hey jealousy

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Cor. 13:4-7

Have you ever been in a competition against a friend? And lost? What do you do with the mixed bag of emotions, when your happiness for them is weighed against your disappointment for yourself?

When I look at D&D (my coach's sons), I see classic sibling rivalry between brothers. There have been times that I've seen D1 (age 11) torture D2 (age 7) because he's just bigger, stronger, and faster - he will outrace him and taunt him and D2 will inevitably be the classic younger brother and stamp his feet and cry. "hyung-ah, it's not FAIR!!"

D2 was constantly jealous of all the attention that D1 seemed to get over him. (Which is ironic, because younger children actually get more attention - but the inferiority complex probably blinds them to this fact). So a couple years ago, when D2 turned 5, he apparently made an announcement to his parents: "I'm 5 now. I want music lessons and to play on sports teams like hyung-ah. It's MY turn!" After years of following his brother to recitals and games and watching - he wanted the same things.

It's tough being a younger sibling and in someone else's shadow.

But there have been times that I have spent with them, that I see glimpses of this genuine 1 Cor. type of love between these brothers.

A couple years ago, before D2 started TKD, we were at this local tournament. It was one of the few times that D1 competed, and he was a blue belt. I was coaching him (with Sab Sr biting his nails and turning red in the background) and he won two matches before losing in the semifinals to a pretty good kid from NJ. I remember seeing D2 hovering around his brother the whole tournament, following him around and sitting front and center whenever he fought. When his matches were over, we came out of the ring, and D2 barrelled D1 over with a big hug. For the rest of the day you could hear him bragging "did you see my brother??? hyung-ah was awesome!!!"

For all the envy that he possessed day to day about living in his brother's shadow - he was genuinely proud of and happy for his brother that day. Why? Because he was able to see his brother's accomplishments for what they were, and not focus on what they were with respect to himself.

For a more 'real' example, someone told me recently that s/he was happy for person X that they were dating, but that s/he was kind of jealous because s/he wanted that kind of situation for him/herself. I think it definitely hits home in this age of the 20's when there are weddings and engagements around every corner. (Trust me - 9 of my friends got engaged in 2006. Not to mention the OMC business. If you're single, you're reminded of it somehow.)

With respect to envy, I think that loving others means truly being happy for them, without that twinge of envy that comes from comparison. It's only when you can extract yourself (and what you may lack in comparison) to others that you can truly share in their joy.