good conversations

Some interesting questions I was challenged to ponder tonight, either directly asked to me or formed in my head as a result of conversation...

"Why do you do Taekwondo? Is it to be the best? There isn't really any glory or fortune in it. Is it because you really love it?"

This question actually gets much more complex and deep than I can really articulate...and he was right in saying that it was probably a bit of both. But the answer I eventually came up with was "because I know I would regret it if I didn't do it."

After nearly 2 years of unwavering devotion and singlemindedness towards a goal, I began to question what that goal really was.

The past 2 years, I've adhered to the principle that "I would rather regret the things I did than the things I didn't do." It has served me well - forced me to venture out of my comfort zones and fears of failure and commitment, push myself beyond what I ever would have thought possible, and learn a great many insights about myself.

However, at this point, I wonder if that mantra still applies. Perhaps that is what I needed to grow in the time when I was too careful, too calculating, too risk-averse. But is now the time to grow in other ways?

I don't know.

"Do you like your small group?"

Loaded question. It made me question what I think constitutes a good small group, and what components make up a small group. Particularly in light of thinking about sg leading, it was a good topic to think upon.

"What was your small group leading experience like?"

Obviously not all groups are the same in the way they are run. But it made me think back to what each of my sgl experiences was characterized by. Was it teaching? Was it discipleship? Was it community? How did I envision the group and individuals to grow? As an sgl, there are so many different ways to lead a group.

"So what IS our church's doctrine?"

Honestly...I didn't know. And he's right, most people probably don't. You can get an idea of what PB's doctrine is...but...how much do I really know about our church? Well, I learned (or relearned, I vaguely remember these) the 5 points of Calvinism. Will have to reassess my stance on those.

It was really good to find someone else in the church who shared many of the same views I did - to share honestly about the strengths and weaknesses of our church - and similar visions of what it could be. It gave me a better idea of why God has brought me here, and was encouraging to see how He works.

On other observations as of late: I like people who share openly. Not necessarily extroverts, but...people who are willing to share and who are genuine. The one quality that I seem to have been upset over the past couple years is when people are not genuine, and you can't tell whether they're trustworthy. I like it when people make me think. Challenge in a way that isn't critical. That's what I would hope to be able to do. And I think I miss ministry. Or having something organizational to vision over and wrap myself around. I think all this was good confirmation as to the decision to sgl next year. It will undoubtably be a different experience - but much like how the original decision to sgl ... perhaps it will be something new and great.

Perhaps.