still

Still - Hillsongs

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father You are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust


I've been really convicted by worship lately - it's one of the things that's been so refreshing about RWC. Funny, because the first few weeks there, I had such a hard time adjusting. As my throat would go dry I'd look at my watch and think "it's been an hour...and they're STILL singing!" Haha, yes, it's praise-night-esque every Sunday and I've grown to love it...but at the time I didn't know most of the songs so it seemed to last forever.

However, God's been telling me something through that initial discomfort. When you've been singing the same songs for a long time, and know them backwards and forwards, melodies and harmonies...it's really easy to go into auto-pilot during worship. You sing, you clap, but after awhile you don't notice the words anymore. In my utter ignorance of all the songs we sing at my new(ish) church, I was forced to just listen - and in listening I heard God speaking. (Go figure, eh?)

Dictionary.com defines 'soar' as: "To rise, fly, or glide high and with little apparent effort." For all the efforts I've put in to overcome obstacles, face challenges and meet goals - and for all the times that it just hasn't been enough - it's absolutely flooring to think that God enables you to soar. There's something so free and glorious about the thought of soaring above a storm, where not only is that which you fear unable to affect you, but you're rising above it effortlessly.

It reminds me of Toy Story, when Buzz and Woody are trying to get to the moving truck by launching themselves off a rocket. Buzz hangs onto Woody, his wings pop out, and for a brief moment, Woody's demeanor changes from sheer panic to a laugh that overtakes him in the pleasure of realizing that he's flying. He sticks his arms out, and shouts out "to infinity...and beyond!" That was the turning point in Woody's character, as the day when the uptight cowboy learned how to enjoy the impossible, and let himself be free.

It's almost a process of freeing yourself from...yourself. Trusting that someone else is going to carry you and not drop you to your doom. Where all you have to do is enjoy the ride...and in fact, delight in it.

That all sounds well and good but when you think about implementation - it's so not.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I just can't stay still - my coworkers even make fun of my tendency to sway, shift my weight from leg to leg, swivel my chair, twiddle my thumbs - SOMETHING will inevitably keep me moving. (Little do they know all these things are ways I try to stay awake in meetings...) When I was in college, pkkim told me once in the height of my stressed out busy-ness that I should take 30 minutes every night, go up to the roof of my dorm, and do nothing. To which I responded with an incredulous "where am I going to get 30 minutes?!?!"

Haha...silly sparky. Even now, years later, I'm still challenged in taking time to rest, and to "be still and know I am God"

Particularly in my time at home and doing the rounds of greetings at church these last couple days...I realize that to many, I am defined by my accomplishments. They know me because I went to a good school, because I've won things, because I can speak Korean...whatever it is that they value, that is predominantly why they want to talk to me. I'm proud of the things I've done...but especially these days, I see that that doesn't make me who I am.

When I was on staff, one of the kids on my fsgl team used to always say "we're human beings, not human doings". I revisit this realization periodically, particularly in those moments few and far between of rest. And especially when I get caught up in everything I have to do and am overwhelmed at the impossible...God tells me most clearly to just...be.

Thanks, Timo, for the song.