i remember maybe 10 years ago, being utterly outraged by anything that i perceived to be injustice. or just ... "not right". (to be fair, i'm talking on a day to day basis, not necessarily the gross injustices of the world). like someone cutting in line, or a lack of an apology, etc. perhaps injustice isn't the right word ... maybe it's rudeness. most of these things were relational - not necessarily involving me, sometimes observed ... but these occurences would just grate on me.
and when i looked to those older and wiser, they would be so much more mature. able to control their anger or temper, or take things in stride ... to "let things go" and be above pettiness ...
well, now that i'm older, i've realized ... yes, life experience does help, and you do get more perspective and have more self-control as you get older. but what's the secret, really?
you get TIRED.
i've found that i've gained (not completely, but occasionally) the ability to "let things go". it's almost like removing yourself from the situation and actively saying "well, i'm going to choose for this not to matter so much to me". and being about to believe it.
i think that's the most noteworthy skill i've gained in my 30's. but when i'm really honest with myself, it's really a self-preservation act of practicality. yes, it bothers me that people don't show up on time ... but is it really worth my effort to try and make that better? (ie. are certain people just hopeless and not worth the effort?)
i think i had a lot more energy for crusading in my 20's. and to be fair, i got a lot done. it's amazing what mountains you can move with a lot of stubbornness and willpower. but now ... it's not like i don't feel i can move them anymore. i just don't want to. (ideally, i could delegate that and have someone else move them for me!)
i think that's why i've exited the dojang lately - that and my busted hip prohibits me from working out the way i'd like to ... it's tough to see the ways i'd like to see improvements, but i'm also seriously doubting the ability for improvement from the current crop. not just in skill, but the general attitude. 10 years ago i would have demanded it, enforced it, and created a movement. now...it's just easier to stay home. (the irony is in this situation that they ask for me to come back and teach ... but sorry guys, you can't have it both ways. you can't make me come and teach you and then show up late or not at all.)
anyhow ... perhaps i haven't really changed that much at the core. i think my personality is still "all or nothing". perhaps over time, i'm shifting away from the "all" and letting it be ok to choose the "nothing"
and when i looked to those older and wiser, they would be so much more mature. able to control their anger or temper, or take things in stride ... to "let things go" and be above pettiness ...
well, now that i'm older, i've realized ... yes, life experience does help, and you do get more perspective and have more self-control as you get older. but what's the secret, really?
you get TIRED.
i've found that i've gained (not completely, but occasionally) the ability to "let things go". it's almost like removing yourself from the situation and actively saying "well, i'm going to choose for this not to matter so much to me". and being about to believe it.
i think that's the most noteworthy skill i've gained in my 30's. but when i'm really honest with myself, it's really a self-preservation act of practicality. yes, it bothers me that people don't show up on time ... but is it really worth my effort to try and make that better? (ie. are certain people just hopeless and not worth the effort?)
i think i had a lot more energy for crusading in my 20's. and to be fair, i got a lot done. it's amazing what mountains you can move with a lot of stubbornness and willpower. but now ... it's not like i don't feel i can move them anymore. i just don't want to. (ideally, i could delegate that and have someone else move them for me!)
i think that's why i've exited the dojang lately - that and my busted hip prohibits me from working out the way i'd like to ... it's tough to see the ways i'd like to see improvements, but i'm also seriously doubting the ability for improvement from the current crop. not just in skill, but the general attitude. 10 years ago i would have demanded it, enforced it, and created a movement. now...it's just easier to stay home. (the irony is in this situation that they ask for me to come back and teach ... but sorry guys, you can't have it both ways. you can't make me come and teach you and then show up late or not at all.)
anyhow ... perhaps i haven't really changed that much at the core. i think my personality is still "all or nothing". perhaps over time, i'm shifting away from the "all" and letting it be ok to choose the "nothing"
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