worrying

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about you body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? -Matthew 6:25-27

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It's funny how confirmation works...

One of the great things about this trip (aside from all the aforementioned items) was that there was a decent amount of free time outside of the regularly scheduled training and sightseeing activities. I got to briefly meet up with lakim, spend a night at home with the parents, and have an evening out with pyang. I wish I'd had more time to catch more people, but considering that the purpose of the trip was to coach and develop the team, I was really thankful to have had any personal time at all.

I was on the phone for much of this trip, stuck in negotiations with added curve balls to the already unclear decision-making (ugh, one of my least favorite things to do, right up there with going to the doctor and running long distances). But in light of where I was at, it was particularly encouraging to sit down and share and catch up with pyang. Usually encouragement comes in the form of sharing with other people and praying together, or the way they offer some nugget of wisdom...but this time it was almost the other way around. The encouragement came from hearing about what God has been doing in someone else, through what he's been learning. In a strange way, it was confirmation of the things He's been teaching me by seeing it play out tangibly in someone else's life.

Is that not backwards-ly weird? I was sitting on the plane, going in and out of sleep, and that's what ended up hitting me. No matter how much I plan and plan and things may seem to be falling into place - if it's not God's will, it just won't happen. Or conversely - if it doesn't happen then it's not God's will. Well, that certainly clears up some confusion lately regarding pieces seemingly fitting together then falling apart.

One thing I came away from the conversation thinking about was this:

We spend so much of our lives preparing, planning, or otherwise doing things for the future. What about now? Why worry so much looking forwards - so much so that today could be passing me by?

Particularly as I've been forced to define what my priorities and goals/visions are lately, it's pretty clear to me that my decisions tend to fall into very distinct categories:

1) Things I "should" do based on my education, securing my future, and otherwise feeling responsible.

2) Things I "want" to do based on my passions, giftings, and just plain where my heart is.

With each year that goes by, I think I'm becoming more and more aware of the second category.The age-old theme of AP English returns: love vs. duty. Idealistically, you'd always follow your heart. Go with your gut. Live without regrets. Carpe Diem. But in reality - you have to do the "right" thing. There are bills to pay, investments to make, careers to build...

It's a fine line to toe, but as I think back to our conversation, I'm encouraged in the reminder that although sometimes it seems that nothing is fitting into place in my 'plan' (or flow chart, as the case may be) - in the end all that worrying and planning is moot because God has a better plan.

Given that - every day should be lived joyfully. Not frivolously wasted, but not so consumed with toiling for tomorrow that it can't be enjoyed.

So easy to say...but so hard to just let go. New Year's Resolution #2 - worry less, rejoice more. Plan less, live more.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. -Matthew 6:33-34