i'm a big dork - are you?

HAHAHA. Danny, you disappoint me. You didn't get all of the punchline!

Best nerdy joke ever - if you get it, you're a super-dork. =)

Two functions, a constant and an e^x, are walking down the road. The constant spots a differentiation operator in the distance coming towards them, and so quickly ducks behind a corner. e^x follows and asks, "What's the matter?" The constant function replies, "There's a differential operator coming this way and if we meet he'll differentiate me and then there'll be nothing left!"

e^x replies, "Ha! I'm not afraid. I'm e^x, if he differentiated me I'd be the same," and leaves his friend to cower in the alley. e^x walks right up to the differential operator and introduces himself.

"Hi, I'm e^x!"

"Hi," came the reply...

"I'm d/dy!"

plea

this is a plea to all who are dorky out there...yes, i mean you!

i was trying to remember this dorky joke today and completely butchered it telling it to my coworker. so now i owe a good dorky joke.

it's the one about the functions in the bar and then the differential operator comes in and they all get scared except for e^x. you know which one i'm talking about? (best dorky joke ever)

someone, help me out!

on death

Bret Coley Harte 2/2/80 - 3/21/05 Bret was suddenly taken from us this past Monday by what the CHP classifies as a non-contact hit and run. "Bret swerved to the right to avoid a white Honda Accord that suddenly went into his lane." This Hwy 680 accident is currently under investigation, and witnesses are asked to contact the CHP. Bret will be remembered as a devoted son, caring friend, and committed artist. Bret graduated from Miramonte High School in 1998, and went on to pursue a double major in Comparative Religion and Philosophy at Bowdoin College in Maine. He graduated in 2002. Thoughout his young life Bret held many jobs, but above all Bret was an impassioned theatrical director. Theatre was Bret's passion and his means to express his love of life. His profound intellect and artistic enthusiasm will be sorely missed. Bret's directorial credits include Hair, The Man Who Came to Dinner, Inherit the Wind, and Six Ives of November. Bret was currently directing a production of Mrs. Frederick for the San Leandro Players and he had recently cast Rumors for the Calvary Presbyterian Church in San Francisco. Bret was a wonderful young man who enriched the many lives he touched with his beautiful smile and warm heart. Words cannot describe the loss experienced by those who knew and loved him. Bret is survived by his loving parents, Dennis and Juanita Harte, his grandparents, Mrs.Willie Coley and Mr.and Mrs. Frank A. Harte, as well as many close friends. A memorial service will be held on Saturday, March 26 at 11:30 am at Hull's Walnut Creek Chapel, 1139 Saranap Ave., Walnut Creek, CA 94595. Guests are encouraged to share their memories of Bret and how he touched their lives. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made in Bret's name to the Berkeley Repertory Theater, "Bret C. Harte Young Director's Fund", c/o Berkeley Rep., 2025 Addison St., Berkeley, CA 94704. Hull's Walnut Creek Chapel 925-934-5400 Published in the Contra Costa Times on 3/24/2005.

The past few days have been very strange since I heard about Bret's death. It still hasn't really hit me. I always thought that one of my friends in high school would get married before one of them passed away.

Bret was a really good guy. I think coming out of high school I can probably only say I had a handful of good friends. Grosse and Moche, they kind of came together - though I was definitely closer with Grosse. Of my other group of friends, it was Bret and Bien that I was closest to. Funny how I ended up friends with him because he was the boyfriend of my best friend and the three of us just always ended up hanging out together - but they were the first couple that never made me feel like a third wheel.

Bret always called me "Chris". He was one of the most passionate people I knew, and despite the fact that we were so different, I could really respect his passion for acting and public speaking. He was a true friend, one who stuck by me, one whose shoulder you literally could always lean on. He really understood how to care for others, and one word that comes to mind to describe him was empathetic.

I remember hanging out at his house, with his ridiculously steep driveway. He was an only child, and I remember commiserating with him about the "Wall of Bret" and the "Wall of Chris" at our houses.

When we were freshmen at our respective colleges (he went to Bowdoin in Maine) he came to visit me in Boston once. We went all around Boston and took pictures as the leaves were changing colors. We slowly lost touch, but one year we hadn't really talked in awhile and he remembered my birthday and sent me a card and a stuffed bear from Bowdoin. It was a nice unexpected surprise.

In high school Bret was staunchly atheistic. Reading his obituary and seeing how he did some productions for churches makes me hopeful that perhaps he did come to know Jesus before he passed away.

I guess it's a fact of life that people will pass in and out of your life, and that losing touch is a natural thing. There are very few people from high school that I still keep in touch with, and I wonder how small the number will become of those from college. Even those who you considered your inner circle of friends - will they last? Hearing about Bret's death made me realize that people will not be around forever, and sometimes there may not be another day to put off calling them or seeing them.

It's so hard to believe that he's gone.

Bret had the worst handwriting known to man. But if I saw it today, I bet I could still read it.

encounters with 5-year-olds

My cousin's conversation with her 5-year-old daughter. (By the way, Samster is a TOTAL girly girl. She's everything I was not as a child - pink galore).

"Mommy, who's your favorite Disney princess?"

"I like Mulan because she's a warrior."

"Why? Because she can fight like Soyun Eemoh?"

"Yes, like Soyun Eemoh."

(she thinks for a minute)

"Do you think I should learn how to fight like Soyun Eemoh?"

"Well it's very cool when girls are strong."

(she continues to think...)

A-HA! And sparky dances with excitement at the prospect...

*****************

"Christinoona, follow me!"

"OK"

"Now put this cone here."

"OK"

"And put one next to it"

"OK"

"And one in front of that one"

"OK"

"And now put one on your head!"

Dylan wanted to play with me before class on Saturday, and he gave me half the orange cones (typically used for plyo drills). I mirrored his pattern until we had set up an elaborate game board to play "chess". Except it wasn't normal chess. It was "Dylan-makes-up-the-rules-as-we-go-along" chess. Which meant that he could conveniently decide that certain pieces would become knights or rooks or 'bushups'. HAHA. I totally thought he was saying 'pushup' and then realized that he meant 'bishop'. Love that kid. So these rules meant he could take my pieces but I couldn't take any of his. For example, he moved a cone up two and over one to take one of my cones.

"Hey, I thought you said that the front row was all pawns"

"No, that one was a knight."

So then I tried to take his knight with my 'pawn' in the front row.

"No, you can't do that"

"But I thought you said that was a pawn"

"It is. But pawns can't take that way."

"Sure they can. Pawns can only take diagonally."

"Well...not in this game. Pawns can only take forwards. But you can go forwards as much as you want. And when you capture two pieces you can make a new king. And kings can fly!"

HAHAHA. And by 'kings can fly' he meant they could go anywhere on the board and eat any piece. So of course, I lost. It was completely turning my brain upside down to try and keep track of which pieces were which. (Remember, these are all orange identical cones we're using). I love precocious children.

plumber

The best part of my day is after workout when I'm all sweaty and disheveled, and I go into the bathroom and splash cold water on my face and wet my hair and redo my ponytail. It's so refreshing when you're exhausted.

Last night I come out of the bathroom and Sr makes me go back in.

"Do you hear that sound?"

"Um, the toilet running?"

"Yes, whenever you hear that sound, lift off the lid and pull on the chain because that means it's caught and it's just losing water."

"What chain?"

So he comes in there and shows me. I'm still not understanding the chain, I was pulling on the wrong one. He shows me how to move it and I finally saw what was going on. The angle of the rod was such that when it was flushed (simple levers and pulleys), it caught on a plastic tube support and hung there, leaving the stopper above the level of the water and consequently causing leakage.

"So every time someone flushes, this gets caught...can you design some sort of mechanism to fix it?"

Yeah right, like I don't have enough to do already and like they haven't volunteered me to do even more stuff than that. Now he wants me to fix a toilet? The parts are way old, maybe you should just replace them with working parts!

But actually the problem turned out to be easier than I thought. The rod looked like it was aluminum or something similar, by the oxidation...so I just bent it back into a different angle.

Sr looks at me in disbelief as he pulled the handle and it flushed normally.

"Yep, that's why I'm going to community college"

He laughs. They can't call me stupid now! It felt good to do something practical, using my expensive education. Maybe my brain hasn't completed atrophied yet. Yay, me! My inner dork rejoices.

under the crust

"but even miles underneath the earth's crust is swirling hot magma"

I was having this conversation the other day with one of my color belts, and she was really surprised when I explained why I teach the way I do. As in, my philosophy of teaching being figuring out how a person is motivated, and in a way, manipulating them to do what I want them to do without them necessarily knowing that they're doing it. For example, I tend to start my Thurs classes with relay races, where students are divided into lines and the losing line has to do 10 pushups for each race. What they don't always pick up is that I run the relays until each line has done roughly the same number of pushups. It's an exhausting cardio workout and pushups suck, but it's more fun this way and they don't notice as much that they're in pain and want to throw up, even if that's what they look like.

Maybe that wasn't the best example, but that's the clearest one I can write without getting too specific about any one person.

Fast forward - the other night I had a conversation with Jr and basically realized that all this time, I thought I was figuring him out in sparring and learning how to take him on...when really all this time he's been deliberately doing or not doing certain things to develop certain techniques in me without injuring me. It was all pretty crafted and somewhat psychological - the more I think about it, the more newfound respect I have and the more dumbfounded I am. It's like my whole world turned upside down - I feel totally duped!

But...it's no different than the way I teach so I can't really be offended. But yeah, for one brief moment, it all made sense to me. Our whole conversation started because he didn't understand why I thought he was mean to me when he thinks that he's so nice to me all the time. And...I think I'm seeing the way they think, and by that mode of thinking, they ARE nice...

It's kind of like if you've been communicating with someone via sign language and grunts and nodding or shaking your head and then suddenly you can speak the same language and explain yourselves. So...they're NICE??? Haha, it's like all things I know to be true are...wrong. Jaac just laughed at me...

Totally floored.

turtles and scorpions

So while we were in Atlanta, Chin told this story at dinner that really stuck with me.

There was a scorpion, and he needed to get across the river to get to the other side. But the river was too wide and he couldn't swim. So he went up to the turtle and said "Mr. Turtle, I need to get to the other side of this river, but I can't swim, can you take me across on your back?"

And the turtle said "OK, but on one condition - you can't sting me. Please don't sting me I really don't like being stung." The scorpion agrees and they set off.

Halfway across the river, the turtle goes "OUCH!" - the scorpion had stung him.

"Why did you sting me??" asked the turtle.

The scorpion replied, "I can't help it, it's my nature to sting"

And as they floundered in the middle of the river, the scorpion asked the turtle "if you knew it was in my nature to sting, why did you agree to carry me across the river?"

And the turtle replied "I can't help it, it's my nature to help others."

And they both drowned in the middle of the river.

Edit: Yes, it's depressing. Actually, what's funny is that when Chin told it, we were all sitting around the table listening, waiting...and then someone says "wait, that's it??" We were all waiting for the punchline, the moral of the story...SOMETHING. But when I asked him "what kind of story is that??" he just said "well that's just it...not everything has a happy ending and it's not feel-good, but it's true."

I guess what I took away from this was that people are very different. The most common two groups to compare being men vs. women, but you can look at any two people this way. And in some ways, you can't ask someone to change who they are, even if it will make them a "better" person.

Maybe, instead of asking the scorpion to go against his nature and not sting him, the turtle should have asked himself to go against his nature and not help the scorpion. It's incredibly cynical, but that's kind of how I've been feeling here in New York, particularly in my dealings with real estate. (The profession of SIN, by the way). It's really difficult to not be a sucker...because when you try to be a nice person, then you end up being taken advantage of by someone who just wants to use you. But at some point you just throw up your hands and say I'm going to look out for MY best interest and second-guess anyone who comes along who pretends to want to help you.

I'm rather disappointed by my new cynical outlook. Now whenever ANY real estate broker comes and talks to me, no matter how friendly or genuine they appear - my first thought is "they want my money, and as much of it as they can get their grubby hands on". (Sadly, in Manhattan, this is true 99.99% of the time).

I read this story another way as well - I think in any sort of close relationship, you can see yourself as either the turtle or the scorpion. I guess the question is - do the turtle and the scorpion have to drown? Is there a way, with natures so different, that they can co-exist in harmony?

Hrrrrrrmmmmmmmm....

the cutest thing EVER

So at the last minute, my cousin invites me to a concert that her daughter (Sammy) is playing violin in. Sammy is 5 and a total superstar...she was awesome. She takes lessons at this Westchester Conservatory something which was having a 75th anniversary concert at Lincoln Center - very big deal.

It was EXCELLENT. These kids just amaze me. Maybe because I'm used to watching (or playing in) recitals and "concerts" of kids where everyone's pretty bad. However, these kids were quite talented.

The best part of the show (besides Sammy) was this little Asian boy with glasses who couldn't have been more than 3 feet tall. He comes out for the string ensemble as the pianist, lugging this big shopping bag. We're all wondering why he's carrying it, and after he bows he opens it up and takes out his music and puts it on the piano. Sure. Normal.

Then he reaches back into the bag and pulls out a big fat telephone book. I haven't even SEEN a phone book since the internet took off, I didn't know they still made yellow pages. He puts the book on the piano bench and climbs on top of it - that's right, he's that little that he needs a booster to reach the keys. Feet dangling and everything - it was the cutest thing I've ever seen. Plus, he was good, too!

my gravestone

James is HILARIOUS. His composition for my gravestone:

Christina S. Park
"Sparky"
Loved by many, Tormented by Sabs
Totally Awesome.

Day 5

Day 5 of Sr-has-to-be-nice-to-Christina-month:

"miss park, could you be so kind as to teach sparring class tonight?"

"mr. whang - since you asked so nicely, i would be delighted to oblige your request."

"wonderful! simply wonderful!"

Since when does being nice = being British? Haha...I feel like we're talking out of some Jane Austen book.

But the best part...haha...

"so...does this mean I can be extra whiny this month?"

"whine? you never whine!"

Oh man...I'm printing that out and pasting it on my hogu...

***********

It's official, I sprained both my elbows.

motivation

The real motivation behind my win this weekend:

"So do you know anything about this first girl?"

"Yeah, I beat her twice before."

"What was the score last time?"

"15-2."

"I want 16 points this time. I'm in a bad mood. Make me happy today."

"Um. OK...but if I score 16, you have to be nice to me...for a month."

"OK, deal."

So I only beat her 11-3.

"That's not enough. Guess I don't have to be nice to you now."

"Wait..that should be good for a week!"

"OK, a week."

"So if I win the next one, that's 2 weeks."

"OK but if you lose, it's double or nothing."

"What? Forget it, I'll quit now and take my week! Fine...you said you wanted me to win it all. How 'bout if I do, you have to be nice to me for a month?"

"Deal."

So the semis were rough (busted elbow and purple fingers) but I came out on top 16-12 against the Malaysian team member. I went off to medical to get my arm braced and taped for the finals. I was seriously thinking about pulling out at this point...but aside from pride and having something to prove and all that - what really motivated me was the "deal".

It was a really good match, felt pretty good out there despite busting the other elbow. I redeemed my back kicks sucking the whole day with one good one that they still talk about. Yay. I was told more within the last 2 days that they were proud of me than in the last 2 years. The final score was 10-7 and after the match ended and I got my big hugs from Sabs, it dawned on me and I started to jump up and down like a freak.

No, the realization was not that I had just won the US Open despite my burnt out feelings of wanting to withdraw only a week ago. The jumping up and down came with a big grin and getting in Sr's face:

"HAH! You have to be nice to me for A MONTH!!!"

"oh nooooooo!!!!"

Totally made my day. Heck, it's gonna make my month. Yay! =)

conversations

"I was watching the Matrix yesterday and there was a line that made me think of you. It's when he says 'I can show you the door, but you're the one who has to walk through it.' "

"I hated the Matrix, I thought it was a horrible movie."

(he slaps me on the head with his belt)

**************

"How's your arm?"

(shrug, looking at my feet)

"You're going to have to suck it up this weekend. You can't let it show that it's hurting. You can't spar with it bent to keep it from hurting."

(I look him in the eye) "I've been sucking up pain for a long time."

(he sighs) "I know."


If only they really knew.

실망

Ah, if only I had 16 hours to rewatch "Tomato" (my favorite Korean drama ever). What a great drama series. I took these quotes down last year when I watched it last, but I found them last night. But this is when they're having this conversation on the beach in Jeju after the girl fails and nothing goes her way and finally gives up and moves back to Jeju to help her dad with their family business and accept her failure. And the guy (what a stud) shows up at her doorstep to convince her not to give up and come back to Seoul...to not be discouraged and the fight to the end for what she knows she can do.

"실망이 구려워서 희망을 버린거에요?

희망하지 않으면 실망도 없어요."

I'm almost positive I've misspelled something or other - but that was the best I could sound out. The translation (or something close) is:

"Is the disappointment so great that you've thrown your hope away?"

"If you don't hope, there is also no disappointment."

OK it sounds much better in Korean.

(Stop reading if you plan on watching it and don't want me to spoil the ending - though if you know me well enough you'll know that I only watch series that end in a certain way).

Very inspirational, though depressingly dragged out how much the girl got trod on by life and everyone in it for so long. But...she got the guy (WHAT makes lawyers everywhere such cold and unfeeling people?) and the job and all that was wrong was made right in the end, so her suffering was transformed into joy...if only there were always such happy endings...

Jaac is right. No matter what Sabs say, I'm not a pessimist or a cynic. On the outside, maybe. But on the inside I'm a die-hard optimist...and that's why I'm always disappointed.

why am I here?

So in the crunch of all this stress stress and more stress - I find myself questioning, why am I here?

Not that it does any good to second-guess the choices you've made, but sometimes it just can't be helped. When I look at my paycheck after all the taxes of living in NYC have taken out (it's so absolutely disgusting) and then look at my budget of living expenses and try to project what I can afford and what potentially buying property (however small a box I may own) - I get really depressed. And the thing is, I live pretty minimally. I was rebudgeting last night with my super duper awesome cousins, and they kept throwing out these categories for me to estimate.

"Food"

"Sure"

"Utilities"

"Got it"

"Miscellaneous"

"What's that?"

"You know, extra expenses per month. Shopping. Going out. That sort of thing."

"Well. All I do is go to work. Go to dojang. Teach. Train. Go home. Sleep. Start over. We already accounted for eating out in the food. And my medical bills out of my paycheck. I don't go to movies. I don't really go shopping anymore. In fact, my current lifestyle means I don't see anyone outside of the dojang, so I basically don't have friends. So I guess my miscellaneous expenses are zero. I guess that's good, right?"

"OK now I'm more depressed than when I found out what your paycheck was."

*sigh* I guess my life is pretty sad, in a way. I know I'm a 40-year-old trapped in a 24-year-old body, but...sometimes I wish I could just be a normal carefree mildly irresponsible 20-something, enjoying life and being stupid. Times like this I compare what my life is like to what it would have been had I taken the offer in Texas. Heck, I would have way more money coming in, way less money going out, and even for the same budget that I'm using for a studio here, I could probably get a whole ranch out there. True, I would have been unhappy in Texas and had no friends...but how is that much different than the way life is now? I've got some friends, but no time to spend with them and the unhappiness factor wouldn't be terribly different.

It's going to take some divine intervention for this apt thing to happen without me losing my sanity. The real estate market in NYC is ridiculous - and so are the ethics of the trade. But if God wants me to buy an apt, then He will provide one, despite all the money grubbing people out there. I really don't even want to go through all of this headache - but as another one of those painful life experiences that's been forced upon me...I guess I have no choice.

If things were just dandy with TKD, this would all be much more bearable. But seeing as how I'm on the brink if not tipped over the edge of crash and burn, sometimes it makes me wonder why I'm here at all.

There's a reason why only tourists buy those tacky I heart NY shirts.

iTunes

Sadly, I've fallen for the marketing strategy and have switched from Coke to Pepsi for the time being. It makes me feel so...suckered. I did exactly what they wanted me to...even though I still say Coke is WAY better than Pepsi. But the odds are good. I've bought 4 overpriced Pepsi's, and gotten 3 free iTunes.

When I finally picked out the songs I wanted, I realized...I have a really strange taste in music.

The Way You Move - Outkast
You Put This Love in My Heart - Keith Green
Send Me on My Way - Rusted Root

Or maybe I'm just diverse. =) (Probably the only diverse thing I can claim to be)

nerdy

15% scored higher (more nerdy), and
85% scored lower (less nerdy).

What does this mean? Your nerdiness is:

High-Level Nerd. You are definitely MIT material, apply now!!!.

Well...clearly MIT has already happened to me, haha.

dissatisfaction: part 1

I hate New York. New Yorkers. Eh. The whole beginnings of trying to buy an apt has left me realizing that...people are selfish and greedy and cutthroat...no one's really going to look out for your best interest except you. How cynical. I hate being cynical.

I think that the culmination of events as of late leaves me dissatisfied because I keep being told that I CAN have it all and then I'm seeing that I can't. I guess it's a matter of realizing that people will disappoint you and what they say isn't necessarily what they will do. And that sometimes what they say is just not true, intentional or not. (OK this whole paragraph was a jumble of a lot of poopy things, not just the whole apt fiasco).

But I will say this: real estate brokers suck. My respect level for them as people is about as low as my opinion of MIT Medical who misdiagnosed my chip fracture as a sprained finger. Well except medical staff were incompetant whereas brokers are self-serving ingenuine leeches, controlled by money.

Perhaps it's too much of a blanket statement for me to say, but I think what it comes down to is that true colors of NYC were revealed when I realized that you really can't trust anyone. Especially when you're dealing with money.

*sigh* Back to the drawing board. Growing up and being fiscally responsible really stinks. So does the real estate market on the Upper West Side.

not weird...simple

Well, the only good thing about having another crisis come up is that it sort of mended the last one. In the wise words of Liza..."men are simple. not weird, simple."

Being reamed out and insulted by people with whom I don't have a close relationship and who are not terribly accomplished or classy in a holistic view sure makes me see being reamed out by those I do respect in a new light. As Sue mentioned during the heights of the frustrations of trying to "raise" dodo - despite what kids put you through, there is unconditional love - I suppose in a strange way there's something about knowing that no matter how much you hurt and piss someone off, they'll still be on your side in the end (and say "I told you so" every chance they get). Very confused these days. But I guess you just have to take things as they come. So while these might be the worst 5 days in a foreign country coming up - at least the people who matter are back on my side.

"don't be scared of them. what are they going to do, beat you up? i'll sue them for you."

It made me smile. =)

제자

"do you want to be a 제자 of {blank}?!?! Do you want him sitting in your chair and screaming at you all the time??"

Well, if I'm not mistaken - I was yelled at plenty this week so THAT statement is a little hypocritical. Including being yelled at for "do you like being yelled at???"

Ugh. Well I guess if he's getting that worked up about it it's not like he doesn't care. And I guess it's the first time they called me or implied that I'm their 제자. But still, I'm torn between feelings of guilt for my tactlessness, dissatisfaction for the legitimate points that spurred all of this, indignance at the grossly unfair statements or implications, and general sadness over the hurtful things they said.

You know what's difficult? When you realize that you've hurt someone and you apologize for it, and they hurt you and either don't notice or don't care to notice. Reconciliation is much more difficult in a non-Christian context because there isn't a common example to look to as to how and why it should happen. *sigh*

How to be gracious without being steamrolled...

light OJ

Does anyone else notice that "Tropicana Light" has half the calories because it's basically watered down orange juice? On the side of the carton it says 42% juice. Now, I'm an OJ snob - I won't drink anything that's from concentrate, which basically rules out everything BUT Tropicana. In fact the whole reason I like it is because it's 100% juice. However, considering the skyrocketing prices of OJ these days, it's beyond me why anyone would buy Light OJ. Because if it's just watered down, then why not buy a regular carton and water it down yourself? Then you'd get twice as much bang for your buck...don't be fooled by all this low-carb dieting nonsense, people!