Oh my goodness. This was too funny to pass up, and I'm not adept enough to know how to link a specific entry off of someone else's blog so I'm copy-pasting. Johnzok has the craziest theories...but they're so true.
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Some interesting comments regarding the "Ladder Theory". I love how people love to "Comment Chime" They take an entry, flip and reverse it, remix it to their own tastes. It's all good. Just keep it to a reasonable length. Don't write another entry on my comments section. It subtracts from my "comment" friendliness. I don't care about eprops... but I care about comments. That's why I do this thing... always fun to listen to what people have to say about my stupid musings.
Without further ado....
Dr. Luv Presents :
The Center Stage Theory
I believe the our desire to find Mr./Mrs. potential begins with infatuation and ends with that very infatuation burning out, or it fanning into a fiery passion (duh... thanks Mr. Obvious). If the infatuation incubates beyond the "maybe" period, we focus all of our kwan, chi, Jedi mind tricks, pimp juice on the Muse at hand wishing for the feelings to be reciprocated. This is why I have a problem with the ladder theory. Once we're locked in, we're not looking at auxiliary options.
The Center Stage Theory predicates that a invidual's lust for love, can be illustrated by an empty stage. We are all simply casting directors looking for the star of our play... our play being the "Love life of _______ (<- insert your name here)". It's open auditions, and almost anyone can try out... but only few will make the cut. Roles are specifically catered to one's desires. For instance, if you're casting for a Korean female, under the height of 5'4, with huge calves... obviously a 5'10 wafer model won't have a chance. Take no offense, it's just the rules of the game. There are swarms of theaters with roles you were born to star in.
Anyways, to get the title role you must first obtain the right to get on "Center Stage". It's a bit of luck, a lot of timing, but if you ever find yourself there.. make the best of it. It's your chance to shine (literally).
Obviously, guys and gals have different ways of finding their Center Stage Star.
Men : Spotlight
I'm going to get to the point. Guys don't make lists. We dont' make lists for anything aside from Fantasy Sports draft picks. We're too simple and lazy for all that. That is why we have one single spotlight to do all the searching for us.
Our stage is huge (bigger than women's), but it's pitch black dark. Women are incapable of emitting any kind of light on their own (accept for Superstars, but more on that later). The spotlight light is constantly searching, hawking for new prey. It's like the eye of Sauron. Endlessly looking for "the one". The one who will eventually carry our ring, the one to rule them all.
Women have mere seconds to leave a lasting impression, or will have to torturously wait for the next passing of the light. But once a female catches the light, the light will shine gloriously upon her, and her alone. Every thing else will fade to black. This is why there is no friend or non-friend category. Because in the end, it's all the same. The spotlight can/will eventually fall on friends as well. That is if it goes long enough without finding a subject to study.
The spotlight comes with intense pressure. It is a double edge sword. On one hand it magnifies all the positive traits, but providing a beautiful ray of light that engulfs the Muse at hand in a angelic hue. It's not all peaches though, because the spotlight also exposes terrible traits that will discourage the man from seeking the girl... things like Princess Pimples, Selfish Skin, Bitter Bruises, Materialistic Mustache.... etc.
You are treated like a star under the bright spotlight. The guy will treat you like a queen. You will receive all his attention, and will continue to do so.... until.... You start to date. (Then you have to compete with things like Mr. Comfortable, and Mr. Take for Granted) or the spotlight moves on to the next candidate.
Caveats to tie some loose ends :
1. Womanizers, Cheaters, Wandering Eye : These are men that have a screw loose in their spotlight. That's why they can't remain fixed on a individual. Soon or later, they will swivel, they will catch a glimpse of someone else.. and the light will slowly fade. Beware of these individuals. Or bring a screwdriver.
2. Superstars : Once in a while Superstars will come and go throughout one's stage. They are individuals that can generate their own light, and will demand all men's attention. (Think Kelly Kapowski on Save by the Bell.) Men will flock to them, but few will stay, due to their ability to outshine the spotlight... most of the time it's too much to handle. They also come with incredible baggage, since they have a long list of admirers.
Women : Candles
Women's stages are a bit more sophisticated, and more upscale. There are a limited amount of people that can vie for the coveted "Center Stage". Even to get on stage is a difficult task, and to move in to the Center takes time, and a lot of work. There is no spotlight for women, instead everyone on stage is holding a candle. They take time to view everyone on stage and replace those that are burning out with new candle bearers. They are not constantly' searching like the spotlight. Instead it is a controlled, more calculating survey of options.
And yes, some are bigger than others, some burn brighter. Eventually, one will catch the eye of the female and will have a opportunity to move to the center of the stage. Until the Candle burns out, they must do their best to impress the girl. The soft light form the Candle helps men hide their weakness, and radiate warm affectionate sparks. But on the other hand, it can cast ugly shadows that make the men look like hideous monsters. It's just like the spotlight, either you shine, or melt away. Either way, make it worthwhile.
Guys that are very attractive, mysterious, and unique burn very brightly once they encounter step on the stage. However, their wick is short. As the novelty of their mysterious factor subsides, they will quickly be dismissed if they cannot obtain the right to be on center stage. If they cannot burn for the long haul, this weakness will be quickly exposed.
Guys that are considered "friends" have very small candles that admit a very faint light. Women will quickly dismiss the possibility of these men securing a chance to be on center stage, yet they will still linger around on stage. Why? Well they're friends and they're safe. These guys have long long long wicks. They are marathon guys. They usually win the prize by outlasting the other candles. They burn soft, but they can burn for a long time. If the girl eventually loses candidate after another, the "friend" will be the only one standing... patience.
Caveats to tie loose ends:
1.Pyros : There are some women that love playing with fire. They will put out a candle just for fun, light it up again, only to blow it out again. These are the man eater types that ruin men's lives. If you're on a Pyro's stage, jump off. Melt. Become hair wax or something. Get outta there.
2.Trick Candles : Some guys won't leave girls alone. No matter how hard the women tries to get rid of them. They can't blow these suckers out. Hanging around... Hangingggg aaaarrround.... These guys aren't necessarily bad, I've known some guys who've just outlasted some girls into dating them. And continue to be good boyfriends to them. But ladies, if you find one... only way to get rid of them is to throw them out. Don't try to gently blow them out. It'll never work. Or get ready for a war of attrition. Beat them at video games or arm wrestling... that usually does it.
I'm done for now... wow this took forever. I'm such a gaymo. I'm so Fierce. I leave you to tear it apart.
Oh and please no comments about "You're wrong about this one sentence in your entry, b/c I know someone..." I know I know. This is just a theory, a hypothesis. It ain't a law. So please, it's a light hearted attempt at trying to capture one of the most complex issues in the world. It's for kicks. Don't take it too seriously. If you do, you're fierce.
My Spotlight's off. Good luck to the rest of you.
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