a fairly tale of grossness

oh, the eagle...and the mayor...someone please stop the madness. can't we all just get along?

over the past 2 weeks, the eagle landed and brought a whirlwind of tension, criticism, and havoc to the already overcommitted kingdom. meanwhile, the mayor (back in ca) stewed in his own juices that his reign of control was in jeopardy.

the kingdom, with some collaboration with the counsel, decided that this would be the opportune time to let the cat out of the bag. so with a valient effort, his suit, a fancy dinner, and all the korean he could muster - the cat met the eagle. the eagle, though obviously displeased and conflicted, put on a good show before she promptly flipped out in epic proportions later.

the kingdom was distressed. or just stressed.

the mayor - who wanted to be the first to meet the cat and therefore retain his power - was not happy. but luckily the mayor was 3000 miles away, and cell phones these days have caller ID and the option of go-straight-to-voicemail. (ah, technology...)

the eagle was dissatisfied on many counts - some reasonable, some entirely not - but much effort was made by the kingdom, counsel, and cat to put the best foot forward and get the eagle used to the idea that the kingdom - approaching the beyond quarter-life of 30 - was not and would not be a royal dunce.

the eagle - contradicting herself left and right in a stubbornly valiant attempt to pound fist and stamp foot - was not convinced. she also appeared to be experiencing a midlife crisis of epic proportions, and generally weepy and sad. and certainly not in a state to accept certain truths such as the kingdom's misery from unrealistic expectations from the eagle and mayor, the kingdom's ability to fend for itself and make informed decisions for herself, and that perhaps the true King would come through despite circumstances not being perfect in the eyes of the eagle and mayor.

thus all the unnecessary back and forth went on and on, till the kingdom ended up on on the royal couch and mindlessly watch sportscenter all the live long day. though the eagle said that she trusted the kingdom and would be supportive - the obvious unhappiness bordering depression of the eagle was concerning .. and draining.

it all came to a head on the last day, when the eagle was in a tizzy preparing food and re-organizing the kitchen - which according to her was nonsensical and in need of much attention. (the kingdom liked it just fine the way it was). 2 days prior, the eagle was cleaning out the cupboards and found a jar of peanut butter - organic peanut butter. as an aside, organic peanut butter tends to separate the oil from the cream, since it doesn't contain all those chemicals that congeal regular peanut butter together.

the eagle promptly threw a hissyfit, claiming that the kingdom would surely die of poisoning from eating old peanut butter, and demanding that it be disposed of immediately. the kingdom insisted that the pb was fine, that it was bought recently and that was the way it was supposed to look. this went on and on for awhile, until the eagle gave up and acquiesed to leave the jar be.

fast forward to the last day, whence the kingdom examined the dishwasher before running it - only to find an empty jar of peanut butter in there. upon inquiry, the eagle defensively stuck to her guns, saying that the kingdom should not have had old peanut butter and it was for her own good.

at this point the kingdom exploded with frustration at having been given no respect in her own home and having her wishes blatantly ignored. she pointed out that this was her home and not the eagle's, and that the eagle had no right to go over her head to do whatever she wanted. the eagle refused to see the error of her ways, and a royal battle broke out. though she offered to replace the peanut butter, the kingdom did not agree that that would solve the issue of principle, which was that the eagle had no respect for boundaries - or respect period.

the kingdom contemplated eating the peanut butter out of the trash in order to prove it was fine (and to shock the eagle) but thought better of it. more because the trahs looked gross.

after dropping the eagle off in nj where she would spend the rest of her time with her friend, the kingdom felt sad and guilty that the eagle (and the mayor) could not be happy - and that she could not make them happy despite her best attempts. but such is life - unfair, nonsensical at times, but it is what it is. the kingdom then proceeded to work overtime to replenish funds depleted during the eagle's stay, and attempted to catch up on sleep and refill the emotional tank that was emptied.

the eagle thinks the kingdom is settling. the kingdom wonders what the difference is between settling and being realistic. or prioritizing the important things. the kingdom also thinks the eagle and mayor are crazy. as does the counsel. the cat is trying to understand, but drowning under work, school, and his parents' house having been demolished by a tree in the tornado.

and for those who are supremely confused by now ... the kingdom is me, the eagle is mom, the mayor is dad, the counsel is my cousin, and the cat is alan.

the end. for now.