RAWR

I'm so tired. The tournament on Saturday and not getting to rest all weekend finally caught up with me on Tuesday when I fell asleep after work, woke up in time to make it to practice, and felt absolutely nauseous. Took a couple days off - my first two days away from the dojang practically since I got here.

As much as I love it - I had to get away. Getting burnt out by the dojang is a bad thing. But it is what it is and that's where it's headed.

I don't see why people don't understand this - I can't coach and compete at the same tournament. I can't teach and train at the same time. The mental stress and the divided focus - it's a lot harder than it looks. And yet, that's what it comes down to.

And I can't go to Nationals without my coach.

"What do you mean you might not be able to go?"
"I have a new job, and mouths to feed"
"Will Sab Jr go, then?"
"One of us will probably be there"
"But you have to go...I can't win without you"
"Of course you can! You won Collegiate Trials without us"

RAWR. How can they possibly see that as a good thing - the most stressful day of my life where they drove me to have a nervous breakdown EVERY SINGLE NIGHT the week leading up to it because Jr bailed at the last minute. All the pressure to win, no coach there to support me, and having to take over responsibilities - and somehow they see this as a GOOD thing? Rawr having to scrounge for a coach the day before the tournament...rawr.

I'm trying to be understanding that they have lives, jobs, and other responsibilities - but when the busy-ness hits all at once and I've had to take over two extra classes this week plus not getting trained - being bad-tired instead of good-tired all the time - and being expected to never lose...you can only run on empty for so long.

With everything coming up back to back - how to maintain all the way to Nov. 21st...that is the question...