compassion is a lifestyle

pd's sermon series on beatitudes has been really good lately. we had a really good sermon discussion in tlc, which has been interesting...

i think i have a mental separation between communities where i belong (ie. where i'm getting something out of it) and where i serve (ie. when i have leadership or responsibility). and sometimes i wonder - does it have to be mutually exclusive?

ideally it wouldn't be - but i realize more and more that i compartmentalize.

so my tlc has been good in the sense that people are really open. we have a couple seekers, but in general most people are unchurched or minimally-churched-and-think-they're-xtians-but-might-not-be. it's been a cool spread and opportunity to witness and be refreshed by points of view that aren't jaded or complacent...but at the same time it really makes me put my serving hat on and compartmentalize tlc as a place to teach and care for others. which, as a leader, it should be - but i guess there's a part of me that just sorta views it like a job. this is my place to give, and that's what i'm supposed to do. it's not that i dislike it...i just thought it was weird that i viewed it that way.

i have to admit that there are times when i have tlc-envy, since other groups are more solid members and i've generally been in groups with people who are like me. but i think God's saying you take what you get...so i'm hopeful that this year will be fruitful, even if it'll be different.

that being said, i'm thinking of joining jle's tlc which meets on fridays anyways...seemed like a fun group, and ... i think i need to have more fun. i guess part of me also just craves being in a smaller group where my job isn't to lead.

i was talking to susan yesterday re: leadership...i think my annoyance at being prayer champion last year stems not so much from having to serve, but from the way it came about. maybe it's bc i've been myers-brigging lately, but i realize more and more that i have a visceral reaction to being assigned to do something, as opposed to being asked. ie. feeling appreciated or not.

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in other thoughts...tg with the lims/whangs was fun. though at the end of the day there was a period of interrogation and preaching on the man situation (or lack thereof). i realized that respect is a large factor in how i react to people. probably not uncommon, but if i don't really respect someone, i immediately discount their opinion. i probably go so far as to automatically take the opposite stance.

at the end of the day, i'm open to suggestions. all the while keeping in mind that differing values lead to opinions being weighted more or less. but being chewed out for this or that by someone whose opinions i don't value was...an exercise in patience to keep from rolling my eyes. painful.

the latest on the eharm front is the picture postulate. if a guy (or girl, i suppose) doesn't post a picture with their profile - there's a reason why. normally i don't talk to people who don't have pictures or incomplete profiles. not so much because i'm afraid they'll be ugly, but more because i think it indicates insecurity, or a guardedness that's selfish (ie. i want to get more info on you than i'm willing to give you about me). heck, we're all on this stupid dating site, if you're gonna do it, don't do it halfway.

anyways, pickings are slim so i figured i'd answer this pictureless guy's questions, etc. at the end of the day, i got to see pictures, and the guy is pretty overweight. ahh as much as i'd like to say looks don't matter...i guess obesity is a dealbreaker.

speaking of which, i've decided that 5 months of being out of shape has gone on long enough. the hand isn't sparring-worthy yet, but in general i miss working out hard and lungs exploding and feeling good. or maybe it's bc during black friday shopping, my pants size went up by 1. regardless - it's time to resume working out every day. enough is enough.