Small Group Wars

F-R-Y-D-A-Y, you ain't got no alibi, Deep Fryday!



Jesus, Jesus, you're so kind
You're so kind you blow my mind
Go Jesus!



We will
We will
Fry you!




If you want some encouragement
drop it like it's hot
drop it like it's hot
drop it like it's hot



If you wanna sing some worship songs,
sing it like it's hot
sing it like it's hot
sing it like it's hot



Got sins to repent about?
Drop them like they're hot
Drop them like they're hot
Drop them like they're hot



We're all about the cross,
Cuz we count it all as loss;
Saturated with His love, and anointed from above!
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus!

* * * *

2006 SG Wars Champions! What a crazy crazy 2 days of putting together our banner, cheer, and shirts, but it was so worth it to see the group gel together and get excited and competitive out there. Props to my crazy crazy sgl - who didn't realize he was still wearing my hogu and walked about 10 blocks with it on all the way to the restaurant. We were talking on the way there and I commented that this was about as shameless as I had ever been in public, and he jokingly said something about breaking my pride. But in a way, I think it's true. I have a lot to learn from him in terms of being shameless for the gospel.
















* * * *

It's ironic that I had initially decided to step down from Events, Yo! (our fellowship committee) after the summer, but somehow I became completely entrenched in it this year. But it's been totally awesome - JP is a great leader and I'm learning a lot about how to be someone else's right hand man instead of the person in charge. And it's always good for a laugh...and again, learning how to throw my pride away.



Yeah yeah, Events, Yo!

blast from the past

Being home sick has its advantages. Sometimes I think your body just shuts down to force you to slow down and reflect a little. Now if only I could do something about my lungs wanting to explode. I was coughing so much at work on Weds, my coworkers jokingly asked me if peer pressure had given in and I had become a smoker too. (My supervisor and my other Korean coworker are chain smokers - I think the secondhand smoke alone has already shaved 5 years off my life since I came to this company).

So I was walking around my apt (and if you've been to my place you know that there's not really anywhere to go) and I looked on my cd shelf and found the MITACF senior gift '03. I had long since downloaded that video to my (now dying) computer, so I had forgotten that they had made a rather nifty cd cover that doubled as a place for the underclassmen to sign encouragements.

Perhaps it's a bit narcissistic to go back and look through books of encouragements that past small groups etc. have made, but...I was so blessed this morning. Not just in the nice things that people have to say, but in remembering all the struggles and joys, and all the relationships and experiences. Surprisingly challenging, too. Because you realize that all those nice things that people say about you have some truth to them - on the outside. But integrity is matching the inside - where few people really see you as you are - to the outside, which everyone sees. So while there is hope because of what you can portray, there is also a challenge to actually be that person.

One of my original sg members wrote something that completely inspired me:

"To someone who doesn't know what it means to give up, who doesn't know the meaning of 'shoulda-woulda-coulda", who loves with tears and blood and sweat, who runs the race like she knows she's meant to win..."

Man...who's she talking about? If only I was actually that person. Seriously, what would it look like to live as though giving up is not an option? To live without regret? To love despite circumstances? To run knowing that you're going to win?

Man...that's so inspiring. On the brink of new beginnings, this little blast from the past strangely is not just encouraging by who this was written to mean I am, but inspiring as to who I can be. Sometimes God provides encouragement in really roundabout ways. What a strange ending to a crazy crazy week.

ack!

Cha was selling off his entire DVD collection, which included American and Korean movies, so I trekked over to the East Side to have a gander...(what does gander mean, anyways?) After perusing his extensive collection, I made my selections, most of which were Korean movies that I hadn't really heard of but figured I'd try based on their covers...

Only to realize that they're all freaking region 3 and I need one of those special DVD players to view them.

Foiled!

epiphany

Sometimes God really just brings everything together and you stand there and think "wow". This is why I love Bible study with someone else - you get so much more out of it when you can bounce ideas around instead of just in your head.

JH and I were going over the study for this week, and it was so ridiculously good...and we didn't even finish. It was such a timely message that God alone can satisfy, and that when we are satisfied by God, He is glorified. It's win-win. How crazy cool is that?

It really hit me what it means to glorify God...that it's not really about the results of what we do, but about our heart behind it. Sounds all cliche, but he really drove it home when he compared it to the workplace, and how if we hate our jobs and just try to get by, then we're probably not glorifying God. In light of my recent decision to commit to TKD competition this year, it was amazing confirmation. It reminded me that the purpose behind it isn't necessarily in winning or losing, but that this is my way to glorify God in those moments that I'm training really hard and pushing myself and enjoying it. That in the adrenaline and exhiliration, those few moments when everything comes together...that our hearts were made to share in His goodness and joy...

Man, what an epiphany...

It's amazing because we both got totally excited about it, even though I'm sick as a dog and he got virtually no sleep last night prepping this study. But for those brief lightbulb-flash-over-your-head moments when we got a glimpse of an insight to God's character...maybe that's the beauty of it. For those moments, it was the knowledge of God and understanding that really satisfied our desire...and in those moments, I think that's a small example of when God is glorified.

That probably made no sense, but...it was cool. I've never been so intrigued in preparing a Bible study before. Well, not that I'm even the one preparing it, he's the one doing all the work. (Heh, being an apprentice has its advantages). But seriously... how timely. Epiphanies are cool...

t-minus 39

1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
"In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.

3 You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.

4 I said, 'I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.'

5 The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.

6 To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you brought my life up from the pit,
O LORD my God.

7 "When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.

8 "Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.

9 But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
Salvation comes from the LORD."

10 And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.

Thanks everyone for praying for me. Funny how things work out, but the "easy" way was not to be. Disappointing in some ways, encouraging in others. I've been learning that struggles are really where prayer really kicks in. Hard and only about to get harder.

The fish has vomited me on dry land, and it's time to hit the ground running.

No dessert.
No soda.
No crying.
No slacking.
No excuses.

T-minus 39 days.

chivalry

I was listening to "Promiscuous Girl" the other day, and I found one of the lines hilarious. It's the part where she goes

"Roses are red, some diamonds are blue,
Chivalry is dead, but you're still kinda cute"

Haha. Don't know why, but it tickled me.

I get pleasantly surprised when I receive an act of chivalry - and for the most part, I don't expect it. I think it stems from the fact that all my life ("whole my life", as my dad would say) I've been treated like "one of the guys". I mean, much of that was my fault growing up, since I was not only the tomboy, but I was also intent on not being weaker than any guy around me so I probably gave off some sort of "I don't need you" message. As I got older and that began to wear off, I found myself not quite knowing how to be a girl. I didn't want to adopt any of the stereotypically annoying qualities that I observed in "girly girls" - and thought that people (including myself) wouldn't be able to handle the shock if I came out of my box of athletic wear and ponytails. Particuarly with this whole Taekwondo thing, I guess I project some sort of image that makes people view/treat me differently.

However, I think especially recently, I've been embracing my inner girl. Attempting to understand your identity as God made you is a difficult thing, but hey...He made you that way for a reason. The whole transition from what JAAC only describes only as "man pants" to boot cut was quite the shock. Whoever invented stretch material was a genius, I must say. The newfound addition of pink to my wardrobe and my first non-north face/adidas/nike bag was a little crazy. (As well as the concept that you can't use a black bag with a brown dress...)

When we were in Turkey last year, one of my coaches was from Oklahoma. He was so shocked to hear that I didn't expect a guy to hold my door, carry things for me, or whatever. He was like, "I wouldn't even think twice about opening the passenger door for my wife...or walking on the outside of the street". To which I was like "why would you walk on the outside of the street?" Haha, I think my ignorance made him sad.

So it snuck up on me recently that gentlemen are cool, and I should affirm my brothers who are quite chivalrous. I guess it's not a statement on women needing men to do something (though admittedly, they can lift a heck of a lot more), but...it's just a nice thing to do and I'm learning how to be gracious about being served.

After our first small group a couple wks ago, JH and I stuck around to clean up and debrief/pray a bit. (Praise God - people came out and it was a pretty good meeting!) One thing I really appreciate about JH is that he insists on walking me to the subway, at least the last couple times I've had to go way downtown. So although he lived within walking distance of our location that week, he took me to the subway and went in and stood on the platform with me until my train came. Man, there's $2 he'll never see again.

I think God breaks down my pride in little ways. And I think it's a good thing. Maybe chivalry isn't dead after all. And maybe I need to learn that in serving, you also have to learn how to be served.

"follow me"

Sometimes God tells you to go North. So you go North. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's hard, but you keep going and persevering because you know God told you to go. That's all well and good.

But just because God initially told you to go North - does that mean that North is your final destination? Who's to say at some point, after you've gone North for awhile, that He won't tell you to go East?

Does it mean that He changed His mind? Or does it mean that if he had initially told you to go Northeast, you wouldn't have gone? Or did you have to go North to get to the place you needed to be to go East?

I think that God withholds information from us because we just can't handle the big picture. I mean, even in chunks it's hard to take sometimes. It makes me think of the life of Peter and how many times he missed the point, even when he was with Jesus. He's the one who protested in having his feet washed, the one who insisted that suffering would never happen to Jesus, the one who cut off Malchus's ear and was rebuked when he thought he was being brave and standing up for Jesus...

But somehow despite - and perhaps through - all of these failures, his character developed into one that was finally able to hear direction that wasn't easy, and strong enough to follow it.

15When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

16Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

17The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

18Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." 19Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!"

I think following comes down to 2 things: discernment and obedience. Discernment is the ability to hear the direction. Obedience is having the courage and faith to stay or go. Discernment without obedience is like Jonah with Ninevah, or Simba with High Rock - it's just running away from your calling out of fear. But can you have obedience without discernment?

When you've been so single-minded in going North, what if the call changed to go East before you reached your destination? And whichever the call - do I have the perseverance to continue and/or the courage to change course?

creative juices

I was trying to think of ways to make announcements interesting for small group. I figure, most people who get an email that isn't personally addressed to them just skim it and delete it. (Unless you're art_emis and you just delete it right away).

So here is the product of what I think is humorous. Well, it made some people laugh. =)

To the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air:

Now this is the story all about how
My small group flipped, we moved uptown
And I'd like to take a minute, just hold your seat
I'll tell you what's going on with us this week.

On the Upper West Side, 112th and Broadway
At Carol's place is where we'll spend most our Fridays,
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
Studying (the Bible) even though we're not in school
When a couple of guys said "let's bond, is there more?"
And so we vowed to dominate the Small Group Wars!
We won in one little game and they all got scared
And said "those Friday young adults are awesome, beware!"

I hemmed and I hawwed, as the deadline came near;
October 6-8, would God meet me there?
If anything, I could say it's gonna be sweet-
Alright, sign me up for this year's Fall Retreat!

Just. Go. Up to 110th, you can take the 1 train
Hopstop.com, it will show you the way
Christina and Jooheon, they hope you'll be there
To grow in God's Word, and in sharing and prayer

reputation

It's funny how your reputation will precede you, particularly in a setting as large as a church. With the new school year starting and all the welcoming events and newcomers, I find myself introducing myself a lot. And when people come to a new community (such as a church) because they already know people here, I find that when I introduce myself, they'll shoot back some random fact about me.

For the most part, that detail for me tends to be "oh, I hear you're a karate master". I've learned to not get annoyed with the fact that neither of those (the karate or the master) are true, but after awhile I wondered if I was just going to get branded by this image. There was a time when it really bothered me that people assumed they knew me (though they've never seen me actually do my thing) and therefore didn't really attempt to get to know the real me. I think I'm coming to terms with it, but whenever I meet new people it always makes me think.

So today at the welcome picnic I was introduced to some people I had never met before. One guy started talking to me when I was throwing the football around with Melissa, and he was like "I heard you're the crazy flag grabber". To which I stammered out something like "um...well yeah I play defense. Who are you?" Graceful, sparky, good job.

And then I met someone else later, who was like "oh, YOU'RE the one who put Jooheon on the diet!"

Great. So far I'm known as that girl who can beat you up, that girl who's a beast at football, and that girl who made JH's life miserable. Man, if this is the reputation that precedes me...no one's gonna want to talk to me. Haha...sad.

random

on scheduling and choices:

"just like great peanut butter, you don't want to spread it thin"

so random, yet...so true. now every time i make a scheduling decision, i think of a pbj...

* * * * *

i was looking through a pile of business card in my drawer, and i found the calling card of the urbana 03 taxi service:

"...and the driving is like the driving of jehu the son of nimshi; for he driveth furiously." -2 kings 9:20

awesome.

* * * * *

i really like this picture. (photo credit to drgandy for sly/dp's wedding). it's so 자연스러워. (natural?) i like pictures where people don't look forced or posed. and i thought it was very nice of the boys to give us their jackets because it was a freaking cold day to be sleeveless and taking pictures outside. and an extra pleasant surprise that pk's fit - the guy is so thin.

i think that was the girliest day of my life. only for you, sly...

tuning in

One of the most difficult things to do when competing is learning how to tune out the extra noise and tune in to what my coach saying. Taekwondo tournaments are ridiculously loud arenas, with anywhere from 6-12 rings of competitors kicking and screaming, coaches yelling, fans cheering, announcements going over the speakers...it's pure madness. But somehow, in the midst of all that, you as a fighter are supposed to hear your coach, while you're maneuvering a 12x12 meter ring.

One of the most important aspects of coaching is gaining your player's trust so that they can recognize your voice, understand what you're saying, and execute the game plan in the moment. It's all about communication. But how is that communication transmitted? Over the years of both competing and coaching, the conclusion I've come to is that this trust is created and reinfoced in the quality of hours spent together, training hard, communicating well, and really understanding each other. As I look back, particuarly on the 2 years that I've been here in NYC with my coach(es), I see that there have been times I could hear him speak quietly, all the way across the ring when I wasn't looking at him - and there have been times when I could be standing a meter away staring at his face and not understand a thing. And these times coincided completely with the state of our relationship - how much we had trained, how much I believed he knew me, and how much I believed he really knew what was best and supported me.

For those times when our relationship was good - I had some of the best matches in my life. To go into a ring, even against someone who is bigger and perhaps even "better" - and to find yourself not just in auto-pilot, but in harmony with what your coach is saying - it's one of the most exhilirating feelings. Because suddenly, you're not just out there, fighting one-on-one. Yes, I'm the one in the ring, I'm the one putting my limbs out there, exerting energy and risking defeat - but it's almost like he's in there with me, and when that happens, I feel like I can beat anyone, no matter what the odds. Sometimes the opponent is easy, and I can figure them out on my own - my bread and butter techniques (ie. The things I do best) are all I need to win easily, and when he tells me to do them, of course I listen.

But sometimes he would tell me to do things that we hadn't exactly worked on, or things that I wasn't completely confident in. This is when it becomes apparent that trusting your coach is about believing that they know you and they know the situation better than you know it or can feel it - and forcing your body to do what may seem improbable or difficult with 100% confidence that it will succeed. Not 50%, not 80% - but 100%. In that split second between when he speaks and I act - particularly against someone formidable, which is often the situation - any hesitation at all will nullify the effort. I've lost many matches and missed many, many opportunities in those moments of hesitation. Even thinking about it now, I see my coach throwing his hands up and grabbing his head...

Someone asked me this weekend how I hear God, and how I know when He's telling me yes or no. My first response was "God closes doors". I mean, that's the most obvious way I've had decisions made for me, particularly post-college. However, when I think about it more, I realized that God may do that because of my inability to hear when He speaks subtly and quietly.

I think that's the difficult part about life - it's easy to trust God when everything makes sense and speaks loudly. But what does it look like to walk so closely with God that you can hear Him when He whispers - that you can obey Him when it doesn't make "sense"?

Perhaps life is meant to be this constant balance between certainty and uncertainty. After all, God's promises don't say that we'll ever know exactly what's going on - He just says that He'll be with us, that He has plans, and His plans are good. It sounds well and good when we read it - gives comfort, encouragement, confidence. Sure.

But what does it mean to really hold to that promise?

His wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!"

He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

Job 2:9-10

And in the end, I think that it's not so much a tangible direction - like forwards or upwards or however we tend to visualize it.

I think that the thing about following God is that more often than not - you don't know where you're going. I'm reminded that that's what faith is - trusting that even though you don't know - God knows. And if you really know the sound of His voice in the midst of the crowds, the opponents, and the other matches, and you're willing to trust that He sees more than you do - you can be at your best and come out on top.

God moves, you follow. Hold on to that integrity.

activation energy

According to wikipedia, activation energy is defined as "the minimum energy necessary for a specific chemical reaction to occur."

My parents have obviously given up on me and decided to take matters into their own hands and sell me out. For the past few weeks, the topic of our calls (which has made me call them less and less) has gone from them suggesting the prospect of being set up with some guy (who they don't even know), to non-discreetly hinting and asking what I think, to attempting to force and command me to do it.

And if there is one thing I highly HIGHLY dislike - it's being bullied against my will. Nothing makes me more stubborn than someone unreasonably wielding what little power they have.

So now that I'm stuck between this rock and hard place, I thought quite a bit about this whole setup deal. I'm not opposed to it, in theory - in fact, it seems to be a perfectly viable and perhaps necessary way to meet other eligible people who are looking to date and get married. However, I would pre-empt that position by adding the caveat that the setup should occur between people who know both parties well, and can vouch for their characters.

ie. two sets of old Korean parents who are worried that their children will not get married to other eligible Koreans throwing them at each other - ain't it.

That being said, I thought about what it would take for me to agree to being set up. And perhaps it's because I may be tutoring chemistry again in the near future, but it's just like activation energy (Ea).

The graph of Ea is typically parabolic, with some starting level of energy, a 'hump', and then a lower final energy state. Unless there's enough energy in a reaction to get over the 'hump' - the reaction won't happen. So with regards to interest for dating - said person has to have made an impression that exceeds the Ea for there to be a desire to get to know him in such a context. Seems logical, no? We're busy people - there isn't time to waste on a dead-end prospect. I will make time where I want to - but I won't waste it. The Ea varies per guy, and there are certainly catalysts (a substance that decreases the activation energy of a chemical reaction without itself being changed at the end of the chemical reaction.) that come into play.

So with regards to this guy, I just don't see it overcoming the Ea. He's 9 years older than I am, he lives across the country, he's coming recommended 3 degrees of separation removed, and being forced on me by my parents. I actually have no idea why he wants to meet me (then again, if his side is anything like my parents, he probably doesn't and it's just being forced on him). How well do they really think we're going to get to know each other via email?

I'm telling you - my parents have given up on me and sold me out. I knew I should have gotten a fake boyfriend just to tide them over.

In fact, maybe I will. And to serve them right, I should find one that's not Korean.

혹시 포기하면 어떡해?

"when you are down, think about what it felt like to be *up*...remember the feeling in your body of making that hard contact and scoring firm points and moving well...and remember that these are some of the best days of your life, and enjoy it all. win, lose - no matter, as long as you bring your best and show that you did so." -my friend, the olympian.

"therefore we do not lose heart. though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." -2 cor. 4:16

"Don't waste your God-given talents. Don't bury the coins in the sand, thinking that safe is the way to go. Safety and mediocrity are for the vast masses of faceless underachievers. And how will you honor God? Is your God a great God? If you believe it, then prove it to yourself, and to the world." -Sab Sr

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." -Luke 12:48

"God made me for one purpose -- for China. But he also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure." -Chariots of Fire

혹시 포기하면 어떡해? (쥬얼리 - '달콤한 상상')

hey, why not...

I’m sure I’ve done it before. And I’m sure I’ll do it again. Interesting to see how your answers change (or don’t change) over time. Sometimes I surprise myself

ten random things about me
10. I’m not technically a fob, but I love being Korean.
9. I’m ridiculously sentimental and hardly ever throw anything away.
8. I’ve never been to a non-classical concert, though it is not the genre of music I listen to most.
7. When people guess what kind of siblings I have, 90% of the time they guess that I have a younger brother.
6. I don’t trust doctors when I first meet them.

5. I had a perm and pierced ears when I was young
4. I love blue Gatorade.
3. I only watch movies with happy endings (if I can help it).

2. I love 80’s music but I don’t know the titles of most songs.
1. I have not watched any of the LOTR trilogy.

nine places i've visited –
9. Valencia, Spain – (2006 WUTC) – eat the oranges and pallella.
8. Izmir, Turkey – (2005 Universiade) – haggle with the merchants. And try the “McTurco” – it’s not half bad.

7. Mexico City & Cancun, Mexico (2004-5 NYS) – don’t drink the water.
6. Bonn, Germany (2005 German Open) – don’t eat the Chinese food.

5. Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic (2004 Pan Ams) – don’t go out after it’s dark.
4. Patras, Greece (2004 WUTC) – best non-Asian food I ever had.
3. Daegu, South Korea (2003 Universiade) – best trip, worst tournament experience.
2. Cambridge, London, Paris (IAP 2001) – don’t get suckered by shady Chinese women speaking Korean who give you travelers checks to buy Louis Vuitton bags. And know where the American Embassy is.
1. Vienna, Prague, Budapest (MITSO 2000 tour) – best ice cream I ever had. And it was only 10 cents a cone.

eight things i want to do before I die:
8. open my own dojang/hakwon
7. compete at the world championships
6. provide for my parents
5. take a real vacation
4. move back to California
3. be happily married
2. be a soccer mom
1. be the person God made me to be

seven ways to win my heart
7. remember the little things
6. win the affection of children
5. make me laugh
4. be supportive
3. love others freely
2. be secure in yourself

1. desire God in all things

six things i believe in
6. what goes around comes around
5. Jesus loves me
4. no man is an island
3. everyone needs a Paul, a Timothy, and a Barnabus
2. entropy.
1. God is bigger

five things i'm afraid of
5. tearing my ACL
4. mice/cockroaches
3. blood
2. needles
1. disappointing God

four of my favorite items in my bedroom:
4. sentimental crafts from the past
3. the paintings my dad makes for me every year for my birthday
2. my mattress (best investment I ever made…)
1. the complete set of FRIENDS

three things i do everyday:
3. take vitamins
2. ice my knees
1. pray

two things i am trying not to do right now
2. yawn
1. plan my week

one person i want to see right now:
1. my parents

the million dollar question

Any guesses as to the million dollar question as of late?

No, it doesn't have to do with my career and what should I do with my life...

No, it's not about singlehood, men or whether my parents will stop harassing me about said topics...

No, the single greatest mysterious question I'm currently pondering is...

How is it possible that I'm not bald?

Not to gross people out, but...well, half of you are girls and you already know this. Another quarter are guys with sisters, so they know this. For the rest of you...well someday you'll get married and find out.

Girls shed. You can't help it. You brush your hair, and hair comes out. You wash your hair, and hair comes out. You dry your hair, and hair comes out. But...WHERE is all this hair coming from? Because at this rate of loss...I should have been completely bald years ago. And yes, I know that you grow new hairs every day, and that hair grows fast...but I seriously get my hair cut every 2-4 months, and they only have to take off 2-3 inches at most. So it can't grow THAT fast.

I feel like this violates some sort of conservation of mass principle somewhere...

learning

It's been a week of firsts. You learn a lot about yourself when you have to do something for the first time.

1) Sabs taught me how to play poker as part of my "training" in strategy for this coming year. As stressful as it is, I'm getting hooked on Hold 'Em. It was a useful exercise in looking beyond the match at hand, making quick decisions, taking calculated risks, and recovering quickly when things go awry. Strangely applicable to TKD, or any sort of high level of competition where it comes down, not only to what you have, but what you can make your opponent think you have.

Essentially, it's teaching me how to lie.

2) I learned how to play basketball. Man, for someone who calls herself an athlete, there are a lot of sports that I just have never played before. It was pretty sad how much I was huffing and puffing jumping around.

I think my inability to make fast decisions and lack of confidence came to a head when Jooho just came up to me and snatched the ball out of my hands, leaving me just standing there wondering if he'd actually done that. Big bully! Haha...it's a good thing Mumbles and JH are patient (and crazy good!) I was totally the weak link on our team.

3) I learned how to play pool. Well, re-learned I suppose, because I've played once before. I think Melissa would agree with me that JH is the best teacher ever - I love thinking in physics!

I find it fascinating how once you get good (this is not me, this is my observation), you start thinking ahead to where you want the cue ball to rebound off to be in a good position for your next shot. Ryu pointed out to me that you shouldn't always take the easy shots first, for the sake of making them. It made me think about the necessity of seeing the big picture to win.

Good stuff...I think my valuable lessons can be summed up as such:

Think less.
Think fast.
Think ahead.

Strangely - they all helped me in sparring practice this week. Thanks, guys!

answers

1. There is one God over all the universe, from everlasting to everlasting. (Deuteronomy 6:4)
2. He is never-changing, independent of space and time. (Malachi 3:6)
3. For all men are sinners, and fall short of God. (Romans 3:23)
4. Christ is the Lamb' de God. (John 1:29)
5. The Cross of Jesus is victory over death. (Colossians 2:14)
6. Christ [Fourier] transforms us; the life we live, we no longer live for ourselves, but for Christ. (II Corinthians 5:15)
7. Love is what differentiates Christians from the world. (John 13:35)
8. With respect to Christ, there is no differentiation; neither Jew nor Greek, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Scythian, barbarian, slave nor free. (Colossians 3:11)
9. Sanctification is integrating faith into life over time. (James 2:22)
10. Radical love. (The Song of Solomon)

throwback

Now here's a throwback:

























Anyone remember these shirts, from back in the days of UCR/O? (United Christian Rush/Orientation). Such memories...judge all you want, but this is precisely what I love about MIT. Unashamed acceptance of the inner nerd. =)

Cool points to you if you can translate these into English.

all out

Agh it happened again!

Last night, as part of the experiment I put myself through whenever I get the chance (which is just about never) - I went to bed early and did not set my alarm.

12.5 hours later, I woke up.

DANGIT!

I think I'm oppressed by my own schedule. This year, I was notorious for missing small group on the days that I got a chance to come home and take a "short nap" after work. Like when I woke up on Saturday morning at 8am when I was supposed to get up from my nap at 8pm the night before...

As I look to this coming year, it's not even a full plate on the horizon. It's the freaking unlimited line at an all-you-can-eat buffet. I love multi-tasking, and the one thing I hope never to be descrived as is lazy, but...this past week of uncertainty of how to possibly juggle everything in the fall just made me hit despair and change the subject (in my mind) whenever I thought about it.

It's kind of like when you look at a problem you can't solve and realize your mind is a blank and don't know where to begin. (Any engineers out there? You know what I mean...)

Despair, I tell you.

Anyways. So because I know (and HATE) the feeling of absolute cluelessness, I spend most of my tutoring time teaching kids strategies to get their brains moving when they blank on a problem. And for most subjects, it's been pretty successful for the kids who dont' have a natural intuition for problem solving - like "always convert everything to moles and see what you have to work with". "When in doubt, chain rule". "Draw a force diagram".

But I wonder...do these man-made algorithms really work? For getting towards the solution, maybe it gives a better chance. Or maybe it's just a way to make me feel better - after all, I was the queen of partial credit. But sometimes I wonder, if I could see the bigger picture, wouldn't I develop a better intuition as to what steps to take to get to the answer?

So as I stare at my Excel sheet of time slots and try to figure out where everything fits, I realized...I could make everything physically fit if I really worked at it. But would I be so busy that I wouldn't be able to give anything my best? Would I not have room for God to move, because I couldn't squeeze anything into my schedule that wasn't already there?

It seems as though everything has been kicked up a notch this year. New goals, new visions, new opportunities. And sometimes it's unclear what the quantities are that should measure your choices and decisions, particularly in how you invest your time. Is it what you "should" do? Is it what you love? Is it what is practical? Possible? Impossible?

As I was praying through how to encourage someone else, somehow I was overwhelmed with these questions for myself. What is the overall big picture? How many of my choices are made routinely, "because I have to"? Well, I have to go to practice, because I have to work out, and if I don't, I'll be slow and out of shape. True - but is my training measured by the number of hours I spent on the mat? I have to go to small group, because I have to make an effort to be a part of the community. True - but what if I'm so tired that I can't enjoy that time and really contribute to the discussions?

Sometimes it's good to take a step back and try to see the bigger picture. Perhaps rest and recharge time is more than what I scoffed it to be. I think I've tried so hard to be the "best" I can be these last couple years, that I will oftentimes muscle my way through instead of really putting my full heart into it.

Sacrifice is hard. Particularly when it is unclear what needs to go. But sometimes you can't move forward when you're carrying too many things on your back. I guess at that point, if it's God's will, then He gives you the strength to go on...and if it's not, then something's gotta give. So looking at training, teaching, tutoring, small group leading, and (I guess) my job...it's time to really seek how to best steward my time and abilities.

But it's funny how when you try to bless, encourage, or challenge someone else, you end up being blessed, encouraged, and challenged. God's kind of cool that way. Every time I've been called to small group leading and been forced to lay down my fears and apprehensions - God has really blown me away with how He provides. As I get to know JH and try to figure out how to support him, I've been blessed by our similarities and differences. Though I was disappointed to not have been put on college ministry - I see clearer now that this may be a better place for me. I'm already learning a lot about myself, and we haven't even started yet...particularly in attempting to be intentional since I've never co-led anything before. Sure brings into perspective what my tendencies and leadership style is...and how it needs to expand and grow. But as this year approaches...I just wonder what it holds.

As he says..."yeah lets totally fight this year and go all out". All out indeed. I fear for what happens when I let myself go all out for anything, but...as I look to the choices before me, I want to be able to go all out for each commitment that I have.

a day with my girls

Sometimes you just get a reminder that...you're not ready to grow up quite yet.

In this fuzzy ambiguous stage of "young adulthood", I often feel trapped between the self-discovery and I-can-do-anything stage of college/grad school and the responsibility and settling down that comes with marriage and parenthood.

So on Sunday, I rushed home after church to meet Susie un-nee as she dropped off her two daughters, S^2, for a playdate with eemoh. Sam is 7 and Syd is 3 - very cute and generally good kids. I love my girls, they're always good for an afternoon of fun and affection.

In my attempt to force some fresh air and exercise on them, we went out in search of a playground. After a couple failed attempts, I finally just took them to the Dinosaur Park next to the dojang where I used to take Daniel. Thus ensued an hour of monkey bars and climbing around - and running around under them to catch them if they fell, hoisting them up when things were too high, trailing them with a bottle of water and trying to get them to hydrate, tying shoes, and the constant back-and-forth of "eemoh come here!" coming from 2 different directions. I swear, you become a mother and somehow you get bionic arms that can suddenly carry weights you could never even lift before. Screw weight-training - I should just babysit to get my arms stronger.

So after awhile, I had two rosy-cheeked little girls, ready to head home. Normally, walking home from that park takes me 10 minutes or less. I forget that little legs move slowly. And little mouths whine.

"Are we there yet?"

"Not yet, Sam"

"How about now?"

"Not much farther than the last time you asked"

"How about now?"

"Sam, we're not there yet."

"How far IS IT???"

"Just 4 more blocks"

"My feet huuuuuuurt"

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but I can't carry you and Sydney at the same time. Can you be patient for just a little longer, and you can take off your socks and color when we get home!"

"Oh, alriiiiiight."

10 seconds later.

"Are we there yet?"



As much as I aspire to be a soccer mom...clearly the time has not come. I love my nieces, but I have to say, the ability to just give them back to their parents at the end of the day when they're tired and cranky and whining...was a relief.

Well, that and...for how much I love board games...one can only take so much "Pretty Pretty Princess." That has got to be the girliest game I've ever played...