birthdays

I think one of the things that I take the most joy in is finding that perfect gift. I love gift giving. If I had all the money in the world, I'd go around trying to find people the perfect gifts, for that one moment when they open it and realize that you thought of them. That's why Christmas is my favorite time of year (I mean, aside from the birth of Christ and what Christmas REALLY stands for - but it's also a good excuse to give people gifts and think of them and affirm them).

I racked my brain starting 2 months ago for birthday gifts - and finally came to a decision, went to 3 different places to find them, 4 different card stores to find the perfect cards, wrapped and planned for delivery. When I'd decided to drop them off at their apartments, I walked out of the locker room on Weds and almost smack into Sr.

I get so nervous about gifts because after all the effort, I just really want the recipient to like it. It was nice to have an excuse and medium through which to affirm them, and it's been quite awhile since I've been affirmed (perhaps ever since I left ACF). It reminded me of a conversation my dad and I had right before I left for college...

"I'm very very proud of you. I may not tell you very often, but I am."

Apparently it's difficult for middle+ aged Korean men to affirm directly. But I appreciate the effort it takes on those rare occasions that they do.

I was talking to someone the other day about relationships, and explaining my theory of how relationships are like sine waves. With most acquaintances, you have something like a straight line. No highs, no lows, low maintenance. But as you get closer to people, the amplitude gets higher in your sine wave. And as your relationship progresses, there will be highs and lows. It'd be great if the makeup of relationships was always high highs, but the reality is, when you have high highs there will also be low lows. The higher your highs, the lower your lows, directly proportional.

Is it worth it? Of course it is. As long as you're in it for the long haul and know that your sine wave will keep on oscillating. But for all the low, incredibly low, lower than low moments that have transpired...sometimes there are highs that remind you that it's all worth it. For all the misunderstandings and miscommunications that occur - sometimes there are sentiments that balance it all out.

I left the dojang smiling that night. Mission accomplished.

Happy Birthday, Sabs.