i was perusing mako's family website the other day and shocked by how much the kids have grown up. zoe turned 7? good gosh - the last time i saw her she was maybe 2, at some winter retreat. kids are a good measure of how time flies.
he wrote something about how they spent some time affirming his son on his birthday - reminds me of k/acf and the concept of affirmations. especially chapter camp and senior affirmations...and when we did unlimited affirmations for james his last year.
i don't know why other churches don't do it as a regular exercise, but it's so valuable. at least from what i remember - it was particularly good for asians to learn how to just sit and receive affirmations. but yeah, it got me thinking...someday when i have a family, i'm going to make affirmations a regular exercise. maybe it'll help them not fall into the inevitable asian trap of deriving worth from accomplishments. (because let's face it, my kids are going to be overachievers, or likely feel guilty that they're not).
i've started to think about packing and moving, which is causing a bit of anxiety. figured as long as i had my friend's car, i may as well try to move some stuff to unnee's house. after 2 trips and filling the closet of my would-be-bedroom...this is looking a little endless.
iman was so cute this morning...whenever i've dropped by, he asks me "are you staying??" today he came up to me and said "eemoh, i want to play with you" ... to which i suggested playing "let's clean up eemoh's closet". he was really excited about it for about 5 minutes.
having a car is awesome. i'm seriously debating getting one. times like this i wish i was married so we could divide the labor on such decisions. i have serious commitment issues with big decisions...
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
you just do...
18 "There are three things that are too amazing for me,
four that I do not understand:
19 the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden.
-Proverbs 30:18-19
* * * * * *
back during the weekend of the standup leading to breakup, ptr was driving me home from church and i was getting some advice on the situation. he said something profound that stuck with me...he didn't quite remember all of it but he said something like this: "it's like that old saying...there are 3 things that can't be explained...and the last one is why one person likes another. you don't really know why...you just do. you want to be with them."
well, don't you know, it's from the bible.
i feel like i've been hearing a lot of relationship dilemmas lately - and where i would like to think the world should be black and white, when it comes to relationships there's all this murky grey. so i guess in the midst of all this "do they/don't they" dance where we try to figure out how we feel and (even harder) how the other party feels - what it really comes down to is, what exactly makes one person like another?
sure, we have our lists. we have our preferences. but at the end of the day...you either do or you don't. and you find yourself acting differently and you don't mind. or in the case of the ambiguous...waiting around for that person to come around is only setting yourself up for disappointment when the things they would never do for you - they're perfectly happy to do for that special someone who comes along. it's like in friends when rachel asks barry if he got plugs and contacts. "you always hated sticking your finger in your eye..." "well, for mindy...i don't really mind anymore".
about 5 years ago, when i was even more in the black hole of fashion and such things than i am now, jaac said something funny to me. along the lines of "i'll bet you one day you're going to fall in love with a man who will treat you like a princess, and when he asks you very sweetly to glam for him...you'll be glamming like a mofo."
i laughed at him then. but you know what? i would. as much as i hate the effort and feel horribly self conscious when i have to get all dressed up...if i had an occasion and someone i was excited to see, i'd totally do it. guys will shave, watch chick flicks...haha i think it was ptr who once declared "the only reason a guy would ever go to the ballet was if he liked the girl who asked him to go". (that statement isn't entirely a true generalization, but i agree with the principle behind it...)
in the manner of 'he's just not that into you'...i found myself recently giving advice along those lines. if he says he likes you but he doesn't want to date you date you - then he doesn't really like you. you can hang around and hope he'll come around - but some other girl's gonna come along and suddenly the guy who didn't feel like he could commit to a relationship will find himself practically married.
if you've been seeing this guy for months long distance and you're still not sure you want to date him....then maybe you don't like him. sure, people can grow on you...but i guess i feel like there's a difference between learning to love someone (which happens all the time) and learning to like someone (which i don't think happens much at all).
maybe there are ways to make yourself more attractive to someone...but at the end of they day, i really wonder how far effort can get you when it's really undefined.
seriously, it may just come down to prayer, and God throwing bricks at people's heads.
four that I do not understand:
19 the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden.
-Proverbs 30:18-19
* * * * * *
back during the weekend of the standup leading to breakup, ptr was driving me home from church and i was getting some advice on the situation. he said something profound that stuck with me...he didn't quite remember all of it but he said something like this: "it's like that old saying...there are 3 things that can't be explained...and the last one is why one person likes another. you don't really know why...you just do. you want to be with them."
well, don't you know, it's from the bible.
i feel like i've been hearing a lot of relationship dilemmas lately - and where i would like to think the world should be black and white, when it comes to relationships there's all this murky grey. so i guess in the midst of all this "do they/don't they" dance where we try to figure out how we feel and (even harder) how the other party feels - what it really comes down to is, what exactly makes one person like another?
sure, we have our lists. we have our preferences. but at the end of the day...you either do or you don't. and you find yourself acting differently and you don't mind. or in the case of the ambiguous...waiting around for that person to come around is only setting yourself up for disappointment when the things they would never do for you - they're perfectly happy to do for that special someone who comes along. it's like in friends when rachel asks barry if he got plugs and contacts. "you always hated sticking your finger in your eye..." "well, for mindy...i don't really mind anymore".
about 5 years ago, when i was even more in the black hole of fashion and such things than i am now, jaac said something funny to me. along the lines of "i'll bet you one day you're going to fall in love with a man who will treat you like a princess, and when he asks you very sweetly to glam for him...you'll be glamming like a mofo."
i laughed at him then. but you know what? i would. as much as i hate the effort and feel horribly self conscious when i have to get all dressed up...if i had an occasion and someone i was excited to see, i'd totally do it. guys will shave, watch chick flicks...haha i think it was ptr who once declared "the only reason a guy would ever go to the ballet was if he liked the girl who asked him to go". (that statement isn't entirely a true generalization, but i agree with the principle behind it...)
in the manner of 'he's just not that into you'...i found myself recently giving advice along those lines. if he says he likes you but he doesn't want to date you date you - then he doesn't really like you. you can hang around and hope he'll come around - but some other girl's gonna come along and suddenly the guy who didn't feel like he could commit to a relationship will find himself practically married.
if you've been seeing this guy for months long distance and you're still not sure you want to date him....then maybe you don't like him. sure, people can grow on you...but i guess i feel like there's a difference between learning to love someone (which happens all the time) and learning to like someone (which i don't think happens much at all).
maybe there are ways to make yourself more attractive to someone...but at the end of they day, i really wonder how far effort can get you when it's really undefined.
seriously, it may just come down to prayer, and God throwing bricks at people's heads.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
glee
i took the day off of work today, and was promptly woken up by pounding from the apt upstairs - somehow i find it offensive that people do construction at 8am. particularly since i sleep in a loft with my face about 2ft from the ceiling - i wasn't feeling too great about hearing chiseling and scraping right above my face.
anyhow...in my time off, i managed to finish glee, play some violin (after about 15 minutes of trying to tune the poor thing), some piano, and forgot to eat lunch. maybe it's watching glee and missing what it felt like to be in an ensemble, but i have this weird urge to join an orchestra or chamber group. i don't know where i would find one of these, but...hrmm. luckily, "the claw" is on my bow hand, so it's not that bad.
one thing that glee reinforced is that as much as i wish i had met someone in hs or college and lived happily ever after - those couples usually don't work out because it's quite possible they become different people. and once again - not content with being single, but it's better to be single than unhappily married. i have no idea how he didn't just punch his wife in the face all this time. that show has a disproportionately high number of women who need to be punched in the face. but i guess there always has to be a villain...
i just got a new shipment of books...should keep my occupied through the holidays. though i do entertain the thought of a kindle as i run out of room on my bookshelf...dryl's been pushing the kindle but i'm not sure how committed i feel to such a purchase. esp since it's not like i read THAT much...
anyhow...in my time off, i managed to finish glee, play some violin (after about 15 minutes of trying to tune the poor thing), some piano, and forgot to eat lunch. maybe it's watching glee and missing what it felt like to be in an ensemble, but i have this weird urge to join an orchestra or chamber group. i don't know where i would find one of these, but...hrmm. luckily, "the claw" is on my bow hand, so it's not that bad.
one thing that glee reinforced is that as much as i wish i had met someone in hs or college and lived happily ever after - those couples usually don't work out because it's quite possible they become different people. and once again - not content with being single, but it's better to be single than unhappily married. i have no idea how he didn't just punch his wife in the face all this time. that show has a disproportionately high number of women who need to be punched in the face. but i guess there always has to be a villain...
i just got a new shipment of books...should keep my occupied through the holidays. though i do entertain the thought of a kindle as i run out of room on my bookshelf...dryl's been pushing the kindle but i'm not sure how committed i feel to such a purchase. esp since it's not like i read THAT much...
Monday, December 21, 2009
weekend shenanigans
an eventful weekend, though i only went to half the parties i had on the docket. (new year's resolution: stop being a grandma - at least until i actually get married). i have to remember NOT to come home between work and whatever else i have planned in the evening - because that means i won't go. and then i regret not having gone. sigh.
the tlc party ended up really small - but i think people had a good time. poor r, he was the only guy for most of the time, i think that bothered him a bit. by the time m showed up, he had to leave. it's like there's a conservation of guy law or something. balderdash is a pretty fun game - man, i love board games.
the tkd party, on the other hand, was huge. even when i showed up 2 hours late - their apt was stuffed to the gills.
onto church...i was really annoyed that another sgl was actively bugging someone in my sg about coming to her sg. we have such a shortage of guys as it is, it felt like member-snatching...just didn't sit well with me.
sigh, the girl:guy ratio. depressing in general, but when i look at our sg, it's a little ridiculous. we have 3 guys that are consistent, and one of those is the leader.
in other news...i finally (willingly) became a member this weekend. after all the years of church commitment phobia (or having been forced to become a member against my will) - i bit the bullet. i have to say, i'm really grateful to pjoe for understanding my issues with church membership, and giving me all the time i needed to decide. and honestly, what made me decide it was safe to do it was that he DIDN'T pressure or force me. that's one thing i really appreciate about our leaders - they don't use guilt or duty or protocol.
one interesting thing from the sermon discussion this week:
grace is getting something you don't deserve; mercy is NOT getting something you do deserve.
i always thought they were the same thing, but it was really interesting to have it defined that way. made me think.
and my new show obsession (well, alongside himym) is glee. man, that's entertaining...i also recently joined the church choir. i think one thing i never got to do but secretly wish i could is sing acapella. too bad that doesn't exist post-college. and so...i watch glee.
the tlc party ended up really small - but i think people had a good time. poor r, he was the only guy for most of the time, i think that bothered him a bit. by the time m showed up, he had to leave. it's like there's a conservation of guy law or something. balderdash is a pretty fun game - man, i love board games.
the tkd party, on the other hand, was huge. even when i showed up 2 hours late - their apt was stuffed to the gills.
onto church...i was really annoyed that another sgl was actively bugging someone in my sg about coming to her sg. we have such a shortage of guys as it is, it felt like member-snatching...just didn't sit well with me.
sigh, the girl:guy ratio. depressing in general, but when i look at our sg, it's a little ridiculous. we have 3 guys that are consistent, and one of those is the leader.
in other news...i finally (willingly) became a member this weekend. after all the years of church commitment phobia (or having been forced to become a member against my will) - i bit the bullet. i have to say, i'm really grateful to pjoe for understanding my issues with church membership, and giving me all the time i needed to decide. and honestly, what made me decide it was safe to do it was that he DIDN'T pressure or force me. that's one thing i really appreciate about our leaders - they don't use guilt or duty or protocol.
one interesting thing from the sermon discussion this week:
grace is getting something you don't deserve; mercy is NOT getting something you do deserve.
i always thought they were the same thing, but it was really interesting to have it defined that way. made me think.
and my new show obsession (well, alongside himym) is glee. man, that's entertaining...i also recently joined the church choir. i think one thing i never got to do but secretly wish i could is sing acapella. too bad that doesn't exist post-college. and so...i watch glee.
Friday, December 18, 2009
holiday parties
well. that was hands down the worst christmas party ever. totally not worth wearing real pants for. my boss sent me an email yesterday: "Many people wear ties for the Christmas party - I might even!" i took the hint to dress up (totally painful on casual friday, btw) - and we get this freezing cold christmas lunch...whose brilliant idea was it to rent a tent? in order to cut costs from renting out a space, they decided to put up a tent outside and chairs and tables and caterers.
on a positive note - my code WORKED!!! now, nevermind that this is essentially pathetic, and for the meager lines or whatever of incredibly simplistic looping it's embarassing it took so long. but it freaking compiled and did what i wanted it to do. i was useful. granted, i probably could've been a lot more useful - but whatever, useful = not useless. and that's good enough for me.
i got an email from an old acquaintance from about 4 years back. came and went out of my life without much thought except the occasional "huh, whatever happened to so-and-so?" well, apparently he's engaged. the thing is, these days, engagements aren't what make me feel like life is passing me by. that train blew by long ago. it's the baby shower invites (got one of those too) and birth announcements that are the stark reminders.
and so the weekend before christmas is upon us. a possible birthday party tonight (it's so cold outside, the activation energy just spiked), maybe visiting julie's sg (again, cold) - making candy bags to give to my sg members (nostalgia of care packages of yore...) - my sg christmas party tomorrow, though slightly apprehensive that my coleaders probably can't make it (God, please let it be fun for the group...) - tkd holiday party (hope i make it there - rawr for overlapping parties) - and then sleep. glorious sleep.
the kids are done with school as of today, and i have 2 weeks off from geometry, biology, SAT, and the like. no parents calling me, no kids freaking out, nowhere i have to be after 430 day to day unless i choose.
i think we have early dismissal today. except my boss didn't know about it. so i'm not sure if i get to leave. eh screw it. i'm going home...
on a positive note - my code WORKED!!! now, nevermind that this is essentially pathetic, and for the meager lines or whatever of incredibly simplistic looping it's embarassing it took so long. but it freaking compiled and did what i wanted it to do. i was useful. granted, i probably could've been a lot more useful - but whatever, useful = not useless. and that's good enough for me.
i got an email from an old acquaintance from about 4 years back. came and went out of my life without much thought except the occasional "huh, whatever happened to so-and-so?" well, apparently he's engaged. the thing is, these days, engagements aren't what make me feel like life is passing me by. that train blew by long ago. it's the baby shower invites (got one of those too) and birth announcements that are the stark reminders.
and so the weekend before christmas is upon us. a possible birthday party tonight (it's so cold outside, the activation energy just spiked), maybe visiting julie's sg (again, cold) - making candy bags to give to my sg members (nostalgia of care packages of yore...) - my sg christmas party tomorrow, though slightly apprehensive that my coleaders probably can't make it (God, please let it be fun for the group...) - tkd holiday party (hope i make it there - rawr for overlapping parties) - and then sleep. glorious sleep.
the kids are done with school as of today, and i have 2 weeks off from geometry, biology, SAT, and the like. no parents calling me, no kids freaking out, nowhere i have to be after 430 day to day unless i choose.
i think we have early dismissal today. except my boss didn't know about it. so i'm not sure if i get to leave. eh screw it. i'm going home...
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
too-tee!
i got a higher christmas bonus from tutoring than i got from work this year. i'm not sure whether that's more surprising bc they nixed christmas bonuses (again) at work, or that a family threw in cash in my christmas card.
in general, gifts from my students have been a pleasant surprise. over the years, i've gotten some interesting ones. (like the year linds gave me fancy soap from o&co because "you have to wash off all the sweat from practice!") though every time i get a cash gift i feel compelled to spend it on something specific (as if that person had gotten me a gift). maybe i'll just put it towards the need-furniture-in-new-apt-fund.
anyways.
the holiday festivities have left me wanting to take a vacation day during the week just to recuperate from busy weekends.
secret ninja - the gift exchange was pretty funny this year. in the tradition of mit, i had each person write a poem to describe themselves so the recipient could guess. poems ranged from clever to haikus to not-a-real-poem. scott had me and his poem was the best:
roses are red
violets are blue
you are my "sister"
and i am a jew
he got me a christmas tree! well, more like a christmas bush. but it was really cute, i decorated it and everything. (with leftover ribbons and random keychains and medals i had lying around).
the family xmas get-together was a zoo of kids and a carnage of wrapping paper. jordan has become such a ham, she's a fun one. good counter, at the age of two - she got such a kick out of counting blocks with me, though she kept saying "eleben, telf, TOO-TEE!" and then giggling her head off. i thought she was skipping to twenty and kept correcting her until i realized that TOO-TEE meant thirteen - dang that malaysian nanny and her accent!
matty was totally antisocial - he's one good looking kid, but suffers from only child syndrome, bad. i swear this is why people have multiple kids.
o (at 1.5) was taller than the 2 yo's...possibly taller than i-man (who's 3.5). i think it's her chinese genes, patrick is tall...then again, so is gina.
allison (5?) is a sweetie - she was picking up after i-man and every year she looks like a princess. i don't think i've ever heard her talk. ever.
the kang boys are an interesting example of phenotypes. alex looks just like his dad - cj looks just like his mom (or her brother) - jackson is an exact hybrid. 3 boys...that house has got to be a zoo.
emily is getting so old, she's practically a teenager. it's crazy, i remember when she was born.
and then there were the rest of the kids. the ones i see all the time, and the ones i never see. they grow up so fast, it's a little crazy. but i think it's great that they can all get together and hang out and get along...big families are nice and i wish i had had that as a kid.
in general, gifts from my students have been a pleasant surprise. over the years, i've gotten some interesting ones. (like the year linds gave me fancy soap from o&co because "you have to wash off all the sweat from practice!") though every time i get a cash gift i feel compelled to spend it on something specific (as if that person had gotten me a gift). maybe i'll just put it towards the need-furniture-in-new-apt-fund.
anyways.
the holiday festivities have left me wanting to take a vacation day during the week just to recuperate from busy weekends.
secret ninja - the gift exchange was pretty funny this year. in the tradition of mit, i had each person write a poem to describe themselves so the recipient could guess. poems ranged from clever to haikus to not-a-real-poem. scott had me and his poem was the best:
roses are red
violets are blue
you are my "sister"
and i am a jew
he got me a christmas tree! well, more like a christmas bush. but it was really cute, i decorated it and everything. (with leftover ribbons and random keychains and medals i had lying around).
the family xmas get-together was a zoo of kids and a carnage of wrapping paper. jordan has become such a ham, she's a fun one. good counter, at the age of two - she got such a kick out of counting blocks with me, though she kept saying "eleben, telf, TOO-TEE!" and then giggling her head off. i thought she was skipping to twenty and kept correcting her until i realized that TOO-TEE meant thirteen - dang that malaysian nanny and her accent!
matty was totally antisocial - he's one good looking kid, but suffers from only child syndrome, bad. i swear this is why people have multiple kids.
o (at 1.5) was taller than the 2 yo's...possibly taller than i-man (who's 3.5). i think it's her chinese genes, patrick is tall...then again, so is gina.
allison (5?) is a sweetie - she was picking up after i-man and every year she looks like a princess. i don't think i've ever heard her talk. ever.
the kang boys are an interesting example of phenotypes. alex looks just like his dad - cj looks just like his mom (or her brother) - jackson is an exact hybrid. 3 boys...that house has got to be a zoo.
emily is getting so old, she's practically a teenager. it's crazy, i remember when she was born.
and then there were the rest of the kids. the ones i see all the time, and the ones i never see. they grow up so fast, it's a little crazy. but i think it's great that they can all get together and hang out and get along...big families are nice and i wish i had had that as a kid.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
blessed are those who mourn...
yesterday i found out that my friends' father passed away in a car crash. it was absolutely heartbreaking to hear the tears on the phone and have nothing to say to comfort them. a million platitudes crossed my mind, but in moments of suffering and sorrow - sometimes there's just nothing that will make it any better in that moment.
i talked to j first - he was so overwhelmed and burdened. then i called a, who was just weeping. at least with her, i remembered to pray over the phone. but i felt so helpless with them.
i see more and more the importance of knowing scripture. i've been on this memory verse kick lately (which is admittedly spotty) but when you need to call upon encouragement or you need to know the character of God when things don't make sense...knowing scripture is so key. i only wish i knew more.
susan said something when she emailed the leaders that really stuck with me. let's love well and pray hard. so simple, but in the end...all we can do.
i talked to j first - he was so overwhelmed and burdened. then i called a, who was just weeping. at least with her, i remembered to pray over the phone. but i felt so helpless with them.
i see more and more the importance of knowing scripture. i've been on this memory verse kick lately (which is admittedly spotty) but when you need to call upon encouragement or you need to know the character of God when things don't make sense...knowing scripture is so key. i only wish i knew more.
susan said something when she emailed the leaders that really stuck with me. let's love well and pray hard. so simple, but in the end...all we can do.
Monday, December 14, 2009
sweet justice
well sometimes there IS justice in the world.
so i found out this weekend that the girl dbag had been seeing (prior to our breakup ie. cheating) - was canadian and only after him for citizenship. apparently it didn't work out. that's right, scuzzbucket - what goes around comes around. though i'm surprised he had the dignity to want something better - citizenship is probably the best thing he had to offer.
i have to say, this revelation made me feel a whole lot better. not so much because he's unhappy (well, presuming he is), but because it just didn't feel right that a person would be underhanded and then be rewarded for it.
ndrw said something interesting. some korean master somewhere in korea was spouting life advice to him and he said that your spounse has to be your 상대. ok, so technically that means "opponent" (and it's quite possible i'm remember the wrong word in that sentence) but the point was, your spouse has to be your equal. perhaps it was a different way of saying "never settle".
but i have to say, thank you jesus for slamming door in my face to unequivocally...well, shut the door. i think i was so ready to move forward with life that i was willing to settle on dbag, despite his obvious shortcomings (not to mention the not-obvious that came out later). i dunno, maybe sometimes God lets you walk into a pole so that you don't get hit by the bus.
so i found out this weekend that the girl dbag had been seeing (prior to our breakup ie. cheating) - was canadian and only after him for citizenship. apparently it didn't work out. that's right, scuzzbucket - what goes around comes around. though i'm surprised he had the dignity to want something better - citizenship is probably the best thing he had to offer.
i have to say, this revelation made me feel a whole lot better. not so much because he's unhappy (well, presuming he is), but because it just didn't feel right that a person would be underhanded and then be rewarded for it.
ndrw said something interesting. some korean master somewhere in korea was spouting life advice to him and he said that your spounse has to be your 상대. ok, so technically that means "opponent" (and it's quite possible i'm remember the wrong word in that sentence) but the point was, your spouse has to be your equal. perhaps it was a different way of saying "never settle".
but i have to say, thank you jesus for slamming door in my face to unequivocally...well, shut the door. i think i was so ready to move forward with life that i was willing to settle on dbag, despite his obvious shortcomings (not to mention the not-obvious that came out later). i dunno, maybe sometimes God lets you walk into a pole so that you don't get hit by the bus.
Friday, December 11, 2009
glory days
read this off of bobby's blog. dang hilarious. i miss mit.
dan: clinch like you're driving a bus. just drive the bus.
so a few years ago i was offered the nyu program and i turned it down. i had too much on my plate at the time and i just couldn't handle what adding coaching college kids was going to do to me. (reference 2003, when i spent 80% of spring semester trying to win the championships, and maybe 20% on academics, leading to locking myself in my room and busting out my thesis the week before it was due.)
and just like i respond when people ask me what possessed me to play football with a broken hand. "God knew how much it meant to me. He'll let me play"
well fortunately, i did graduate that year, and we won the cup to boot. serious glory days.
so a couple nyu boys have been training with us, and while we were out last week, they were lamenting that their coach sucks. i said something along the lines of how i'd turned that position down, when isaac starts shaking my by the shoulders. "WHY DID YOU TURN IT DOOOOOOOWN?!?!?!"
it's nice to feel wanted. even if you're getting shoved around in the process.
so i've been contemplating rounding out this year as a coach. i guess mike is graduating so it's only for one more season...and it's relatively low committment. i only have to train the two of them, and they come up here. hrmm. sure would be fun to get back ... though i don't think i could coach against any of my old students. eh, there aren't any left at this point anyhow. but maybe i can train the nyu boys to beat cornell and help mit along...
and it'd be nice to reappear in a setting where i'd made a mark. i don't know if i can subject myself to that kind of suspense again. but at least i can't break bones while coaching and spectating...
dan: clinch like you're driving a bus. just drive the bus.
so a few years ago i was offered the nyu program and i turned it down. i had too much on my plate at the time and i just couldn't handle what adding coaching college kids was going to do to me. (reference 2003, when i spent 80% of spring semester trying to win the championships, and maybe 20% on academics, leading to locking myself in my room and busting out my thesis the week before it was due.)
and just like i respond when people ask me what possessed me to play football with a broken hand. "God knew how much it meant to me. He'll let me play"
well fortunately, i did graduate that year, and we won the cup to boot. serious glory days.
so a couple nyu boys have been training with us, and while we were out last week, they were lamenting that their coach sucks. i said something along the lines of how i'd turned that position down, when isaac starts shaking my by the shoulders. "WHY DID YOU TURN IT DOOOOOOOWN?!?!?!"
it's nice to feel wanted. even if you're getting shoved around in the process.
so i've been contemplating rounding out this year as a coach. i guess mike is graduating so it's only for one more season...and it's relatively low committment. i only have to train the two of them, and they come up here. hrmm. sure would be fun to get back ... though i don't think i could coach against any of my old students. eh, there aren't any left at this point anyhow. but maybe i can train the nyu boys to beat cornell and help mit along...
and it'd be nice to reappear in a setting where i'd made a mark. i don't know if i can subject myself to that kind of suspense again. but at least i can't break bones while coaching and spectating...
fake date
the fake date is a one on one outing with a person of the opposite gender, who you're sort of friends with, but not necessarily established friends with ... where you basically go through the motions of a date but since it's not established as a date - it's not really a date. hence, fake.
for example, someone says "hey, we should hang out sometime", you hang out, get to know each other. confusion could be exacerbated, say, if the guy insists on paying for everything.
or, say, if 2 overachieving churchgoing koreans sit around and discuss over dinner how they want to meet an equivalent overachieving churchgoing korean.
anyways.
but on a related note, the whole paying for things etiquette always confuses me. if i were a guy (on an established date), i'd just pay for everything all the time. this is not to say that i expect guys to pay for me all the time - just saying that if i were a guy that's what i'd do, to eliminate confusion and protocol and a sense of obligation. let the girl cook for you, buy you presents, do something else to even it out, but...it's just awkward at dinner when the check comes. do you reach for it, do you offer, how many times do you go back and forth...
this is one of the things i like about being korean. yes, we notoriously fight over checks, but honestly, there's a very clear system of who pays for stuff when going out. when i go to dinner with sabs, they always pay. i say thank you, and continue on my merry way of indentured servitude. when i go to dinner with a hubae, i pay. that's that.
the catch comes when you have a friend situation where the girl is older than the guy. now what? i guess this is where you fight for it. this happens to me all the time with rich, where he insists on paying and i just think it's weird bc he's the little bro. i used to pull the noona card but once he started working, i just gave in. or with dodo, we had to make a deal when we used to eat out a lot - he pays if we're in a nice restaurant (ie. to avoid the waiter thinking he's the douche that let the girl pay) and i pay if we're in regular places like diners (where we would mostly eat).
maybe i just like it better if i know who pays in general. i think i'm just afraid of being rude...
ok i think all these paragraphs were sort of related, but not exactly a cohesive point. oh well, it's friday, and this grandma really can't afford to stay out late on weeknights and hope to be coherent in the morning...
for example, someone says "hey, we should hang out sometime", you hang out, get to know each other. confusion could be exacerbated, say, if the guy insists on paying for everything.
or, say, if 2 overachieving churchgoing koreans sit around and discuss over dinner how they want to meet an equivalent overachieving churchgoing korean.
anyways.
but on a related note, the whole paying for things etiquette always confuses me. if i were a guy (on an established date), i'd just pay for everything all the time. this is not to say that i expect guys to pay for me all the time - just saying that if i were a guy that's what i'd do, to eliminate confusion and protocol and a sense of obligation. let the girl cook for you, buy you presents, do something else to even it out, but...it's just awkward at dinner when the check comes. do you reach for it, do you offer, how many times do you go back and forth...
this is one of the things i like about being korean. yes, we notoriously fight over checks, but honestly, there's a very clear system of who pays for stuff when going out. when i go to dinner with sabs, they always pay. i say thank you, and continue on my merry way of indentured servitude. when i go to dinner with a hubae, i pay. that's that.
the catch comes when you have a friend situation where the girl is older than the guy. now what? i guess this is where you fight for it. this happens to me all the time with rich, where he insists on paying and i just think it's weird bc he's the little bro. i used to pull the noona card but once he started working, i just gave in. or with dodo, we had to make a deal when we used to eat out a lot - he pays if we're in a nice restaurant (ie. to avoid the waiter thinking he's the douche that let the girl pay) and i pay if we're in regular places like diners (where we would mostly eat).
maybe i just like it better if i know who pays in general. i think i'm just afraid of being rude...
ok i think all these paragraphs were sort of related, but not exactly a cohesive point. oh well, it's friday, and this grandma really can't afford to stay out late on weeknights and hope to be coherent in the morning...
Thursday, December 10, 2009
toe the line
once again, i think i have difficulty with the general concept of grace.
it comes out most visibly in tkd, when someone steps out of line beyond their rank, or assumes privileges that they shouldn't. or rather - when they do such things, and get away with them.
dodo and i were talking about this the other day, because sweetie has a tendency to step out of line. usually unknowingly, and the guy is as harmless as they come - but the biggest peeve we had was that he would take class without full dobok.
back in the old days, we used to NEVER get away with not wearing full dobok in class. in fact, you had to do pushups if you weren't wearing a ws dobok. the most you could get away with was training with a jacket over the dobok. but even that was implicitly supposed to be a ws or usa (or country) jacket.
dodo, jaac, and i would rally our efforts to train to music (always denied), and to train in underarmour (only after class). but we knew where our place was, and if we toed the line, we'd get smacked (or noogie'd) down, and then we knew not to ask. you waited until you were spoken to, you didn't speak first.
well, times have changed. sabs have gotten soft. and a new generation of etiquette-less team has emerged. we fought so hard to train without a dobok top, and if anything, i won that right when i was cutting so much weight i had to wear 4 jackets every session.
and along comes a color belt who thinks it's acceptable to train wearing shorts, or saunters into class wearing a shirt. now, the fault is also with the instructors that allow it to happen, but still - that's pretty ballsy. and much like the crazy screaming toddlers in the supermarkets - you have to slap the wrist early on and be consistent, or else it's all chaos.
i guess i (and the old school folks that are left) miss the structure of yore - when the ship was right tight(ly) and there was order and respect and everyone knew where they belonged. sure made life easier. somewhere, we've become americanized or something, and the result is sloppiness all around. you can even see it in the tests.
so the holiday party is upon us, and it was once meant for black belts past and present. even candidates who had tested and not fully passed (ie didn't break their boards) didn't necessarily get invited.
for some reason, exceptions have been made lately. and while that's all well and good - the principle behind it sort of demeans the special-ness (yes, i realize that's not a word) of an achievement and rite of passage, which i think is really too bad.
in a world of instant gratification, i guess i feel like it's a disservice to give in to those who impatiently want the rewards now for what they haven't earned, or for which they haven't paid their dues. makes you wonder whether they'll see the value in it and strive the same way. (of course, it's silly to think of it over a holiday party, but it's just an example).
but of course, all this is akin to the elder brother syndrome, which i constantly embody. no lie, the feeling of entitlement is probably my greatest struggle. or annoyance at others' feelings of entitlement when not deserved. same thing, i suppose.
which makes me wonder - can you have grace and discipline simultaneously? bc obviously a tkd school can't be run on a fluffy let-the-kids-do-whatever-they-want mode...there have to be consequences and heck, rich parents who can't control their kids send them so that at least SOMEONE will.
such is the confusion in my head. (better to debate this now than when i have kids, i suppose...)
it comes out most visibly in tkd, when someone steps out of line beyond their rank, or assumes privileges that they shouldn't. or rather - when they do such things, and get away with them.
dodo and i were talking about this the other day, because sweetie has a tendency to step out of line. usually unknowingly, and the guy is as harmless as they come - but the biggest peeve we had was that he would take class without full dobok.
back in the old days, we used to NEVER get away with not wearing full dobok in class. in fact, you had to do pushups if you weren't wearing a ws dobok. the most you could get away with was training with a jacket over the dobok. but even that was implicitly supposed to be a ws or usa (or country) jacket.
dodo, jaac, and i would rally our efforts to train to music (always denied), and to train in underarmour (only after class). but we knew where our place was, and if we toed the line, we'd get smacked (or noogie'd) down, and then we knew not to ask. you waited until you were spoken to, you didn't speak first.
well, times have changed. sabs have gotten soft. and a new generation of etiquette-less team has emerged. we fought so hard to train without a dobok top, and if anything, i won that right when i was cutting so much weight i had to wear 4 jackets every session.
and along comes a color belt who thinks it's acceptable to train wearing shorts, or saunters into class wearing a shirt. now, the fault is also with the instructors that allow it to happen, but still - that's pretty ballsy. and much like the crazy screaming toddlers in the supermarkets - you have to slap the wrist early on and be consistent, or else it's all chaos.
i guess i (and the old school folks that are left) miss the structure of yore - when the ship was right tight(ly) and there was order and respect and everyone knew where they belonged. sure made life easier. somewhere, we've become americanized or something, and the result is sloppiness all around. you can even see it in the tests.
so the holiday party is upon us, and it was once meant for black belts past and present. even candidates who had tested and not fully passed (ie didn't break their boards) didn't necessarily get invited.
for some reason, exceptions have been made lately. and while that's all well and good - the principle behind it sort of demeans the special-ness (yes, i realize that's not a word) of an achievement and rite of passage, which i think is really too bad.
in a world of instant gratification, i guess i feel like it's a disservice to give in to those who impatiently want the rewards now for what they haven't earned, or for which they haven't paid their dues. makes you wonder whether they'll see the value in it and strive the same way. (of course, it's silly to think of it over a holiday party, but it's just an example).
but of course, all this is akin to the elder brother syndrome, which i constantly embody. no lie, the feeling of entitlement is probably my greatest struggle. or annoyance at others' feelings of entitlement when not deserved. same thing, i suppose.
which makes me wonder - can you have grace and discipline simultaneously? bc obviously a tkd school can't be run on a fluffy let-the-kids-do-whatever-they-want mode...there have to be consequences and heck, rich parents who can't control their kids send them so that at least SOMEONE will.
such is the confusion in my head. (better to debate this now than when i have kids, i suppose...)
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
conflict
gah i hate it when people don't plan ahead. YARGH.
so a good month ago, i asked when the tkd holiday party would be this year. generally got ignored. kept pestering, and finally got a response that this year it'd probably be in january...like a new year's type of deal.
fine, so i scheduled our tlc xmas party for the 19th. that went out a week ago - to which people are taking their own sweet time in replying. (seriously - the creator of the evite can see when you've checked it...so you may as well respond...)
what do i get today, but an evite for the tkd holiday party. on the 19th. for the exact same time.
seriously? SERIOUSLY?
i realize the 19th is a prime date to throw a holiday party. but would it have been so hard to figure that out more than 10 days prior? sigh. i'd better not get the evil eye that i didn't go. so aggravated that i anticipated the conflict and tried so hard to avoid it - but in the end it conflicted anyways.
fail.
so a good month ago, i asked when the tkd holiday party would be this year. generally got ignored. kept pestering, and finally got a response that this year it'd probably be in january...like a new year's type of deal.
fine, so i scheduled our tlc xmas party for the 19th. that went out a week ago - to which people are taking their own sweet time in replying. (seriously - the creator of the evite can see when you've checked it...so you may as well respond...)
what do i get today, but an evite for the tkd holiday party. on the 19th. for the exact same time.
seriously? SERIOUSLY?
i realize the 19th is a prime date to throw a holiday party. but would it have been so hard to figure that out more than 10 days prior? sigh. i'd better not get the evil eye that i didn't go. so aggravated that i anticipated the conflict and tried so hard to avoid it - but in the end it conflicted anyways.
fail.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
coding woes
i've been avoiding programming this macro for weeks. i started it, and then the whole japan thing came up, and i was under the impression that it was due that week i was gone...so i just assumed my boss would finish it up (since it would take him all of 20 minutes to program what would take me 2 weeks). but no. it's due this month.
DANGIT.
seriously, i've avoided programming for so long, i really didn't think i'd have to do this in my professional life. and given the fact that i'm so into learning new languages these days, it's a little ridiculous that i refuse to learn how to program. (but...finnish is so much more interesting...albeit useless. which reminds me, i need to reply to hki).
impressive performance by rodgers and the packers last night. he's going to be the qb to look for when he gets more experience. in a dynamic sport, it's always hard to tell whether one team played well, or the other played poorly. obviously it's some combo of the two, but before everyone's so hard on flacco, i think you have to give the packers defense some credit that they put a crapload of pressure on him, and it's hard not to make mistakes when you have people stampeding at you.
i wish bill simmons would write a book on football. now THAT i would actually read. baseball and basketball...i just don't follow well enough to appreciate his books...but yeah. fball. c'mon sports guy.
DANGIT.
seriously, i've avoided programming for so long, i really didn't think i'd have to do this in my professional life. and given the fact that i'm so into learning new languages these days, it's a little ridiculous that i refuse to learn how to program. (but...finnish is so much more interesting...albeit useless. which reminds me, i need to reply to hki).
impressive performance by rodgers and the packers last night. he's going to be the qb to look for when he gets more experience. in a dynamic sport, it's always hard to tell whether one team played well, or the other played poorly. obviously it's some combo of the two, but before everyone's so hard on flacco, i think you have to give the packers defense some credit that they put a crapload of pressure on him, and it's hard not to make mistakes when you have people stampeding at you.
i wish bill simmons would write a book on football. now THAT i would actually read. baseball and basketball...i just don't follow well enough to appreciate his books...but yeah. fball. c'mon sports guy.
Monday, December 07, 2009
shenanigans and scripture
much to my surprise, i generally enjoyed the clubbing experience this weekend. the boys said if i danced, they would do poomsae on the dance floor. sadly, their poomsae looked SO much better than at the dojang. i'm still so saddened by how bad they are at poomsae. rogue data points in my theory that anyone who's good at sparring can be good at poomsae.
while it was fun being there in the safety of the team (and honestly i wouldn't have gone if dodo didn't go) - there are some drugged out and/or skeevy people at such places.
but overall - i had a good time. though going out takes far too much effort - i'm such a grandma. i would've been perfectly content sitting at home in my shorts and watching himym.
someone made a really good analogy during sg yesterday. we were talking about the end of the beatitudes (blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness) and about evangelizing / how to handle skeptics' arguments/accusations. esp since xtians are generally held to a higher standard and every mistake glares.
something along these lines:
as xtians, we're mirrors - we're made to reflect the image of God. some mirrors are shiny and clear and reflect the image well, but other mirrors are cracked and broken and foggy. but the state of the mirror doesn't change the original image. God is God, whether we reflect him clearly or poorly.
i thought that was pretty cool.
my prayer group was pretty cool this week - i decided to revive the prayer champion of last year and send out prayer reminders/verses every day. easier for a smaller group of people, and i think they'll actually do it.
i was making after sg announcements and asked for volunteers to be our team leader for this homeless outreach event in jan. two people immediately pointed at me.
I HATE THAT.
i had a visceral reaction but since we were at church i didn't say anything. people do this to me all the time and it makes me feel so unappreciated - when something needs to be done and no one wants to do it ... and i don't care if i would be good at it or if i'm the perfect person to do it (which, in this case, i was not) - there's empowering and then there's shifting responsibility. (and if they knew the kind of leader i was, they would know that i would delegate. to them first. rawr.)
anyways, it's a serious pet peeve. that's how i was forced to be captain so many times, and prayer champ last year - and at the end of the day, these are probably things i would have done anyways, or wanted to do, had i been asked instead of told.
going to see up in the air this week with ndrw. and maybe convince the team to see blind side. maybe there are actually some decent movies out there after all, i was getting disappointed.
while it was fun being there in the safety of the team (and honestly i wouldn't have gone if dodo didn't go) - there are some drugged out and/or skeevy people at such places.
but overall - i had a good time. though going out takes far too much effort - i'm such a grandma. i would've been perfectly content sitting at home in my shorts and watching himym.
someone made a really good analogy during sg yesterday. we were talking about the end of the beatitudes (blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness) and about evangelizing / how to handle skeptics' arguments/accusations. esp since xtians are generally held to a higher standard and every mistake glares.
something along these lines:
as xtians, we're mirrors - we're made to reflect the image of God. some mirrors are shiny and clear and reflect the image well, but other mirrors are cracked and broken and foggy. but the state of the mirror doesn't change the original image. God is God, whether we reflect him clearly or poorly.
i thought that was pretty cool.
my prayer group was pretty cool this week - i decided to revive the prayer champion of last year and send out prayer reminders/verses every day. easier for a smaller group of people, and i think they'll actually do it.
i was making after sg announcements and asked for volunteers to be our team leader for this homeless outreach event in jan. two people immediately pointed at me.
I HATE THAT.
i had a visceral reaction but since we were at church i didn't say anything. people do this to me all the time and it makes me feel so unappreciated - when something needs to be done and no one wants to do it ... and i don't care if i would be good at it or if i'm the perfect person to do it (which, in this case, i was not) - there's empowering and then there's shifting responsibility. (and if they knew the kind of leader i was, they would know that i would delegate. to them first. rawr.)
anyways, it's a serious pet peeve. that's how i was forced to be captain so many times, and prayer champ last year - and at the end of the day, these are probably things i would have done anyways, or wanted to do, had i been asked instead of told.
going to see up in the air this week with ndrw. and maybe convince the team to see blind side. maybe there are actually some decent movies out there after all, i was getting disappointed.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
making a list, checking it twice
so, as inspired by my parents' incessant...ness, i've been thinking about what i want for christmas. besides the intangibles. (like hi God, if you could give prince charming a kick in the pants and divinely appoint him to show up, that would just be dandy. and if you could smite some fire and ash on dbag, that would be lovely as well.)
my jewish family used to insist that i make lists for birthdays and holidays, which i thought sort of defeated the purpose of gift-giving. (call me an idealist, but i think the fun of it is in thinking up the gift you want to give someone.) but for a couple years i had to do the list thing, and as much as i hate to admit it, it was a practical exercise. gave me a better idea on what i was saving my money for so that i wouldn't make purchases on a whim. (or ... would eventually convince myself to make large purchases...)
so, in no particular order, here goes the things i will get someday when there's a ridiculous bargain, or things i need to remember to actually go out and buy.
1) a flat screen tv
my current huge (and by huge i mean volume, not necc. screen size) analog tv, handed down to me by benekole, has served me well for 4 years. i was truly grateful to receive it when they gave it away (and even more grateful to those who helped me lug it), as i had just bought my studio and had no money for luxuries such as entertainment. but technology has lapped me many times over...perhaps it's time to go flat...
2) tivo
this is actually on my list of things to acquire before the next football season. the debate every monday night about whether to go to practice or watch mnf was killing me this year. not to mention there was no hope of watching any fball on sundays. but i'm not sure if i'd make much use out of this the rest of this year, because there isn't much else i follow in-the-moment that isn't re-run online (a la japanese gameshow)
3) a dvd player that plays korean region dvd's
i have korean dvd's i can't watch because i can't play them. though these days with the internet, i've ceased to purchase dramas on dvd. i think this purchase will never happen. i'll probably just wait till they eventually upload everything i want to watch...
4) a shredder
every time i get a bill, i think to myself, i should get a shredder. i tried to turn to paperless billing as much as possible, but for some reason, i still have mounds of bills and statements. (probably the fact that i keep sustaining serious injuries). and because i don't want to just throw them away (security), they tend to form piles around my apt. until i had to start packing and cleaning, at which point when darlin whined about having to lift heavy boxes, i handed him a pair of scissors, piles of bills, and told him to start shredding. (you would think this would have cured the whining. not so much.) i think he of all people wishes i would just invest in one. haha...
5) aeron chair
i know it costs a bajillion dollars - and therefore would never actually buy it. but they are so very comfy...and i just think it's cool from an engineering perspective. http://www.hermanmiller.com/Products/Aeron-Chairs. my current desk chair survives miraculously day to day. sometimes i think it's going to fall apart, but it doesn't quite. i inherited it from someone years ago, and i don't know how old it is. gets the job done, but only because i'm too cheap to replace it while it's still functional.
6) a really comfortable couch
due to the space restrictions in my apt (ie. the couch must fit under my loft), i have a two-seater couch that pulls out to a full size bed. the bed is actually much more comfortable than the couch. but when watching tv or movies, it becomes crazy uncomfortable because you're basically limited to the fetal position. i want a couch with the consistency of the couches at toahnipi...or pkt.
7) bose noise cancelling headphones
this has been my most indecisive non-purchase to date. ever since my first foray into business class, i discovered the awesomeness of these headphones. unfortunately they cost $300, which i think is slightly ridiculous for something i wouldn't use every day (for fear of having them stolen off my head on my commute. and before future sparky laughs at paranoid sparky - remember the blackberry-stolen-out-of-hand-incident). but every time i travel i wish for the noise-cancelling goodness...though most of my long travels are for work and therefore business class anyhow, i guess. hence, the indecision...though one of these days i'll probably crack and use amex points so i can alleviate the guilt of actually spending money.
8) a real bed
this is a purchase i really ought to make...but i have a perfectly good loft bed and i actually kind of like climbing up and bunking. (only bc it's full-size...i dislike bunking at retreats). this ikea structure (bought on sale, btw) has lasted me through 3 apts, 2 states, 6 years and counting. (it really defies the theory that ikea products can only be put together once).
9) a karaoke machine
i'm getting one of these when i get married. (and not before - bc singing by yourself is just sad). i'm going to teach my kids how to read fast in korean the way i learned: through noraebang and subtitles in dramas.
10) iphone
i won't actually get one because i have a free blackberry from work so i don't need one...but it's still cool and i do have app envy. and i just want to be able to play scrabble whenever i want...
my jewish family used to insist that i make lists for birthdays and holidays, which i thought sort of defeated the purpose of gift-giving. (call me an idealist, but i think the fun of it is in thinking up the gift you want to give someone.) but for a couple years i had to do the list thing, and as much as i hate to admit it, it was a practical exercise. gave me a better idea on what i was saving my money for so that i wouldn't make purchases on a whim. (or ... would eventually convince myself to make large purchases...)
so, in no particular order, here goes the things i will get someday when there's a ridiculous bargain, or things i need to remember to actually go out and buy.
1) a flat screen tv
my current huge (and by huge i mean volume, not necc. screen size) analog tv, handed down to me by benekole, has served me well for 4 years. i was truly grateful to receive it when they gave it away (and even more grateful to those who helped me lug it), as i had just bought my studio and had no money for luxuries such as entertainment. but technology has lapped me many times over...perhaps it's time to go flat...
2) tivo
this is actually on my list of things to acquire before the next football season. the debate every monday night about whether to go to practice or watch mnf was killing me this year. not to mention there was no hope of watching any fball on sundays. but i'm not sure if i'd make much use out of this the rest of this year, because there isn't much else i follow in-the-moment that isn't re-run online (a la japanese gameshow)
3) a dvd player that plays korean region dvd's
i have korean dvd's i can't watch because i can't play them. though these days with the internet, i've ceased to purchase dramas on dvd. i think this purchase will never happen. i'll probably just wait till they eventually upload everything i want to watch...
4) a shredder
every time i get a bill, i think to myself, i should get a shredder. i tried to turn to paperless billing as much as possible, but for some reason, i still have mounds of bills and statements. (probably the fact that i keep sustaining serious injuries). and because i don't want to just throw them away (security), they tend to form piles around my apt. until i had to start packing and cleaning, at which point when darlin whined about having to lift heavy boxes, i handed him a pair of scissors, piles of bills, and told him to start shredding. (you would think this would have cured the whining. not so much.) i think he of all people wishes i would just invest in one. haha...
5) aeron chair
i know it costs a bajillion dollars - and therefore would never actually buy it. but they are so very comfy...and i just think it's cool from an engineering perspective. http://www.hermanmiller.com/Products/Aeron-Chairs. my current desk chair survives miraculously day to day. sometimes i think it's going to fall apart, but it doesn't quite. i inherited it from someone years ago, and i don't know how old it is. gets the job done, but only because i'm too cheap to replace it while it's still functional.
6) a really comfortable couch
due to the space restrictions in my apt (ie. the couch must fit under my loft), i have a two-seater couch that pulls out to a full size bed. the bed is actually much more comfortable than the couch. but when watching tv or movies, it becomes crazy uncomfortable because you're basically limited to the fetal position. i want a couch with the consistency of the couches at toahnipi...or pkt.
7) bose noise cancelling headphones
this has been my most indecisive non-purchase to date. ever since my first foray into business class, i discovered the awesomeness of these headphones. unfortunately they cost $300, which i think is slightly ridiculous for something i wouldn't use every day (for fear of having them stolen off my head on my commute. and before future sparky laughs at paranoid sparky - remember the blackberry-stolen-out-of-hand-incident). but every time i travel i wish for the noise-cancelling goodness...though most of my long travels are for work and therefore business class anyhow, i guess. hence, the indecision...though one of these days i'll probably crack and use amex points so i can alleviate the guilt of actually spending money.
8) a real bed
this is a purchase i really ought to make...but i have a perfectly good loft bed and i actually kind of like climbing up and bunking. (only bc it's full-size...i dislike bunking at retreats). this ikea structure (bought on sale, btw) has lasted me through 3 apts, 2 states, 6 years and counting. (it really defies the theory that ikea products can only be put together once).
9) a karaoke machine
i'm getting one of these when i get married. (and not before - bc singing by yourself is just sad). i'm going to teach my kids how to read fast in korean the way i learned: through noraebang and subtitles in dramas.
10) iphone
i won't actually get one because i have a free blackberry from work so i don't need one...but it's still cool and i do have app envy. and i just want to be able to play scrabble whenever i want...
suckered
i'm having a seriously difficult time reconciling that doogie_howser is now barney on himym. and the fact that he reminds me of a shorter thinner version of tom(lynn)...maybe the square jaw. though marshall reminds me unmistakably of teague.
i think what i like about himym is that the characters have good chemistry with the slapstick (a la 'friends'), but the episodes still have some sort of "moral". granted, the settings and such show the evolution (read: degradation) of morals since the family sitcoms of the 90's...but i still like coming away from an episode feeling like i learned something about life.
i wonder if i'm getting sick. this fog of fatigue ... it's like the harry potter demetor thing or something. somehow it's just so hard to stay awake...
i thought marriable was a good book. little corny at times, but practical...sort of an xtian version of he's just not that into you. with chapters such as "why being just friends is a waste of time". so true. i would recommend it to a single.
speaking of books, the activation energy to get my book off the ground (ie. beyond the outline) just skyrocketed. i thought i'd have a couple chapters written by the time i got back from japan but...damn business class and the free movies! productivity fail. (but oh so entertaining)
my parents want to know what to get me for xmas. i wonder if a 'do not nag' card is an option. probably not. in which case, maybe a new tv. though i'll have to take a raincheck for after the big move.
that's the thing about buying an apt (a real apt, unlike the box i live in which was essentially an extension of college dorm life) ... there's a reason people don't buy until after they're married. well, fine, usually you can't afford it or can't commit to a location. come to think of it, i guess this means i'm committing to stay in nyc for some foreseeable future. (i feel suckered, i didn't overanalyze this aspect in my decision-making...damn that beautiful bathroom and the fallen economy!)
but seriously - the thought of furnishing a new apt, and actually have to buy kitchen supplies (bc lets face it, that pathetic unit in my hallway barely qualified as a kitchen, therefore i never bothered having real utensils or ware) ... that's a lot of stuff. buying the house without the wedding registry just seems ... incomplete.
but i'll cross that bridge in the coming months, i suppose. first i have to figure out if i have to store or sell all my existing stuff while i'm homeless. and when exactly i'll be homeless. and how the heck i'm going to get rid of this piano...
i think what i like about himym is that the characters have good chemistry with the slapstick (a la 'friends'), but the episodes still have some sort of "moral". granted, the settings and such show the evolution (read: degradation) of morals since the family sitcoms of the 90's...but i still like coming away from an episode feeling like i learned something about life.
i wonder if i'm getting sick. this fog of fatigue ... it's like the harry potter demetor thing or something. somehow it's just so hard to stay awake...
i thought marriable was a good book. little corny at times, but practical...sort of an xtian version of he's just not that into you. with chapters such as "why being just friends is a waste of time". so true. i would recommend it to a single.
speaking of books, the activation energy to get my book off the ground (ie. beyond the outline) just skyrocketed. i thought i'd have a couple chapters written by the time i got back from japan but...damn business class and the free movies! productivity fail. (but oh so entertaining)
my parents want to know what to get me for xmas. i wonder if a 'do not nag' card is an option. probably not. in which case, maybe a new tv. though i'll have to take a raincheck for after the big move.
that's the thing about buying an apt (a real apt, unlike the box i live in which was essentially an extension of college dorm life) ... there's a reason people don't buy until after they're married. well, fine, usually you can't afford it or can't commit to a location. come to think of it, i guess this means i'm committing to stay in nyc for some foreseeable future. (i feel suckered, i didn't overanalyze this aspect in my decision-making...damn that beautiful bathroom and the fallen economy!)
but seriously - the thought of furnishing a new apt, and actually have to buy kitchen supplies (bc lets face it, that pathetic unit in my hallway barely qualified as a kitchen, therefore i never bothered having real utensils or ware) ... that's a lot of stuff. buying the house without the wedding registry just seems ... incomplete.
but i'll cross that bridge in the coming months, i suppose. first i have to figure out if i have to store or sell all my existing stuff while i'm homeless. and when exactly i'll be homeless. and how the heck i'm going to get rid of this piano...
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
common app
making profiles for dating websites is no joke. they need a universal template...like the common app or something. eesh.
sab tells me i shouldn't depend only on him and mrs. sab, to keep getting out there. well, "getting out there" is a whole stinking lot of effort. as is trying to make my eyes symmetrical with the eyeliner. (serious coordination needed for that one - almost easier to catch a ball with the sun in my eyes).
ever since dk told me about some beta website for an elitist dating site (ie. only open to alums from top schools, though a quick perusing of limited profiles made me question what the definition of "top school" was) ... i found other sites that advertise the same thing. apparently this is not a new concept, and people have tried to market the need. except it seems to be underdeveloped, and just a pool of profiles and a search engine.
too bad eharm doesn't have an elitist function.
people will judge my stance, but...if you're an ivy (or equivalent) grad who is dating/married to another ivy (or equiv) grad...then...yeah. no leg to stand on. come to think of it, most of my elite-school friends ended up with someone of comparable academic pedigree.
and with that...i really regret not having met someone in college. perhaps i should have tried harder to be "marketable", and spent less energy trying to kick butt and change the world. every feminist out there will scream at me, but...sometimes i start to believe my chauvinist uncles who told my dad that it was worthless educating and developing me into an overachiever because i'd never get married, and then my life would be useless.
well. my life isn't useless. but it's a little empty. maybe instead of learning how to take a hit, i should have learned how to put on makeup. maybe instead of writing constitutions and trying to be a pioneer, i should have learned how to be fashionable. maybe instead of learning how to run faster, i should've learned how to walk in heels.
no, heels suck. as do these profiles.
random note 1 - that song down, down, down. don't know why i like it so much, but i do. down like the economy...too funny.
random note 2 - when i take away the self-consciousness and embarassment...i don't mind low maintenance dressing up, going out, drinking, dancing, etc. (that last one is a big if on the self conscious meter though). i basically missed out on my teen years because i was studying, and on my twenties because i was training. it totally depends who i'm with - but if i were dating someone who liked to do such things, i think i would go and do them. but note to self: drinking on mondays leads to unproductive tuesdays...
random note 3 - how i met your mother is slowly becoming my new favorite show. the friends era had to get replaced eventually...15 years later, maybe it will be. legendary.
random note 4 - i was looking through some pictures...man, i looked pretty good as a welterweight. that's probably the most lean and athletic i've ever been in my life. i wonder if i'll ever be like that again.
sab tells me i shouldn't depend only on him and mrs. sab, to keep getting out there. well, "getting out there" is a whole stinking lot of effort. as is trying to make my eyes symmetrical with the eyeliner. (serious coordination needed for that one - almost easier to catch a ball with the sun in my eyes).
ever since dk told me about some beta website for an elitist dating site (ie. only open to alums from top schools, though a quick perusing of limited profiles made me question what the definition of "top school" was) ... i found other sites that advertise the same thing. apparently this is not a new concept, and people have tried to market the need. except it seems to be underdeveloped, and just a pool of profiles and a search engine.
too bad eharm doesn't have an elitist function.
people will judge my stance, but...if you're an ivy (or equivalent) grad who is dating/married to another ivy (or equiv) grad...then...yeah. no leg to stand on. come to think of it, most of my elite-school friends ended up with someone of comparable academic pedigree.
and with that...i really regret not having met someone in college. perhaps i should have tried harder to be "marketable", and spent less energy trying to kick butt and change the world. every feminist out there will scream at me, but...sometimes i start to believe my chauvinist uncles who told my dad that it was worthless educating and developing me into an overachiever because i'd never get married, and then my life would be useless.
well. my life isn't useless. but it's a little empty. maybe instead of learning how to take a hit, i should have learned how to put on makeup. maybe instead of writing constitutions and trying to be a pioneer, i should have learned how to be fashionable. maybe instead of learning how to run faster, i should've learned how to walk in heels.
no, heels suck. as do these profiles.
random note 1 - that song down, down, down. don't know why i like it so much, but i do. down like the economy...too funny.
random note 2 - when i take away the self-consciousness and embarassment...i don't mind low maintenance dressing up, going out, drinking, dancing, etc. (that last one is a big if on the self conscious meter though). i basically missed out on my teen years because i was studying, and on my twenties because i was training. it totally depends who i'm with - but if i were dating someone who liked to do such things, i think i would go and do them. but note to self: drinking on mondays leads to unproductive tuesdays...
random note 3 - how i met your mother is slowly becoming my new favorite show. the friends era had to get replaced eventually...15 years later, maybe it will be. legendary.
random note 4 - i was looking through some pictures...man, i looked pretty good as a welterweight. that's probably the most lean and athletic i've ever been in my life. i wonder if i'll ever be like that again.
Monday, November 30, 2009
compassion is a lifestyle
pd's sermon series on beatitudes has been really good lately. we had a really good sermon discussion in tlc, which has been interesting...
i think i have a mental separation between communities where i belong (ie. where i'm getting something out of it) and where i serve (ie. when i have leadership or responsibility). and sometimes i wonder - does it have to be mutually exclusive?
ideally it wouldn't be - but i realize more and more that i compartmentalize.
so my tlc has been good in the sense that people are really open. we have a couple seekers, but in general most people are unchurched or minimally-churched-and-think-they're-xtians-but-might-not-be. it's been a cool spread and opportunity to witness and be refreshed by points of view that aren't jaded or complacent...but at the same time it really makes me put my serving hat on and compartmentalize tlc as a place to teach and care for others. which, as a leader, it should be - but i guess there's a part of me that just sorta views it like a job. this is my place to give, and that's what i'm supposed to do. it's not that i dislike it...i just thought it was weird that i viewed it that way.
i have to admit that there are times when i have tlc-envy, since other groups are more solid members and i've generally been in groups with people who are like me. but i think God's saying you take what you get...so i'm hopeful that this year will be fruitful, even if it'll be different.
that being said, i'm thinking of joining jle's tlc which meets on fridays anyways...seemed like a fun group, and ... i think i need to have more fun. i guess part of me also just craves being in a smaller group where my job isn't to lead.
i was talking to susan yesterday re: leadership...i think my annoyance at being prayer champion last year stems not so much from having to serve, but from the way it came about. maybe it's bc i've been myers-brigging lately, but i realize more and more that i have a visceral reaction to being assigned to do something, as opposed to being asked. ie. feeling appreciated or not.
* * * * *
in other thoughts...tg with the lims/whangs was fun. though at the end of the day there was a period of interrogation and preaching on the man situation (or lack thereof). i realized that respect is a large factor in how i react to people. probably not uncommon, but if i don't really respect someone, i immediately discount their opinion. i probably go so far as to automatically take the opposite stance.
at the end of the day, i'm open to suggestions. all the while keeping in mind that differing values lead to opinions being weighted more or less. but being chewed out for this or that by someone whose opinions i don't value was...an exercise in patience to keep from rolling my eyes. painful.
the latest on the eharm front is the picture postulate. if a guy (or girl, i suppose) doesn't post a picture with their profile - there's a reason why. normally i don't talk to people who don't have pictures or incomplete profiles. not so much because i'm afraid they'll be ugly, but more because i think it indicates insecurity, or a guardedness that's selfish (ie. i want to get more info on you than i'm willing to give you about me). heck, we're all on this stupid dating site, if you're gonna do it, don't do it halfway.
anyways, pickings are slim so i figured i'd answer this pictureless guy's questions, etc. at the end of the day, i got to see pictures, and the guy is pretty overweight. ahh as much as i'd like to say looks don't matter...i guess obesity is a dealbreaker.
speaking of which, i've decided that 5 months of being out of shape has gone on long enough. the hand isn't sparring-worthy yet, but in general i miss working out hard and lungs exploding and feeling good. or maybe it's bc during black friday shopping, my pants size went up by 1. regardless - it's time to resume working out every day. enough is enough.
i think i have a mental separation between communities where i belong (ie. where i'm getting something out of it) and where i serve (ie. when i have leadership or responsibility). and sometimes i wonder - does it have to be mutually exclusive?
ideally it wouldn't be - but i realize more and more that i compartmentalize.
so my tlc has been good in the sense that people are really open. we have a couple seekers, but in general most people are unchurched or minimally-churched-and-think-they're-xtians-but-might-not-be. it's been a cool spread and opportunity to witness and be refreshed by points of view that aren't jaded or complacent...but at the same time it really makes me put my serving hat on and compartmentalize tlc as a place to teach and care for others. which, as a leader, it should be - but i guess there's a part of me that just sorta views it like a job. this is my place to give, and that's what i'm supposed to do. it's not that i dislike it...i just thought it was weird that i viewed it that way.
i have to admit that there are times when i have tlc-envy, since other groups are more solid members and i've generally been in groups with people who are like me. but i think God's saying you take what you get...so i'm hopeful that this year will be fruitful, even if it'll be different.
that being said, i'm thinking of joining jle's tlc which meets on fridays anyways...seemed like a fun group, and ... i think i need to have more fun. i guess part of me also just craves being in a smaller group where my job isn't to lead.
i was talking to susan yesterday re: leadership...i think my annoyance at being prayer champion last year stems not so much from having to serve, but from the way it came about. maybe it's bc i've been myers-brigging lately, but i realize more and more that i have a visceral reaction to being assigned to do something, as opposed to being asked. ie. feeling appreciated or not.
* * * * *
in other thoughts...tg with the lims/whangs was fun. though at the end of the day there was a period of interrogation and preaching on the man situation (or lack thereof). i realized that respect is a large factor in how i react to people. probably not uncommon, but if i don't really respect someone, i immediately discount their opinion. i probably go so far as to automatically take the opposite stance.
at the end of the day, i'm open to suggestions. all the while keeping in mind that differing values lead to opinions being weighted more or less. but being chewed out for this or that by someone whose opinions i don't value was...an exercise in patience to keep from rolling my eyes. painful.
the latest on the eharm front is the picture postulate. if a guy (or girl, i suppose) doesn't post a picture with their profile - there's a reason why. normally i don't talk to people who don't have pictures or incomplete profiles. not so much because i'm afraid they'll be ugly, but more because i think it indicates insecurity, or a guardedness that's selfish (ie. i want to get more info on you than i'm willing to give you about me). heck, we're all on this stupid dating site, if you're gonna do it, don't do it halfway.
anyways, pickings are slim so i figured i'd answer this pictureless guy's questions, etc. at the end of the day, i got to see pictures, and the guy is pretty overweight. ahh as much as i'd like to say looks don't matter...i guess obesity is a dealbreaker.
speaking of which, i've decided that 5 months of being out of shape has gone on long enough. the hand isn't sparring-worthy yet, but in general i miss working out hard and lungs exploding and feeling good. or maybe it's bc during black friday shopping, my pants size went up by 1. regardless - it's time to resume working out every day. enough is enough.
Friday, November 27, 2009
black friday aftermath
i never thought i'd say this, but i think i've lost the will to shop.
this year's black friday was particularly fruitful - i'm quite proud of the findings and savings. knocked off everything on my dad's list and then some. polished off the rest of my list. even found a few things for myself.
sparky's guide for black friday
1) safety in numbers. never attempt black friday alone. after much of 2008 was spent waiting in lines (lines to get INTO the stores, lines to pay for my purchases) this year showed much progress in efficiency. there were 3 of us, which sometimes dwindled down to 2 when bry decided to split off and do his own thing. but all you need is another person. when a store is ridiculously crowded - the best strategy when you get in is to put one person in the line to pay. the other will look around and choose their purchases, and then come stand in line while original person shops. at the end of the day, you each waited in line, but for half the time. this proved particularly useful in katespade, where the line to pay snaked through the entire store. (which was at least half off). carol and i found that we would shop WHILE waiting on line, since it curved around every possible display. the results? bags for 1/6 retail price. i personally was hoping that if i purchased more formal and girl-esque items, i would feel motivated to go out and look nice. (fairly expensive risk, hence, taken on black friday).
2) leave early. after fiasco 2008 of leaving at 10.30pm, intending to get there for midnight madness (and not being able to park, getting directed 4 miles away and taking a shuttle bus and stepping into my first store at 2am) - this year we left at 7pm on thanksgiving. got there by 8.30pm, ate something, hit the first stores by 9pm. it was glorious. when it started to get mad crazy - we were already half done. great parking spot, which we could shuttle our bags back to - much to the dismay of hopeful drivers circling and trying to take our spot.
3) strategic store planning. while some may insist that you need to know exactly what you want, i don't think that's necessarily true. the key factor is, you have to know what stores you want to go to - what time they open, what their deals are, and where they're located relative to one another. some stores are more popular than others - it's far more efficient to wait in line for 20 minutes early in the evening, than to find yourself in a maze of ropes and a sign that says "from this point, 2 hours" later at night. whereas other stores almost never have a line to get in. i regret that we didn't brave northface when we were initially daunted by the line - it turned into impossibility as the day went on.
on the way back, we stopped at target, though only briefly. that was the last of my shopping energy - after that i was totally done. as dante used to say, "basta! finito!"
now, to try and get myself back on a normal sleep schedule....
this year's black friday was particularly fruitful - i'm quite proud of the findings and savings. knocked off everything on my dad's list and then some. polished off the rest of my list. even found a few things for myself.
sparky's guide for black friday
1) safety in numbers. never attempt black friday alone. after much of 2008 was spent waiting in lines (lines to get INTO the stores, lines to pay for my purchases) this year showed much progress in efficiency. there were 3 of us, which sometimes dwindled down to 2 when bry decided to split off and do his own thing. but all you need is another person. when a store is ridiculously crowded - the best strategy when you get in is to put one person in the line to pay. the other will look around and choose their purchases, and then come stand in line while original person shops. at the end of the day, you each waited in line, but for half the time. this proved particularly useful in katespade, where the line to pay snaked through the entire store. (which was at least half off). carol and i found that we would shop WHILE waiting on line, since it curved around every possible display. the results? bags for 1/6 retail price. i personally was hoping that if i purchased more formal and girl-esque items, i would feel motivated to go out and look nice. (fairly expensive risk, hence, taken on black friday).
2) leave early. after fiasco 2008 of leaving at 10.30pm, intending to get there for midnight madness (and not being able to park, getting directed 4 miles away and taking a shuttle bus and stepping into my first store at 2am) - this year we left at 7pm on thanksgiving. got there by 8.30pm, ate something, hit the first stores by 9pm. it was glorious. when it started to get mad crazy - we were already half done. great parking spot, which we could shuttle our bags back to - much to the dismay of hopeful drivers circling and trying to take our spot.
3) strategic store planning. while some may insist that you need to know exactly what you want, i don't think that's necessarily true. the key factor is, you have to know what stores you want to go to - what time they open, what their deals are, and where they're located relative to one another. some stores are more popular than others - it's far more efficient to wait in line for 20 minutes early in the evening, than to find yourself in a maze of ropes and a sign that says "from this point, 2 hours" later at night. whereas other stores almost never have a line to get in. i regret that we didn't brave northface when we were initially daunted by the line - it turned into impossibility as the day went on.
on the way back, we stopped at target, though only briefly. that was the last of my shopping energy - after that i was totally done. as dante used to say, "basta! finito!"
now, to try and get myself back on a normal sleep schedule....
Sunday, November 22, 2009
elitism
i think i like smart people. i mean, not just have an affinity for - there's something about finding out someone is really intelligent that makes me really enjoy being around them.
most of my friends are pretty intelligent. actually, most of my friends are pretty geeky. the best times of my life and the friends i miss the most are from college. granted, everyone misses their alma mater, but there's something about mit that pools a certain type (read: nerds) together and celebrates our...geekiness.
there was one chapter camp or large group when cktsai (he has pretty awesome delivery) had a crowd gathered around him as he told the joke of the differential operator. best joke EVER - pasted at the end.
anyhow...i just remember when everyone roared/groaned at the punchline...that's a clever joke. i mean, it's funny if you're nerdy, but honestly, you actually have to know some higher level math to get it.
one time, in my first job, people were telling nerdy jokes. someone told the one about the proton and the neutron (eh, old) ... and another person told a really stupid one.
So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.
They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.
And one of them yells "Damn, it's hot in here!"
And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"
now, for some reason, she thought it was freaking hilarious. i thought it made no sense. which i suppose was the point, or something...but...jokes are supposed to be clever!
but seeing as how we were all engineers, i decided to tell the differential operator joke.
crickets.
seriously, they all looked at me like i'd told it in polish. my joke was rejected, and vehemently insisted upon that it just wasn't funny. and then they went on to laugh about the talking muffin.
that's when i realized...they don't get it. but...you're engineers. you took calculus.
sometimes...it's refreshing to be around people who "get" you.
so tonight after church a bunch of the leadership went out to dinner with our guest speaker. some of us were bantering, all in good fun, and out of nowhere drl corrects my grammar. i stopped. thought about it. and he was right - i had been grammatically incorrect.
i correct grammar all the time. usually in my head, since it can come across as obnoxious to correct someone out loud...but i have to say, i was kind of impressed that someone caught my mistake. and then jle when on this whole thing about henry viii...
all in all...it was kinda refreshing. though i don't think i can tell my diff op joke for awhile...maybe when my kids get to calculus....
* * * * * * *
the differential operator joke:
e^x and a constant were walking down the street. Suddenly, the constant notices a differential operator walking along the other side of the street. "Oh, no!" exclaims the constant. "I've got to run away! You've got to hide me! There's a differential operator... he could reduce me to nothing!" "Hmmmph," came the haughty reply. "I'm e^x. He can't do anything to me." So e^x walked across the street and introduced himself. "Hi. How are you doing? I am e^x," he bragged. "Pleased to meet you," replied the differential operator. "I'm d/dy."
most of my friends are pretty intelligent. actually, most of my friends are pretty geeky. the best times of my life and the friends i miss the most are from college. granted, everyone misses their alma mater, but there's something about mit that pools a certain type (read: nerds) together and celebrates our...geekiness.
there was one chapter camp or large group when cktsai (he has pretty awesome delivery) had a crowd gathered around him as he told the joke of the differential operator. best joke EVER - pasted at the end.
anyhow...i just remember when everyone roared/groaned at the punchline...that's a clever joke. i mean, it's funny if you're nerdy, but honestly, you actually have to know some higher level math to get it.
one time, in my first job, people were telling nerdy jokes. someone told the one about the proton and the neutron (eh, old) ... and another person told a really stupid one.
So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.
They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.
And one of them yells "Damn, it's hot in here!"
And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"
now, for some reason, she thought it was freaking hilarious. i thought it made no sense. which i suppose was the point, or something...but...jokes are supposed to be clever!
but seeing as how we were all engineers, i decided to tell the differential operator joke.
crickets.
seriously, they all looked at me like i'd told it in polish. my joke was rejected, and vehemently insisted upon that it just wasn't funny. and then they went on to laugh about the talking muffin.
that's when i realized...they don't get it. but...you're engineers. you took calculus.
sometimes...it's refreshing to be around people who "get" you.
so tonight after church a bunch of the leadership went out to dinner with our guest speaker. some of us were bantering, all in good fun, and out of nowhere drl corrects my grammar. i stopped. thought about it. and he was right - i had been grammatically incorrect.
i correct grammar all the time. usually in my head, since it can come across as obnoxious to correct someone out loud...but i have to say, i was kind of impressed that someone caught my mistake. and then jle when on this whole thing about henry viii...
all in all...it was kinda refreshing. though i don't think i can tell my diff op joke for awhile...maybe when my kids get to calculus....
* * * * * * *
the differential operator joke:
e^x and a constant were walking down the street. Suddenly, the constant notices a differential operator walking along the other side of the street. "Oh, no!" exclaims the constant. "I've got to run away! You've got to hide me! There's a differential operator... he could reduce me to nothing!" "Hmmmph," came the haughty reply. "I'm e^x. He can't do anything to me." So e^x walked across the street and introduced himself. "Hi. How are you doing? I am e^x," he bragged. "Pleased to meet you," replied the differential operator. "I'm d/dy."
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