blast from the past

Being home sick has its advantages. Sometimes I think your body just shuts down to force you to slow down and reflect a little. Now if only I could do something about my lungs wanting to explode. I was coughing so much at work on Weds, my coworkers jokingly asked me if peer pressure had given in and I had become a smoker too. (My supervisor and my other Korean coworker are chain smokers - I think the secondhand smoke alone has already shaved 5 years off my life since I came to this company).

So I was walking around my apt (and if you've been to my place you know that there's not really anywhere to go) and I looked on my cd shelf and found the MITACF senior gift '03. I had long since downloaded that video to my (now dying) computer, so I had forgotten that they had made a rather nifty cd cover that doubled as a place for the underclassmen to sign encouragements.

Perhaps it's a bit narcissistic to go back and look through books of encouragements that past small groups etc. have made, but...I was so blessed this morning. Not just in the nice things that people have to say, but in remembering all the struggles and joys, and all the relationships and experiences. Surprisingly challenging, too. Because you realize that all those nice things that people say about you have some truth to them - on the outside. But integrity is matching the inside - where few people really see you as you are - to the outside, which everyone sees. So while there is hope because of what you can portray, there is also a challenge to actually be that person.

One of my original sg members wrote something that completely inspired me:

"To someone who doesn't know what it means to give up, who doesn't know the meaning of 'shoulda-woulda-coulda", who loves with tears and blood and sweat, who runs the race like she knows she's meant to win..."

Man...who's she talking about? If only I was actually that person. Seriously, what would it look like to live as though giving up is not an option? To live without regret? To love despite circumstances? To run knowing that you're going to win?

Man...that's so inspiring. On the brink of new beginnings, this little blast from the past strangely is not just encouraging by who this was written to mean I am, but inspiring as to who I can be. Sometimes God provides encouragement in really roundabout ways. What a strange ending to a crazy crazy week.