card in my back pocket

One of the most meaningful things anyone has ever said to me was at Chapter Camp 2001. This was back when Alex and I were pretty good friends - I probably would have considered him at the time to have been my closest friend in ACF. The last night of Chapter Camp is always spent doing senior/staff affirmations - that's got to be one of my favorite times ever. I love affirmations. I don't see why there needs to be a designated time for affirmations to get people to do it - we shouldn't need an excuse to affirm one another. But in any event - I love feel-good moments, and the last night of Ch. Camp is always full of them.

Well that year we were juniors, and it had been a pretty eventful year. I guess it all started with Rush and having been Kipp's lab partner and becoming better friends with him left me at PKT a bunch (back in the old PKT), but for whatever reason, Alex and I became good friends.

Anyways, so after the formal affirmations are over, we have the rest of the night free and people continue to talk and reconcile and affirm through the night so we're all dead asleep on the bus the next day on the way back. It's probably the most redeeming thing I've ever witnessed - it's God at work.

I remember pretty vividly 2 conversations I had with people: one was Sarah (hard to believe that the freshman who called me un-nee and looked up to me is now Mama Shin and on staff herself - awesome) and the other was Alex. And what he said wasn't eloquent, it was actually short and simple.

"Sparky, you've been the card in my back pocket. Whenever I've needed someone or something and no one's there (he reaches for his back pocket and motions as though he's pulling something out) - oh! There it is."

I actually can still picture it. And it was funny because I think he was wearing basketball shorts so he didn't actually HAVE a back pocket. But it's quite possibly the most affirming thing that anyone's ever said to me, and I remember it.

Since coming to New York, I think one of the hardest things to deal with is having an empty back pocket. It doesn't mean I don't have friends - my friends from Boston still carry through and as long distance permits, I know I can count on some of them and I hope they know they can count on me. I have a handful of friends in NY, though they're dependable for different things.

I think the difficulty is the expectation that people place that I will be that card in their back pocket - but then not considering that maybe I need cards in mine. That maybe I would feel more like a human being and less like Cinderella if I was asked to do things rather than volunteered. That perhaps the stepsisters could be asked once in awhile, and that working and being treated subservient all the time and watching the doublestandard unfold in front of me just isn't cool. That when I'm doing the best I can and when few to no people volunteer to help me and refuse or fall through when I request - makes it difficult to be a cheerful giver. That maybe this has become less of a joy and more of a job.

Sr said something the other day when I gave him his birthday present - "even Sabumnims need love sometimes". They've said that before when I've managed to surprise them with some sort of affirmation that they've actually received. "Even coaches need appreciation". I know that, why do you think I do it?

Well fine then. Even captains need love and appreciation and help sometimes.

Everyone go out and affirm someone today. The world is sorely lacking affirmations.

I never asked to be captain.

What sucks:

1) People who can't hold paddles. But if they're green belts, it's not really their fault. And she was trying. So really who sucks are the people who make you pair with people who can't hold paddles.

2) When you have to teach 10 hours a week and during one of the few times you come to work out, you're basically forced to teach. And not only that, attempt to work out while stubbing your toes because someone can't hold paddles. (See sucky point 1)

3) When you're held to a higher standard than everyone else. When you put in 10 times the work, 10 times the effort and thought into everyone else - and get 100 times the crap at any little mistake you might make. The math DOES NOT add up.

4) The curse of being captain. The huge curse of being a captain of a team that doesn't exist, and trying to make something out of nothing. The gigantic curse of being captain of a team that doesn't appreciate you, where you put in work and everyone else gets benefits - and THEN you get yelled at on top of that to boot. "Act like a captain" my ass. Well EXCUSE ME but I don't have to ACT like a captain, I AM a captain. AND I didn't ASK to be captain. I'm doing above and beyond my fair share as stupid captain AND f*cking coach, so everyone just leave me alone and stop making me feel like I owe anyone anything, because if you looked closely you'd realize that I've given much more than anyone deserves out of me.

5) Watching people who don't deserve to test, test. It's the most depressing thing I've ever seen. I think the way that people are disgusted by George W winning a second term - I'm disgusted watching sucky red belts half-ass their way to a black belt with atrocious technique.

6) When it's your turn to talk in a meeting that you're running - and then when you try to say something nice about someone else, SOMEONE cuts you off and turns it around into a snide comment about you. Yeah, THAT makes you really want to share and be open with your "teammates". And then when you're talking and trying to get it over with, you know, since you're supposed to "ACT" like a captain (GRRR) - he cuts you off AGAIN and proceeds to lecture you in front of everyone else. Well, if you let me get to my POINT and just LISTENED for about 30 seconds (and I didn't see you cutting off anyone else, even when they were talking for much much longer - so back to 3) - then maybe I would have gotten to the same conclusion without having to sit there and be told my own punchline and lectured into feeling retarded.

My output way exceeds my input, and people suck.

I resign. Make your OWN team and do the crap work yourself. I never asked to be captain.

taboo

Erica, Ryan, Nathan, and Bobby came down this weekend, and I realized...I miss having friends. I miss being around dorky people who understand my jokes and make even dorkier ones. I miss coaching them and working out with my teammates. I miss being able to hang out and make fun of each other. I miss laughing. I haven't laughed that much in a long time.

Such is growing up and moving on from college, I suppose. It's such a different feeling when you don't just live down the hall from half of your friends. When you can't just visit people unexpectedly just to chat. When you can't just go out for meals with people whenever you want. They really were the best years of my life. I wish I had hung onto them more...now I'm stuck worrying about paying bills and getting enough sleep. What happened???

****************

So we're playing Taboo.

"Sparky needs one of these!"

"A haircut?"

"OK, well, Sparky needs two things: a man, and this"

(Nathan and Ryan simultaneously) "Sugardaddy!"

Yeah. The word was "career".

rude and nasty people

I'm never eating at Key West again. After how many years of my patronage, James and I were eating there last night and having a good time and then some cranky lady butts in with "EXCUSE ME! Can you keep your VOICE down, please? You're really loud." OK, I think those were here words, but I can't type out the nastiness with which she glared at me. As if a stare-down with a middle-aged lady is just what I needed.

So, being shocked, I was torn between feeling bad (had my voice been THAT loud) and wanting to talk even louder because she had been that rude. Granted, I was telling a story and I guess I get excited or whatever, but...it wasn't very nice of her, and she could have come over and asked politely instead of telling me across the room and stopping the conversations at other tables.

Whatever, it's a diner. If you want to be a loser and read your paper in the corner, go to a library and do it. If I'd had more guts I would have said something equally nasty on my way out, but alas - no comeback came to mind.

So - no more Key West. What a shame, it was my favorite diner up until now.

New Yorkers are mean and nasty people. I'm sad that I'm becoming one. *sigh*

birthdays

I think one of the things that I take the most joy in is finding that perfect gift. I love gift giving. If I had all the money in the world, I'd go around trying to find people the perfect gifts, for that one moment when they open it and realize that you thought of them. That's why Christmas is my favorite time of year (I mean, aside from the birth of Christ and what Christmas REALLY stands for - but it's also a good excuse to give people gifts and think of them and affirm them).

I racked my brain starting 2 months ago for birthday gifts - and finally came to a decision, went to 3 different places to find them, 4 different card stores to find the perfect cards, wrapped and planned for delivery. When I'd decided to drop them off at their apartments, I walked out of the locker room on Weds and almost smack into Sr.

I get so nervous about gifts because after all the effort, I just really want the recipient to like it. It was nice to have an excuse and medium through which to affirm them, and it's been quite awhile since I've been affirmed (perhaps ever since I left ACF). It reminded me of a conversation my dad and I had right before I left for college...

"I'm very very proud of you. I may not tell you very often, but I am."

Apparently it's difficult for middle+ aged Korean men to affirm directly. But I appreciate the effort it takes on those rare occasions that they do.

I was talking to someone the other day about relationships, and explaining my theory of how relationships are like sine waves. With most acquaintances, you have something like a straight line. No highs, no lows, low maintenance. But as you get closer to people, the amplitude gets higher in your sine wave. And as your relationship progresses, there will be highs and lows. It'd be great if the makeup of relationships was always high highs, but the reality is, when you have high highs there will also be low lows. The higher your highs, the lower your lows, directly proportional.

Is it worth it? Of course it is. As long as you're in it for the long haul and know that your sine wave will keep on oscillating. But for all the low, incredibly low, lower than low moments that have transpired...sometimes there are highs that remind you that it's all worth it. For all the misunderstandings and miscommunications that occur - sometimes there are sentiments that balance it all out.

I left the dojang smiling that night. Mission accomplished.

Happy Birthday, Sabs.

racism

More on this Jun Choi election - thanks to angry asian man.

"The Jersey Guys" Racist Comments on the Edison Mayoral Race NJ 101.5 FM

Ah, so this is what they were talking about when they told me there were bigger issues I should be riled up about. Well. I don't care about politics - but you can't make fun of Koreans!!! Now it has my attention.

만족해요?

What a weekend. High stress, high crankiness, high stakes, but a few heart attacks later, got the job done. Yay? I'm not as excited so much as relieved. I gave Sr a heart attack when I won the 2nd match in sudden death. I hate sudden death. That's about as stressful as it gets, especially when you know you shouldn't have let it get there in the first place.

It was a lot of the same feelings I had when I used to compete in the INCTL. Knowing that everyone expected you to win, and that if you did it'd be like yeah, OK she won and if you didn't it'd be a big deal. I still remember the one blemish on my INCTL record, when I lost 2-1 to Charity at Columbia 2002. Dan had asked me if I was OK with bracketing it that way, since it was a one-woman team and would guarantee my ragtag A1 team a medal. I said OK, we fought w/o coaches, and I lost. Afterwards, one of my blue belts came up to me with shocked eyes and said: "wait...but you lost...how could you let that happen?"

I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

Competition is hard no matter how you look at it. Whether you're the underdog or the top dog - there's something to overcome. This weekend was a tournament of firsts for me - the first time being the clear pick to win in a competition of this level, first time being taller than everyone I fought, first time Sab was there to coach me to a team spot. The hardest part was that I knew that if I lost, it would be all my fault. That's why when it was finally over, I completely broke down and cried on his shoulder. James, he got a big fat bear hug - his win was exciting, spectacular, and hard-earned. Me, it was just what was supposed to have happened. And if it didn't, that means I screwed up.

"Maybe it's better not to be the best. Then you can lose, and it's OK." -Bobby Fischer

I think that sometimes, you have to come to terms with and give yourself permission to lose - in order to win. It's a fine line between knowing that you can win and there's no reason you shouldn't, and then shutting that thought out and not thinking - just doing. My final match was really interesting, because I was basically fighting a shorter, slightly slower, less experienced version of me. It was unnerving to have to fight completely differently, but I was quite pleased with myself in retrospect with how smart we approached it, and how well we communicated. Even the things he said that I'd scoffed at before, when he said it in the ring I just sort of did it.

"만족해요?" (Are you satisfied?)

"그래" (Yes)

What a good phrase. Haha you could totally make a Korean drama out of this. I really hope he gets the coaching position and can go - this could potentially be redeeming in all respects from the horrendous judging of 2003 and the horrible conflicts between me and Sr in 2004. God is cool because He gives opportunities for redemption.

God is good.

*************************

한국사람 않이면 이예할수없어.

vote!

Vote for this guy! (And you should all take me seriously because I used the word "vote" in a sentence that didn't also include "stupid").

http://www.junchoi.com

I guess you have to be a resident of Edison to vote, huh? Well, you can still support him. He's Korean! And he went to MIT!

If I could vote, I would actually vote for him. Unlike the stupid election where I was forced to vote.

go time

As Jaac so adequately put it when he called me BEFORE 5AM THIS MORNING - "it's go time".

Toes, hamstrings, and all, here we go! I'm kind of excited now...plus it'll be cool to see all my friends in one place. Mmm...friends...yay.

man enough

Life is too short to try to make everyone happy. Look at me - like you like to remind me, I'm so mean. I have to be because I can't please everybody, and I know it.

He goes on, but then it gets more detailed. It really made me think - how much of what I do is based on pleasing or appeasing other people? Even people who aren't worth pleasing, people who have set out to make me miserable at no care for me at all?

Am I so conflict-averse that I would take efforts to pacify a situation which is entirely not my fault, just because someone is raising a stink about it, and "not man enough" to accept the blame which rests entirely on him?

I guess this is why Jaac tells me that much of my heartache and melting down occurs because I invite people to walk all over me. It's funny, because I can be a hard-ass and a dictator - but only in certain roles, and really, only to people I care about (and let's face it - really only to other Koreans).

Sometimes I wonder...and I guess he's right. Eh, they usually are. But a lot of times it's hard to just let things go, especially when you know that you're right. It should be enough to know that you are, but you can't force someone else to see that they're wrong.

I will ignore him until he comes to apologize. And if he is man enough to do it, I will forgive him.

I find that it takes a lot of character to be able to carry out such a statement. For one thing, by ignoring someone who is being petty towards you means that you have enough self-confidence to not be influenced by someone else's opinion. Moreover, when someone has offended you to the point where they ought to apologize, it's even more difficult to just let everything go and forgive them if they do apologize.

I'm brought back to forgiveness and how difficult it is to forgive another completely. But that's what Jesus calls us to do, and interestingly enough, ignoring someone I suppose can be a preliminary step towards forgiveness. Because if you've forgiven someone, then what they say or do won't bother you, because you're not faulting them for it and therefore not dwelling on it.

I have issues with dwelling on things that aren't worth dwelling on.

birth order

Sydney, what color is your shirt?

Red

No, it's purple.

Puh-pul.

Sydney, what color is eemoh's shirt?

Red!

No, it's black.

Back.

Sydney, what color is un-nee's dress?

I don't know.

(The dress was red).

My 2 year old cousin/niece thinks the world is red. She can count to 10, but can't tell her colors apart. Clearly eemoh needs to spend more time up at Westchester.

The cutest thing I saw this weekend:

Sydney (2) was having a cow because Alex (my other cousin's newborn daughter) was staying at their house and she apparently just couldn't handle the not-being-the-youngest situation. So she was incredibly clingy for attention and crying at the drop of a hat. So at one point, she freaks out and starts bawling, and Susie un-nee (my cousin) is giving her no sympathy because she's been driving her crazy all night. So then Sammy (6 years old, her older sister) crawls over the couches, grabs Syd by the shoulders, and says "Sydney, Sydney, listen to un-nee, OK? Take a DEEP BREATH. (she demonstrates by inhaling and exhaling exaggeratedly). See? Isn't that better?" and then takes her sleeves and wipes off her sister's tears and gives her a big hug.
6 years old. Goodness gracious.

The other day Dylan (same age as Sammy, 6ish) who was hanging onto Derek's (10ish) shirt and not letting him leave the room, crying "hyung-AHHHHHHH" and then bawling when Derek finally managed to get away.

It's funny how birth order has such a huge effect.

changes

inspired by pyang.

WHAT is going on around here? It's very strange to me to hear about so many people getting engaged...getting invitations to weddings that are addressed solely to me and not to my entire family...being around newborn children...hearing about people being pregnant...

On the one hand, I'm stuck in this mode of fresh-out-of-college-first-year-in-the-real-world where I still feel relatively young and clueless and despite my complete lack of social life or spare time - I'm somewhat carefree. (And I say that very loosely and will surely suffer another meltdown soon). I feel like I have my whole life ahead of me and there are a lot of possibilities - none of which are certain, no direction towards which I feel strongly pulled - just going along day to day trying to make the best of things and if it's a good day, even enjoying myself here and there. (Don't ask about bad days, they're vented enough).

On the other hand, I realize I'm 'growing up' and it's very bizarre thinking about "real-life" things like paying taxes, thinking about insurance premiums, and the biggie: buying a house. (Or in my case, a box). This whole real estate episode (which is a continuing mini-series) has been a rude awakening to a lot of factors of growing up: investment, debt, loans, mortgages, credit...basically MONEY. (Evil, evil, evil).

Well...if only I could design a flow chart in blogger. (Haha, those of you who are laughing...mock on). But I suppose I wouldn't be me if I wasn't constantly charting plans. In order to minimize the trauma going on in my head, I've charted things into timeframes. The immediate goals are the close on the apartment and move and settle. Once that is set, I will rebudget my teaching time to not spread myself so thin, while staying within the financial range necessary for mortgage payments. This will free up my Sundays to go church hopping and hopefully find a Christian community again, which was the unfortunate part that fell out of the equation since moving here. In the relatively longer, but really just less immediate timeframe I suppose I'll have to think about making some changes to my career and getting married or something, but that's clearly taking a backseat.

I wonder if God's laughing at me. I think He must spend a lot of time laughing at how stupid our plans are when we think we have it all figured out. After all, if my life went the way I planned it out 6 years ago, I'd be in California right now (and scheduled to be married by next year). Clearly priorities have taken a turn...haha. I hope God knows what He's doing bc I sure as heck don't!

heart attack

Sometimes, when it rains, it pours...and when you're waiting for a very important decision, you're incredibly stressed out and antsy. And a lot of times - probably most of the time - things go wrong and it doesn't go your way. But sometimes they do, and for one brief moment, all is well. God decided to be merciful to me today after all the anguish of the week.

S Sr is the MEANEST man in the world because before giving me the good news, he decided to bluff me and tell me the opposite and let my heart drop and watch me be disappointed before blurting out "JUST KIDDING!!!" and hold his hand up for a high-five.

I'm too young to be having such heart attacks.

After the high-five I writhed on the bench groaning "I HATE YOU!!!" as he chuckled.

This is what I live with. He said I deserved it because he was tired of my mopey face lately. I guess that's fair. Though I think mean people have made my face mopey. But apparently I'm supposed to ignore mean people.

Whatever. A huge weight has been lifted off of my load and now I can breathe...almost.

오늘잠푹자라. (Essentially 'sleep deeply tonight')

For the first time in the last week I can give him the "yes sir!" that he wants.

proud to be Korean

Since this is rant week, another peeve: people who think all Asians are Chinese.

We're sitting at our weekly progress meeting yesterday. So contrary to the rest of my company (ie. white old men), my office is fairly diverse. Even in our tunnel team we have: 2 white guys, a Filipino guy, an Iranian girl, a black girl, a Chinese girl, a Korean girl, a big black Jamaican guy, a little old Russian guy (who is like, best friends with the big black Jamaican guy). Pretty diverse for engineering, though characteristic of Queens, I suppose.

So we're just chatting:

Pat: "So...are you going to go beat up any minorities anytime soon?"

me: "minorities?"

Anthony: "You know, like when you went to Mexico and beat up some Mexicans"

me: "Yeah, except when I'm in Mexico, I'M the minority"

Arkady: "But if you make up one-third of the world, doesn't that mean you'll never be a minority?"

me: "How can I make up one-third of the world?"

Arkady: "With such a big nation and billions of people, that's one third, no?"

(Pause)

me: "I'M NOT CHINESE!!! My country is small and oppressed and has only begun to emerge from economic devastation in the last 50 years because everyone tries to think they own us!"

Anthony: "Everyone being...Japan?"

me: "Well, whatever. The point is. I'm not Chinese!"

Pat: "Well, you do make good cell phones."

And people wonder why Koreans are so high-identity. When you're persecuted and people try to assimilate you into their culture for that long, of course you're going to hang onto who you are. I'M KOREAN. I eat food that requires two separate refrigerators, I play games that involve violent physical punishment, I crumble to benevolent authority and respond positively to abuse (only if administered by another Korean), I bark with authority and dish out abuse (most effective towards other Koreans), I like melodramatic tv series with sappy music in the background, and I listen to music that's basically all about the same stuff just with a different techno beat in the background.

We're NOT all Chinese.

cynical revelations of NY

Growing up in California, I always thought that JAP just stood for one racial slur - a derogatory reference to those of Japanese descent. Since coming to New York, I've learned that it has a whole different meaning - Jewish American Princess. Apparently this is a very common term.

The Jewish American Princess is the girl who grows up in the city that is full of other Jewish Jewish (and I say that like I say Korean Korean) people. Who has never had to lift a finger in her life and is not only rich, but incredibly rich. JAP's are characterized by people who would never take the subway or think of walking - they have to take a cab. They go to elementary, middle, and high schools whose tuition rivals my MIT tuition. They have a tutor for every subject. Even my cousins used the term once when we were talking about the schools in Manhattan. Apparently certain expensive private schools are known as the "JAP schools" or even so far as the "dumb JAP schools" for the perhaps less bright but extremely wealthy.

It's funny because two of my good friends (who are married) joke about this all the time. He's Jewish (bar mitzvah'd and everything, though completely not practicing and doesn't identify at all) and she's not. But then her in-laws will buy her jewelry and tell her she's a JAP-in-training. And as I tried to understand that, I realized just how many JAPs I'm surrounded by. And I'm realizing that on the whole, I don't really like princesses. Well, no. I think that I'd be OK with a princess that I could respect. But I don't like the whole concept of the princessy "I was born into money therefore I call the shots" attitude.

In Korean there's a phrase called "princess disease" (공주병) - and it's used to refer to any girl/woman who thinks the world revolves around her and that everyone should kowtow to her every whim. I guess my observation with this whole JAP thing is that it occurs in very wealthy circles where people are accustomed to having their way and throwing money wherever it's not going their way and MAKING it go their way.

Even in the little things...like one time there was a hotel situation where the receptionist was giving the guy a hard time about checking in, and someone goes "well, just flash the gold card and get him to do it".

I don't mean to be racist (although we're all racist in some way, so whatever) - this doesn't have anything to do with Jewishness as much as the princess-ness, but I found it interesting that they had their own term for themselves, and that they share certain characteristics.

I guess the common theme I'm finding is that I really dislike money and generally dislike the people who have lots of it. Just because you're rich doesn't mean that you're any better than me, nor does it mean that your time is any more valuable than mine. Money really IS the root of all evil - and there sure is a lot of it in NYC.

People need to understand that there are only TWO people who can walk all over me. And if you're not a 40 year old Korean man with a twin, then it's NOT you. I will NOT be bullied by someone I don't respect, and I will NOT tolerate it from a 백인사람.

I hate New York.

bullied

"Rich, do me a favor...don't ever become an old difficult Korean man"

"I'll do my best."

MMPH. WHAT is it about certain unintelligent brutes that cause them to need to be mean and lord what little power they have over others? Let it be known: I will only be bullied by two Korean men (fine, three including my dad, but I can bully him back) - and you're not one of them. Hence every time I come across a Korean guy I've been telling them not to become old difficult Korean men. Let's stop the madness. RAWR.

Speaking of which, Bully2's way of making me feel better was by bullying me into feeling better. Well. It at least made me laugh.

"You're feeling better."

"Are you telling me that?"

"Yes."

"Well...OK."

*********

Completely sick.

fair weather friends

I'm realizing more and more that there are very few people who will really stand by you when it involves personal investment or a risk. I think these days I'm very puzzled and somewhat annoyed by the fact that I have a great many people who will claim to stand in my camp, but when the bullets start firing, they're nowhere to be seen. Someone who claims to be advocating for you who then turns around and gets blown by the wind and can't stand up for themselves - now that's disappointing.

On the flip side of that, it's rather comforting to see who DOES stay in your camp, who defends you, and is willing to fight for your cause. I guess I didn't really need proof of that, but it's nice to be reminded sometimes.

so true...

Sadly...they're so true...Haha, 10 points if you guess which one best describes me. I laughed at at least half...so sad...SO SAD!

I will not ever take up smoking cigars...never ever ever! But yes, it got my mind off things for about 2 minutes so mission accomplished, I suppose.

>Here's something to get your mind off those wild cards.
>
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: (SCW)
> > Sent: Tuesday, April 26, 2005 2:33 PM
> > Subject: You Know You Are A Korean Stylist If...
> >
> > You Know You Are A Korean Stylist If
> > By: Anonymous
> >
> > You think about Korean martial arts everyday.
> > You begin to sprinkle Korean words and phrases into your conversation.
> >
> > You have a Korean dictionary which you never use.
> > When you see a magazine rack you quickly check for new martial arts
> > magazines first and read the articles on Korean martial arts first.
> > You always make it a point to check the martial arts section of the
> > bookstore and look for Korean martial arts books first.
> > You shop for clothes based on your ability to high kick in them.
> > Adidas is your favorite sports clothing brand.
> > You sewed your school patch onto your bathrobe.
> > You tie your monogrammed bathrobe belt (which you never wash) into a
> > square knot and then check to make sure the ends are exactly even.
> > You open the refrigerator door with a roundhouse kick and shut it
> > with a side kick.
> > You develop a taste for Korean food and other Asian food as well.
> > You develop an interest in Korean members of the opposite sex.
> > You look more to your sabumnim/kwanjangnim for guidance and advice
> > rather than your priest.
> > You take up smoking because your sabumnim/kangjangnim smokes.
> > You take up drinking because your sabumnim/kwanjangnim drinks.
> > You take up karaoke because your sabumnim/kwanjangnim likes to sing
> > karaoke.
> > You take up golf because your sabumnim/kwanjangnim plays golf.
> > Even though you might hate to admit it, you secretly and
> > subconsciously believe that Korean masters from Korea are better at
> > Korean martial arts, even though they spend most of their time
> > drinking, smoking, golfing and singing karaoke.
> > Every time you see a Korean gentleman, you wonder what he knows
> > about martial arts and what his rank is.
> > You say "Yes sir!" more in class than you would if you were in the
> > military.
> > You donate more free time to your Korean martial arts school than
> > you do your church.
> > Your vacation time is devoted to attending Korean martial arts events.
> >
> > You visit cities that you would otherwise never visit because of
> > Korean martial arts events.
> > When visiting a new city, you grab the yellow pages and check out
> > all the Korean martial arts listings.
> > You plan on visiting Korea some day.
> > You have a deeper interest in Korean martial arts culture and
> > history than you do your own culture and history.
> > You are prouder of your 1st Dan black belt certificate than your
> > high school diploma, even though the high school diploma took you 13
> > years of 6 hour/day, 5 days/week training to get.
> > The happiest moments of your life and your fondest memories have to
> > do with Korean martial arts.
> > You check out a potential place to live based on the suitability of
> > working out and hanging a heavy bag.
> > You don't lift heavy weights because it might slow you down.
> > Being able to do the chinese splits is a major life goal for you.
> > You like kicking walls when no one is looking.
> > You view every little hand held item as a potential weapon.
> > If you are younger than Chuck Norris, you think his kicks are slow
> > and his techniques suck.
> > If you are Chuck's age, you wish you could do half the things he is
> > able to do.
> > You try to figure out a way to incorporate techniques you see in
> > movies and TV into your martial arts.
> > You wonder why Blockbuster never carries any of those martial arts
> > videos you see advertised in martial arts magazines.
> > You buy your kids martial arts items for their birthday or for
> > Christmas.
> > You surf the internet looking mostly for Korean martial arts sites.
> > The overwhelming majority of the email you receive is related to
> > Korean martial arts.

"don't get worked up yet"

There are certain phrases that people say to you that put you on guard. Like "I have some good news" is typically followed with "and some bad news". I don't see how anyone can possibly use the phrase "don't get worked up yet, but..." and then expect you not to get worked up. It's about as pointless as someone telling you "I have a secret...but I can't tell you".

That being said, I'm not sure if I'm impressed that he tried to hide it from me and prevent worrying until I found out, myself, or whether I'm annoyed that he didn't just tell me up front, off the bat. Either way I guess it's moot because I'm worked up now...but it's always nice to know what people's intentions are, I suppose.

Day 1 of Hardcore Discipline was somewhat of a success - after oversleeping and not getting to the gym in the am, I dragged myself there before TKD and forced myself to lift and do some cardio. I don't understand how normal people use the gym as their main form of exercise. It's so painfully not fun. If it wasn't for the tv's, I think I would have given up a lot sooner...this combined with sparring practice (darn intermediate class that's turning into a beginner/intermed class, mmph) meant walking up stairs this morning was not pretty. Confirmation that I must live in a building with an elevator.

Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its are my downfall. They took my two favorite junky things (Cheez-Its and Tabasco) and put them together. Genius.

people who rock

YAY MIT!!! So proud of my kids...it was so awesome to see them all yesterday. I couldn't tear myself away from the tournament, but forced myself to go to sparring practice for a couple hours and come back. It was SO GOOD to be with the team again...with the obvious exception of the newbies, it was just like old times. Agh I miss the INCTL and all that ... though I realized I must be getting old if I found it too stressful. Everyone just looked so good, and it was really nice that Dan let me coach a bunch of the teams. Just like old times. I almost got on the bus to go back to Boston with them, but alas, being old means needing sleep. *sigh*

One of the things I really miss are the days of riding the bus back from tournaments. All the games of Mafia, the "storytimes" where I'd whip out the brackets of teams that won and do my silly trashtalking narrations that people actually thought were funny, the bad kung fu movies, teaching people how to play violent Korean games that involve hitting as punishment, taking pictures of people sleeping, always having a shoulder to sleep on, even the bad food at McDonald's on the pit stop...there is really no way for me to measure how much I miss those days and more so, how much I miss my teammates. I've been on a lot of teams - All-star teams, Collegiate teams, NY teams, even with WS - but none of them are like my experience with MIT, and how comprehensive that was.

But I'm glad that you didn't get on that bus back to Boston. Because life isn't about always looking back to the past and what you did way back when - it's about embracing the future. As in business and in life, it's about "what have you done lately?". Relish and appreciate and be proud of what you have done, but always look for what you will accomplish next.

I know he's right. But still...uprooting is never easy. There are pros and cons, benefits to cover the things you give up...but it's still hard and it's still sad.

*********************

On a miserable note, I lost my USA hat yesterday. I left it at the tournament and apparently the tournament directors decided to leave it to the janitor to toss when no one claimed it. I don't recall hearing any announcement, and besides that...it's a very specific hat, don't you think you'd leave it to the lost and found and not the janitor? MMPH.

*********************

But on another positive note - I love hardworking kids. Scott makes me so happy. We had a lesson today, and in the middle of some drills he says

"Can I make a request?"

"Sure"

And I'm thinking he wants to work on a specific kick or something.

"Can we work on pushups? Mine are really bad and I want to have good pushups"

And as we did the pushup drills, he didn't complain. Red faced and grunting, he gave 110% to do the best pushups he could do. This after all the kids in our Fri sparring class got severely chastised by me and James for faking pushups, and having to stay in pushup position until they cried last week - the rest of them are probably hiding from us. But not Scott - he took the lesson to heart and is determined to do them properly.

Sometimes you have kids who make it all worth it.