you just do...

18 "There are three things that are too amazing for me,
four that I do not understand:

19 the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden.

-Proverbs 30:18-19


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back during the weekend of the standup leading to breakup, ptr was driving me home from church and i was getting some advice on the situation. he said something profound that stuck with me...he didn't quite remember all of it but he said something like this: "it's like that old saying...there are 3 things that can't be explained...and the last one is why one person likes another. you don't really know why...you just do. you want to be with them."

well, don't you know, it's from the bible.

i feel like i've been hearing a lot of relationship dilemmas lately - and where i would like to think the world should be black and white, when it comes to relationships there's all this murky grey. so i guess in the midst of all this "do they/don't they" dance where we try to figure out how we feel and (even harder) how the other party feels - what it really comes down to is, what exactly makes one person like another?

sure, we have our lists. we have our preferences. but at the end of the day...you either do or you don't. and you find yourself acting differently and you don't mind. or in the case of the ambiguous...waiting around for that person to come around is only setting yourself up for disappointment when the things they would never do for you - they're perfectly happy to do for that special someone who comes along. it's like in friends when rachel asks barry if he got plugs and contacts. "you always hated sticking your finger in your eye..." "well, for mindy...i don't really mind anymore".

about 5 years ago, when i was even more in the black hole of fashion and such things than i am now, jaac said something funny to me. along the lines of "i'll bet you one day you're going to fall in love with a man who will treat you like a princess, and when he asks you very sweetly to glam for him...you'll be glamming like a mofo."

i laughed at him then. but you know what? i would. as much as i hate the effort and feel horribly self conscious when i have to get all dressed up...if i had an occasion and someone i was excited to see, i'd totally do it. guys will shave, watch chick flicks...haha i think it was ptr who once declared "the only reason a guy would ever go to the ballet was if he liked the girl who asked him to go". (that statement isn't entirely a true generalization, but i agree with the principle behind it...)

in the manner of 'he's just not that into you'...i found myself recently giving advice along those lines. if he says he likes you but he doesn't want to date you date you - then he doesn't really like you. you can hang around and hope he'll come around - but some other girl's gonna come along and suddenly the guy who didn't feel like he could commit to a relationship will find himself practically married.

if you've been seeing this guy for months long distance and you're still not sure you want to date him....then maybe you don't like him. sure, people can grow on you...but i guess i feel like there's a difference between learning to love someone (which happens all the time) and learning to like someone (which i don't think happens much at all).

maybe there are ways to make yourself more attractive to someone...but at the end of they day, i really wonder how far effort can get you when it's really undefined.

seriously, it may just come down to prayer, and God throwing bricks at people's heads.