fake date

the fake date is a one on one outing with a person of the opposite gender, who you're sort of friends with, but not necessarily established friends with ... where you basically go through the motions of a date but since it's not established as a date - it's not really a date. hence, fake.

for example, someone says "hey, we should hang out sometime", you hang out, get to know each other. confusion could be exacerbated, say, if the guy insists on paying for everything.

or, say, if 2 overachieving churchgoing koreans sit around and discuss over dinner how they want to meet an equivalent overachieving churchgoing korean.

anyways.

but on a related note, the whole paying for things etiquette always confuses me. if i were a guy (on an established date), i'd just pay for everything all the time. this is not to say that i expect guys to pay for me all the time - just saying that if i were a guy that's what i'd do, to eliminate confusion and protocol and a sense of obligation. let the girl cook for you, buy you presents, do something else to even it out, but...it's just awkward at dinner when the check comes. do you reach for it, do you offer, how many times do you go back and forth...

this is one of the things i like about being korean. yes, we notoriously fight over checks, but honestly, there's a very clear system of who pays for stuff when going out. when i go to dinner with sabs, they always pay. i say thank you, and continue on my merry way of indentured servitude. when i go to dinner with a hubae, i pay. that's that.

the catch comes when you have a friend situation where the girl is older than the guy. now what? i guess this is where you fight for it. this happens to me all the time with rich, where he insists on paying and i just think it's weird bc he's the little bro. i used to pull the noona card but once he started working, i just gave in. or with dodo, we had to make a deal when we used to eat out a lot - he pays if we're in a nice restaurant (ie. to avoid the waiter thinking he's the douche that let the girl pay) and i pay if we're in regular places like diners (where we would mostly eat).

maybe i just like it better if i know who pays in general. i think i'm just afraid of being rude...

ok i think all these paragraphs were sort of related, but not exactly a cohesive point. oh well, it's friday, and this grandma really can't afford to stay out late on weeknights and hope to be coherent in the morning...