white vs. asian

I think I'm racist.

So I was in physical therapy a couple weeks ago, like any other day. My therapist is pretty cool, I've been seeing him for about a year and a half. Part of the reason that I like him is because he's aggressive, and he's gotten me back in the ring in record time after some big injuries. He knows his stuff.

So we were lifting quads and he proceeded to jack up the weights. I looked at him in disbelief. But there's no slack with Jerry, so there wasn't much use protesting. We usually do 3 sets of 15's, but with the added weights I started fading halfway through the 2nd set.

Jerry has a lot of different modes of motivation - sometimes he's a drill sergeant, sometimes he's a cheerleader, sometimes he's somewhere in between. So this time he starts yelling at me to stop being a wuss and proceeds to egg me on.

My reaction? I wanted to stop. It was totally not motivating.

But...when I'm in Taekwondo and I started fading, Sabs always yell at me. Negative reinforcement generally gets me fired up to go harder and faster - to dig a little deeper. (Well, except when I'm mad at them, but that's a whole different topic). But my point is that it's not like being yelled at and goaded is something new or to feel bad about.

I was thinking about this for awhile, and observing my reactions to the various ways Jerry and others around me motivate - and I came to one conclusion that my perception and the way I respond to white people and asian people differs.

I must expect white people to express themselves in a positive, non-personal manner. I respond best to Jerry when he's Mr. Cheerleader. When he's telling me I can do it and he believes in me. When he jacks up the weights, increases the cardio, adds on the squats and gives me the high-five.

Whereas with Asians, it'd just be bizarre to high-five Sabs. I expect to be yelled at, to be smacked down when I'm dogging it - I expect to be told what I'm doing wrong, not what I'm doing right. I mean, let's face it - if they're not satisfied I'm getting smacked on the head with the paddle. If they're pleased, I'm getting an affectionate smack on the head with the paddle. My coach is the man I had to place a bet with - the most glorious bet I've ever won in my life. (The bet was if I won the US Open, he'd have to be nice to me for a month). I've never been so motivated for anything.

Anyways, I just thought it was a telling gut reaction...who knows if my analysis of what it means is correct or not...