fought the good fight

All the outrage lately over referees' missed or misjudged calls during the World Cup really got me thinking about the nature of competition and those crucial moments that make or break games. Obviously everyone was upset about the referee's flag that was overruled during the Korea/Swiss match - I know my heart sank when the head ref refused to acknowledge the off-sides. Without much time left and a 2 goal deficit - it was near impossible for them to make a comeback. More than the probability, though, is the psychological effect that it has on a player or team when a crucial decision doesn't go your way. When you not only physically have to fight uphill to equalize - but when you have to play thinking the referees aren't calling a fair game, worried that the cards are stacked - when in the back of your mind, the thought emerges "what if I'm going to lose no matter what?"

Under all the idealism of organized sports, the national camraderie produced, the principles of fair play and sportsmanship...what remains of sports when all this is challenged and tainted? For all the sacrifice and giving your all (and then some) out there - do you really want to keep playing a game that may not be fair?

I remember the first time I got to wear a USA uniform - my first World University Games. I remember being so excited about finally getting to be on a national team, at my first international competition, in Korea, no less. It also happened to be one of the best organized and exciting productions of Taekwondo competitions, modeled after the Olympics but on a collegiate level.

After a week and a half of travelling with the team, sightseeing, training hard both within the team and as guests at various schools in Korea, and living in the athlete's village, we were ready for the competition to begin. Looking back, I was pretty raw back then, and very much inexperienced.

My first fight was slated against Mexico. She was tall, but didn't look terribly fast. The bracket was good, and that a medal was do-able if I could fight well. I was nervous, but fueled by the kid-in-the-candy-store sort of excitement that only comes from rookies. (Sometimes I wish I could get some of that wide-eyed wonderment back). To top it all off, my dad had come to Korea to watch me, showing up at the competition with 4 of his friends from high school, complete with banners. (Because of our business, my father has, to this day, watched me in only a handful of competitions - it was a *very* big deal that he took the time off to be there).
















I stepped into the ring ready to prove myself. And 8 minutes later, I was absolutely heartbroken, and my entire team almost fell out of the stands in protest. A missed call here or there is understandable - no one is perfect and referees make mistakes. To kick at the same time and have only your opponent's point go up - perhaps. But to kick uncontested and receive no points. To knock someone back with a kick and have a point go up for the opponent. To kick clearly to the face and receive only one point (head shots are worth 2 pts). And in the end to be down by 2 points with 20 seconds left, and have the referee stop the match but not stop the time - thereby eliminating ANY possible opportunity for a comeback - it was about as unfair as it could get.

I remember being hysterical, then being angry. For awhile, I didn't want to fight ever again. I didn't understand how it could be. It didn't make sense to me how the outcome of matches could ultimately come down, not to the talent, dedication, or desire of the athletes and coaches - but to the decisions of judges. Judges who could very well be corrupt, biased, or incompetant.

So with the recent outrage over Italy having been awarded the fake penalty that led to to game-deciding goal after time was out, or even the grumbles over who gets yellow cards and who doesn't for the same penalty...it stares me straight in the face: life is not fair.

It just isn't.

But it isn't supposed to be fair. As I watch this World Cup and comtemplate the future of my competition career, it's clearer what CS Lewis meant when he talked about having a heaven shaped hole in our hearts. The cry for justice in even everyday things like sports was a reminder to me that life should be fair, and that we were meant for something better.

It made me wonder what it would be like if we had referees who always made the right call. Who could see every foul play and assess every sticky situation and be able to assign blame to the person at fault. Who could look into the hearts of the players and see the difference between intentional penalties and circumstantial ones.

For the past 5 years I've been competing, I have held this verse as my personal motto: 1 Corinthians 9:24 - Run in such a way as to get the prize.

At this crossroads and in planning the final years of my run, the goal becomes clearer than ever - to be able to say this with confidence when it's all said and done:

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." -2 Timothy 4:7

Press on.