champion

Although I did not earn a gold medal for fighting, there was one point in the trip where I was declared hands down the champion by official tournament personnel. I think I should have gotten a medal or some sort of proof that I am the 2006 champion for fastest anti-doping test. Not quite the champ I wanted to be, but...there it was.

Is there something about me that says "pick me for drug testing"? What is it, my incredibly jacked arms that indicate that I'm clearly on steroids? (And I'm completely kidding, if you've ever seen me struggle to do pull-ups, you're already on the floor laughing).

I've been picked for drug testing something like 3 times in the last year, when it's supposed to be a random selection. It's one of the most annoying feelings, when you just come back from losing a match and there's a volunteer with a clipboard waiting for you. The last thing you want is someone following you everywhere, trying to get you to pee in a cup. This year I literally saw the volunteer, threw up my hands and said "are you KIDDING me?!?!" (I know, not terribly gracious, but I hope they understood...)

I followed them into the anti-doping room, and there was a little Japanese girl there, looking absolutely miserable. I knew the look. It's the look of someone who's never had to do drug testing before - someone who's disappointed that they lost and dehydrated from sweating all day, who feels like they just can't drink any more water, but just doesn't have to pee. That was me 2 years ago in Greece, the first (and most traumatic) time I was selected for drug testing. You do everything you can to make yourself go...and then when you're finally done, you have so much water going through your system that you have to go every 10 minutes for the next hour. It ain't pretty...

I guess doping probably gets easier the more you do it, but I have to say, it's pretty gross that someone actually has to watch you. And woe to s/he who can't hit 80ml in one go - the whole procedure having to be repeated deal, with having to go back in the waiting room and redrinking all that water and juice...no good.

In any event - I was in and out of there in 20 minutes flat, including all the annoying paperwork. It was only Day 1, so I guess someone could've beaten me by the end of Day 4, but for a brief, shining moment...I was declared the champion. Including a pretty good conversation (in her broken English and my broken Japanese) with my new friend: Yamasi.