and didn't pay attention until I saw her pass me and sprint out ahead...and cross the finish line.
It crept up so slowly that none of us noticed it until it was too late, but we hadn't approached this with the same intensity and fire that we had last year. We didn't approach it with everything we had. Maybe we couldn't have pushed, the injuries were significantly debilitating...but the fact is we didn't have the urgency and desperation to cover all the bases.
It reminds me of a quote from my favorite movie:
"You think you can win this on talent alone? Boys, you don't HAVE enough talent." -Miracle
It's so true.
I don't have enough talent. I don't have enough time. I don't have the momentum of teammates beside me, pushing day in and day out for the same goals. I don't have coaches who I can communicate with. I don't even have my health half the time.
So the question I've been wrestling with the last couple weeks has been: what will it take, and do I have enough to get there? Given the reality of my situation and my coaches' situations - is it enough to achieve the goals we set out for? What do I need to expect from myself and others, and will I be able to find that?
Tough questions.
To me, "forgetting what lies behind" doesn't actually mean forgetting, as in, erasing from your memory. I think that in the context of the race, it means to not dwell on the good and the bad of the past. Forgetting altogether would be doing experiences injustice, as there is much to be learned from successes and failures. But I think the meat behind his statement was that ultimately, it's about pressing on towards the goal and the prize - being singleminded and desperately focused.
People often ask me why I blog. Some people do it to journal, some to write their thoughts...some do it for themselves, others do it to join the fad...
One thing I glean from blogging is that it helps clarify my thoughts into something sensical. (At least, to me). As dpark would say, I'm an external processor. I write it, I read it, and it makes sense to me. Sometimes, it's my way of giving me the pep talk that I need, particularly when there is no one to give it to me but myself.
Even if I do or don't believe it when I'm writing it.
All of you is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
you satisfy me, with your love
and all I have in you
is more than enough
Is it enough?
Once again a great discussion with my huddle group last week...Philippians is so awesome. I was so absolutely late to sg because it was my snack week (eesh, felt like such a Martha moment, frantically lugging food across town...and by Martha I mean Martha-and-Mary not Martha Stewart) but I got there for the meaty part of Bible study so it was all good.
We were discussing the concept of "straining forward" and "pressing on", and what past events keep you from moving forward. And it hit me. Perhaps this was the lesson that God has been teaching me through this whole ordeal with this recent tournament experience. (One of those lightbulb flashes over your head moments...)
Someone brought up a good point that it's not necessarily just negative events in the past that keep you from growing, but that oftentimes it's the positive experiences and complacency that results in a stagnant spiritual life. Seems obvious...but there it was. The answer to the question that has plagued me for 2 weeks.
That's why I lost.
I'd been gunning so hard for so long for two of my goals that went hand-in-hand - to beat her and to make National Team. And it seemed natural that if I ever got the mental confidence to go out there and fight her hard enough to beat her, I'd be making the Team. But after I achieved the former goal in January, there was a bit of complacency and satisfaction that set in on all of our parts - for me and my coaches.
As I sit typing this with the splint thingy reminding me of my shortcomings and failure, I see the situation more clearly. On the positive side, I broke through to the top tier this year. It was a year of growth, expanding my repertoire, becoming more developed mentally in the game...and just plain getting tougher.
But the reality is that at the top levels, athletes have resources that I don't have. They have experience that I don't have...Somewhere, somehow, I have to make up that ground. If the goal is to belong at that level, then I can be there on talent alone. But if the goal is to own it at that level...then there is no room for complacency. There is no room to be resting on laurels of past successes, no matter how significant they are.
Maybe this is what Paul meant to forget what lies behind. It's so easy to run the race thinking that it's a sprint - when in reality it's a marathon. (And God only knows how much I *hate* long distance running).
Marathons are dynamic. There are hills, there are valleys, and there are flat parts...but regardless of who you've passed and who has passed you, you have to keep on running to stay focused on finishing. In my case, I've been running behind someone, chasing and chasing and chasing...and then on a hill I overtook her. And in the excitement of being in the lead I went on cruise control, and didn't pay attention until I saw her pass me and sprint out ahead...and cross the finish line.
It crept up so slowly that none of us noticed it until it was too late, but we hadn't approached this with the same intensity and fire that we had last year. We didn't approach it with everything we had. Maybe we couldn't have pushed, the injuries were significantly debilitating...but the fact is we didn't have the urgency and desperation to cover all the bases.
It reminds me of a quote from my favorite movie:
"You think you can win this on talent alone? Boys, you don't HAVE enough talent." -Miracle
It's so true.
I don't have enough talent. I don't have enough time. I don't have the momentum of teammates beside me, pushing day in and day out for the same goals. I don't have coaches who I can communicate with. I don't even have my health half the time.
So the question I've been wrestling with the last couple weeks has been: what will it take, and do I have enough to get there? Given the reality of my situation and my coaches' situations - is it enough to achieve the goals we set out for? What do I need to expect from myself and others, and will I be able to find that?
Tough questions.
To me, "forgetting what lies behind" doesn't actually mean forgetting, as in, erasing from your memory. I think that in the context of the race, it means to not dwell on the good and the bad of the past. Forgetting altogether would be doing experiences injustice, as there is much to be learned from successes and failures. But I think the meat behind his statement was that ultimately, it's about pressing on towards the goal and the prize - being singleminded and desperately focused.
People often ask me why I blog. Some people do it to journal, some to write their thoughts...some do it for themselves, others do it to join the fad...
One thing I glean from blogging is that it helps clarify my thoughts into something sensical. (At least, to me). As dpark would say, I'm an external processor. I write it, I read it, and it makes sense to me. Sometimes, it's my way of giving me the pep talk that I need, particularly when there is no one to give it to me but myself.
Even if I do or don't believe it when I'm writing it.
All of you is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
you satisfy me, with your love
and all I have in you
is more than enough
Is it enough?
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
saw burn
I got my cast off yesterday.
"So where is it broken? Oh I see...the 5th metatarsal..."
"What? No...It's broken on the index finger, not the pinky..."
"Oh...well there's something showing up on both..."
When he took the cast off, I realized I had 2 fingers that couldn't make a fist, not just one. *great*
Those rumors that cast saws can't hurt you are absolutely false. Maybe the blade doesn't actually cut...yes, it works on oscillations and is made to touch the skin without cutting. However, high speed oscillations = a lot of friction. Friction leads to heat. Heat leads to burns.
That's right. My doctor burned me because he cut too deep with the cast saw. For a scar so small, that thing sure was sensitive...
"So where is it broken? Oh I see...the 5th metatarsal..."
"What? No...It's broken on the index finger, not the pinky..."
"Oh...well there's something showing up on both..."
When he took the cast off, I realized I had 2 fingers that couldn't make a fist, not just one. *great*
Those rumors that cast saws can't hurt you are absolutely false. Maybe the blade doesn't actually cut...yes, it works on oscillations and is made to touch the skin without cutting. However, high speed oscillations = a lot of friction. Friction leads to heat. Heat leads to burns.
That's right. My doctor burned me because he cut too deep with the cast saw. For a scar so small, that thing sure was sensitive...
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