at helen's request...

Rant #3 - the fragile male ego and how I have to feed it

It has often been said that men are dumb and women are evil. Well I've got news. Sometimes, yes, women are just plain evil and manipulative. And I have known a great many women who abuse this tendency, and my sympathy is with you, my brothers, who have to endure them. However, there are some times when the sheer lack of clue or the immediate defenses that go up and machismo that comes out just causes women to say - "there must be a better way".

As much as I may dislike the whole concept of being the woman behind the man - sometimes there's no choice. Believe it or not, it's a lot easier to be in the background with all the ideas, finding the correct way to phrase, negotiate, and bring them up in such a non-threatening way that causes said man to think that he thought of it on his own (therefore not getting threatened and allowing himself to see the merits of the truth you present) - and then he goes forth and carries out said idea as though it's the most brilliant thing in the world. Because he thought of it. Of course.

SO INEFFICIENT that this is the 'easiest' way. But it is. To get things done, you have to play by the rules of the game. And Rule #1 is don't hurt the ego. If you hurt the ego, that's it, game over. You lose. Depending on how badly the ego was bruised, you might not get to play again from anywhere from days to months.

I remember watching 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' where the mother says to the girl "the man may be the head...but the woman is the neck. And she can make the head turn any. way. she. wants."

I don't know, I don't see why it has to be so difficult to communicate. Though in this case I'm also working against other factors such as hierarchy, authority, culture, etc. I would hope that in marriage or whatever other male-female relationship there is, there can be a better mode of communication. But judging from what some of my married friends say, the male ego is still something to be aware of and proceed with caution with...I would think that if one was secure in himself and confident, that it would not be such an issue. And I will admit that women do need to be more uplifting to our brothers and encourage them to lead and be bold (another issue upon which I may expound upon at a later time).

I think it also surprises me sometimes, who has fragile egos that I have to tiptoe around and who doesn't...the unexpected often causes much frustration.

The macho thing I just don't understand at all. Just admit that something hurts. Admit that you need to stop sometimes. A real man can admit when he is wrong. I'll never forget one time in college, one of my friends really hurt my feelings because of something he said. When he realized this, he immediately asked if we could talk (in person), came over, and said "I'm so sorry that I sinned against you, will you please forgive me?" Granted, coming from a family where my father is incapable of admitting he's ever wrong and I know I've won an argument when he changes the subject - this floored me. But to this day I respect this friend because he was man enough to own up to when he was wrong, even if it was something as little as hurting my feelings. Actually, I think this happened on two occasions with two different people. But the principle is still the same - men who know and admit their weaknesses actually seem much stronger than those who don't.